


that's how the light gets in

by celaenos



Category: DC Cinematic Universe, Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Families of Choice, Minor Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Minor Lois Lane/Clark Kent, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, loads of sibling feelings all over the place
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-13 06:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 113,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9110611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celaenos/pseuds/celaenos
Summary: Lena’s mouth twists into a tiny smile and she realizes that she’s beginning to lean forward. Closer to Kara’s surprised smile. She turns and walks back over to her desk, shereallyhas a lot of work to do. “I hope this isn’t the last time we talk,” she adds, and finds that she means it.(Or, a spaceship explodes. Kara decides to become a reporter. And Lena Luthor finally gets something like a happy ending.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i'm knee deep in supercorp feelings and dying from them, so i thought i'd share some of my pain. the first few chapters are going to follow s2 canon relatively closely (kind of) and some bits of dialogue will be very familiar. but it will be veering off as we go on. expect elements from smallville to pop up wrt lex, the luthors, clark, lois, and the general superman canon. there are random bits of song titles and lyrics being used as "title breaks" to distinguish when the pov changes between kara and lena. mostly, cause... i have a lot of songs stuck in my head and i thought it'd be fun. it's possible that i'll hate this and stop doing it, but, for now, i'm going with it.

_“There is a crack in everything,_

_that’s how the light gets in.”_

_-Leonard Cohen_

 

**i. babe, there’s something tragic about you**

Kara meets Lena Luthor because a spaceship explodes, and she’s not on it. But after, once Kara’s stumbling along beside Clark as they follow Lena into her stark, minimalist office, it feels almost inevitable, now that she’s presented with the woman. Of course _this_ is how she first meets a Luthor, standing awkwardly beside Clark, fiddling with her glasses and holding a reporter pad too tightly in her palms. It takes half a second for her brain to catch up to the fact that this is a _Luthor,_ and she’s standing beside _Clark_ before she manages to blink herself into the conversation.

And she instantly regrets it.

Lena turns her gaze onto Kara for the first time and narrows her eyes. Then she smiles, _almost_ losing the defensive curl to her lips. “And who are _you_ exactly?” she asks with a laugh, breezing past Kara to pour herself a glass of water.

Kara swallows, and shoots a quick nervous glance towards Clark. “Um, Kara Danvers,” she says. I’m not with the Daily Planet,” she fiddles with the notepad in her hands, twisting at the spiral wires and noticing how easily Clark’s own rests in his palm. He gives her the smallest of reassuring smiles. “I’m with CatCo magazine—sort of,” she adds, feeling entirely out of place. Maybe this is a bad way for her to get intel.

The feeling only grows stronger when Lena turns with a smirk on her face and walks back over towards her desk saying, “That’s not really a publication known for its hard hitting journalism. It’s more like, high-waisted jeans, yes or no?” she slinks down into her seat almost regally, the smirk never once leaving her face.

“Um, I’m just — I’m tagging along for today,” Kara mumbles. She hasn’t felt quite this young and useless in a long time; Clark tends to occasionally bring that out in her. She fights the urge to fiddle with her glasses as Lena nearly cuts her off and snaps at them both—on the defensive, any thoughts of being charming gone.

“You wouldn’t be asking me this if my last name was Smith.”

“But it’s not,” Clark says. “It’s Luthor.”

He doesn’t miss a beat, and Kara’s impressed. It further serves her feeling of uselessness, but she’s still proud of him all the same. She is less enthusiastic when his response elicits a smirk and a flirty line from Lena. Does _everyone_ that she knows have to be instantly charmed by her cousin? But then Lena drops all pretense of banter, and she looks over at Kara again.

“It wasn’t always,” she says. “I was adopted when I was four.”

And, _oh._ Kara feels like this is something that she should have already known, given how predominant the Luthors are, and Clark’s formerly close relationship to Lex, but she didn’t. It’s not something that she would easily forget. Especially not with the way that Lena’s voice cracks over Lex’s name, like it hurts coming out of her mouth. Or the way that her eyes drop down to her desk, unable to meet Kara’s or Clark’s while she speaks, going so far as to actually spin her chair away from them.

Which, is convenient, for a quick X-Ray vision scan of the room, but _still._ Lena’s heartbeat is steady enough that nothing piques Kara’s concern as a lie, and her face is earnest, even if it doesn’t look like it feels entirely comfortable there.

“I’m just a woman trying to make a name for herself outside of her family, can you understand that?” Lena asks. Begs, almost.

“Yeah,” Kara says immediately. Clark glances at her, a little surprised and Kara grips her notebook too tightly again. Lena rises from her seat, hands Clark a thumb drive, and asks for a fresh start. If she’s putting on an act, it’s working on Kara, because she believes this woman. Clark takes the drive, and not unkindly bids Lena Luthor his thanks. Kara mimics him, the words, “Good day,” falling awkwardly out of her lips, feeling twelve years old again as she nearly sprints out the door after him.

All in all, she doesn’t think it’s her greatest first impression.

It only adds to her already confusing couple of days. She listens to Clark, so obviously full of love as Lois checks in on him, and once he hangs up, Kara admits that she’s kind of floundering right now. She was so awkward in there with Lena, pretending to be a reporter with Clark. It feels almost laughable now that they’re outside. She’s always sort of skirted away from the idea of journalism before, because it was always _Clark’s_ thing, and it felt a little too on the nose to follow in his footsteps like that. But now, with Cat’s blanket offer of _any_ job that Kara wants, nothing off the table… Her staunch belief in Kara has her feeling like maybe avoiding something just because Clark does it too, is just as stupid as doing it simply because of him. But, her relationship with Clark is always so tentative, with things like this, and his visit is going _so well,_ so Kara doesn’t voice any of this to him. She swallows it down and instead, tells him about the other thing in her life that she’s unsure of right now: James.

Things with James seem… messy somehow. It’s always been a little messy, their thing. First because of his relationship with Clark, then because of Lucy, and then because James is her _friend,_ and Kara doesn’t want to do anything to mess that up. But, without any obstacles technically in their way now, this feels like a new kind of messy. One that she doesn’t quite have the right words for other than, ‘not what she thought it’d feel like.’

Clark wraps her up in a one armed hug and tells her that being _Kara_ is just as much, if not more important than being Supergirl. “Trust yourself Kara,” he says. She leans into him, almost soaking up his touch as they walk down the sidewalk. It’s so _nice,_ spending time with him like this, she’s wished for it so many times.

Right before they arrive back at CatCo, Alex calls. And it looks like Kara is going to get to try for a second impression with Lena Luthor, and save the day with Clark all over again in one go.

The rush of adrenaline, as they change into their suits and fly out together, has Kara almost giddy. _This,_ she’s sure about. And it feels so good, hovering in the air with Clark, the bullets ricocheting off their chests. _Good,_ stops once the voice coming from out of the drone tells them that there are more just like it all over the city; but _right_ stays as she tells Clark to get them, while she keeps Lena Luthor’s chopper from falling to the ground.

She’s slammed down into the pavement a few moments later, and, that’s not exactly the greatest second impression, either.

But she recovers quickly, blasting the drone to smithereens and dragging the chopper back down safely onto the tarmac. Kara jumps up into the chopper as Lena yanks off her headphones, her eyes wide. “You’re safe now,” Kara assures her, quickly checking the unconscious driver’s pulse.

“What the hell was that?” Lena asks, her voice tense and her hands shaky.

“Someone’s trying to kill you,” Kara says, meeting Lena’s eye. Lying to her would be cruel and useless. Kara feels a pulse underneath her fingers and stops worrying about the driver, her attention focused solely on Lena Luthor. Her lip trembles at Kara’s admission, hands still shaking until she grips them into tight fists and climbs out of the chopper, Kara rushing over to help her down.

She wobbles on her heels exactly once, then straightens her back and pulls herself out of Kara’s grip. “Right, well then,” she looks utterly determined. “I should find a new way of getting to my meeting, unless you’ve got another chopper on hand?”

Kara blanches at the one-eighty. Someone just put two hits out on Lena’s life, and she’s already fixing her hair and ready to get back to work. For a second, Kara nearly blurts out that she can fly Lena anywhere that she needs to go, but the way that Lena zeroes in on the symbol displayed on her chest and frowns has Kara snapping her mouth shut. “No,” she mumbles. “No chopper. But Miss Luthor, I’m not sure if you should—”

“Thank you Supergirl,” Lena cuts her off and slips back into the building. “I really do need to be going now. Please make sure that he gets to the hospital,” she nods towards the driver. “I think he may have hit his head.”

And with that, she’s gone.

Third impression… probably could have gone better?

…

…

Ms Grant is terrorizing her new assistant. Kara admonishes her as much as she’s allowed, and then Cat reiterates that this blanket job offer comes with a _deadline._ And then she postures around her office, talking about choppy waters, and being scared, and diving in _anyway_ , and Kara still has exactly no idea what it is that she wants out of her life right now.

But she feels better anyway.

Somehow, conversations with Cat always leave Kara feeling… lighter somehow? If Cat doesn’t help her actually come to a decision, she leaves Kara with more things to think about. A narrowed focus.

Does she want to swim in an actual lake? She’s not actually sure that she ever has before. She’ll have to ask Alex.

Kara walks home slowly, taking as much time as she can to unpack Ms Grant’s speech, and her uncomfortable conversation with James prior to it, before she’s confronted with Clark, sleeping on her couch.

And _that_ feels more loaded than it should. It’s good, having Clark here. Beyond good. Fantastic even, but, it also doesn’t leave Kara much room to feel settled. Clark’s presence always puts Kara just a little bit on edge, just a little bit more aware of her alien-ness. They’re at a pretty good place in their relationship nowadays, but there are still quite a few things that the two of them have never properly talked about.

He beams at her when she walks through the door, and it fills her up and makes her ache at the same time. His affection for her comes easily now. Clark is quick to hug, to smile, to ruffle her hair even. It all comes naturally and quick to the both of them now, but it still surprises Kara, every time. Because it didn’t, for so long.

“Hey,” he leans up from the couch, phone to his ear. “Lois says hi,” his hand reaches for hers, and Kara takes it, calling out _hi Lois,_ towards the phone before moving to set her things down on the table. She makes herself busy with finding them some dinner, and tries to tune out his conversation with Lois to give him some privacy.

Kal had held her hand underneath the table as they sat across from the Danvers; the first time he touched her other than pulling her up out of the pod. He was in his suit. Kara didn’t know that at the time—all of the clothing was sort of foreign to her—but later, she wondered about it. If he kept it on because it made him feel more powerful, more authoritative? Because, the Danvers all knew exactly who Clark was underneath his suit at that point. They all knew the Kents—they spent Christmas Eve with them, Kara’s first year on Earth.

But she’s never asked him, why the suit?

(She never asks: _why didn’t you keep me with you?_ )

There’s a word in Kryptonian that best explains how Kara feels, losing her entire planet and culture along with it. She tries, many times, when she is first brought into the Danvers’ household to explain, but it doesn’t directly translate into English. After Alex showed Kara how to use the computer, she spent enough time searching to find that, a Portuguese word, _saudade_ , and a Welsh word, _hiraeth_ , are the closest that she can find to matching it.

Jeremiah had smiled when she showed him. “Saudade,” he said, kissing the top of her head, correcting Kara’s pronunciation. (She had flinched at his touch; he pretended that he didn’t notice.)

She used it as a sort of code for a while. Kara would merely say _saudade,_ or, _hiraeth_ and Jeremiah and Eliza would nod, hug her, (if she let them) and leave her to her thoughts. Often, Kara would climb out on top of the roof and sit for hours, staring up at the sky, wondering where exactly her planet might have been placed in the stars from this angle. She’s never told Clark about the word, and he’s never asked.

Another one of those things that the two of them tend to avoid talking about.

She is far too big to hold Clark’s hand now—though she knows he would never think twice about her reaching for it—and she understands without either of them needing to voice it how much being in the suit helps to feel powerful. 

He hangs up with Lois and comes over to help. “How was your talk with James?” he asks. Kara’s back stiffens before she turns around, and Clark gives her a small smile. “Ah, that well huh?”

“I — I don’t know what I want, and I told him that.” Kara pushes over a huge plate full of grilled cheese sandwiches and they both dig in, taking two at a time each. “How did you know?” she asks him, her mouth full. “That you wanted to be a reporter? That things with Lois were right?”

Clark considers this through two more grilled cheeses, then answers. “I got into reporting mostly because I had a friend who did it in high school, and it was an easy way to figure out when people needed my help as Superman. Really loving reporting itself came a bit later, to be honest. I like it, but I don’t love it the way that Lois does,” he admits. “It’s a job that I’m relatively good at, and I enjoy, and it lets me be Superman. Plus, I get to see Lois more often, and I like everyone that I work with at the Daily Planet,” he grins, and snags the sandwich that Kara was about to pick up. She whacks him with the last one before taking a huge bite and Clark laughs.

“So, you sort of fell into it, and it felt right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“What about Lois?” Kara asks, thinking about James. She hates how awkward things between them have suddenly become, and she has no real idea _why,_ or how to fix it.

Clark grins and moves to start cleaning their dishes. “Lois drove me nuts when I first met her. She’s brash, and bossy, and she always thinks that she’s right,” he rinses off Kara’s dish and starts cleaning his own. “It doesn’t help that she usually is,” he adds with an eye roll. The smile on his face turns fond. “And she’s the smartest person that I’ve ever met. And the hardest working. And she’s got the biggest heart on this planet, she just shows affection differently than I do,” he laughs. Kara flashes over a million images of Lois punching Clark’s shoulder over the years, lighthearted teasing, and bickering.

Clark puts the clean dishes in the rack to dry and turns fully around to face Kara. “There wasn’t really a… it wasn’t love at first sight,” he explains. “I don’t think you can love a person without knowing them. But when I met her there was sort of this familiar feeling I guess. She was yelling at me,” he laughs, “but I felt sort of settled by her in a way that I don’t really know how to explain. The more I was around her, the more sense it made,” he shrugs, looking a little sheepish. “I don’t know if that’s very helpful. Or makes much sense. Sorry.”

“No,” Kara smiles at him. “It does actually. Thanks Clark.”

He chucks the towel at her head. “Anytime Kara,” he promises.

…

…

Lena Luthor doesn’t seem to be taking the whole, someone is trying to kill her thing seriously enough at all. Kara goes with her to the L-Corp renaming ceremony and wonders if maybe she should have shown up as Supergirl instead. Maybe that would make Lena reconsider something so public right now.

“You’re taking an awful risk,” Kara reminds her as they walk through the huge crowd together. “Going through with this while your life’s in danger.”

“I won’t _have_ a life if I can’t make this company into something positive,” Lena insists stubbornly. “All I’ll be remembered for is Lex’s madness.” She squares her shoulders and walks up to the podium with confidence. Kara watches from near the front of the crowd apprehensively. She can see Alex near the other side of the square, scanning the crowd for any signs of Corbin.

Kara listens as Lena apologizes for her brother’s actions, and promises to do everything in her power to try and right them. She watches the faces of the crowd, looking for the man who was hired to kill Lena.

It only takes a few minutes for everything to turn to shit. Lena is partway through her speech when an explosion bursts out behind her, and all hell breaks loose. Kara is in her suit in seconds, flying over to block a chunk of cement from falling on top of James and a woman he was trying to help. “Go,” she yells to him, then flies up to try and keep an entire building from crumbling to the ground.

She leaves Clark holding up L-Corp on his own as she replaces the beam underneath on Winn and J’onn’s instructions. She takes a beat to let out a sigh of relief once it’s clear that it seems to be holding strong, then she quickly heads off to find Alex. Kara hears her over the comms, fighting with Corbin, and by the time she drops down to help, he’s got Alex at gunpoint.

Kara stops breathing, just for a second. “Let her go!” she yells. Corbin taunts her, confirms Kara’s suspicions about Lex Luthor putting out the hit, and before Kara can so much as move to slam into him, a shot rings out, and Corbin falls to the ground.

Kara blinks at the sight of Lena Luthor, gun shaking between her two hands, eyes still trained on the spot that Corbin had just been occupying. Alex mumbles something about a through and through hit, and cuffs him. Kara takes a beat to check and make sure that she is okay before her eyes snap back to Lena. She still hasn’t let go of the gun.

“Miss Luthor,” Kara says. “You got him,” she moves forward. Slowly, slowly, she holds out her hand towards Lena, palm up. “You can give me the gun. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

Lena staggers back a step, presses a hand to her breastbone and forces herself to take a deep breath. The hand holding the gun twitches once as she passes it over to Kara. She immediately balls both of them into tight fists and jams them into the pockets of her jacket.

“You’re okay,” Kara repeats, passing the gun off to a DEO agent without taking her eyes off of Lena. “And you saved Agent Danvers’ life. Thank you.”

Lena scoffs a bit, then pulls her hands out of her pockets and crosses her arms over her chest. “Sure,” she says, voice raw. “She saved mine first, only fair I suppose.” The words come out almost jokingly, trying for casual. But Lena’s posture is ramrod straight, and her eyes are narrow, and everything about her is coiled tight in on itself, her heartbeat going a mile a minute. Kara is hit by an overwhelming urge to reach over and wrap her up into a tight hug until she’s breathing normally, but that would be awkward, and everything in Lena’s posture is screaming to be left alone.

“I’m going to double check and make sure the whole area is secure,” Kara says instead, straightening her own back and trying to sound firm and authoritative. “These agents will see you home.” She turns and catches Vasquez’s eye and nods her over, watching the flash of relief appear in Lena’s eyes. “We’ve got this under control Miss Luthor,” she promises. “He won’t try to hurt you again.”

Lena meets her eye again, and the incredulous look that she gives Kara is impressive. “My brother is relentless Supergirl, you of all people should already be aware of that.”

“I meant—” she looks towards Corbin, being pushed into an ambulance by Alex. “Right.”

Lena walks away before she can say anything else.

Fourth and fifth impression, not quite her best.

…

…

**ii. something so magic about you**

Lena walks into work and can’t help but smile at the huge new L-Corp sign marking the building. She’s walked through these doors hundreds of times over the years, trailing along after Lionel, on his way in and out of some meeting. There’s still a scuff mark in the lobby floor from the day that Lex tried to teach her to skateboard—Lena avoids it at all costs now, but doesn’t make any inquiries about having it removed. 

Her assistant, Jess, hands her the morning newspaper and a cup of coffee with a shy smile. Lena greets her with one of her own, and then all but barricades herself into her office. She has another meeting with Clark Kent and Kara Danvers in less than five minutes, and her entire day is scheduled with back to back meetings, right down to bathroom breaks.

A brother trying to blow you up along with your company makes for a very busy few days.

Lena scans the newspaper article quickly, smiles, then goes back and re-reads it more carefully. She’s just finishing up when Jess knocks, before ushering Mr Kent and Miss Danvers inside. Lena drops the paper down onto her desk and smiles up at them both before rising to greet them. “Thank you, Mr Kent. This is exactly the kind of press my company needs after yesterday’s attack,” she crosses her arms and smirks. “And thank you, for including the part where about me shooting the guy,” she adds. “That’ll teach Lex to mess with me,” she looks over at Kara Danvers, who is beaming back at her.

“Well, I wrote it because it’s true,” Clark gives her a one-armed shrug. “I was wrong about you Miss Luthor,” he adds. “I’m sorry.” His voice is somber and sincere and Lena feels the weight behind his words. She feels her body closing up a bit, fingers pressing into her biceps tightly underneath his gaze. She smiles to herself, letting the apology wash over her.

“Well, if I can make a believer out of Clark Kent, there’s hope for me yet,” she jokes, hoping her voice doesn’t sound odd. She’s only met Clark a handful of times before, mostly in passing, but he knew Lex. He was friends with Lex, once upon a time. All Lena knows is that it didn’t last long. She came home for summer break and Lex was fuming, and he never once ditched her for Clark, as he had many times in the last few summers. And all he had ever wanted to talk about was how dangerous Superman could become.

It was only exhausting and annoying, then.

Lena wonders if Clark saw what she didn’t sooner, back then. Now certainly isn’t the time to ask. Lena’s not sure if it ever will be. She swallows the words down, lets herself revel in Clark’s approval, just for a beat, then turns her attention towards Kara Danvers.

“And what about you Miss Danvers?” she asks. “I didn’t see your name on the byline.” Kara sort of blinks up at her, surprised almost to be acknowledged. It’s impossibly charming. Even more so when she sputters for a few seconds before finding her voice.

“Oh, well like I said, I’m not a reporter.” There’s an uncertainty to her words, and she looks towards Clark almost for confirmation, before attempting a shrug. A burst of affection hits Lena, unexpected and warm.

“You could’ve fooled me,” she says. Lena’s mouth twists into a tiny smile and she realizes that she’s beginning to lean forward. Closer to Kara’s surprised smile. She turns and walks back over to her desk, she _really_ has a lot of work to do. “I hope this isn’t the last time we talk,” she adds, and finds that she means it. There is something about Kara Danvers that’s… familiar. Which as soon as she thinks it, Lena dismisses as an altogether and ridiculous thought, because she’s never met Kara Danvers before this week, and that doesn’t make any sense at all.

Kara smiles softly at her. “I hope not either,” she says. And even though it seems like she means it, her mind is clearly on something else entirely the second she drops eye contact. Lena decides not to take it personally.

She doesn’t have the time to, anyway.

…

…

**iii. this time a ripple, next time a wave**

Kara paces in front of Ms Grant. “Okay, uh, I made my decision,” she says, but it comes out like a question.

Cat looks up from her work, then takes off her glasses. “Forty-three minutes before the deadline,” she notes, glancing at the time on her phone. “This better be good.”

Kara sucks in a huge breath. “I want to be a reporter,” she states. She can’t believe that it took this long to be sure, but it feels impossibly right. The idea’s been there for years, tingling at the back of her head only to be dismissed again and again as nonsense. But, having Clark here, and tagging along with him—watching him work. It felt _right._ And then Lena Luthor’s words this morning, of all people, made Kara finally go, _oh._

Of _course._

(Perhaps sixth impression is the charm then? Not third.)

She is sure of it now, as sure as when she puts on her suit and flies around the city—this what she is supposed to be doing. If not forever, maybe, certainly right now. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it before,” she tells Ms Grant. “Being a reporter is about connecting people,” she starts pacing again. “It’s about finding hidden truths, and sharing them with the world. It’s about _service_ , and telling the stories that need to be told in order to make the world a better and more comprehensible place,” she blinks, a wave of panic surging through her. “And, it’s going to make me the best version of myself,” she remembers how awkward and unsure she’d been in Lena Luthor’s office. Clutching at her borrowed pad too tightly, no idea what questions to ask, feeling utterly useless beside Clark’s easy confidence. “Because it will _definitely_ push me out of my comfort zone.” Even that prospect can’t damper this feeling though, and Kara beams as she turns back towards Ms Grant. “This is it for me,” she declares, placing herself directly in front of the desk. “This is my calling.” She desperately hopes that Ms Grant doesn’t shoot her down. Now that she _knows_ what she wants, it would be crushing to lose it before she even gets the chance to try.

Ms Grant pulls an envelope out of a drawer in her desk, an unreadable look on her face as she hands it to Kara. “Open it,” she orders softly.

Kara frowns in confusion, but does as she’s told. “Is this my resume?” she asks, noting the familiar paper. What’s less familiar is the word _reporter_ scrawled boldly in red across the entire thing. Kara stares at it.

“The minute that you came into this office I had an instinct about you,” Cat says. Kara’s eyes snap up from the paper. She listens, barely breathing as Cat tells her that she’s had this in her drawer for the last two years.

“You knew even then?” Kara sits down. “How?”

“Instincts. And, I guess I saw a _little_ of myself in you,” Cat admits. Kara is hit by a wave of astonishing pride at Cat’s words. “Obviously, not your strip mall wardrobe,” she says, rising and placing a hand on her hip.

And, the pride is gone just like that.

“And I probably curse more in one day than you’ve ever cursed in your entire lifetime,” Cat adds fondly, and Kara can’t help but smile. “But, you have integrity to right wrongs and to see justice done,” she stares into Kara’s eyes, unflinchingly serious now. “You inspire me Kara,” she says, after a beat. Correct pronunciation and all the warmth she can muster up poured into those words, and _oh._ Kara swallows thickly. “I can see the hero in you,” Cat adds, just enough twinge to the words that Kara drops eye contact and smiles into her lap. There is a _very_ strong chance that Ms Grant knows that Kara is Supergirl. She laughs, unwilling to confirm or deny it just yet. She needs to be able to just be _Kara_ around Cat Grant. At least for now.

Cat bends forward, waiting until Kara looks back up at her. “Now, go make me proud,” she orders.

Kara laughs, and goes to do just that, but she pauses. Turning back around, she tells Cat that she almost always has good instincts about other people, about showing them how to be their best selves. Because if she gets too on the nose, and tells Cat how desperately important she is to Kara, all she’ll get in return is a watery eye roll and a sharp dismissal.

As it is, she gets an immediate scoff at her words. “I’m just glad you decided to take the plunge,” she glances down, and then something in her voice shifts. “It’s actually… good advice for all of us,” she adds, thoughtfully.

“Are you sure that you’re okay?” Kara asks, because it’s obvious that something has been bugging her the last few days.

“Uh,” Cat takes her glasses off again, holding the leg of one against her lip. “I will be,” she says slowly, a small smile forming onto her face. Kara wants to press her for more details, but the look on her face, and seeing James walk out onto the balcony in the corner of her eye stops Kara from doing so. She leaves Cat to her thoughts, and goes off to start following her advice.

“You know, on Krypton, at my age, I’d already be considered a spinster,” she jokes, walking up to stand beside James. It’s _mostly_ true. Kryptonians do tend to marry young by Earth’s standards, and El-mayarah isn’t only the El’s family motto. Being alone isn’t something that Kryptonians do well, or hold in particularly high regard.

James doesn’t laugh at her joke. Kara sighs and looks out at the city instead of at his face. “I know that it seems like I should have everything figured out by now, but I _don’t._ This last year I was figuring out how to be Supergirl, but now,” she lets out a long breath. “I need to figure out how to be Kara,” she admits. So much of her life has been about blending in, hiding—she doesn’t really know what she wants out of a life on Earth. She was always too scared to really think about it. Too sad. Because if she admits, that _this_ is truly her life now, then she is finally saying goodbye to the idea of a life on Krypton.

She wasn’t ready, before. She still might not be, now.

“You were right James, something has changed for me,” she turns and meets his eye, because he deserves it. He deserves so much. “You and I together, that’s all I thought I wanted. But—” she doesn’t feel it, that _familiar_ thing that Clark was talking about. Now that she’s heard it described, seen it on his face, on Lois’, she knows that’s not what she feels. “I think that you and I are better as friends.”

James swallows, and Kara can feel the pain radiating off of him. But the hand he drops to her shoulder is steady, and his smile is real, if a little shaky. “And we will always be friends,” he promises.

Kara lets out a breath she didn’t know that she was holding. She might not feel what Clark described, but she loves James. She loves their friendship, and she doesn’t want to lose him. Their goodbye is awkward, and Kara doubts that will go away as quickly as either of them might want it to. But, the news that Clark is sticking around for a little while longer lifts her spirits considerably.

If nothing else, she can steal one of his reporter pads for her new first day of work.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my sister's been dragging me out to do things every day that don't allow for any time to sit down and write. it's been fun-ish, but she goes back home tomorrow, and i'm not really a social enough person to keep that up without her around, so hopefully the next few chapters will be written quicker than this one:)

**iv. a beginning song**

She _does_ steal one of Clark’s reporter pads, but she also goes out and buys some of her own. Walking into CatCo beside him, she feels electric almost, ready for anything. Despite the fact that he and J’onn can’t seem to get along, and the twinge of worry she gets thinking about the man they found in the pod, Kara feels amazing right now. Having Clark here, working with him side by side, it’s all Kara has ever wanted since she came to Earth. The fact that he seems to be having just as much fun as she is makes it all the more intoxicating. She’s going to be a reporter, she’s found her calling, _and_ she gets to save the world with her cousin.

She’s having a _great_ day.

That all comes to a screeching halt the minute that she meets Snapper Carr. She’s excited, and mumbling a bit too much probably—she does that when she’s excited, or nervous, and she’s both right now—and he just… walks away without saying a word.

“Um, did that go well?” Kara asks, a sinking feeling in her stomach as she stands in Ms Grant’s office.

“Oh, _yes,_ ” Ms Grant says from behind her. The sarcasm is painfully evident in her tone. “He _really_ liked you. Run along.”

It’s possible that this might not be as smooth a transition as Kara had hoped.

She spends the rest of the day getting herself acquainted with the new investigative journalism offices. Everyone is new to CatCo besides Kara. The entire _department_ is new, and Kara marvels at just how much Cat has done for her. She’s determined not to let her down, so Kara introduces herself to everyone with a bright smile and coffee. (She’s learned everyone’s coffee and tea preferences by the time that she leaves for the evening.) There are eight full time reporters, six photographers, four copy and news editors, three graphic artists, five stringers, including herself, four researchers, a guy named Carlos who is in charge of all social media accounts specifically related to the news department, and three interns. The interns all blink at her when she hands them coffee, confused and wary. One of them, a girl with beautiful long dreads named Amaya, doesn’t even look like she’s out of high school yet. Kara gives her a bright smile and vows to get her coffee more often after she sees the way one of the senior reporters snaps at her.

It’s a long and exhausting day in which not a single news article is written, but by the end of it, the bullpen is set up and everyone heads home still buzzing with excitement.

Kara is just happy to be having sister night with Alex and Clark. Clark got to leave CatCo long before Kara, so he’s already at her apartment when she lets herself in around six. He greets her with a bright smile from the couch, laptop propped up on his knees as he Skypes with Lois and types an article for Perry White simultaneously.

Kara hears Lois yell out a hello as she sets her things down and laughs, calling out a greeting of her own back to her.

“I’m almost done,” Clark says, nodding towards the half of the screen with a word document open.

“Take your time, I’m gonna order us some food,” Kara pulls out her cellphone. “Alex will probably be here in twenty or so.”

Clark nods and turns back to his computer. Kara hears Lois sigh and say, _‘Smallville, you misspelled perfunctory,’_ and chuckles at his noise of protest.

By the time that both Alex and the food have arrived, Clark has submitted his article and is saying his goodbyes to Lois. She waves and smiles at both Alex and Kara—Alex blushing awkwardly as always—and then Clark turns to them both.

“Hey Alex, can you give Kara and I a minute?” he asks.

Alex blanches a little, but smiles, if a bit stiffly, and moves further into the living room with the food. Kara follows Clark over towards the window and crosses her arms in front of herself.

“Listen, um, there’s something that we should talk about,” he begins. Kara feels the excitement that she clung to this morning dissipate, and she sighs.

“It’s okay,” she assures him. “You’re going back to Metropolis.”

“Yeah, it’s time.”

“Yep,” Kara pops the end of the word, looking down at the floor and trying not to show her disappointment. She’d gotten used to having Clark here. She _wants_ him here, so much more than she should by now. Perhaps it’s going to hurt, every single time that Clark leaves her. Even now, knowing that he’ll come back, knowing that she doesn’t really _need_ him that way anymore. She shrugs and forces herself to look up and meet his eyes. “I just… I thought you’d stay a few days longer,” she tries not to sound too young, tries not to sound like she’s pleading for him to stay. From the way that Clark instantly steps closer, his hands coming up to rest on her shoulders, she doesn’t succeed

“And I would love that,” he says, sincerely. “But I’ve got to get back to Lois, and to the Planet,” his arms drop and he tucks them into his pockets. “And, Metropolis needs its hero too.”

“I understand,” Kara tells him. And she _does._ She just… hates it a little bit. It might be childish, but she just wants all of the people that she loves in one place—with her. Kara’s attention shifts towards the television as she hears a news anchor announce that a jumper is on the National City Bridge. She turns back towards Clark and pulls a tiny smile. “One last team up?” she asks him hopefully.

Clark smiles.

…

…

**v. something’s coming**

Lena watches the news with rapt attention, gripping her mug of tea far too tightly as Supergirl and Superman fight John Corbin on a bridge. John Corbin, the man whom Lex hired to kill her.

Only, he isn’t exactly a _man_ anymore.

He meets them punch for punch with astounding strength, and shoots Kryptonite at them from a device that seems to be a melded into a part of his chest. (The general public just see some green energy that can hurt the Supers, but Lena has better intel than that.) It’s distressing to say the least. When she pulls her grip away from the mug, her fingers ache. That man’s face has been haunting her nightmares for the last two days, and to see him recovered and suddenly inhumanly strong like this… Lena gets up to double check the security in her apartment.

By the time that she returns to the news coverage, it intercepts with a message. A talking head cuts intermittently between images of Supergirl, Superman, the Martian, and terror attacks by aliens the last few months, declaring war on all non-humans and calling themselves Cadmus. (A name that Lena’s heard more than a few whispers about over the years.) The fact that the message appears on her laptop, her phone, and her powered down tablet is even more troubling to Lena than the message itself. Her security defenses are more than impressive, and it only furthers to add to the feeling of dread growing in her stomach.

She doesn’t feel safe as she moves around her own apartment, waiting for some bogeyman to jump out at her. It makes her furious.

Angry Luthors tend to get things done. Each and every one of them have the _fight_ response, and Lena is no exception. She pulls her laptop closer and quickly finds all of the scattered notes and blueprints for her alien detection device and takes the time to finally focus on it.

It’s not until three am, when an app on her computer has turned the screen a deep yellow, indicating that she desperately needs to get some sleep, that Lena considers briefly, if this is something that Lex would have invented if given the chance.

It is _,_ she’s sure of it, and the thought is so immediately uncomfortable that Lena slams the laptop closed and goes to get a glass of water. She gulps it down in one go, then refills it, sipping slowly as she walks into her bedroom.

It _is_ something that Lex would have invented, but the fact that she has thought of it too doesn’t have to mean that she is anything like Lex; it simply makes her a good business woman. People are frightened, and looking to find ways to arm themselves with more knowledge against something that feels impossibly foreign and potentially destructive. If she can get this device working properly, and sell it in every store across America, she’ll make L-Corp a _fortune._ It’s a smart move, on an economic level, and L-Corp could certainly use that right now. She is nowhere near the threat of bankruptcy, but the aftermath from Lex’s trial has left her without several key investors, and her company is in far too much flux right now. Something like this would do well to help kick start things into a more positive and secure direction. It would put the board at ease, and that alone would allow for Lena to start getting more sleep each night.

Something that she desperately needs right now. Lena sets the water glass down on her nightstand, and slips underneath the covers, pulling them up tightly and gripping them around her chin, trying to force herself not to reach for her phone. She lays there in the dark, trying to count her breathing until she’s unconscious. Jess forwarded an article to her last week that said the combination of breathing in through the nose for four seconds, holding it for seven, and out through the mouth for eight will knock out even the worst sufferer of insomnia.

It sounds like complete horseshit, but she’s desperate enough to give it a try.

Her mind wanders, almost without her even realizing it. To the device, her eight am meeting tomorrow morning, Lex, possibly laying in his own cell, wide awake, and she’s completely lost track of her breathing now. Lena adjusts the covers and tries again. In through her nose: one, two, three, four. Hold it. Let it out slowly. Again, and again, and again.

She’s still awake forty-five minutes later when she rolls over and reaches for the sleeping pills in the bedside drawer.

…

…

**vi. mama said there’d be days like this**

Kara runs into the middle of the news bullpen and nearly knocks into three people. She’s still slightly dizzy from the Kryptonite, and the fact that both J’onn and _Alex_ didn’t tell her that some of it had gone missing still has Kara reeling, just a little bit.

“Did I miss the start of the editorial meeting?” she asks Snapper. “I’m sorry.”

“You _missed_ the editorial meeting,” he bites back, refusing coffee from Neil, one of the interns, and yanking copy paper right out of Julianne’s hand. “You,” he directs as she runs in the other direction, “get to live another day. No one else is safe,” he adds, muttering under his breath.

Approaching him seems dangerous, but _not_ approaching him seems far worse, and Kara has faced far more terrifying things in her life than a shabby, mean, middle-aged white man.  “Mr Carr, I’m sorry. Just tell me what I need to do and I will get it done,” she promises. “Where’s my chair?”

“You don’t get a chair ponytail.”

“That’s fine. I like action better anyway,” she says cheerfully, walking around him. He doesn’t glance up at her once. “I can pound the pavement!” she’s not sure if this is a phrase that journalists actually use, or if it’s just something that people say in movies. It’s a gamble.

“You don’t get a chair cause you don’t work here,” he says, walking away from her.

So, she gambled wrong. Kara freezes, all cheery enthusiasm gone. “But, that’s not your call,” she says, confused. “Ms Grant hired me.”

“I don’t care what Cat says,” he snaps. “My office, my hires.”

“But, this is the job I chose,” Kara doesn’t understand what he is saying. She’s not sure what Ms Grant told him, but none of this is making any sense. Cat told her to pick a job, and it was _hers,_ she never said anything about Snapper Carr kicking her out of her dream job. Not to mention that her head is still pounding; she should have sat for a few minutes underneath a sunlamp like Alex told her to.

Snapper turns around; finally, Kara has his attention, but it doesn’t appear to be a good thing after all. “Oh, you _chose_ it,” he mocks. “Well you didn’t _earn_ it. You don’t just become a reporter. You’re a reporter because you went to journalism school, or because you walk the beat. Journos live to tell stories, tell the truth, to get their hands dirty,” he glares at her and walks away.

“I — I’ll admit I have a lot to learn,” she follows him. Kara has been painfully aware of this since day one, but she didn’t think that her new boss would throw it in her face like this. She thought that she’d have a… mentor of sorts. Someone who wants to see her succeed. “But, if you just give me an assignment—”

“No assignment, no job,” he yanks off his glasses and shoves them in her face. “Now get your entitled ass out of my office,” he orders.

“Well, if — this,” Kara huffs, furious and at a loss for words. No one has ever called her entitled before, she doesn’t even know how to respond. “You—” she sputters, desperately trying to get herself to say _anything_ before just huffing angrily when she realizes that she’s at a total loss for words.

“Well,” he rolls his eyes. “Thanks for killing the lingering notion that you might speak or write well,” and with that he turns back to his desk and dismisses her fully.

Kara stalks out of his office in a huff and immediately goes off to find Ms Grant. Her presence is less than welcome back upstairs, but Cat’s greeting is still warmer than Snapper’s.

“You have thirty seconds,” she orders.

“Snapper Carr is refusing to accept my hiring,” Kara says, exasperated.

“I see,” they zip around the bullpen, heading towards Cat’s office. “And what would you like me to do about it?”

“Tell him to listen to you!” Kara hears the slightly childish, demanding tone to her voice. It appears to be a running theme these days, she’s not exactly thrilled about it. Ms Grant doesn’t look all that thrilled with it either.

“I’m sorry, did you say that you want me to instruct your new boss to be _nice to you_ because you don’t know how to stand up for yourself?”

“Um,” Kara’s eyebrows knit together. “Yes.” It comes out more like a question than a statement, and _everything_ feels off and wrong tonight. Clark is leaving, Cadmus has declared a literal war on aliens, Snapper hates her, and now she is making a fool out of herself in front of Cat. So much for the exciting new chapter of her life that she felt only this morning.

“Umm, _no,_ ” Cat says, far more dramatically than is possibly necessary. “No, no, no, and no,” she stalks into her office, Kara hot on her heels. “I will _not_ go talk to your new boss. I will not go fix things for you Kara. You are a grown woman. You are smart, and talented, and astonishing,” she slaps the papers in her hands down onto her desk, leveling Kara with an incredulous look. “And how many times am I gonna have to tell you this before you accept who you are?” she sucks in a breath and straightens up, arms on her hips. “Because I’m not going to be around for very much longer.”

Kara’s heart beats a frantic staccato in her chest. Everything is too loud suddenly—like when she first came to Earth, and couldn’t figure out how to ignore all of it. “What does that mean?” she asks. And it’s… everything is so _loud_ and Kara’s hands twitch against her sides. “Oh my god,” she gasps, practically jumping closer towards Cat’s desk. “Ms Grant are — are you dying?” her ears are ringing and she can’t seem to get herself to breathe, the thought of something happening to Ms Grant… she might double over and throw up, all over this stupid, thousand dollar, ivory rug.

“No,” Cat says, astonishment, and almost something like a laugh to her voice.

“Oh thank god,” Kara gasps. She’s not sure if she’s ever been this relieved in her life.

“No Kara, I’m not dying. I’m _leaving._ ”

And the terror is back. It’s too many extreme emotions in a five minute span, and Kara blinks. Cat’s entire posture softens, and she walks out from behind her desk. “I am taking a leave of absence from CatCo.”

“What?” the idea sounds utterly ridiculous. Cat _is_ CatCo.

“I’ve just done all that I can do here,” Cat shrugs. “I’m like a shark in a tank, swimming around and round but I’m just not getting anywhere,” she says. Kara… cannot keep standing beside her right now. She backs up slowly, moving towards the couch and listens, her back ramrod straight as Cat talks about building a media empire, and launching Supergirl—and leveling Kara with a loaded look at _that_ statement—and Kara just… hates today. More than any other day in recent history. Cat smiles at Kara softly, letting out a little laugh as she says, “I need to dive.”

Kara gulps in air and blinks to clear the stinging in her eyes, and she tries to look like a normal person sitting on her boss’ couch, not someone on the verge of a breakdown. The ringing in her ears has stopped, but not in a good way, in a way that makes her zero in on Cat’s voice painfully. Every hitch of her breath sounds like a gong going off, directly beside Kara’s ear. “Everything is changing so fast,” she whispers, pressing her palms together for a moment, then reaching behind her and grabbing one of the throw pillows. “I… do not do well with change.”

Understatement of the year.

People leave, bit by bit and all at once; Kara thinks she needs to have that branded in every chamber of her heart, displayed in block letters on her forehead, because she always forgets until it’s happening, right there before her eyes. The sting is always as sharp as it was the first time, clinging as tightly to her mother as she could manage as Krypton began exploding all around them.

Kara can’t meet Cat’s eyes. She breathes in, heavy and wet, blinking as she tries and fails to keep the tears at bay. “Gosh Ms Grant, I — I _really_ can’t imagine being here without you.”

Cat’s eyes flash with hurt, and she grasps for words. “Oh, pfft Kara, you—” she sighs, almost annoyed with herself and moves over towards the couch and stops just above Kara. “Oh, Kara,” she rolls her eyes. Her mouth turns down, and her fingers twitch like she wants to reach over and offer some kind of comforting gesture but second-guesses herself. Instead, she frowns and picks some lint off of Kara’s shirt with a long suffering grimace. “You, will rise to the occasion,” she orders, almost slapping Kara’s shoulder before removing her hand.

They both blink at each other for a beat, and there’s a sharp pang in Kara’s chest—her heart beating out a rhythm, _people leave, people leave, people leave._ She can’t stand it anymore and she rises, wrapping her arms around Ms Grant as tightly as she can without hurting her and clings on almost for dear life. Cat’s holding her back just as tightly, and Kara is _trying_ not to start sobbing because Cat would _not_ tolerate that in her office.

“Now,” she says, not letting Kara go yet. “I want you to go back in there and show that son of a bitch what your made of,” she orders, patting Kara on the back twice before releasing her. Kara smile back at her on instinct. “Chop, chop,” Cat says fondly and gives her the tiniest push towards the door.

Kara goes, though truthfully, not a single part of her wants to.

…

…

She’s no less maudlin the next morning when Alex comes over, still no word from Clark or J’onn. There’s a twinge of an idea bubbling inside her brain, and she complains to Alex about everything not going well, and everyone leaving, and Alex, beautiful, _perfect_ Alex, offers her ice cream.

And then, stupidly Kara blurts it out. “What if I moved to Metropolis to be with Clark?”

“Metropolis?” Alex bites, every part of her body on the defensive.

“Yeah!” Kara says, unnoticing Alex’s shift in demeanor. “I mean think about it, National City would be _safer_ without me around as a target for Cadmus. J’onn wouldn’t have to worry about me being uncomfortable with Kryptonite around. You’d be able to do your job at the DEO without worrying about me!” the more she says it, the more excited she’s getting. Kara jumps up from the couch, meeting Alex and going on, not noticing the way that Alex is clenching her fists tightly, or that her breathing has gone sharp and irregular. “Clark and I could keep each other safe, and there’s still so much that I want to learn from him. And, there’s so many things about Krypton that he still doesn’t know! We’ve never really done that, you know? Lived together, and worked together, and talked about Krypton. And oh! I’ll bet Perry White will like me more than Snapper! And Lois would totally mentor me if I asked!” she pauses, settling down a bit and searches Alex’s face. “What do you think?” she asks.

“I think I’ve kept my mouth shut, the entire time that Clark has been here while _you_ have ignored me,” she snaps. And that was… _not_ what Kara had been expecting her to say at all. “And — and now, you wanna just _move away?”_ she chokes on the words.

“I thought it would be good for you,” Kara says, confused by Alex’s reaction. “Then you wouldn’t have to take care of me anymore.”

“What about us taking care of each other?” Alex snaps and Kara swallows thickly. Alex starts pacing around Kara, and she says things that both of them have avoided, _for years_. It’s all things that Kara has thought about, briefly, in quiet moments, but pushed away the thoughts as quickly as they had come on, for fear of poking at something that can’t ever be un-poked. “My whole life has been about protecting you.”

Kara can’t help but snapping back, “I thought you said it was a great adventure.”

“Yes,” she says, eyes welling up as she stares Kara down. “But it’s cost me a lot.” And then she says the one thing that Kara has been hoping she won’t say since the moment that she started talking: “It cost me my father.”

The old pain in her gut comes back full force, the thought that niggles in the back of her head late at night sometimes, when she sees the pain on Alex and Eliza’s faces. _It’s her fault._ Alex drinks to cover up her pain, and Eliza avoids talking about Jeremiah whenever she can and he’s just—gone _. And it’s Kara’s fault._

“We’re going to find him,” she assures Alex quickly. Now that they know, now that she has a chance to fix it, they _will._ Kara will.

“Yeah? How are we gonna do that if you’re in Metropolis?” Alex almost yells.

“Don’t do that,” Kara hears herself snap back. “This isn’t about one family over the other,” she walks over towards the kitchen counter, shaking. She _hates_ even half fighting with Alex. “This is about me not feeling alone anymore. When I’m with Clark I feel like I’m connected to somebody who actually understands what it’s like to be me,” she tries, desperately, to get Alex to understand. She needs this, needs him. She always has.

Alex doesn’t look sympathetic at all. She nearly glares at Kara, her voice tight as she says what every member of her family avoids bringing up, Kara most of all. “So does he understand that he abandoned you with us?” a beat, “Do _you?”_

Kara freezes.

_(Why didn’t you keep me with you?)_

Her phone rings, halting the conversation and Kara nearly screams _saudade_ into her phone, directly into Alex’s ear, nearly just _screams_ period _._ “It’s Clark,” she listens, trying to focus on his words and not the way that Alex rolls her eyes and moves away from her, her whole body coiled tight, fists clenching and unclenching. They don’t have time for this, they have to get to work.

Kara wants to scream until her throat is raw, instead, she suits up and gets ready to take her anger out on someone who really deserves it.

…

…

It’s a setup.

Kara and Clark fly as fast as they can to Metropolis, but they’re still too late. He’s despondent, and the destruction of the park named for him is in ruins, people hurt and crying all around them. Kara doesn’t know how to comfort him, she reaches out but he walks away, further into the destruction. _Does he know that he abandoned you?_ Rings out in her ears, over and over, no matter how much she tries to push Alex’s voice down.

She can’t work like this, she can’t _live_ at odds with Alex, her whole body inside of her skin feels wrong. She can’t focus on anything else. She flies back to the DEO, but Winn is too shifty, and he won’t tell her where Alex is until Kara gets in his face, ready to start screaming. Because this is Winn and she loves him, but this is _Alex,_ and she will threaten anyone in her path when it comes to her sister.

Winn caves in two seconds, and Kara is back in the air in one.

She hears Alex’s heart beat going too fast, and there are bullets flying all around her. Kara lands down in the warehouse and catches a bullet that was making its way towards her sister with just her fingers. She takes a millisecond to acknowledge how cool of a move that was, then punches the man into unconsciousness and turns all of her attention to Alex.

“Are you okay?” she does a quick scan, clocking her body for any signs of real injury. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything,” she reaches out and grabs onto Alex gently. “I’m so sorry if I ever made you think you were less to me than Clark. You, are the _only_ reason I have ever felt at home on this planet.” She thinks about the first nights on Earth, crying herself to sleep, waking screaming with nightmares, Alex’s strong arms wrapped tightly around her. Alex, rolling her eyes as Kara said something ridiculous, again, fondness slowly filling in the corners of her lips. Alex, cheering Kara on like a maniac with Eliza, as she walked across the stage to get her high school diploma. Always, always, Alex.

“I’m… just better when we’re together,” Alex says, voice thick.

“Me too,” Kara sags in relief. Then, her face lights up. “I’ve got an idea for how to beat Metalo. Both of them.”

Alex smirks. “I’m in.”

All signs of their fight are over as they work in sync to stop Corbin—the being that was formerly Corbin Kara supposes. Winn’s new invention is brilliant for a while, but when it fails, Alex is there. They fight him together, and though it’s _exhausting_ and feels never ending, they win. His eyes flicker, the last vestiges of life and Kara grabs his face, glaring down into the little cameras.

“This isn’t over,” she spits out angrily. They may have won this battle against Cadmus, but they still have Jeremiah, and Kara is going to do everything she can to give Alex her father back.

They walk back to the DEO van together, the weight of the fight settling into their bones, and Kara reaches for Alex’s hand, smiling when she takes it. “We are going to get him back,” Kara assures her. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay,” Alex swallows, looking incredibly tired and relieved.

“Want me to fly you home?” Kara jokes.

“No, I’ve got a bunch of paperwork. But thanks for the offer.”

Kara bites at her lip. “Think I can borrow a DEO computer?”

Alex frowns. “Why?”

“I think I’ve got a way to make Snapper take me seriously,” she beams. Alex rolls her eyes.

…

…

J’onn gives Clark all of the Kryptonite the DEO has to destroy, and Kara feels a weight lift off of her chest.

Winn hugs Clark with more enthusiasm than he’s ever hugged Kara, and she doesn’t let herself feel jealous about it at all.

Alex hugs Clark like he’s a loaded gun, waiting to go off at any moment, and her eyes never once leave Kara’s. Neither of them say anything. _He abandoned you_ thickens the air between them, heavy on Kara’s tongue, even when Clark beams at her and says, “I love you Kara.”

She knows how much he means it, is the thing. But Alex isn’t wrong, is the other thing, and right now, this is just all too much. Everything else in her life is still in flux, and she _can’t_ deal with this right now. Soon, but not today. Instead, she smiles up at her cousin, hugs him tightly—tighter than she can hold onto any other person on this planet—and tells him that she loves him too. Then, she swallows, releases him and says, “Khao-usha.”

“What does that mean?” Winn asks.

“There’s not really a word for it in English. I guess the closest thing would be: to be continued,” Kara gives Clark a soft smile, and then he grabs hold of the lead box, and flies away. Alex is by her side in an instant, hand slipping into Kara’s and squeezing. Kara smiles at her, then reaches over, kisses Alex’s cheek, and grabs her papers, freshly printed at the DEO’s expense. “I love you too,” she whispers, and Alex’s smile widens as Kara flies up into the air.

She has another goodbye to attend to, and this one hurts just as much.

Cat is standing out on her balcony, staring out at the city when Kara flies down lightly. “Will you miss it?” she asks.

“Who told you I was leaving?” Cat asks, turning towards her with a smile. It’s different, when she smiles at Supergirl, vs when she smiles at Kara. She’s more relaxed, almost as if they’re equals when Kara is in the suit. Or, something like it.

Kara knows the decision to leave CatCo can’t possibly have been an easy one to come to, and she’s not going to make this harder on Cat than she has to. So she grins, places her hands on her hips and tries not to look awkward while doing so, and teases her. “Little bird.”

“Little plane,” Cat shoots back, faster than Kara could probably manage.

Kara gets her talking, and it’s hard, not to be wrapped up in Cat’s excitement, even with the selfish thought that Kara just wants her to _stay._ It’s this, that she might miss more than anything else right now, these talks with Cat. She focuses Kara in a way that no one else has ever managed. Her claims of helping to create Supergirl aren’t totally unfounded; Kara’s not sure how she is going to do this without her.

“Life is long, and you will be many different people before the end,” Cat assures her. “And knowing you, every single one of them will be extraordinary. Well, not as extraordinary as _me,_ ” she teases.

Kara rolls her eyes and plays along, knowing that Cat needs this, they both do. “Well, of course not. That’s very true Cat.”

They both rest their arms on the cement ledge and look out at the city. Kara doesn’t know when they will do this next, if they ever will again. At least, like this, the breeze gently blowing their hair, the lights of the city sprawled out in front of them, their shoulders just gently brushing. Kara wants to ask Cat not to leave, but it would be impossibly selfish of her.

“Did I ever tell you my name is Catherine?” Cat asks.

“I’m not telling you my real name,” Kara says.

“I had to try.”

“I know.”

“It’s the reporter in me.”

Kara is half convinced that Cat already knows. More than half, if she’s being honest. But… she has to give Cat some reason to come back. Curiosity and a need for confirmation is as good of a reason as any.

They’re quiet together for a beat, just looking out at the city and enjoying each other’s company. Then, Cat turns towards her and says, “Be safe Supergirl,” like it’s an order and a plea all in one.

Kara smiles at her. “You too.” She starts backing away from Cat, because if she doesn’t move out of the way now, she’ll grab Cat, and hold on too tightly, and start crying. “And come back,” she tries to put the combination of order and plea into her voice, but it just cracks and sounds impossibly young. All plea. She straightens up a bit. “I know we all need change,” it sounds like a dirty word on her tongue. “But we need friends too.”

“Oh, I’ll be back,” Cat promises.

Kara beams at her, the relief at those words probably evident, but she doesn’t care. She shoots up into the air and flies directly down into the news department, changing out of her suit and grabbing her copy. Channeling Cat’s advice, she marches right up to Snapper and throws her copy down onto his desk.

“Five hundred words on the duo Metalo in Metropolis and National City, with eye witness accounts, comments from police sources, and zero adjectives, all thoroughly vetted and verified,” she spits out as quickly and succinctly as she can, glaring down at Snapper as he sits at his desk.

“You don’t work here,” he moves her copy out of his way.

“Yes, I do,” she argues.

“Not if I don’t say so.”

“You _will,_ ” she insists. “Read it and you’ll see.”

There is a terrifying beat where she thinks that Snapper is just going to dismiss her again, and truthfully, she’s not sure _what_ she’ll do if that happens. This is sort of her last ditch plan: show up and do the work and just _pretend_ that she works here regardless of the fact that Snapper says otherwise. With Cat leaving, and James taking her place—which she _still_ can’t quite wrap her head around—there’s not much else she has to go on. But then, he picks up her copy and begins to scan it.

“Don’t waste my time,” he says, slapping it down onto the desk after barely a moment.

Kara has a split second of panic, then channels Cat and grabs it from him. Truly, her last ditch effort as she stalks away from him. “You don’t want it, fine,” she says. “Plenty of other outlets will.”

“Wait,” he calls as she gets about five steps away. Kara sucks back a grin and whips around. Snapper sighs and takes off his glasses. “I don’t like you, and I never will ponytail.”

“I don’t _need_ you to like me,” Kara retorts. “Jerk… guy,” she cringes inwardly. Snapper cringes visibly. It’s not her finest moment.

He sighs. “You’re as bad at insults as you are at reporting,” he turns back to his work, glasses on and doesn’t look at her when he says, “Come back tomorrow, and maybe I can teach you something.”

It’s a good thing that he isn’t looking up at her, because Kara cannot stop the proud grin from spreading across her face as she all but skips out of his office. She pauses, sticking her head back in and asking, “Do I get a chair?”

“No,” he shuts her down immediately.  

So, she’ll just have to work up to the chair then, she can do that. No problem.


	3. Chapter 3

**vii. fake your way to the top**

Her very first (real, official) interview is with Lena Luthor. Not the President, which, is a bit of a disappointment, but as Kara thinks about it while walking up to the top floor of L-Corp, it makes a certain sense. She is nowhere near to the level of Snapper’s senior reporters. Cat wouldn’t even give an interview with the _President of the United States_ to a rookie reporter. Not even Kara.

It doesn’t mean that she’s not just a tiny bit bummed out about it.

Getting to interview Lena feels like a nice full circle for her first interview though—she did have a hand in helping Kara come to the decision to become a reporter after all.

Kara nods to Lena’s assistant, and smiles when she catches sight of Lena. “Miss Luthor,” she greets, trying to appear formal and authoritative without Clark by her side.

“Lena, please,” she insists, reaching out to shake Kara’s hand. “It’s good to see you again Miss Danvers.”

“Well, if I’m calling you Lena…” she smiles, trailing off. She’s never been all that much a fan of formalities to begin with. Plus, while Kara Danvers feels like her, _Miss Danvers_ always sounds just a little wrong on its own, doesn’t quite fit the skin that she that lives in. She used to hate when teachers would address her as such through her years of school. _Kara,_ she would insist, _my name is Kara._

“Kara it is then,” Lena assures her, lowering into her seat. Something about the quick flash on her face—there and gone in a beat—makes Kara think that just maybe, she wouldn’t have to try and explain that feeling to Lena if ever pressed. Luthor must hold so much more weight than Danvers.

“Oh, if you have a parking ticket I can get it validated for you,” she offers, just shy of awkward.

Though, not nearly as awkward as Kara when she waves Lena off, and moves to sit down across from her. “Oh, that’s fine I flew here,” Kara’s eyes go wide and she grabs at her glasses. “On… on a… bus,” she adds. Terrible, _terrible_ save. Alex is going to _kill her_ if she accidentally outs herself as Supergirl to Lena Luthor on her first real day as a reporter. (Stringer, Snapper keeps reminding her with a sharp glare. _You **earn** the title of reporter.) _

Lena doesn’t look sure on how to respond to Kara’s statement, so she chooses to ignore it. Kara is immensely grateful.

“Well, I’m glad to see that you decided to give reporting a shot,” she says, sounding sincere. “Although if you’re here on the same day that the President is in town to sign her Alien Amnesty Act then…” she laughs, trailing off. Outwardly, she’s the picture of calm and friendly, but Kara can hear the way that her heartbeat is quickening, her breathing coming in just a bit sharp, wary and trying not to appear defensive. Kara wonders if this is always Lena’s reaction to reporters—she’s certainly had to deal with them her entire life—or if this is a newer thing, a Post Lex’s Trial thing.

“I must be here to ask the sister of Earth’s most notorious alien hater her take on the President’s executive order,” Kara finishes for her, pulling out her notepad and pen. She holds them a bit awkwardly in her lap, not solely due to nerves this time; she doesn’t want to make Lena uncomfortable. Kara can’t really imagine how she feels talking about Lex, but it can’t be easy. (She thinks about Astra, a quick flash of a thing that’s instantly painful and shut away immediately. Now, is so not the time for _that._ )

Lena dodges Kara’s questions with practiced ease, rising and moving over to unlock a small device from a safe. Kara follows her curiously, then inhales, sharper than she intends once Lena says the words _alien detection device_ and feels herself visibly take a step back. It’s possible that she placed her trust in Lena just a bit too soon.

Kara listens with half an ear, scribbling a few notes, and trying not to show the panic that she is feeling as Lena excitedly shows Kara how the device works. She’s vibrating with excitement, clearly, passionate about her inventions—which is good. Passion is good. But the thing she is currently passionate about… Kara swallows and underlines passionate three times on her notepad. It’s possible that she’s thought that word too many times in the span of a few seconds, Snapper won’t like that. Too much repetition. Then Lena jolts her back into the moment when she holds the device out to Kara expectantly.

_Shit. Shit, shit, shit._

Kara leans back a little. “But, won’t a device like this,” she says, pointing at it with her pen, not letting her skin anywhere near its surface. “I mean, doesn’t something like this go against everything that America is supposed to stand for?”

Lena’s smile drops for the first time since Kara’s walked through the door. Kara misses it immediately. “Such as?” she asks in a flat voice. The words are casual, but her posture straightens up as she sets the device down on her desk. Her arms come up across herself, watchful and just a hint of defensiveness to her expression. It throws Kara off even more than she already feels. _God,_ she wishes Clark or Alex were here. Confrontation is her least favorite thing.

“Well, freedom?” she falls on. Too generic. “America’s always been a country full of immigrants,” she insists, more strongly, finding a bit of rhythm. “I mean, it’s sort of the basis to its entire foundation. Freedom to be yourself. To live without persecution.”

Lena doesn’t lose her defensive stance. “It’s also always been a country of humans,” she argues. “If aliens want to be citizens, that’s now their right,” she says. It doesn’t sound like something that she disagrees with, but Kara still feels tense and can’t stop glancing down at the device resting on top of Lena’s desk. “But if humans want to know which of their fellow citizens aren’t actually one of them, then that’s their right too,” she adds. Her posture doesn’t soften, if anything, Lena grows more tense, more defensive as she says, “I’m a business woman, and this device is going to make L-Corp a fortune—but unlike my brother, I’m going to do it for the good of the world.”

She turns around the very minute that she mentions Lex, and Kara quickly lowers her glasses and takes the opportunity to use her heat vision on the device. Lena sits back down in her chair, and Kara watches as she rolls her shoulders, pulling a bright smile onto her face as she reaches back for the device—almost as a dismissal of the negative parts of their conversation. When she turns back towards Kara, she’s biting at her lower lip playfully, trying to goad Kara into smiling back.

“So,” she wiggles her eyebrows, holding the device out to Kara.

“Right,” Kara smiles at her, because she can tell that’s what Lena wants. (And she smiles when she’s nervous.) Despite knowing that she just messed with it, Kara’s still worried as she sticks her thumb on the device and waits for it to light up. She can claim that it’s defective if it gives her an alien response, but, Lena is brilliant, and Kara doubts that she would just dismiss the result outright. It only takes a second, and then Lena laughs when it turns green—the same result as hers—and Kara can’t help but let out a huge sigh of relief.

It takes her a beat to move back over and sit down. By the time that she’s collected herself enough to look back up at Lena, she’s giving Kara an assessing look. Her eyes drop down to Kara’s notepad, and the word passionate, underlined three times, and Lena bites her lower lip again, trying not to smile. Kara quickly pulls the notepad back into her lap and out of Lena’s sight.

“So,” she begins, voice way too high, leaning forward a bit on the aggressive side. Lena bites at her lip harder; it’s very distracting. “So — you’re not against the Alien Amnesty Act then? Because, correct me if I’m wrong, but pretty much everything that you’ve just said sounds like you are?”

“I’m not against it,” Lena chooses her words very carefully. “I think it might help prevent some of them from acting violently—if they think that they’re welcome, and have a place here on Earth. But…” Lena looks thoughtful, if a little disturbed. “My brother was wrong about many, _many_ things, but he wasn’t wrong to be wary. I’ve seen firsthand the kind of power that the Supers have, and _yes_ , they’ve both been unflinchingly loyal and kind to humanity so far,” her face twists, eyes not quite meeting Kara’s as she looks off somewhere just behind her. “But that kind of power shouldn’t just be left unchecked. If something were to happen… if something in their views were to change, we’d have no way of stopping them. We have no idea what other aliens are out there—what powers they might have—I don’t think it’s intolerable or irrational to keep that in mind.” She sucks in a breath, forcing a smile and meeting Kara’s gaze. “I’m cautiously optimistic about the President’s new law, and I’m going to try and do my part to help everyone—humans and aliens alike. And, if I make some money in the process,” she laughs lightly—a bit forced. “Well, then, bonus for me I suppose.”

“Supergirl and Superman haven’t given anyone _any_ indication that they can’t be trusted,” Kara snaps. Lena does some kind of movement that could mean anything, probably nothing good. Kara can see all of her muscles, tense and watchful. This is _not_ the best first interview ever.

“No,” Lena drawls out, slow and careful. “Not yet,” she agrees. “And, I hope that they don’t, but I’m not just going to rely on that assumption,” there’s something melancholy about the way her face shifts, and all of the tension seems to seep out of her body at once. “I hope that doesn’t make you think less of me Kara, but I’m also not going to apologize for it.”

Kara’s phone goes off before she can respond, and when she glances down at the screen she sees Winn’s name.

**[Winn 11:49am]** _911! alex doing something brave and stupid. Bazookas involved!_

Kara leaps up, slamming her knees against the top of Lena’s desk and managing to jolt Lena up into the air for half a second. “Sorry!” Kara throws her notepad and phone into her purse. “I’m so sorry. I have—my sister—I have to go,” Kara apologizes, sticking her hand back out, softening her posture as much as possible, and making sure that her grip isn’t too tight. “Thank you, for being my very first interview,” she smiles, and it’s not forced. It might not have gone quite how she wanted, but the excitement of _her first real interview_ is still palpable. Her mind is whirling through a million different things right now, and she’s not sure what to think of this particular Luthor anymore, but something about Lena makes her smile anyway.

“Ah, well,” Lena takes Kara’s outstretched hand, a teasing smile of her own etching out onto her face. “Yours is not the first V-card I’ve taken,” she jokes. Kara’s eyes go wide and Lena’s flicker with amusement. “Reporting-wise,” she adds. “Though… I suppose it’s true of the other connotation as well,” she wiggles her eyebrows suggestively and Kara balks. Lena laughs and drops her arm. “I’m sorry, I make inappropriate and ill-timed jokes. One of my many flaws.”

“Terrible flaw to have,” Kara jokes back, shifting her purse higher up onto her shoulder. Her phone goes off again and she winces. “Sorry, I’ve really got to go. Thank you again.”

“My pleasure Kara. I hope I’ll see you again soon,” there’s a wistful twinge to her tone that Kara can’t help but noticing. It’s doesn’t match up with the resigned look that Lena gives Kara as she walks out of the office quickly.

She doesn’t have any time to think it over further, because Alex has gone out and chased after the escaped Kryptonian all by herself.

When Kara finds her, walking back into the DEO (Winn was right, there is a bazooka being carried by one of the other agents) she looks tired. Before Kara can say anything, she rolls her eyes. “I know. I know what you’re going to say. I should have waited for you.”

“No,” Kara snaps. “I was going to say that you should have waited for me _dummy_ ,” she yells. “What would you have done if he’d been there Alex?” she can still feel the cold grip of his fingers tightly latched around her neck. Kara can’t let this man within an _inch_ of her sister. “Be smarter than that!” she yells. “Now, I have to go type up my _very first ever article_ for Snapper. Don’t get yourself killed anytime in the next few hours, or I’ll be REALLY MAD!”

She hears Alex’s sarcastic, “Yes ma’am,” as she walks off to find a computer. Kara grits her teeth and chooses to ignore it. She has… a lot of work to do, and not a lot of time to do it now.

…

…

Snapper is not as impressed with Kara’s article as she would have thought. Which, considering how hard she worked on it, and how proud she was of it until two seconds ago, is almost crushing in its disappointment.

She got an exclusive scoop on Lena’s device, and it _is_ anti-alien, no matter what words Lena tries to couch it up in, or how good her intentions may be—something like this, it won’t end up being used for good. Kara is sure of it.

Snapper, doesn’t give a shit about her opinion on the matter.

Kara stalks out of his office and runs straight into James. _God,_ she misses Ms Grant. She says as much, and watches as James’ face falls. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she says quickly.

“No, I know. It’s just… how did she do this?”

Kara halts in her tracks and turns to look at him properly. James might be floundering in his new role just as much as Kara is apparently floundering in hers. “James, she picked you,” Kara reminds him. “Do you really think that Cat would leave her entire company to someone that she didn’t believe in?”

Cat wouldn’t have given Kara this job if she didn’t believe in her, either. And it’s that thought, more than Snapper’s insistence that she re-write her article, that has Kara leaping to a computer.

She’ll prove him wrong.

And she’ll prove Cat right.

But, she needs reinforcements. Snapper didn’t say _where_ she had to retype her article, and he doesn’t keep track of any of his reporters unless he’s screaming for copy, so Kara decides to go to the DEO. Sitting next to Winn and venting about their work is familiar, plus, he has snacks in his desk. And Kara is going to need a _lot_ of snacks.

Despite the smile-inducing-ness of Lena Luthor’s whole… deal, nearly everything that she said in their interview makes Kara furious. She doesn’t know _how_ to be objective about something that is this important to her, especially without accidentally giving away her identity as Supergirl.

“Diabolical doesn’t have a _K_ in it,” Winn offers helpfully.

“I don’t know how to be objective about this,” Kara complains. “I HAVE PASSION WINN,” she yells. “A lot of it.”

Winn looks a little concerned. “Yeah, great. Passion’s great for a superhero.”

“But not a reporter?”

He doesn’t answer her. Alex comes in and asks for his help—something about the escaped Kryptonian—which Kara should _really_ be focusing on. Not rewriting something that she’s _already written perfectly._ She glances down at her notes and sees the word passion, underlined three times and sighs. Lena has passion too. But _she_ doesn’t have to be objective about it. She just gets to be passionate.

Kara has said the word passion, far, far too many times today.

And then Winn says _Daxam,_ and Kara forgets all about her article, and Lena, and just sees _red._

Her punches land harder than they have in months, and she drags his sorry ass back to the DEO. She’s jittery, unable to stand still as she explains the conflict between Krypton and Daxam to Alex and Winn. When she goes to interrogate him, he’s cocky and resentful, everything that Kara expects him to be. She calls him out for strangling her, and he asks for _ale_ of all things. Her palms clench into fists so tightly by her sides, they actually hurt. He doesn’t have a bit of remorse to give for all of the destruction that he’s caused, all of the innocent people that he could have hurt, and as she walks away, leaving him to rot in his new cell—Kara understands a bit of what Lena was talking about this morning.

_Shit._

…

…

**viii. ah, but underneath**

Lena opens CatCo’s latest issue with shaky hands. It feels ridiculous, but, there is something so… wholesome about Kara Danvers, and every sign of their interview points towards her ripping Lena a new one with this article. There is something just that bit more painful about it when coming from someone like Kara.

Except, as she sits on her couch and reads the article… it’s _nothing_ like Lena expected. It’s, praise? Almost. Of Lena, the person, trying to make a name for herself, and vowing to try and fight against the things that Lex stood for. Of her brilliance and passion for L-Corp’s current and future inventions and products. (And, she is fully aware of her intelligence, but _brilliance_ isn’t a word that’s often been associated in the same sentence with her, and _that_ just makes Lena…) She has to laugh, remembering the word ‘passion’ underlined on Kara’s notepad. The article doesn’t come off as preachy and one-note, the way many of the articles that Lena’s read about herself in the last few months have. There’s no hint of skepticism either, which is just about all people have to say about Lena these days. _Gonna end up just like her brother, over, and over, and over again._

It’s so shocking that Lena has Jess call Kara and ask to see her, whenever she gets a chance, then goes back and reads it all over again.

Kara doesn’t let her entirely off the hook, there’s a small dig about the potential fallout of such an invention—possible ramifications, and history that hopefully won’t be mirrored. Lena would be lying her ass off if she said that she hasn’t thought about all of this, more than once, but the way that Kara states it doesn’t come off as an attack.

It’s the most surprising thing to happen to Lena since Lex’s trial, maybe.

She’s re-reading it for a fourth time when Kara walks into her office unannounced. Lena watches in surprise as she bustles right in, apologizing and explaining that she only just got Lena’s message, before turning her attention towards Lena’s flowers. Everything about her body language is screaming with nervous energy; her hands won’t leave her pockets, she’s shifting her weight back and forth on her feet, and she’s avoiding looking Lena directly in the eye. Lena smiles. Kara Danvers doesn’t seem like the type to get in heated arguments all that often, and the remnants of their interview linger in the air between them. Lena, has been in plenty of arguments in her lifetime, and she is sure that there will be plenty more in her future. She relaxes her—already quite relaxed, due to the whole, dropping by unannounced thing—posture and smiles up at Kara gently. This, is apparently something that she may be able to fix.

“They’re pretty rare,” Lena says, looking at the flowers along with Kara. A favorite gift of Lionel’s; the day she was adopted, her thirteenth birthday, her sixteenth, high school graduation, probably would have included her twenty-first birthday and college graduations as well, had he lived to see them.

“They remind me of my mother,” Kara says, and if that isn’t just…

Lena holds the magazine out in her hands, a joking smile on her face to cover up the sting of pain that always accompanies any memories of her father. “Was your mother a writer too?” she asks.

“No, she was… um, I guess… sort of a lawyer,” Kara stumbles through. And, _oh_ that is an impossibly charming and apparent reoccurring trait of hers.

“Well, you have a natural gift with words. Your article is amazing,” she compliments. It’s vastly understating all that she wants to say to Kara, but, they don’t know each other well enough yet for Lena to make a fool of herself. As it is, Kara absolutely _beams_ at the praise, and her posture relaxes. Her smile is infectious, and it’s not hard for Lena to press on, getting a little thrill at the way it grows wider. “I knew you’d make a great reporter, but after I heard your, bleeding heart pro alien views,” she’s not above getting a _little_ teasing dig in there. But she glances down at her hands before checking how it’s received, thankful to hear Kara’s light laughter. “I was afraid you’d do a hatchet job on me,” she admits.

Kara moves to sit down beside her, indicating that Lena hasn’t managed to scare the cub reporter off just yet. “Oh, I tried,” she laughs. “I wrote a scathing article about your device.”

“And?”

“And my boss tossed it,” she explains. “He made me re-do the whole thing.”

“Oh, well that explains it,” Lena looks away, pressing her fingers together awkwardly and choking out a weak laugh. If her mother were here, she’d slap Lena’s hands together, knock her leg off the couch, and tell her to sit up straight. Don’t ever let your guard down, especially not in front of _reporters._

“The funny thing is, I’m glad he did,” Kara adds, grabbing Lena’s attention once more. “I mean not a first, but some things happened that made me rethink my position,” she admits.

And once again, Kara Danvers manages to surprise her. Lena sits up, propping an arm against the back of the couch and resting her head on it. She smirks at Kara a bit teasingly, because it seems to be an easy thing, getting Kara Danvers flustered, and it’s quickly becoming one of Lena’s favorite looks on her. “Do tell,” she lifts up her eyebrows, and just as she suspected, Kara blushes and laughs.

She takes a beat, then turns back to Lena. “I still think Alien Amnesty is a good thing,” she states firmly. “But, there _are_ bad aliens out there,” she says this like it’s a loaded thing, far more underneath the surface than she is willing to dwell on. And, that’s certainly interesting, but for another day.

“Well, I’m glad you can see it from my point of view,” Lena says.

There’s a beat, in which she has time to shut her mouth. To simply smile at Kara and change the subject, no harm done. But, there is something about the way that Kara is looking at her, something about the solid weight that is Lex, constantly dragging her downwards—her therapist practically _begs_ Lena to talk to someone—anyone, even if it’s not her. And, Lena did some research on Kara Danvers, cub reporter, former assistant to Cat Grant herself, the moment that she learned that the girl has ties with Clark Kent. Lena wonders, if the knowledge that Kara was adopted too is the reason that she feels drawn to her, or if it’s merely attraction. Either way, the words are pressing against the back of Lena’s teeth, begging to come out. Kara’s posture is relaxed and welcoming, and Lena — Lena has no friends to speak of, and she would very much like to change that.

“You know, where I was first adopted by the Luthors, I adored Lex. When he showed his true colors I was crushed.” An understatement of massive proportions. Lena had gone off and gotten herself absolutely wasted, for the first time in _years._ She hadn’t been able to _breathe._ Her clothes clinging to her skin, every smell causing her to gag and retch, unable to keep a bit of food down. She dropped fifteen pounds in two weeks. It was so much worse than when Lionel died. It still is. “I tried everything to reach him,” she says, remembering screaming phone calls at three am; Lex, speeding down the highway with her in the passenger seat, grinning manically as she cried and panicked; snarling accusations on both their tongues, phone calls, texts, and emails unanswered; begging Lillian for help, to just _see,_ to _listen_ to Lena over Lex for once in her life. She swallows, her eyes burning and her skin too hot underneath her clothes, even though she’s wearing a sleeveless top. “I’d lost him,” she turns back to meet Kara’s gaze, it’s thoughtful in a way that Lena hadn’t expected. Understanding, rather than pity. “Finally I realized that some people are just bad, and there’s nothing you can do to change that,” she sucks in air through her nose and punctuates her words. “But you can learn to protect yourself.”

Kara’s face slowly pulls into a smile after a moment. “Yeah,” she says in soft agreement. Lena beams back at her, feeling a little shaky about everything she just confessed to someone that she barely knows—a reporter at that. But, they sit there together in silence for a few moments, Kara looking out at the flowers, Lena looking at Kara, and the air is heavy with everything that they’ve just said, but it’s not uncomfortable.

Finally, Kara glances down at her watch and her eyes widen comically. “Oh, I’ve got to go,” she says, jumping up and jolting Lena a little. “Sorry,” she grabs for her purse and hesitates. She jerks forward at the waist, almost like she is going to bend down and try to hug Lena, but she seems to catch herself beforehand. “Um, next time. You can call me on my cell,” she offers, digging into her purse and pulling out a pen and her notepad. She scribbles down a number and hands it over to Lena. “I mean, for like, non-official capacities,” she worries at her bottom lip, her hand hanging limply in the air until Lena sits up and accepts the piece of paper.

“And what sort of non-official capacities are we talking about here?” she teases.

“Oh, I meant… like, friend things?” Kara adjusts her glasses, another sight that Lena is slowly becoming accustomed to. “Like, I know that you just moved here, so, if you want to know the best pizza places. Or Thai, or, oh! There’s a _great_ Indian place near my apartment,” she grins. “And a _really_ great coffee place on twenty-fifth and six. Um, stuff like that?”

Lena quickly tracks her eyes up and down Kara’s fidgety body, and yes, attraction is definitely part of the draw to Kara Danvers. But, that is a fleeting and generally a best avoided thing, and right now, the idea of a friend is much more appealing. “That sounds lovely,” she smiles up at Kara. “I’ll be sure to take you up on it.”

“Great!” Kara actually _skips_ on her way out of Lena’s office.

…

…

**ix. breathe in, breathe out, let the human in**

Kara is late to the President’s signing of the Alien Amnesty Act, but only just. She got caught up with Lena, but by the time she flies over, hovering, the President is smiling through the end of her speech, and moving to sign the act into motion.

Her papers catch flight before she can finish doing so.

Kara flies over as fast as she can, blowing out the fire and jumping in front of the President to protect her from the flames. A woman—an alien—with bright red hair is shooting fire out of her hands, snarling at everyone who comes near her. Kara shuffles the President into the arms of secret service, then sees Alex get thrown into the water fountain by the alien. She zooms over to her sister, making sure that she is okay, and by the time that they’re both upright and running back over to the fight, both the alien and Detective Sawyer are gone.

Kara let her prejudices against Daxam cloud her judgement, and now, the President’s life was put in danger, again, and Detective Sawyer has been kidnapped.

Alex won’t stop pacing and snapping at Winn. She’s biting at her thumbnail, a habit that she kicked in the tenth grade, and that’s when Kara realizes that Detective Sawyer has become Alex’s friend, not just a source and semi co-worker. She’s important to her sister. Kara reaches over and pulls Alex’s hand down from her face, and squeezes it, lacing their fingers together.

“Got it!” Winn yells. “I’ve got their location.”

Kara nods to Alex. “Let’s do this.”

…

…

The alien took Detective Sawyer—Maggie—to an abandoned warehouse, because of course she did. Kara jumps down and distracts her while Alex sneaks up and unties Maggie. The alien is furious, and incredibly strong, and Kara gets knocked down hard. Stupidly, Alex jumps in and punches her in the face. Kara has to grab Alex around the middle and pull her out of the way from a blast of fire. And then—the alien is knocked down onto the ground.

Kara and Alex look up together in surprise and see Maggie, panting a little and holding a lead pipe in her hands, grinning at them both. “Oh, you guys are fun,” she says, and Kara and Alex smile in unison.

…

…

Kara slowly walks up to the Daxamite and punches in the code to unlock the cage. He’s confused, rightly so when Kara walks in to stand beside him and sticks out her hand, introducing herself as Kara Zor-El. It’s been so long since she has introduced herself that way, that the words jumble a bit in her mouth. _Oh,_ that stings.

“I misjudged you,” she presses on. “You didn’t do anything to try and hurt the President, and I’m sorry that I just assumed that it was you.”

He’s wary, but he shakes her hand and introduces himself anyway. When he asks about his home planet, Kara swallows thickly and motions for him to sit down. She doesn’t know how to tell him the news; there is no way to do it that won’t hurt, that won’t change his entire life, permanently. So, she just tells him the truth, as gently as she can.

And just like that, another person’s entire world is dead and gone. He shakes with it, jerking away from the hand that Kara tries to lift out to comfort him, and she gives him a few hours to himself to process the news. Then she goes off to find Winn, and the two of them drag him into the training room to see what kind of powers he has under a yellow sun. Distractions are always helpful, Kara’s learned.

But, the world ticks on all the same, unrelenting, and Kara leaves shortly after Alex to find an alien—all signs pointing towards being murdered by another alien. It makes no sense, Ivalia is a peaceful utopia, for him to have been fighting is odd. Kara manages to say as much, then can’t get another word in edgewise between Alex and Maggie. They finish each other’s sentences; volleying theories back and forth so quickly, it’s like they’ve known each other much longer than barely a few weeks.

“Well,” Kara looks back and forth between them, “seems like you two have got it handled.” Alex doesn’t even acknowledge that she’s spoken before she leaves.

Kara doesn’t really know what to say to that, so she heads off to work.

Snapper, per usual, is less than impressed with Kara’s pitch about the murder. She lies and says that she has a police scanner to explain away the information, but Snapper doesn’t even look up at her. He _does_ list all of the things that she has forgotten to do, and yell at her about baking until she flees the room.

It’s just… reporting is so much _harder_ than she thought that it would be, and Kara was pretty sure going in that it was going to be really hard. She can’t help second guessing herself. Making mistakes on something that you’re new to doing is inevitable, but god, does Snapper have to be so harsh about it all of the time?

_Is he right? Can she hack it?_

She’s not proud of it, but sometimes, she talks to the holo of her mom. It’s all kinds of embarrassing and she’s _never_ told Alex about it, but sometimes, just seeing her, hearing her voice—even stilted like this—makes her feel a little better. A little less lonely.

Mon-El finding her, mid conversation about her new job only serves to make her even more jittery and on edge. She _should_ be helping him acclimate to this planet. Of all people, she knows what he is going through right now but… the sting of losing Krypton creeps up in unsuspecting ways enough in her day to day life, and now, his planet is gone too. Her parents _knew_ the end of the world was coming, and they shuffled their child off to safety and let two planets worth of other children burn. Mon-El’s whole world is gone, and Kara can’t help but feel just a little bit responsible for that. She doesn’t want to deal with him—doesn’t want to think about any of this.  

It’s beyond selfish. And for possibly the first time in her life, a little part of her understands Clark’s absence in her early life on Earth.

She doesn’t have time to dwell on _that_ thought without flaying herself open right now either, and she brushes Mon-El off and all but runs down the hall away from him. Thankfully, Alex calls her for backup, a perfect distraction.

Kara lands down hard in the middle of a warehouse only to be surrounded by people in masks. She glances around and realizes that she’s landed in the middle of… an alien fighting ring? The one woman without a mask, clad in a slinky red dress, tattoos covering her body lets out a snake-like smirk at the sight of Kara. “The Girl of Steel,” she calls out, taunting the crowd. Kara looks to her left and tries to find Alex in the sea of faces, but a hand is on her shoulder, pulling her back with such force that Kara doesn’t have time to think about anything else. Not the crowd, apparently screaming for her blood, not Alex, not J’onn’s hopeful new friend—nothing but an impossibly huge alien, trying to pummel her into the cement.

Vaguely, Kara hears two gunshots and a voice that sounds like Maggie Sawyer yell out, “Police!” but she can’t concentrate on it. The wind is knocked out of her so hard that Kara can’t breathe, can’t move, and _shit,_ if she dies in here right now, Alex is going to kill her.

There’s more gunshots, rapid fire, and the alien is stalking over her, the look on his face plain to see that he is absolutely willing and ready to finish her off. And, _wow_ is he big. She is absolutely going to die right now. Then, he is just… gone. Kara struggles to breathe, to try and move, and then, Alex is above her. Crouching down and cradling Kara, looking impeccable in a deep blue dress. Kara’s brows wrinkle together in confusion at that. It’s been so long since she’s seen Alex dressed to the nines that it’s a bit startling. Her face full of worry, that is far more common, and though _every_ part of her body hurts right now, and she’s not _really_ okay, she knows that she _will_ be. Kara quickly makes a joke to reassure Alex. “I hope… too many people didn’t bet on me,” she says, trying to catch her breath.

Alex’s face relaxes a bit, and Kara lets out a heavier sigh of relief.

…

…

**x. my guilty heart behaves so foolishly**

Lena’s office door bursts open. She blinks and looks up to see Kara Danvers, Jess right on her heels, panting and apologizing profusely. “I’m sorry Miss Luthor,” she glares at Kara. “I told her that she can’t just come right up here.”

“I’m sorry, Lena, it’s my fault,” Kara is quick to take the blame away from Jess. Lena remembers that Kara was Cat Grant’s assistant for years before she became a reporter. She smiles.

Jess lets out a breath, “She’s so fast,” she glances back at Kara, something like awe on her face. It quickly morphs into panic as she turns back towards Lena. Lena doesn’t know how to assure the girl that she is not about to be fired at any moment—she’s been nothing but dedicated and hardworking, but she’s terrified of Lena.

“It’s fine Jess,” Lena rises out of her chair. She takes a split second to study Kara, remembers sitting on the couch with her only a few days ago, being more open with her than Lena’s been with _anyone_ since Lex’s trial. There’s something about Kara’s face that gives off an air of trustworthiness—incredibly dangerous—especially for someone like Lena, who cannot trust _anyone._ Sometimes, not even herself. And yet, she doesn’t want that to be her life anymore. She did say this move to National City was supposed to be a fresh start, didn’t she? She opens her mouth and says, “Will you make a note downstairs that Kara Danvers is to be shown up right away whenever possible?”

Kara blinks, Jess blinks, and Lena realizes the full weight of exactly what it is that she’s just said. Unfettered access to a reporter; _god_ if her mother ever finds out she’ll flay Lena alive on the spot.

“Really?” Kara asks, her voice full of shock.

She’s said it now, it’s not something she that can just go back on, certainly not seconds after she has said it. So, Lena locks eyes with Kara, and nods. Kara’s hand rests awkwardly at her hip as she glances back and forth between Jess, exiting the room, and Lena’s face. “Thank you,” she says, still sounding unsure.

Lena takes the opportunity to sit back down at her desk, and smiles confidentially up at Kara. “Now, what can I do for you?”

Kara plays with her hands, shifting her weight around and looking deeply uncomfortable. She needs a favor then, of course. “I think… a friend of mine has gotten involved with something shady.”

“A friend?” Lena asks, not trying to hide the disbelief in her tone. She’s not sure what kind of shady thing Kara’s managed to twist herself up in, but god, at least she could own up to it while asking if Lena can help her.

“No, an actual friend,” Kara corrects, no hint that she is lying, or trying to cover up anything. Lena’s become quite adapt at picking up on those signs over the years. “Now he’s missing,” she adds, moving over to stand right beside Lena’s desk. “Do you know of a woman named Veronica Sinclair? She um, caters to people in… your, um, circles.”

Lena swivels a bit in her chair. Kara is trying so hard not to say anything demeaning towards Lena it’s almost painful. She rolls her eyes a bit. “Tight dresses, tattoos like Lisbeth Salander? Yeah,” Lena snarls. “I know Roulette,” she presses her lips together tightly at the memory. “We went to boarding school together, I never liked her.”

An understatement if there ever was one. Veronica Sinclair kissed her before winter break their freshman year, then turned around and told everyone that Lena had groped her when they all got back to school. She spent the rest of her first year in England being taunted and ostracized. Only the summer break with Lex, telling her they could all fuck right off, and Lena could do better than Veronica Sinclair anyway, had finally made her go back the next fall with her head held high.

“I need to find her,” Kara says, desperation in every cadence of her voice. “I wouldn’t ask if I had any other option,” she says, and Lena… believes her. There have been many, _many_ people who’ve asked her for favors over the years. Luthors have things, know things, that people will do a hell of a lot to get at. At least 95% of the people who’ve been in Lena’s life have wanted something from her because of her last name. But Kara looks desperate for a different reason. Looks _at_ Lena for a different reason, it’s easy to see. It’s surprising to see; she doesn’t want Lena to fix things for her, doesn’t want her money, or her sway, she just… wants an address that Lena happens to already know. It’s intriguing and surprising enough for Lena to scribble down the address onto a piece of paper, get up from her desk, and walk right into Kara’s personal space. The relief on Kara’s face is immediate, and she takes the slip of paper like it’s something precious. What a thing, Lena thinks, to be cared for this much by Kara Danvers. Whomever her friend is, he sure is lucky. Lena can’t think of a single person who would go searching for her the way that Kara is now if they didn’t have a monetary stake in her wellbeing.

Not anymore.

“Thank you,” Kara breathes, locking eyes with Lena. “I owe you, big time.”

“Not at all,” Lena says, like it’s casual, instead of a precious thing. Owed favors come in handy, Lex taught her that very early. Kara holds her gaze for a beat longer before nodding her head, and running out the door as quickly as she came in.

Lena moves to sit back down at her desk. It’s late, and she should _really_ be getting home soon. Everything that is on her desk are all things that can technically wait until morning. She calls out to Jess to head on home, and moves to answer a few more emails before packing up her things and heading out herself.

On the way home, she doesn’t think about what exactly it is that Kara Danvers, cub reporter thinks she is going to do with that address. She knows the type of people that Roulette has in her employ, and what they are capable of. None of them will think twice about scaring off a young reporter who’s sniffing around where she doesn’t belong.

It takes Lena even longer to fall asleep than usual, and it usually takes her a very long time.

…

…

Lena wakes up late (after seven) for the first time in _months,_ and shoots off a quick text to Jess informing her that she doesn’t need to come in until ten. She jumps in the shower, allowing herself to indulge in the warm water for much longer than she generally grants, and takes her time getting dressed. By the time that she’s up and functional, she turns on the news, makes herself some coffee, and is just digging into some yogurt and berries when an article from CatCo catches her eye. Roulette’s alien ring has been found out, and Kara Danvers got the scoop.  

She called in Supergirl.

A recently acquired, but still familiar mixture of dread and awe bubbles up from inside of Lena as she reads Supergirl’s words in Kara’s article. She’s proud, much more than she ever would have thought, at Kara’s first front page scoop, but every time that Lena is confronted with a Super, she gets a heavy weight in the pit of her stomach. It’s unavoidable, it would seem, though, Lena hasn’t exactly tried to do anything but avoid them both at all costs. Perhaps, it’s long past time for a different approach.

Lena sends off a quick congratulatory text to Kara, then quickly finishes eating her yogurt and gathers her things. As she heads off to work, Kara’s words, and Supergirl’s image cut intermittently through her thoughts.

It might not end up being her most productive of mornings.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoo boy, this took forever, apologies! (i started anther supercorp fic... bc i am weak. so i'll be alternating chapter updates for a bit, sorry bout that. you can yell at me for it over at [tumblr](http://banrions.tumblr.com) if you feel so inclined.) thank you very much to kapow crew for brainstorming ideas, and cheerleading. 
> 
> we are starting to deviate from canon now folks, everyone wave goodbye to mon-el.

**xi. i’ve been desperately trying to belong (pt. 1)**

Kara takes Mon-El to Metropolis. Much to Snapper’s disdain, she uses her _one_ allotted personal day for the next three months and extends them a long weekend out of National City.

Clark greets her when he opens his apartment door with a beaming smile and an almost crushing hug. “I missed you,” he says. “Didn’t expect to see you again so soon, though. It’s a welcome surprise.” He ushers them both inside, shaking Mon-El’s hand and introducing himself. Clark has no memories of Krypton, and certainly none of Daxam, but there are enough files in the Fortress for him to look at Mon-El curiously. Checking Kara over in such a way that she _knows_ is him making sure that she is alright, because she’s seen that look on Alex’s face hundreds of times. It does something fluttery and warm to her heart, to see it displayed on Clark’s face now. “So, no flying then?” he jokes, moving to get them all some coffee.

“Ah, no. Kara had to… um, football carry me?” he whispers towards Kara, “Is that right?”

She nods, and accepts the coffee mug from Clark with a smile of thanks. It belongs to Lois. Kara knows that Clark would never buy anything for himself with their family’s crest on it—but Lois finds it entirely too amusing to stock up on Superman memorabilia every once in a while. Kara turns the mug so that the symbol is out of her sight and sips her coffee slowly. She has never quite felt comfortable with her family’s crest being displayed on things as commonplace as t-shirts and mugs, notebooks, pens, lunchboxes, jewelry, and all manner of things. Once, in her junior year of high school, after Alex graduated, Bobby Callahan pretended to jerk off into his girlfriend’s Superman travel mug in the middle of the cafeteria; Clark had just had his first major (and highly public) fight with Lex, and many of Kara’s classmates found the idea of Lex Luthor embarrassing Superman to be incredibly amusing. Even though Bobby was almost immediately shuffled off to detention for lewd acts, Kara had felt angry, hot tears in her eyes for the rest of the day, and the incident only reaffirmed how uncomfortable she was with people commodifying something so sacred to her.

Kara has become less bothered by it over the years, especially now, when she sees her symbol making little girls smile proudly, but there is always still a little jolt of surprise whenever she sees something as domestic as a coffee mug bearing _El mayarah._

“Where’s Lois?” Kara asks.

“Work,” Clark motions for them both to sit. “Perry called her in for some last minute addition to the article she’s been working on. She should be done in a few hours,” he smiles at Kara. “She’s excited to see you.”

“Me too,” Kara shifts, pulling one leg up underneath her. “So, Winn got Mon-El set up with a fake id, social security number and the like,” she looks over at Mon-El, sticking his tongue down into the coffee warily and grimacing before pushing it away from him. “We’re calling him Mike,” she says. “And, I’ve talked to James, and I think I can get him a job at CatCo!”

“Really?” Clark looks between the two of them. “What sort of work did you do on Daxam?” he asks.

“I didn’t,” Mon-El frowns, looking at Clark as though this should be obvious. “I’m the prince.”

Kara fights back the urge to roll her eyes. Mon-El has shown… less enthusiasm for blending in than she would like. He won’t wear the glasses that she gave him, or the cardigans she that borrowed from Winn; he says they made him look unattractive and bland. Winn had gasped dramatically in disagreement on both of their behalf’s.

“Well, I’m sure that you’ll enjoy working at CatCo,” Clark says good-naturedly. He shares a look with Kara over Mon-El’s head, and she has to clamp down a giggle. “Anyway, I thought that Kara and I could maybe show you around Metropolis for a bit? Then Lois can join us for dinner somewhere when she’s done?”

“That sounds lovely,” Kara says. “Thanks Clark.”

Clark’s arm loops gently around her shoulders, and he pulls her in for a quick squeeze as they shuffle back out of the apartment. “Anytime,” he grins.

…

…

Mon-El starts telling a barista his social security number while Kara and Clark both roll their eyes and talk over him quickly in a Starbucks.

“I memorized that fake number for nothing?” he groans, as Kara all but yanks him out to the sidewalk.

“Not fake!” she quips, at the barista’s confused frown. “Thank you so much! Have a wonderful day!”

“Um,” Clark fidgets with his glasses. “How ‘bout we try a museum?”

“Yes!” Kara cheers, looping her arm with Mon-El’s and directing him out of people’s way—they don’t need another little old lady incident. “You’ll love it. And it will be very informative. Perfect idea Clark!”

…

…

Security bans all three of them less than five minutes in.

“I told you _not to touch anything,_ ” Kara hisses, giving the man a weak, apologetic smile as he opens the door and points them outside. “It’s against the rules.”

“That seems stupid,” Mon-El shrugs casually.

Kara and Clark share another look. “Bookstore?” Clark offers.

…

…

Mon-El declares loudly that English is much more confusing and intelligent than Daxam, and that he has no interest in learning how to read it.

They don’t spend much time in the bookstore.

…

…

He breaks the turnstile on their way into the subway, and Kara and Clark both panic accordingly.

Kara texts Alex furiously, wondering just _how_ she was able to deal with this when Kara first came to Earth, and if she could please pull a few strings _as soon as possible_ and maybe make sure that they don’t have to pay a fine, or go to jail for breaking public property?

 **[Alex 12:19p.m.]** _Don’t make me come to Metropolis,_ is all that Alex texts back, but the security guard’s phone rings not five minutes later, and he lets them go. Albeit grumpily.

 **[12:27p.m.]** _I love you. I love you so much._ Kara texts Alex as she and Clark drag Mon-El out of the subway.

 **[Alex 12:31p.m.]** _I’m serious. If that twerp exposes you, I will kill him._

Kara doesn’t doubt that for a second. She’s really going to have to keep an eye on him. “Maybe, let’s go see if Lois is free for food now?” she offers.

“Oh, _finally_ ,” Mon-el groans. “I’m starving.”

“You,” Kara rounds on him. “Should have apologized for breaking that, instead of yelling at him.”

Mon-El doesn’t look ashamed or particularly sorry.

Clark wraps his arm around Kara again as they walk down the street. “At least he’ll accidentally break less things while he eats,” he whispers.

“One can only hope,” Kara laughs.

…

…

Lois Lane, is a force of nature.

Kara, has a complicated mix of emotions about the woman, same as with Clark. Kara loves her, because it’s nearly impossible not to, with that crooked bright smile directed at you. But, she is also a small part of the reason why Clark gave Kara to the Danvers when she first arrived on Earth.

Not that — not that Kara blames Lois, exactly. She did, once. She showed up at their apartment door at seventeen, after a particularly nasty fight between Alex and Eliza that had felt so much like Kara’s fault that her whole body hurt. She’d screamed in Lois’s face, angry tears in her eyes, and Lois had stood there and taken it all. She listened to Kara. She never once interrupted—which was so surprising that Kara had stalled out, unable to continue on with her rant. Lois had given her a small smile then, and directed her over towards the sofa, moving to make them both some tea. When she sat down beside Kara, she looked young, maybe for the first time ever. Everything about her had always felt larger than life and impossibly self-assured, but, she was only twenty-six, then. Only a year older than Kara, now.

“I’m sorry,” she’d whispered, gazing down at her tea. “I think… I think part of me knew, that you needed him more,” she looked up and steeled herself, her eyes not leaving Kara again for the rest of the night; forcing herself to face her, no matter how much she did, or didn’t want to. “More than just _someone,”_ she ran a hand through her long dark hair. “I don’t think he got that. It’s — to him, he thought that he was doing the best thing for you. Giving you a family. He only grew up here, and I don’t think — I _know_ that he doesn’t understand. That it was _him._ It was a Kryptonian, that you needed. Not just a family.”

Kara had choked out a sob then, because, as much as she felt it, she’d never been able to articulate it. _Still isn’t, not really._ Lois had scooted over then, setting her mug down on the magazine stand and wrapping Kara up into her arms, holding her tightly and rubbing her back. She didn’t say anything else—another surprise—just held Kara until she’d calmed down and their tea was cold.

“I’m sorry,” Kara wiped at her eyes.

“Nah kiddo, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for,” Lois assured her. “He’s probably pulling an all-nighter, Perry’s been on his ass the last few days, but he’ll be back in the morning and then we can—”

“No,” Kara insisted. “I don’t – I’m okay now.”

Lois frowned at her deeply, not buying it for a second. “Bullshit.”

“I… I’m too tired,” Kara said. What she should have said was _I’m too scared,_ but she could tell, from the way that the frown on Lois’s face deepened even further, that she understood anyway. 

Her mouth twitched, she clenched her jaw, and Kara panicked at the familiar sight, ready to bolt if Lois forced the issue. But, she finally just let out a heavy sigh. “Does Eliza know where you are?” she asked. Kara shook her head, ashamed that she didn’t even think to leave a note. “Okay,” Lois nodded. “So, we need to call her and let her know that you’re sleeping here—that’s not up for discussion, it’s past one. I’m not putting a teenage girl on a bus back to Midvale in the middle of the night—super strength or not,” she pulled a smile, ruffling Kara’s hair a little in a way that felt loving, not annoying. “Besides, I sleep better cuddled up next to a personal heat blanket Kryptonian anyway.”

Kara laughed, for the first time in hours.

“Though, I promise that I won’t be offended if you ditch me for the couch. It’s not as comfortable,” she warned. “Clark has a hard time sleeping on it, cause he like—feels the lumpiness more than I do or whatever, but it’s all yours if you want it.”

“Lois,” Kara croaked out, “I — can you please not tell him?”

Lois looked at her for a long moment, face unreadable, her heart rate steady enough that Kara knew she was keeping herself calm on purpose. “I can, if that’s still what you want in the morning. But, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I think you two need to talk about it.”

“I — just,” Kara felt more tears coming on, and she pressed her palms tightly against her eyes to stop them from falling.

“Okay kiddo,” Lois said softly, pulling her back into a hug. “Okay.”

Kara fell asleep listening to Lois’s steady heartbeat, and woke up tucked into her arms, Lois’s hair in her face. They had eaten breakfast together quietly, then Kara left to get on the early bus back to Midvale. Lois promising not to tell Clark that she’d showed up, visibly unhappy about it.

Neither of them have brought that night up to each other since, and Lois has kept her promise for almost eight years now. Kara has never even told Alex.

Lois greets her now with a fierce hug and a wet, smacking cheek kiss. “Hey kiddo,” she beams, pushing Kara out in front of her to get a better look. “I’m so proud that you’re following in my footsteps.”

“Um,” Clark frowns. “I, too, am a reporter. She could be following in mine.”

Lois laughs at him, smacking him in the chest and doubling over, before she pulls Kara back into her side and directs them all out of the Planet. “Not a chance in hell Smallville,” she teases. “I’m the one with the Pulitzer.”

They walk down the street, Lois, focusing the majority of her attention on Kara, rather than Mon-El. Though, her reporter instincts kick in the moment that they sit down at the restaurant, and she fires questions out at him while they eat. If Kara thought Clark was a great reporter, it’s even more astounding to see Lois at work. She puts people at ease with little to no effort, complimenting them, and making them feel like they’re just having a conversation. All the while, her eyes are sharp, and she’s clocking every single detail. Directing the conversation, and before you even know what’s happening, she’s pulled more information out of you than you’ve even realized.

No wonder she drives Cat crazy.

Mon-El looks a bit like he’s been put through the ringer. Lois is the first person to actually ruffle his cocky demeanor, and it’s satisfying. Petty, very possibly, for Kara to think that, but it _is._

Kara watches Lois and Clark; the easy way they trade affection for each other, familiar, built up from years of being partners and friends, and then slipping into what they are now, as if it were always inevitable. Kara swallows thickly, thinking about James, and wondering if maybe she’s made a mistake. If maybe she should have kept trying, even if it felt different than she had expected it to. Even if it didn’t feel the way Clark had described. They haven’t _really_ given it a try, have they? Kara shouldn’t just… abandon something, someone, so important to her without trying to do everything in her power to make it work.

She pulls out her phone while Lois and Clark have Mon-El distracted, and shoots off a quick text to James. Just saying hello, making a joke about Lois, just to say something.

He answers back within a few seconds, now that he’s taken over Cat’s position, his phone is nearly always attached to him.

 **[James 1:47p.m.]** _Glad you’re having fun. Tell them I say hello, and I miss them._

Kara looks up, watching Lois and Clark again, and trying to imagine James sitting beside them; the third in their little trio for years. She imagines what it would be like, to have James here with her now, his arm slung around her like Clark’s is around Lois, joking and eating together.

It’s not a bad image, but there isn’t really a tug of longing for it.

 **[1:52p.m.]** _Mon-El’s getting the full Lois Lane treatment,_ she types to him. _Wish you were here to see it._

The typing bubble sits for a few minutes, and Kara keeps tapping at the screen to keep it from shutting off. Finally, James answers.

 **[James 2:03p.m.]** _Next time, maybe._

Kara sighs, sending back a smiley face and clicking her phone off. Directing her attention back into the conversation, she catches Lois’s eye, and it’s far too sharp and knowing for her liking. She straightens up, laughing too loudly at something that Mon-El says and very much ready for bed.

Thankfully, Lois and Clark have upgraded to a larger apartment since the last time Kara spent the night here, and they have a guestroom now. There is an awkward beat where Kara thinks that Mon-El is going to try and make a suggestive comment about the two of them sharing the bed, but something in her face must make him think better of it. Kara is too exhausted to bother making any sort of conversation, and she drops down onto her side of the bed heavily, closing her eyes and almost immediately falling asleep.

She wakes the next morning before Mon-El, still out cold on the other side of the bed, and slips out into the bathroom as quietly as she can, leaving him to sleep as long as he needs. She remembers sleeping in much longer when she first arrived on Earth, her body slowly getting used to the change in gravity, the smell of the atmosphere.

She finds Clark in the kitchen—a much earlier riser than Lois—cooking some eggs. “Morning,” he grins at the sight of her. “Coffee’s in the pot,” he nods towards it.

“Thanks,” Kara pads over and pulls a mug out of the cabinet—choosing a generic blue one, rather than her mug from yesterday.

“Did you sleep okay?” Clark asks.

“Yep,” Kara lifts herself up onto the counter beside the coffeepot. “Luckily, Mon-El doesn’t kick or hog the covers. I forgot he was even there until I woke up.”

Clark laughs, pushing some of the eggs into a large pile on a plate and moving to crack some more. He hands Kara the plate and some hot sauce, and she lifts her legs to pull the silverware drawer open from beneath her, grabbing herself a fork. 

“So,” Clark says, after a beat. “He’s… charming.”

Kara wrinkles up her nose. “I don’t know if that’s how I’d describe him.”

“Well, _nice_ doesn’t really cover it,” Clark scrambles the eggs. “And I don’t want to call him cocky, because I don’t really know him all that well.”

Kara snorts. “I think you can safely call him that anyway. I do,” she shovels some more eggs into her mouth, the plate nearly empty.

“Is he staying at the DEO?” Clark asks, passing over a piece of bacon to Kara.

She takes a bite before answering. “Right now, yeah. I guess I’ll probably help him look for an apartment when we get back. Once I talk to James again about a job for him.”

Clark puts more bacon and eggs into the four frying pans and looks over at her. “How’s that going?” he asks, carefully. “You and James?”

Kara’s hand tightens around the plate. “I ended it. We — we’re friends. It’s a little awkward. But, now I…” Kara sets her plate down beside her and pulls the hair tie off of her wrist, bending over and tugging her hair up into a bun. “What if I made a mistake?” she whispers. “What if I didn’t really try hard enough? If I just dismissed it because it didn’t feel the way that I thought it would. I mean, it’s not fair to him—to keep going back and forth and questioning that—but what if I messed up my chance in having a partner? I mean, James _knows_ me. Kara, me. Supergirl, me. And, we respect each other, and care about each other, and what if that is enough, and I screwed it all up?”

Clark turns two of the burners off, the other two down low, and turns towards her, placing his hands on her knees firmly. Pushing down and grounding her till she meets his eye. “One thing I’ve learned, is that it’s never too late to try and fix a mistake. I mean, you being here right now, us talking like this, that’s proof of that if nothing else.”

Kara inhales sharply. They don’t talk about this, not ever. Not bluntly. She doesn’t think that she can get into that right now, too. Clark must sense this, because he just squeezes her knees and presses on, shifting the conversation back to James.

“James is a great guy, and yes, I think that you two could be good for each other,” he turns back to the food, flipping some of the bacon over. “But, just because it _could_ be good, doesn’t mean that it will, or that it has to. I think that settling for something that _might_ be right because you’re scared isn’t fair to James or to you,” he meets Kara’s eyes again. “I think you knew that, and it’s why you ended it,” he shrugs. “Maybe it was a mistake, but it doesn’t have to be. James is your friend, and he isn’t going anywhere, and if it’s meant to happen—then I think it will.”

Kara considers his words while he finishes cooking breakfast. They both hear the moment that Lois wakes up, and she shuffles into the kitchen, noting the quiet and kissing Clark good morning as she passes by. Kara is still sitting next to the coffeemaker, and Lois shifts her way in between Kara and it, leaning into Kara a little as she lifts up on her toes and kisses her on the cheek wetly, grinning at the laugh that it pulls out of her.

Mon-El emerges not too long after that, and the four of them dig in, Kara helping herself to seconds, then thirds.

Police sirens go off as they’re lounging around the living room, nursing second and third cups of coffee, and Kara and Clark both jump up together, Lois rolling her eyes and chucking Clark’s suit at him from where it’s shoved between the couch cushions.

“Are you coming?” Kara asks Mon-El.

He frowns as everyone looks over at him, and then sighs, moving over and waiting for Kara to lift him up. “I guess.”

He’s not much help. Kara’s busy, but she sees him out of the corner of her eye. He’s not trained—not yet—but it’s more than that. He’s… uninterested. He knocks a man out, blocks a civilian from a flying chunk of debris, then sort of, hangs around waiting until Kara and Clark are done.

By the time they’ve flown back to Lois and Clark’s apartment, it’s well after lunch. Lois, bless her, has prepared for three hungry aliens to reappear, and bought out half of the restaurants who deliver within a two mile radius.

Kara stuffs her face, not bothering to change out of her suit, squished in between Lois and Clark on the couch happily. She wonders, briefly, what it would have been like if it had always been the three of them. No Eliza. No Jeremiah. _No Alex._ Instead, Clark. And Lois. And occasionally, the Kents. Lois reaches over her lap to swat at Clark for something he’s just said, his smile beaming as he dodges out of her way, Lois yelling out in frustration, grinning back at him just as widely.

“I hate you so much Smallville,” she says, but she’s laughing too much to even pretend to make it sound serious. She gives up trying to reach him and flops back, half of her lands on top of Kara and she sighs, trying to get control of her laughter as Clark like, dances around Mon-El, adding effect for his embarrassing story. “Why do I love him?” she whispers towards Kara. “He’s such a moron.”

“Yeah,” Kara grins, “I think that might have something to do with it.”

“Ugh, I’ll deny it if you ever repeat that.”

“How come you’re not married,” Kara asks, suddenly. “You two have been together basically the whole time that I’ve known you.”

“Wow, loaded question kid, usually Alex takes the blunt approach.”

“I’m sorry,” Kara backtracks quickly, “I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s fine,” Lois sits up a bit more, but she loops their arms together, not letting Kara pull away in a panic. “We’ve talked about it before. But more of in an, abstract, someday kind of way,” she shrugs, looking over at Clark and letting a soft smile fall onto her face. “I get the feeling it might end up happening soon, but it’s just… never felt urgent, or something we need to worry about,” she knocks her head down against Kara’s. “Why? You wanna be my maid of honor? Luce might get pissed.”

Kara laughs. “No, let Lucy have that,” she insists. “I’ll happily be a bridesmaid if you need me to though.” They’re both quiet for a minute, not paying Clark and Mon-El much attention. “How’s that going by the way?” Kara asks. “Have you heard from her?”

“Luce? Not really. You know we can’t all be as close as the Danvers sisters.”

Kara sighs, picking at the end of her cape until Lois swats her hand. “She loves you.”

“I know,” Lois’s face twists, not a frown, but not _not_ a frown either. “But it’s different, for us,” she looks lost for a moment, something that Kara has learned to associate with Lucy, her father, or her mother; Lois’s My Family Is Fucked Up and We Don’t Talk About It face. It drops after a beat, as it always does, and she turns her smile on to Kara. “Going rouge into a secret military operation didn’t exactly make her a _more_ frequent text-er,” she jokes.

“I know,” Kara lets out a small laugh. “I miss her.”

“Well, I’m sure she’ll resurface soon,” the face slips back, for a flash, before it changes into one Kara knows is full of pride. “She always does.”

“I hope so. I have enough abandonment issues,” she tries to joke, but her voice goes all raw, and she hears Lois’s breath catch. Feels her whole body freeze, the hairs on her arms go up against Kara’s suit, and the way her hands tighten around Kara’s arm as she tries to even out her breath.

“Kara, I—”

“It was just a joke,” Kara insists quickly, because it _was,_ it was just a terrible one.

Lois’s whole body somehow curls around her, a sensory overload that smells like coffee, the bergamot oil that Lois likes, and the coconut fragrance from her shampoo. She holds onto Kara tightly and doesn’t say anything, not when Clark looks over and notices them, his breath catching painfully, or when Mon-El teases them. She holds on.

Kara doesn’t mean to, but she meets Clark’s eye, and it’s more guilt than had been there while they were eating eggs this morning, and Kara just wants it all to _stop._ She wants everything to be fine, and everyone to be in love, and for nobody to leave, or be mad.

But it’s not fine.

Not yet.

Kara lets Lois hold her, and she keeps her gaze steady with Clark’s, and she _feels_ how much they love her, and, it’s not fine, but it’s _better._ It hurts less.

Her phone dings, and Kara reaches for it, sighing. “We’re gonna have to cut our visit a day short,” she announces. “Alex says there’s bad guys with like, alien technology or something.”

Clark looks worried. “Do you need me to come too?”

Kara waves him off, giving Lois one more squeeze before slipping out of her arms and rising up off the couch. “I think Mon-El and I can handle it for now,” she says, cheerfully. “But I’ll call you if that changes,” she promises. Clark nods, opening his arms and Kara sinks into them. His chin knocks into her temple, and he presses it there, breathing her in. Kara closes her eyes for a moment, then pulls away from him. “I’m really glad we came.”

“So am I,” he says. “I love you Kara.”

She grins. “I know. I love you too.”

…

…

**xii. oh, the songs people sing for hope**

Lena twists a small chunk of her hair between her fingers, not her best habit, but she’s frustrated. She replays the message from Cadmus again.

And again, and again, and again.

The moment it showed up on her screen, she’d jumped into action, cutting off a prominent member of the board and moving to record it with the system she’d configured onto her laptop weeks ago.

She watches again, as a corner of the new Children’s Hospital building collapses. Watches the technology—far more advanced than anything that Lena has ever even _heard_ of—blasts Supergirl directly in the chest. And the voice—it’s automated, changed, distorted, but… there is something familiar to it.

Lena knows she has heard that voice before, and that shakes her more than anything else.

She hits play, again. Then, she has an idea. “Jess!” she calls out, “could you please get the director to the Children’s Hospital on the phone?”

“She’s on line one,” Jess informs her, not a full minute later. “Do you need anything else?”

“Yes. I need you to start planning a gala for Friday night.”

Jess’s eyebrows go up, but that’s the only indication that Lena gets to her surprise. She nods, immediately typing away at her phone. “Usual caterers and venue?” she double checks.

“Yes, thank you,” Lena says to her retreating form. Jess nods, not turning around as she gets to work, and Lena, doesn’t know what she’d do without that girl as her assistant.

Lena picks up the phone, and squares her shoulders. It’s a little selfish, her idea. The press will benefit L-Corp—as things involving children’s causes are wont to do—and Lena is not above taking a certain amount of advantage of that. She’s pragmatic enough to admit that she needs it. It’s not the sole reason why she is doing it, not even remotely, but it _is_ an extremely convenient bonus. One that will only allow her to be able to continue doing more to help in the future.

So, she doesn’t spend much time dwelling on it, she just gets to work.

By the time that she’s hung up with the director, met with Jess, and finalized exactly what she needs for this to work, it’s well after lunchtime and Lena is starving. Her appetite has been mostly non-existent since Lex’s trial, so it’s a welcome change that she allows herself to indulge in.

She leaves the office. Jess blinks at her as she walks past, then drops her gaze right back down to her computer, making up the guest list and sending out invitations.

Lena enjoys the cool dip in temperature as she walks down the sidewalk, tugging her jacket around herself just a bit. She purchases a cup of coffee, and a blueberry bagel from a vendor who gives her a charming wink. No idea who she is and not a care in the world, beyond a happy customer. She beams back at him on instinct, and drops a hundred dollar bill into his tip jar when he isn’t looking. By the time that she’s worked it over in her mind enough to feel all of sixteen again and ridiculously nervous, she’s finished her meal, and is standing in CatCo’s lobby.

This, might just be the most selfish part of her plan entirely.

_Come on Ace, you’re allowed to be selfish every once in a while._

Lena swallows, and pushes that voice out of her head; Lex doesn’t get to have any sway over her decisions, not anymore.

She walks through CatCo, notes the layout of the offices and scans the room until she finds someone who is clearly an intern, and asks if they could direct her to Kara Danvers. Kara must be popular, the girl smiles at the sound of her name, and _god,_ she’s young. Lena isn’t even sure if she’s out of high school yet, but she stalks along with confidence, leading Lena down the hall and pointing Kara out to her.

She’s hunched over someone’s desk, shoving a man’s feet to the ground, and Lena doesn’t allow herself a moment of second guessing, she steels herself, and walks over.

“Kara?” she crosses her arms in front of her chest, a smile emanating onto her face once she meets Kara’s eyes. She’s surprised to see Lena, clearly, but she lights up at the sight of her, and it does terrible things to Lena’s nerves. “I’m, um, here to see _you_ actually,” Lena admits. “L-Corp is hosting a party this weekend. It’s a gala fundraiser for the Children’s Hospital after the horrific attack on their new building,” she takes a deep breath, and knows her smile might look just this side of desperate. “I was hoping that you’d come.”

The man at the desk rises, butting himself into the conversation. Kara shifts, sticking her arm out and blocking him from moving any closer to Lena.

“You, are _literally_ my only friend in National City,” Lena admits, hating how much it rings true. It might not even _be_ true. Perhaps Kara Danvers is just _nice._ Either way, she’s said it, and it’s too late to take it back now. “Most people wouldn’t touch a Luthor with a ten foot pole,” she bites at her lip, sighing as she looks down. She’s come this far, might as well lean into the painful honestly and desperation. “It would mean a lot to me if you were there.”

“Of course I’ll come,” Kara says, as if it’s nothing short of remarkable. “I’m honored.”

The man bends over. Lena had nearly forgotten him. “I love parties,” he laughs. “Can I come too?”

“No,” Kara tells him, instantly. Lena watches for a beat, curious at the way Kara glares at him a little and keeps herself between him and Lena. His face falls, and Lena wishes she had more time to inquire further, but she has a meeting at two p.m. that she might already end up being late for.

“If you friend wants to come that’s fine,” Lena offers. Honestly, the more bodies that she gets in the room, the more money they make. “What’s your name?”

“Mike,” he grins, “of the interns.”

Lena catches the sigh Kara lets out at that one. “Well,” she laughs. “Mike of the interns, get yourself a nice suit and I’ll see you there.”

Mike lifts up and down on his toes excitedly, brandishing a Twizzler. Kara lets out a small, huff of a whine, but turns her attention to Lena and smiles through it. Lena returns it, loathe to go back to work now, but she’s taken up enough valuable time already. “I’ll see you later Kara,” she says, walking back out of the string of offices, already texting Jess to stall the meeting until she can get back.

…

…

She hasn’t had time to herself in a lab in nearly two years. There is a certain sense of calm that settles onto her shoulders, hunched over with wires in her hands again, as music plays lowly in the background from her phone. It feels like her early days after grad school, staying back long after her shift was over, long after everyone else had gone home. Only Lex, or Aoife, her father’s former secretary and the most stable presence in LuthorCorp, the only people able to corral her into going home for the evening.

Her hair is pulled back into a low, lose ponytail, to keep it out of her way, and she’s got what has to be at least her ninth cup of coffee for the day, half full on the table to her right. There’s a noise that causes her to jump, but when Lena looks up, it’s only Jess, knocking on the door frame and brandishing a mug of tea, and a sandwich.

“I sent you home ages ago,” Lena chastises, setting a screwdriver down onto the table.

“I know,” Jess walks up and glances at Lena’s workstation, a complete mess, nothing like her office upstairs. “I ignored you,” she sets the mug down on the table and all but forces the plate with the sandwich into Lena’s hands.

Lena rolls her eyes, but accepts the food. She did skip dinner after all. Jess doesn’t move until Lena actually takes a bite, and then the tension in her shoulders loosens, just an inch. Lena feels impossibly guilty, and takes another, larger bite. “Assistants shouldn’t ignore orders to go home,” Lena teases, after a few more bites, and Jess has relaxed enough to study the contents of her work space.

“Bosses shouldn’t stay at work until after midnight,” she shoots back. Lena rolls her eyes. Jess has been blunt, efficient, and loyal since the day that Lena met her, not quite three years ago now. Lex had told her not to hire a sophomore. _She’s still in school Ace, she’s gonna burn out on you in a month. Then we’ll have to do this all over again._ Lena took one more look at the girl, just a week shy of her nineteenth birthday, smart as a whip and looking more determined than anyone else who had walked through the door. Everyone else had stumbled in the presence of a Luthor. Her fellow Harvard graduates in their pressed suits, glancing down at Lena’s breasts before meeting her eyes, smirking cockily at their list of references. The women who all had sneers, just in the corner of their lips as they drawled out the ‘L’ of her name, only excited about the tick on their resume, the elevation that could come from being close to a Luthor.

Jess hadn’t blinked. She walked through those doors as if she should already belong, Aoife, giving Lena a thumbs up from behind her. She met Lena’s eyes with a smile and a firm handshake, and she made her laugh. That, and Aoife’s approval, had sealed it for Lena. _I’ll barely need an assistant anyway,_ she insisted. _She can be part time and finish school._ Lex had rolled his eyes, but he was the first person to officially welcome Jess to LuthorCorp on her first day, and here they are nearly three years later, Lena hasn’t regretted her decision for a day.

“Don’t you have homework?” Lena asks, polishing off the sandwich. “Or sleep to be catching up on?”

“What wavelength are you running this on?” Jess asks instead.

Despite not regretting her decision to hire Jess, Lena’s trust issues have altered dramatically in the last year; she tenses at the question, taking a moment to sip her tea and decide how honest she wants to be right now. Jess picks up on it, because Jess picks up on everything.

“You should figure it out in the morning,” she says, heading towards the door after she snags the empty plate. “I called your driver, he’ll be here in fifteen minutes.”

“You shouldn’t have done that, it’s late.”

“Which is exactly why he should take you home,” Jess says, pointedly.

Lena relents. She has a meeting at eight a.m. anyhow, she might as well go get some sleep. If nothing else, Jess won’t leave until she does. “He’s dropping you off first,” she says, moving to collect her things.

Jess gives her a tired smile. “Yes, Miss Luthor.”

…

…

She doesn’t really have any other options, she reminds herself.

(It’s not _true,_ strictly speaking, but she can lie to herself about this if necessary.)

Kara Danvers lives in an old—1920s from the looks of it—well-kept, rent controlled apartment building. She either knows someone, or is extremely lucky. That, or Cat Grant pays her assistants far above the average. From everything that Lena knows about the woman, it wouldn’t exactly surprise her.

Kara greets her warmly, and Lena doesn’t quite know what to do with the way her entire body lights up at the sight of her. Kara ushers her inside. Lena quickly starts apologizing for dropping in on her again, when she stops in her tracks at the sight of a brunette woman standing in the middle of Kara’s apartment.

“Oh, I — um, I know you,” she says, hearing the strain to her voice; it’s just that it’s not how she expected it to be, like missing a step at the bottom of a staircase. “You saved my life,” she adds, trying to reign in control at the sight of the woman. It’s the agent. The one who’d knocked John Corbin to the ground before he could put a bullet in Lena’s brain, courtesy of her brother. (A fact that she _still_ can’t manage to wrap her head around, even after everything.)

The woman turns to her with a sharp, assessing look, but then she smiles. “Special Agent Alex Danvers, FBI,” she introduces herself.

Kara pops up at Lena’s side. “She’s my sister.”

Lena blinks between them both for a second, stopped in her tracks, and then she—well, it's not quite a blush, but it's not quite anything else. She closes her eyes, embarrassed, for half a second. “Oh,” says Lena. It's not her best recovery ever. “Guess this city is smaller than I thought,” she jokes. Alex crosses her arms, shifting her weight, and there’s a tension to her body language that Lena suspects has nothing to do with her, but that isn’t helping the situation much at all. “Well, then maybe you can both help me,” she says, barreling into it and trying to erase the last few moments from her memory. “Do you remember I told you about that alien fight club last week?” Kara nods. “Now it’s my turn to ask for a favor.”

“Anything,” Kara says. “Shoot.”

Dangerous words. Lena knows far better than to ever agree to a favor, without before knowing exactly what it is that you are agreeing to. Lionel made sure his children knew that before they could even read. Kara, might be far too trusting for her own good.

Hopefully that will work in Lena’s favor today. “I need to get in touch with Supergirl,” she admits, and the whole temperature of the room drops.

Kara quickly shoots a look to her sister, and Alex’s face does something sort of complicated and unreadable. Lena hasn’t spent enough time with her to pick up on what it means when her head tilts to the side like that, but Kara clearly knows. She straightens up, fidgeting with her glasses. “I… can probably arrange that,” she says, with a bright, if shaky smile.

Kara starts offering Lena water, or something to eat, and her sister shuffles into the background, like she’s accepted that Lena is staying now, and it’s so… odd. The way that they look at each other, at Lena; warm, matching smiles on their faces. Lena wants nothing more than to stay. Kara Danvers offers her blanket favors and means them. She writes kind, impressive articles on her, even when she disagrees with Lena. She agrees to come to a party, just so that Lena can have something resembling a friend there. There are more cars than people in National City, her father told Lena once. The Sunshine State, but here’s the thing: National City is sunny, but there’s not much warmth to be got around here, Lena’s found. Kara Danvers, just might be the exception to that, and it makes Lena feel a little like an empty glass, filling up.

…

…

Lena is finalizing some last minute details for her gala—Jess, thankfully listened when Lena told her to go home half an hour ago—when she hears a noise on her balcony. It’s a warm night, so she’s left the door open, the breeze doing more to cool the room than bothering with the AC. She whips around at the noise—still on edge, always now, it seems—and is met with the sight of Supergirl, hesitating politely outside. Her hands rest a bit awkwardly on her hips, only walking forward once Lena meets her eye and acknowledges her.

It’s unwelcome, the sharp little stab in her gut at the sight of the big red _‘S’_ emblazoned on her chest. The way that Lena’s mind immediately goes to its predecessor, pulling Lex around and holding his hands back, not roughly, just containing him as he screamed, and screamed, and screamed, and Lena couldn’t move as the police descended on all three of them.

Lena swallows, pushes the thought away and focuses on the woman in front of her instead. It’s only the second time she’s ever really seen Supergirl up close, since she pulled her helicopter down to safety. There’s a hesitancy to her movements, a wariness as she walks into Lena’s office and says, “You wanted to see me?”

Lena fidgets with her hands, hyper aware of the imbalance of power in this situation. It’s not a place she’s comfortable in, Luthors are used to being at the very top of the totem pole. “I wanted to invite you to my party,” she says, refusing to lean into her fear any further.

Supergirl walks past her, back turned, and Lena moves around her desk, leaning back against it. “Kara Danvers told me that you were going on with this fundraiser,” her back remains to Lena, and she hears the disapproval in her voice just before Supergirl lets it out. “You _can’t,_ ” she insists, finally turning around. “It’s definitely going to be a target for this gang.”

As if Lena could possibly be unaware of this fact. As if it isn’t actually, the entire point.

“That’s why I need you there to protect it. With Supergirl in attendance, I know my guests and I will be safe.” Guests safe, almost guarantee the gang will show up, along with the public proof that this Luthor has Supergirl’s approval.

“You like to take risks don’t you,” Supergirl studies her thoughtfully. “First with John Corbin, now this. Why?”

Against all of her instincts, Lena opens her mouth and tells the truth. “Well, you can’t live in fear,” she pushes off from her desk, and walks closer to Supergirl, as if proving her words. Consciously or not. Closing the distance between herself, and a woman with whom she has extremely complicated feelings about. “You more than anyone must understand that,” she adds. “Time and again you risk everything to see justice done. Is it so hard to believe that I might feel the same way?” there’s a plea to her tone, and Lena hates it. “Or are you one of those people who thinks there’s no such thing as a good Luthor?”

Supergirl isn’t looking at her anymore. Her arms crossed, but not defensively, almost as if she is aware of how much her presence affects Lena, and is trying to make herself seem smaller. Less imposing. It’s not worth the effort, Lena won’t ever forget what those hands are capable of.

“I believe that everyone should be judged on their own merits,” she says, meeting Lena’s eyes again.

“Then judge me on mine,” Lena asks. Begs, just a little. She’s not above it, not when she needs it this much. Not when she has nothing else left to lose. Not anymore. _Lex would be horrified._ “This party must happen, and I’m asking you for your help.”

Supergirl must believe her, or, she is merely trying to keep an eye on Lena. Either way, she lets out a sigh and says, “Well, then I guess I have no choice,” and Lena breathes out a sigh of relief.

She feels her mouth curl into an excited smile. “Great, so Kara and I will see you there?”

Supergirl’s eyes flash with panic, maybe. It’s there and gone so quickly that Lena thinks she must have imagined it, because then she is backing up, towards the balcony, and nodding. “Right, Kara and I will _both_ be at your party,” she agrees, a little stiffly. And then, she lifts up, and she’s gone, as quickly as she came.

Lena watches her fly away, and remains out on her balcony for a few minutes. Enjoying the night breeze, and the notion that every bit of her plan has fallen perfectly into place. She didn’t know, truly, if Supergirl would even consider ever helping her like this. It’s one thing, to pull a helicopter to safety, to kindly take a gun out of Lena’s shaky hands, it’s another, to come at Lena’s behest. She tries to flip their situations. Would she help Supergirl, if placed in her shoes? Superman, gone mad and murderous, Lex, the savior of humanity, and Lena and Supergirl, left to pick up the pieces and pick sides?

She doubts it.

She can’t even fathom it. She’s tried, over a hundred times to twist what happened to Lex into something different, something manageable. But there’s no point. The situation she is in, is the situation that happened, and no amount of speculation will ever change that. There isn’t much point in trying anymore, it only ever leads to more misery.

So, Lena watches Supergirl’s frame until she disappears, and allows the smallest bit of hope to flutter around inside of her chest.

…

…

**xiii. somewhere, a clock is ticking**

“I think I’ve got it handled,” Kara says into her phone, as she walks through the DEO and looks around for Alex. “But thanks for checking in Clark.”

“Working with a Luthor?” he asks, there isn’t judgement exactly, but there’s enough wariness to his tone to make Kara pause.

“All we’ve seen from her so far is that she’s different than her brother. You already admitted that,” she reminds him.

“Yeah,” there’s a light chuckle, and Kara can hear Lois yelling something muffled in the background. “I’m not—” he grunts and then laughs again, “—sorry, Lois is being impossible. Her article isn’t working right now.”

“You can do it Lois!” Kara cheers into the phone.

 _Fucking, fuck off,_ comes the response. Accompanied by a very long, very exaggerated groan. Kara laughs and catches sight of Alex.

“Alex says you can do it,” she holds the phone out and Alex frowns at her. “Tell Lois that she’s talented and amazing,” Kara orders, holding it up to Alex’s mouth. Per usual, a small blush creeps out onto Alex’s cheeks.

“You’re talented and amazing,” she parrots, her heart rate picks up and Kara frowns at her, but Alex just waves her off. “We’ll be ready as backup if you need it. I’ve already talked to J’onn. Bye Lois, Clark,” she directs towards the phone, then disappears.

She’s done that a lot in the last four days, and Kara, is _not_ having it anymore. As soon as this party is over, she and Alex are having a sister night. No Supergirl interruptions. No Mon-El interruptions. Just food, and tv, and cuddles, and talking.

Speaking of Mon-El… Kara looks up and sees him coming towards her, dressed to the nines in a very expensive looking suit. “Um, I’ve got to go Clark.”

“Anything I can help with?”

“No, it’s… no. I’ve got it. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay,” he agrees softly. “I’m hear if you need me.”

“I know,” she smiles and hangs up.

Her smile disappears within the first two minutes of their conversation. Kara walks away from Mon-El, biting her tongue and wanting nothing more than to scream. _Nothing_ that she says seems to get through to him. He avoids all responsibility at CatCo, sleeps with Tess at work, then uses her credit card to buy himself incredibly expensive suits for a party, not even bothering to apologize for his actions once they’ve been explained to him.

“I am trying to help you fit in,” she snaps, frustration and panic in her voice. If Mon-El exposes himself, it will only be that much worse for everyone. Kara and Clark included. Maybe it’s terribly selfish of her, but she’s worked _so hard_ to build her life here on Earth, and it’s not _fair_ for him to just casually disregarded all of that. “And you keep messing it up!”

“Okay,” he says, just as much frustration in his tone. “I’m trying very hard, to you know, be Mike. But it’s not as easy as you make it sound. I’m kind of used to doing my own thing.”

“Well, you don’t do your own thing, _here,_ ” she orders. “You do my thing,” she starts walking away before she says anything else that will only make this entire situation that much worse.  

“Um, okay,” he follows after her. “And if I don’t _want_ to do your thing?”

“Then you can find another mentor,” she snaps, hating herself just a little bit for it. This, is pretty much the exact _opposite_ of Alex’s advice to let Mon-El try to find his own way here on Earth, but she can’t help it. She knows that Mon-El isn’t a child, in need of guidance and a family, but he _does_ need her help.

It feels like her responsibility. She was sent here to help Kal, but…

She can make up for that with Mon-El.

She’s _trying_ to, anyway.

Kara softens, letting out a deep sigh and walking back over towards him. “I’m sorry,” she apologizes. “For snapping. I just — I’ve done this, and I can help you. If you’ll let me. You just, I have a life that I’ve built here. And it may not have really been what I initially wanted, or imagined it would be—but I want it _now._ And it means a lot to me.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Mon-El says. “But, we’re not the same person. I _like_ doing my own thing.”

Kara hears Winn come up behind them. They’ve got to go get ready for Lena’s party. They don’t have time to finish this conversation right now.

Winn claps his hands on both their shoulders, grinning between them. “We all look hot,” he says, eyes lingering on Mon-El. Kara rolls her eyes.

“I have to go get changed.”

“I’m going to go now,” Mon-El says. “I’ll meet you there.” He walks away before Winn or Kara can say anything in protest.

“I’ll wait for you,” Winn offers, cheerfully giving her a shrug and playing with the gadget in his hands. “Final details,” he taps at it, wiggling his eyebrows. “So, do you think we’ll get to see any L-Corp prototypes at this shindig?”

Kara steps into the bathroom and quickly changes into a dress while Winn leans against the wall and waits for her. “I doubt it,” she calls out to him. “It’s not really an L-Corp event, so much as an L-Corp helping the Children’s Hospital event,” she tugs her hair into an up do. “I think.”

“What’s she like?” Winn asks through the door. “Lena Luthor?”

Kara wrestles with a bobby pin. “Um, she’s… surprising.”

Winn peaks his head around the door. “That’s the best description you can come up with?” his hands are covering his eyes.

“I’m dressed,” Kara says, jamming another bobby pin into her bun. “I don’t know,” she admits. “It fits though. So does reckless, incredibly determined, and… I think lonely.”

“That’s — sad,” Winn settles on. Kara breaks the bobby pin accidentally against her head and groans. Winn rolls his eyes and grabs a new one, knocking her hands down and doing it for her.

“Yeah,” Kara sighs in relief when he gets the infuriating piece of hair to stay in place. “Thank you.”

“What are bros for, if not to perfect your hair as you go off to double agent a party for a friend slash potential enemy?”

“Friend,” Kara says, only sounding about half sure. Everyone else’s wariness towards Lena must be getting to her, because all of her instincts are telling her that Lena can be trusted.

Winn nods along anyway, and holds his arm out for her to take with a flourish. “Shall we?”

“Operation Doubtfire commences,” she agrees, and Winn beams.

…

…

**xiv. i’ve been to a marvelous party**

There are many odd things that being a child in a long line of royally fucked up businessmen trains you for, Lena has discovered. Luckily, one of them is wearing a classy dress and loitering awkwardly at a party at which you know essentially no one. Lena holds a flute of champagne, barely sipping at it, to avoid anyone asking her if she would like a drink, or to move in too quickly for hugs and air kisses. She hasn’t been to many of these, since Lex’s trial, and she finds herself rolling her eyes and turning to her right to mouth _old sport_ on instinct, twice, before she catches herself.

She chugs the flute of champagne then, and doesn’t pick up another for the rest of the night.

After making the necessary small talk with the director of the Children’s Hospital, and checking in quickly with Jess, Lena finds herself scanning the room for Kara. A friendly and familiar face would do well against the men hold up in the corner, sneering at her and wondering when she’s going to start posturing around like Lex. Her bother always did love a good show, and the LuthorCorp galas over the years were no exception to the rule.

If Supergirl would ever show up, they’ll hopefully get the show that they’re all edging for.

Finally, she hears Kara’s voice call out, “Lena!” and whips around.

“Kara,” she breathes happily, “it’s really great to see you. I’m glad you could come,” an understatement if she’s ever said one. Lena’s not sure if she’s ever been quite this relieved to see someone smile at her. But, she can’t allow herself to relax just yet. “Um, have you seen Supergirl?” she asks.

“I’m… sure she’s on her way,” Kara says, voice slightly louder than it needs to be. Before Lena can say anything else, a man knocks into her.

“Oh, I am so sorry,” he begins, holding his champagne flute out. “Did I get any on you?”

Lena moves to check; this dress did cost hundreds of dollars. But, before she can worry too much about it, Supergirl lands down in front of them both, and Lena forgets all about her dress.

“Supergirl, I’m glad you could make it.”

“I still think this might be a bad idea,” Supergirl warns, walking over to her. But, there isn’t any judgement to her tone, only concern.

Lena doesn’t bristle at her lack of faith, she’s in her element now: Luthors and secret plans, and parties. She feels a teasing grin play at her mouth. “Let’s just see how the evening pans out.” It gets her the tiniest of smiles, and _oh,_ she’s starting to enjoy herself much more than she had been a few minutes ago.

“I’ll check the perimeter,” Supergirl says, backing up from Lena. “And I’ll let you know at the first sign of danger.”

Before Lena can say anything else, she flies into the air, and half her guests gasp at the sight. Lena watches along with them. It’s impossible, not to be in awe of a person who can fly, even if you’re actively trying. Even Lex always paused to watch Superman fly into the air.

There’s a rush of air, and then Lena hears Kara sigh behind her. “Kara,” she turns around, wondering where she had just run off to. “You just missed Supergirl.”

“Did I?” Kara huffs, like she’s out of breath. “Golly.”

Lena frowns, turning around to look at Kara. _Golly?_ She doesn’t think that she’s ever actually heard a real person say that word out loud. She's rewarded by a bright, startled smile from Kara and can’t help but laugh. “Well, there’s plenty of food if you’re hungry,” she offers, noticing Jess waving for her attention. “I’ve got to mingle a little bit more, but I’ll find you again in a few minutes?”

“Sounds great!” Kara beams. “Point me towards the food and I’m good to go.”

She doesn’t appear to be kidding, because when Lena catches sight of her in the crowd, nearly ten minutes later, Kara is stuffing about five potstickers into her mouth unabashedly. Lena wishes she could be that carefree. She tries to get back to Kara three separate times, only to be pulled away by someone else. The next time that she catches sight of her, she’s dancing with that man from work, Marty, or something. Lena recognizes the familiar smack of jealousy for what it is, but doesn’t have any time to unpack it when there is a blast of energy through the middle of the crowd, and people start screaming.

 _Showtime,_ as Lex would say.

The leader slinks up to Lena, brandishing his gun and a cocky smirk. Lena gives him one right back. “Oh, you picked the wrong party to crash,” she sneers.

“I don’t think so,” he reaches out and rips her necklace right off with a painful tug, but Lena doesn’t give him the satisfaction of responding to it as he turns and taunts the crowd. She hears Supergirl call out to him, and runs towards the stage as the fight begins to break out.

She ducks down and crawls underneath, where her invention has been hidden since before the band set up around three. She crouches down on her knees and pulls out a flashlight, people’s shouts of fear ringing out in her ears. She slams down on the power button, but nothing happens.

“Shit,” Lena mutters. “Shit, shit, shit,” she tugs at the wires, looking for what could have gone wrong. Everything seems to be connected properly. There’s another large crash, far closer this time, and Lena drops the wire that’s in her hand in surprise. “Get yourself together,” she hisses, and picks it back up. Then, someone rolls underneath the stage with her, and Lena snaps. “Do you mind?”

“Oh,” he crawls over towards her. “Wait, is that a black body field generator?” he asks, curiosity and awe in his voice.

Lena doesn’t spare him much of a second glance. “It will be, if I can get it working.”

She feels him crawl closer, hunched over like her, staring down at the generator, then back up at her. “This whole party, you set a trap for these guys?” the awe in his voice grows.

“Yeah,” she snaps in frustration, “a trap that will _fail_ unless I can get this operational.”

“Uh, okay,” he looks down at it, snapping to attention. “So if the black body is in equilibrium with the alien weapons, then it will absorb the electromagnetic radiation and shut them down, this is _genius,_ ” he groans, shaking her arm a little in excitement. Lena decides that she likes him. Whomever he is. But she pulls her arm away from him all the same.

“I know — I know but the frequency and the wavelength, they’re a _match,_ so…” she trails off, she doesn’t know _why_ it isn’t working. But then, it clicks. “The induction coil,” they both say at the same time. He’s smart, this excited, jittery man, Lena will give him that. She quickly pulls out the coil, fixing it to the proper spot, and takes a breath.

“Punch it,” he says, excitedly, and Lena does.

The affect is almost immediate. A blast of energy shoots out around them, and then they hear another crash, followed by silence. Lena crawls out from underneath the stage after the man to be met by all of her guests, and Supergirl, starting at her.

“Oh, no,” the man mumbles. “We weren’t… under there, we,” he grins, holding two thumbs up. “We stopped it!” he announces cheerfully. And then Supergirl starts to laugh, and Lena sags with tired joy.

It worked.

She did it.

The men are arrested. Dragged out in cuffs while Supergirl hovers around and helps people up from the ground, directs anyone who is injured towards the EMTs, finds their coats, and reminds everyone to please make a donation before they leave. It’s better press than Lena could have ever dreamed of, and she’s so relieved that everything worked out in her favor for once, that she forgets all about the jittery man from underneath the stage until he’s standing directly in front of her.

“Winn,” he jams his hand out towards her. “We were busy with the whole — saving the world thing before,” he waves towards the disheveled stage. “But, hi. My name’s Winn, it was nice to work with you. I have — at least fifty-two questions and counting.”

Lena stares at him. “You knocked into me earlier,” she remembers. “You’re Kara’s friend.”

His grin grows at the mention of Kara; Lena knows the feeling. “Best friend,” he declares, still holding out his hand. “Winn Schott Jr. It’s nice to finally meet you. Kara says good things.”

Lena swallows at that, and finally accepts his hand. “Lena Luthor,” she says, even though it’s obvious that he knows. “You’re quick on your feet.”

“Only sometimes,” Winn laughs. “Caught me on a good night I suppose.”

“Well, lucky me,” Lena crosses her arms over herself, scanning the crowd. “Have you seen Kara?” fear pounds inside of her chest. “Is she alright?”

“Oh, yeah!” Winn starts… bouncing almost, up and down on his toes. “She’s fine! I just saw her, I think she was helping a lady find her purse? She’s okay.”

The band of worry around Lena’s chest drops, and she lets out a relieved sigh. “Good. I didn’t — good.”

“So,” Winn says, “question number one…” He doesn’t stop talking for the next fifteen minutes. Not until Kara finds them both, running up and hugging Lena before dragging Winn away from her with apologies. “Okay, but… so questions forty-seven through fifty-two, we’ll get to those later? Yeah? Kara has your number right? She’ll give me that.”

Kara, yanks him along and beams widely at Lena, shaking her head behind Winn’s back and mouthing, _not if you don’t want me too,_ and Lena has to swallow back a burst of laughter.

…

…

**xv. i’ve been desperately trying to belong (pt. 2)**

Kara wakes up the next morning to a text message.

 **[Lucy Lane 08:19am]** _Lois said you missed me :)_

She grins, sitting up in her bed and quickly fires back.

 **[08:19am]** _Yes, very much. When are you coming back to visit?_

 **[Lucy Lane 08:21am]** _Haha, I miss you guys too. I’m slammed here, but you’ll be the first to know when I have time._

Then, there’s a lull for a few beats, and Kara gets up and starts to make herself some coffee.

 **[Lucy Lane 08:25am]** _How’s James?_

Kara, doesn’t fully know how to answer this, especially not to Lucy of all people. She sits down on a stool and frowns into her mug.

 **[08:26am]** _He’s doing great as Cat’s successor!_ She sends first, then, _I think we might be better as friends though?_ she adds, backtracking and erasing it three times before sending it.

 **[08:30am]** _It all feels a little complicated, and not quite what I thought it’d be._

_( … )_

Kara waits impatiently as the dots bounce along her screen, eating three bananas and an apple before deciding that she wants some scrambled eggs. Finally, the message displays on her phone.

_**[Lucy Lane 08:42am]** Yeah, I get that. Probably more than you might know, or we should bother getting into this early in the morning. But, for what it’s worth, James is a great guy, and he’s worth keeping around in your life—whatever way that might end up :)_

_**[Lucy Lane 08:43am]** I’m rooting for you to both be happy, either way._

_**[Lucy Lane 08:47am]** the sex isn’t bad either ;) _

Kara drops the egg that she was about to crack onto the floor. **[08:50am]** _LUCY!_ she types out, once she’s managed to clean up the spill and get the eggs into the pan instead.

_**[Lucy Lane 08:50am]** I’m only saying :)_

_**[08:52am]** I have to go apologize to an alien and get him a new job now. _Kara writes. _Don’t get hurt, and come visit soon!_

_**[Lucy Lane 08:53am]** Will do, same to you :)_

Kara shovels twelve eggs into her mouth and then hurries off to get dressed, giddy now that she knows that Lucy is doing well, and is as impossible as ever.

She hurries into the DEO, but slows herself down as she opens the door to Mon-El’s room. Flicking on the light, she calls out quietly, “Good morning.”

“Am I late for work?” he groans, sleepily.

“No,” Kara steps into the room. “You got fired.” She only tried to talk James out of it for about half a minute. He was right, Mon-El was a bit of a menace at CatCo, and somehow, Kara doesn’t think that he’ll be overly upset about it.

She’s proven right not seconds later, when Mon-El rolls over, sits up and declares, “I don’t think it was my destiny to be an intern.”

“Yeah,” Kara agrees. “I’m not so sure either.”

“So, you’re not mad at me?” he asks.

“I get the feeling I’m always gonna be a little mad at you,” Kara tells him honestly. He laughs, and she walks over towards his bed and takes a breath. “When I was younger, I had no idea what I wanted to be here on Earth,” she says, trying to explain to him just _why_ she’s been so crazy these last two weeks. “I had a family. To help me and guide me but, ultimately I had to make my own choices. And, I was trying to impose those choices on you. Because, when you landed I was just so excited to have someone to take under my wing. To look after. I never got to do that with my cousin. You saw, he’s… got everything covered. I need him more than he needs me.”

“I don’t know,” Mon-El says, kindly. “He seems like he likes having your help.”

“Well, either way,” Kara moves and sits down beside him. “You are your own man, and you get to make your own choices. Your life here on Earth is probably going to be very different from mine.” Mon-El laughs and Kara joins him.

“Does that mean I don’t need to get a job?”

“No, you still need to get a job,” Kara insists. “But just, pick something that you like. And, I’ll be here to help you, however you need me,” she pulls out the National City guidebook out of her pocket and hands it over. “This might help you start.”

He smiles, flicking through it, but there’s something to the look on his face that has Kara freezing up, though she doesn’t know why. “Just National City huh?” he asks.

“Um, well…”

Mon-El looks up at her, a little sadly. “Thank you Kara,” he says, sounding more sincere than he has since she met him. “I’m… grateful, for everything that you’ve done for me. But…” something like dread settles in Kara’s stomach. “I think maybe I kind of need to branch out a bit. Do my own thing, for real. Maybe go out and see more of what Earth has to offer, beyond National City.”

“Oh,” Kara slumps down a bit. This hadn’t even occurred to her. It _should have_ probably, but it didn’t. “You want to leave?”

“I… want to explore,” he says. “You know better than anyone else, Daxam was against that. I think it’s high time that a Daxamite prince starts to see what else the world has to offer. Don’t you?” he jokes.

Kara laughs with him, but there’s a hitch to it. She has no right to ask Mon-El to stay, other than the fact that she doesn’t want another person to leave her again. But, that’s selfish, and not her place, and all things considered, she doesn’t even know Mon-El all that well. So, she swallows down the croak in her throat and smiles at him. “Well, then I’ll help you find a bigger travel guide I suppose.”

…

…

Kara lands down softly on Lena’s balcony, and is greeted by a much warmer smile than the last time she arrived. “Supergirl,” she murmurs. Kara walks over towards her. It’s been a long, exhausting day. Between making sure that Mon-El was as informed about travel customs as possible, and dealing with Snapper all afternoon, the night breeze and Lena’s smile is a welcome change.

“Hello,” she says quietly, “I heard the Children’s Hospital raised quite a sum of money.”

Lena smiles proudly. “They did. Repairs have already begun for their building. Turns out, waiting to see how the evening panned out was the right call,” she teases, and starts moving them towards her office door.

“You took a great risk Miss Luthor,” Kara chides, hoping that Lena will respond more to her as Supergirl, than she did when answering Kara’s texts this afternoon. “Why didn’t you tell me what you were up to?”

Lena shrugs as they walk into her office, and there’s a note of accepted defeat to it. Incredibly strange coming from a woman who seems to Kara nothing short of determined to steel through everything that life throws at her. “I doubt you would have believed that a Luthor just wanted to see justice done,” she laughs, but it's bitter, tired. She sounds older than she should, like she's seen more of the world then she's due.

“Well, I couldn’t have stopped them without you,” Kara insists, truthfully. She swallows and opens her mouth to say something else, but she can’t make it work.  “Thank you,” she settles on, and turns around and meets Lena’s beaming smile.

“Who would have believed it? A Luthor and a Super working together?” she half gushes. Kara gives her a bright smile, because it’s easy, to see how much Lena needs it, and there is so much joyful relief to be right about trusting her. “I hope we can work together more in the future.”

“Me too,” Kara agrees. Part of her can’t wait. Winn certainly can’t.

“Oh,” a voice calls out, interrupting them. And, oh, Kara hasn’t been paying enough attention to her surroundings, because she didn’t hear anyone approach. She was only paying attention to Lena. “I didn’t realize you had company.” The woman looks back and forth between Kara and Lena, and something about her face feels predatory, like a cat, ready to pounce.

“Would you excuse me Supergirl? I have to take this,” Lena says, voice gone stiff. Her smile has dropped, and her whole body has tightened up, closed in on itself and become as tall as she’s capable of being.

Part of Kara wants to stay, to ask if Lena _needs_ her to stay, but the look on her face is very clear, so Kara nods, and says, “Of course.”

As she walks towards the balcony and shoots up into the air, she hears the woman say, “I’m sorry I missed your party,” and Lena respond, sharply, “What else is new?” and a recently acquired, but still familiar protective urge bubbles up inside of Kara as she flies away. Far slower than is necessary.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up, there is a small mention of a vigilante in this chapter, but it's not james. in this story, he's not gonna be guardian.

**xvi.** **a memory of your lonesome past**

Kara walks along with Alex beside National City’s harbor. She hasn’t been here in ages, and the weather has cooled off enough for them both to need light jackets, the breeze coming from the harbor lightly brushing the hair into Alex’s eyes. She looks nervous. Playing at the edges of her jacket, and readjusting the purse hanging off her shoulder three times as she sucks in a breath and tries to say something; it’s unnerving, and very unlike Alex.

“Alex,” Kara laughs a little, hoping to calm her down. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“It’s about… Maggie,” she finally says.

“Your cop friend?”

Alex nods, her words mumbling together and not making much sense. Kara tries to follow along as Alex tells her about hanging out with Maggie. Not sure why exactly, this could be making her so fidgety and nervous, until she says, _feelings,_ in that way where her breath hitches painfully.

“Feelings?” Kara repeats, noting the way that Alex’s heart beats a frantic staccato in her chest. “Yeah,” Alex’s voice is small. “Those feelings.”

“Oh,” and _now_ Kara gets it. Alex starts pacing, and jerking her hands around inside of her pockets, and everything about her panicky breath and her rabbit-like heartbeats makes Kara want to scream. She sits down on the nearest bench and tries to focus on Alex’s words, and not how fast her heart is going. “So, so she’s gay?” Kara asks, for clarification. Because she _thinks_ that she knows what Alex is trying to tell her right now, but Earth is weird, and she’s gotten things like this wrong before. “And are you saying, you’re gay too?” she asks, carefully.

Alex’s face does something complicated and painful, and then she starts spitting out her words too quickly again. “I — I don’t know. I’m just trying to make sense of it all. It’s so _complicated,_ ” she admits, looking more lost than Kara has seen her since they were told of Jeremiah’s supposed death. She tries to make it easier, and she somehow says something that makes it worse. Alex snaps. “This isn’t because I haven’t found the right guy.”

“I never said that it was,” says Kara quickly, because that hadn’t been what she meant at all. “I’m just trying to understand.”

Alex takes a breath, and then she starts talking a bit slower. She sits down beside Kara, and there’s still this… wall almost, a resistance to the words that are coming out of her mouth, even as she breathes a little bit easier with each new one. She brings up Vicki Donoghue—a name Kara hasn’t heard in ages—and Kara watches the slow realization on Alex’s face when she figures out that she’d had a crush on her, probably the whole time that they were friends.

“I shoved that memory down so deep inside that, it’s like it never happened,” she pauses, almost as stunned by her own words as Kara is, before going on. “I’m remembering stuff like that now.”

It’s amazing, how much it hurts to watch Alex’s face as she realizes that she ignored parts of her own life. Consciously or not.

“So,” Kara scoots a little closer, wanting to wrap her arms around Alex, but she is coiled so tight, Kara thinks it won’t be welcome. “Are you and Maggie… I mean, do you know if she likes you?”

“I — I don’t know,” Alex’s body somehow coils even tighter, and before Kara can say anything else, Alex is up off the bench. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” she says, and walks away as quickly as she can, ignoring Kara’s calls for her to please come back.

She almost jumps up and runs after Alex, all of her instincts are screaming for her to, but she can hear Alex’s breath from over here, and she knows what Alex looks like when she wants to be alone. They may not be children anymore, but Alex might as well have just slammed their bedroom door in Kara’s face all over again. This conversation is over, for now.

…

…

Of course, there’s an alien parasite infecting scientists, so it’s not like they have much time to have a heart to heart anyway.

Kara’s body shakes as the man stops her punch, something shocking its way through her system, and she crumbles to the floor. Alex is there in half a second, her arms pulling Kara up, worry in her eyes that doesn’t go away. Not even once they get back to the DEO and establish that Kara is _not_ dying, thank you very much.

Alex’s fingers hover, jerking like they want to reach out and hold Kara, but don’t know if they’re welcome and Kara’s whole body _aches._ It’s not Alex’s job to take care of her anymore. It never should have been in the first place. And look at what doing so has cost her. Kara won’t let it cost her anything else. Not ever again.

Kara insists that she’s fine, backing away from Alex and trying to do everything she can to erase the band of worry that’s creasing her sister’s eyebrows together. She’s thinking, _I’m sorry_ , but she can’t say the words out loud; they stick in her throat because she should have said them years ago. _I’m sorry,_ for upending your whole life. _I’m sorry,_ for taking up everyone’s attention. _I’m sorry,_ for needing you to protect me. _I’m sorry,_ for taking up all the space.

_I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry._

Kara flies home, feeling like a coward.

…

…

Alex, being Alex, comes after her. And really, Kara should have expected this, but the key turning inside of the lock surprises her. Alex lets herself in and drops her purse down on Kara’s table. A complicated, half glare, half that nervous panic from this morning rests on her face as she walks over towards the couch, her hands gripping at the edges of her jacket.

Kara turns the TV off, and looks up. “I said I was fine,” she says quietly. “You didn’t need to check on me.”

“I’m not checking on you,” Alex says, quieter than Kara, even, but only for a second. “You’ve been weird ever since I told you,” she accuses.

“I don’t mean to be.”

“Kara, I know when you’re sad. Or when you’re disappointed,” her voice breaks. Alex, her beautiful, strong, battle-born written into every inch of her body sister’s voice _breaks._ “I don’t know what I would do if you were disappointed in me.”

Kara’s whole body jerks, and she catches herself slamming a fist at a couch pillow. “I would _never_ be disappointed in you,” she insists firmly. “But, you said you didn’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“Well I do if — if you’re not okay with it!”

“I am _so_ okay with it!” Kara yells. Alex stops moving. Holding herself stiffly as she just stares down at Kara, looking so… little. Kara has gone about this all wrong, somehow. It’s not about her, or her feelings, it’s about Alex. “Sit down,” she asks, pushing a pillow out of the way. Alex doesn’t move, and it’s the first time that Kara can ever remember Alex looking afraid of her. _Dammit._ “Please?” she holds out her hand. “Come and talk to me.”

“Okay,” finally, Alex moves. But she sits apart from Kara, not looking at her, and her heart rate is going almost as fast as it was this morning.

“I — I think I owe you an apology,” Kara starts, unable to look at Alex either.

“For what?” Alex asks, confusion evident in her voice.

“For, not creating an environment where you felt like you could talk about this with me.” Alex’s face pulls into a frown as Kara goes on. “Everything was always about me, and my secret. There was never any room for you.” She’s furious at herself, but she tries not to let it leak through her voice. “And, I know that it is not that same thing, _at all_ , but, I do know how it feels, to keep a part of yourself shut off. And I know how lonely that can make you feel,” she leans forward and almost whispers softly, “but Alex, you are _not_ alone.”

Alex turns away from her, pressing her lips together tightly and trying not to let tears fall. She gives up and turns around, a hand up at her face as she barely manages to breathe out, “I can’t do this without you.”

Sometimes Kara’s love for her sister hits so hard it hurts. “You don’t have to,” she promises. Kara listens, her whole body tuned towards Alex as she gushes about Maggie, relief in every cadence of her voice as Kara reaches up and plays with her hair, then pulls her in tightly for a hug. Almost the very minute that Kara feels Alex finally sag, boneless and relaxed into her arms, her phone goes off, and they both laugh.

“There are reports of an alien attacking a civilian downtown,” she says, wiping leftover tears from her eyes.

Kara looks at her, listens as her heart rate slows back to its normal level, watches the tension seeping out of her with each passing minute, and loves her, so, _so much._ “I’ll go get the alien,” she offers. Then, biting back a small smile, she gently whacks at Alex’s shoulder. “You go get the girl,” she orders, and jumps up to get her suit, hearing Alex let out an exhausted laugh as she sinks back into the couch.

Kara flies out into the sky, and she can’t wipe the proud grin off of her face. Not even as she chastises an alien for muscling another one for money. The smile confuses them both, but Kara can’t bring herself to care.

…

…

**xvii. pick up a stone that i cast to the sky // hoping for some kind of sign**

Lena watches live from the television in her office as Supergirl pleads with what looks like an alien, but there’s conflicting reports stating otherwise. “You were never meant to become this,” the audio manages to catch. “Last chance. Let me help you.”

It’s painfully earnest, but when the creature—man? no one seems to know for sure—charges at her in a fury, Supergirl’s face turns steely and resolute. They struggle, his arms pressing down onto hers as blue shock waves go through him. Supergirl shakes underneath the weight, and she mouths something, and then, the thing explodes into dust.

One minute, there. The next, nothing.  

Lena turns back to her work. Despite her best efforts, her eyes keep darting back to the television. Supergirl helps a few people back to their cars, pushes out a dent in one, lifts another back onto its tires, smiles and gives a little girl a shaky low-five, then flies away.

Lena hasn’t seen her since her party, except for the odd clip on the news. She didn’t expect to, she has no reason to, but there’s a sort of dull emptiness that grows inside of her with each passing day all the same.

It can’t possibly be related to Supergirl.

Her phone dings with a new message a few minutes later, from Winslow Schott Jr. It’s not the first time in the last week since her party that Winn has texted her, but it’s the first time that its contents are completely unrelated to L-Corp’s developing technology. Or science in general.

 **[Winslow Schott Jr. 09:45pm]** _Want to come grab lunch with Kara and me tomorrow? Like, 1-ish?_

Lena very nearly drops her phone in surprise. Not a full second later, another message appears on her screen.

 **[Kara Danvers 09:45pm]** _Hi Lena! How are you? I was wondering if you would like to join Winn and I for our lunch break tomorrow? We both usually have off around 1, but we’re flexible enough to work out something else if that doesn’t fit for you?_

 **[Kara Danvers 09:46pm]** _We can come to you if that makes things easier! I know you’re busy._

Lena blinks down at her screen. She can’t remember the last person who invited her to eat a meal with them. Jess forcing food on her in her office doesn’t count, she never sits down to join her. She’s eaten with her mother, surely, in the last year, but now she can’t think of when that must have been. Lately, she barely calls unless it’s something about an investor, or a board member. The night of her party was the first time that Lena has seen her in person since the final day of Lex’s trial. She didn’t stay long enough to even mention the word dinner.

There have been investor lunches. Meetings, held in a delicate balance over expensive food. All parties involved looking for something, the food is only ever there for the pretense of a casual exchange.

Surely, the last person who _wanted_ to share a meal with her, with no underlying motives, cannot have been Lex.

Lena swallows thickly, and types out the same response to both of them. **[09:50pm]** _That’s very nice of you to offer, however, I’m swamped with meetings tomorrow. Perhaps some other time._

 **[Winslow Schott Jr. 09:51pm]** _booooo_

 **[Kara Danvers 09:52pm]** _:( definitely another time! What’s the rest of your week look like?  
_

**[09:53pm]** _I’m not sure, yet. Can, I get back to you?_

 **[Kara Danvers 09:53pm]** _you better!  
_

**[Winslow Schott Jr. 09:53pm]** _you’re the boss!! Tell everyone you get to do what you want!_

They aren’t going to let her off the hook very easily, then. Lena smiles to herself, and moves to pack up her things for the night. Supergirl, and the empty feeling inside her chest, already forgotten.

…

…

 **xviii.** **a shame without a sin**

Kara bangs on Alex’s front door, but she won’t answer. She didn’t show up at the DEO for the final briefing after the attack, and she’s ignored all of Kara’s texts.

“Go away Kara,” Alex calls out, her voice scraped clear like dead leaves. Kara can see her, hunched over on the couch, a glass of what smells like tequila in her hand.

No way in hell is Kara going anywhere, with Alex sounding like that. She flies around the building and through Alex’s window in half a second. “What is going on?”

“Nothing,” Alex snaps. She puts her glass down, sucks back tears and rises from the couch, promising to go into work. As if that’s not insane at this point; it’s nearly 10:45pm. Kara tries to figure out what prompted this, softly edging out questions.

“Just forget I said anything about it alright. Just, forget it,” Alex demands.

“Why,” Kara asks, “what does that mean?”

“It means I made a _mistake_ ,” Alex all but yells. “I was wrong,” she’s pacing again, a frantic energy to her that Kara hasn’t seen in years. “I never should have said anything. I should have just…” her voice breaks, and she turns away from Kara. “I should have kept my mouth shut.”

“What happened?” Kara asks gently.

“She doesn’t like me,” Alex says, finally turning to look Kara in the eyes. “Like that,” she adds, so softly that it might hardly register to someone with lesser hearing than Kara.

_Oh._

Alex sags back down onto the couch, fully crying now and Kara is half a step behind her. “Come here,” says Kara. Wrapping herself around Alex, she pulls her in tightly, their heads knocking together as Alex’s body shakes.

“I feel so hu-hu-humiliated,” Alex stutters out through ragged sobs, and Kara holds her as tightly as she dares.

“No,” she insists. Alex covers her face with her hand, a horrible sound coming out of her. “I’m proud of you,” Kara tells her, and she might have never felt it more strongly in her life. Alex, is _so_ brave.

Alex starts to shake her head no, and Kara immediately shakes her own yes right back, pressing it against Alex’s so she can feel it. She _should_ be proud of herself, even though it hurts right now. And if she can’t manage it yet, then Kara will until she can.

She doesn't know how long they sit like that, smashed together inelegantly, Alex’s fingers tightly clenched to the edge of her jacket sleeve. When, eventually, her breathing evens out completely, Kara tilts her face back and discovers that she has fallen asleep. Even tearstained and puffy she's beautiful, heartbreaking and brave, and Kara’s favorite person in the whole universe.

She picks Alex up gently, and carries her over to her bedroom. Carefully tugging her out of her jeans and underneath the covers, Kara presses a soft kiss to her sister’s temple, and leaves her a note on her bedside table before flying home.

_I’m so proud of you, and I love you. _

…

…

She meets Maggie Sawyer, breaker of her sister’s heart, two days later.

They’ve had sister’s nights the last two days, and Alex had finally gotten sick of cuddling under a mountain of blankets and marathoning A Series of Unfortunate Events. ( _That girl playing Violet looks kinda familiar, don’t you think?_ Alex asks, tilting her head and frowning at the screen. Kara squints sideways at the TV, mimicking her. _No?_ Alex hums, shrugging, and hits play on the final episode. _)_ Kara texted Winn, James, and Lena, to see if they’re all free, but Lena declined.

Which, she’s been doing a lot of that lately. Kara and Winn have a plan to ambush her for lunch on Friday if she doesn’t respond by tomorrow.

Though, because of no Lena, they end up going to the alien bar.

It’s weird.

Kara doesn’t know how to feel, seeing people from all these different worlds just… living their lives. Being themselves. Hiding, but, not quite hiding. She feels on edge the entire first half hour after they arrive, James and Winn chatting happily and Alex drinking two beers far quicker than Kara would like. She tries one of the drinks that M’gann swore a few days ago will actually give her a buzz, and the feeling is… well, not how she expected. She sips at it slowly the whole night, never quite warming up to the taste or the feeling that it’s giving her.

And that—she doesn’t know how to feel about _that;_ not hiding the fact that she’s an alien, but, not mentioning anything about Supergirl. She panics, while Alex and Winn are arguing about some vigilante and his technology, and excuses herself to the bathroom.

She dumps the rest of her drink down the sink and splashes some water onto her face. She doesn’t _look_ flushed. At least, she doesn’t think that she does. She puts her glasses back on and heads back out to the bar, knocking directly into James’s chest.

“Sorry,” he grins down at her. “You looked… there was,” he motions to his own eyes. “You good?”

“Um,” Kara looks around, and drops her voice, unsure who else in this room might have super hearing. “I’m kinda freaking out to be honest. Being here. I think… I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

“Nah, I think it makes sense.”

Kara looks up at him in confusion. “Want to explain it to me?” she jokes.

James’s grin grows and he rubs at the side of his chin, leaning back against the barroom wall. “I mean, you’ve been hiding your alien identity since you got here. It makes sense that it’d feel really weird to be open about it. Especially without the—” he mouths “— _Supergirl_ mask. I mean, now it’s not Kara Danvers, or the other thing,” he smirks. “It’s just, Kara Zor-El. You.”

“Yeah,” Kara sighs. “That’s it.”

“It makes sense that it’d freak you out a little.”

Kara steps forward and sinks into his front, pulling him into a hug. “Thanks James,” she whispers. He wraps his arms around her, and they stay like that for a moment, and it’s the most natural that they’ve been with each other since Kara sort of broke up with him. She lifts her head up and he smiles down at her, no hint of awkwardness between them, and she beams. “Thank you.”

“You said that already,” he grins.

“Yeah, but, I mean it.”

“Okay,” he points towards the men’s room. “I’ll meet you back out there?”

“Sure,” Kara lets him go and heads back in to find Alex and Winn, still deep in an argument. But, Alex is half smiling, so, progress.

Her smile drops not five minutes later, and Kara finally meets Maggie Sawyer as _Kara,_ not Supergirl.

“I’ve heard all about you too,” she says, with a pointed smile. There’s a flash of confusion to Maggie’s face, and Kara takes a little bit of a sadistic satisfaction in the way that Maggie’s heart rate momentarily jumps up.

She doesn’t want to eavesdrop, so she does her level best to tune out Alex and Maggie’s conversation, but she’s hyper aware of the anxiety rolling off of Alex.

“You okay?” she asks when Alex walks back over, sans Maggie.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Alex says, a forced smile on her face. She finishes her third beer in record time. Kara, does _not_ like Maggie Sawyer. “So,” Alex changes the subject, “I haven’t seen M’gann tonight. Have you?”

Kara looks around, realizing her absence for the first time. “No,” she frowns. “I thought she always worked on Wednesdays.” Kara scans the room, but there’s no sign of her anywhere, and the man behind the bar says she was supposed to be here today, but never showed. Kara calls J’onn, asking if he’s with her, but apparently he hasn’t heard from her either. Not since she showed up at the DEO earlier and gave him some Martian inspired soup.

“She seemed alright,” he says. “I can check her apartment,” he sounds… off, and Alex is exhausted and assures Kara that she just wants to go home and sleep, so she says, “no, that’s okay. I’ll swing by on my way home.”

She’s not there. But, Kara doesn’t know her very well, and any matter of things could have come up, so, she vows to check again in the morning, and leave it at that for now.

…

…

There’s still no sign of M’gann the next morning as Kara flies by on her way to the DEO. A sinking sort of feeling creeps its way into her gut, and she heads off in search of J’onn. She finds him in one of the training rooms, doing some sort of meditative exercise. He tells her that he learned it in the 1800s, and Kara forgets sometimes, that he’s been on Earth for so long.

That he’s been _alone_ for so long.

“I keep seeing my wife and daughters,” he admits.

“When I got to Earth, I saw my parents everywhere,” she tells him. “I was in my room one night, and I remember looking up at the stars and feeling… so alone,” she starts walking around him, not making eye contact. She had looked for her planet, over and over again, despite knowing that she wouldn’t find it. “I started to cry, and Eliza came into my room and I yelled at her to get out.” She’d screamed so loudly, she had a sore throat for the rest of the night. Eliza never flinched. Never missed a beat, just walked over and sat down on the edge of Kara’s bed anyway. Like Kara wasn’t a threat. Like she couldn’t—or wouldn’t—hurt her. Not even on accident.

“You yelled?” J’onn laughs, and Kara can’t help smiling at the sound. “It’s hard to imagine you as a teenager.”

“Well,” Kara jokes, “I wasn’t always this mature.” It gets her the brilliant smile that she was edging for, and lightens the mood in the room for a minute. “Eliza refused to leave,” Kara presses on, feeling her throat constricting at the memory. “She said that my parents would want me to be loved. And that nothing would replace them, and that they were a part of who I am,” she swallows thickly, not wanting her tears to distract J’onn from what she is trying to say. “That was um, the first time I ever really let her hug me,” she admits. She’d clung to Eliza, shaking with sobs, and Eliza had pulled Kara into her lap, resting them both against the headboard to her bed. They both fell asleep like that. Kara woke up still in her arms. It was the first night on Earth that she didn’t wake in the middle of the night, screaming with nightmares and causing the entire household to lose sleep.

Kara walks closer to J’onn. “Having M’gann in your life doesn’t mean losing your family,” she promises him. “It only adds to it.”

He nods, and gives her a tight smile. “Speaking of,” he scrapes a lone tear out of his eyes. “Have you heard from her?”

“No,” Kara frowns. “I’m was planning on checking again after work. If you don’t hear from her by then?”

“Good idea.” Kara nods, and skips back towards the stairs, if she’s late again, Snapper will give her hell. “And Kara,” he calls out after her. She turns, catching his eye, and he gives her a smile. A real one this time. “Thank you.”

…

…

 **xix. a** **soft place to land**

“Miss Luthor?” Jess’s voice calls through her speakerphone. “Kara Danvers and Winslow—what?” there is a muffled noise, and Lena can hear Winn’s voice, quietly hiss, _Winn, just Winn_ before Jess speaks up again. A bored, slightly annoyed tone to her voice. “Kara Danvers and _Winn_ Schott are here to see you?”

Lena blinks up from her folder in surprise. “Excuse me?”

“They have takeout with them,” there’s a pointedness to Jess’s tone. Lena looks up at the time and sighs. It’s 1:38 p.m. She hasn’t eaten anything since a banana with almond butter this morning. At five. She doesn’t have another meeting until 4:30, so she has no proper excuse to beg off this time.

She’s not really sure that she wants to.

“Send them in,” she calls, and moves to clear part of her desk.

Winn whistles loudly as he walks in and glances around. “Nice digs,” he grins once she meets his eye. “For the record, accosting you like this was 100% Kara’s idea, and I am an abductee in this situation. So, if you’re mad, blame her. Though, it’s nice to see you again. So, I’m not an unhappy abductee. Kidnappee? I don’t know the proper terminology.”

“I didn’t kidnap you!” Kara protests. “I just… made you come with me and didn’t give you the option of saying no. Which,” she frowns, “now that I’m saying it out loud… doesn’t sound great.”

“Nope,” Winn says good-naturedly.

Lena catches Kara rolling her eyes and bites back a smile. “It’s nice to see you both,” she rises, motioning towards the couch. “I’m glad you came. Please, have a seat.”

Winn takes no time at all splaying out on the couch and digging into his food. Kara is a little more reserved, perching on the edge of the couch until Lena sits down beside her. She offers Lena first pick of the food before digging in herself and relaxing.

Lena herself, doesn’t relax for a moment. She _tries,_ but nothing about her feels settled as Kara and Winn trade off easy affection, grabbing food off of each other’s plates, not jolting if their thighs or shoulders brush, laughing at jokes they’ve clearly been telling each other for years. They’re trying—so hard—to include her. She is somehow the focus of every conversation, but Lena still feels like she is sitting somewhere watching this all play out on a television, rather than actively participating in it.

Her mind drifts to the last time that she sat here with Kara on this couch, right after her article on Lena came out. Unbelievably, weeks ago now. Lena watches as Kara pops a French fry into her mouth and laughs at something Winn said, and realizes that all things considered, she still doesn’t actually know very much about Kara.

She knows that Kara was adopted by the Danvers when she was twelve, and grew up in Midvale. She went to Metropolis University her freshman year, then transferred to National City’s City College. She got the job as Cat Grant’s assistant a few months after graduating. Apparently, she’s the longest lasting assistant that Cat Grant has ever had; Lena’s heard enough rumors about Cat to be impressed.

Lena knows that she is a wonderful, if inexperienced writer. She is impossibly friendly and warm. Her smile makes Lena annoyingly weak in the knees; an expression that she’s always loathed and thought to be ridiculous, and _yet._

She knows that Kara loves to eat. That she is a little bit dorky and sweet, and surprisingly funny. She worships her older sister. She is impossibly loyal and will go to extraordinary lengths for her friends. She doesn’t take ‘no’ very well for an answer. And that Lena wants her friendship in a desperate, painful way that terrifies her.

What Lena can’t seem to figure out is, what exactly, Kara sees in _her._

Winn either, for that matter, beyond a source to innovative technology that he can’t get his hands on anywhere else. Or, possibly, the shared trait of someone else with a murderous, globally hated family member. If he ever asks her about Lex, she’ll probably have to block his phone number.

“Lena?” Kara’s hand is suddenly ghosting Lena’s knee, and she jolts, though Kara is barely touching her. “Sorry,” Kara’s hand disappears immediately. “I said your name. I wasn’t sure if you heard me.”

“I’m sorry,” Lena forces herself to meet both their slightly worried looks, pulling a smile. “What were you saying?”

“If you’re busy, we can get out of your hair,” Winn offers, but he doesn’t actually make any move to leave. Kara frowns, worrying at her bottom lip but not saying anything one way or the other.  

Lena glances over at the clock, her meeting isn’t for two hours, and she says as such. She doesn’t want to keep second guessing and questioning this anymore; both Kara and Winn have been persistent, kind—and as far as Lena can tell, genuine—in their attempts at friendship. But, no matter how she tries to ignore it, there is a voice inside of her head that sounds far too much like her brother saying, _danger Ace, Luthors gotta keep their guards up._

Lena shoves it down, reaches over and tentatively plucks a fry off of Kara’s plate. She’s rewarded by an impossible smile. It somehow fills Kara’s entire face. As Winn starts excitedly explaining the plot to some movie that Lena has never heard of, Kara scoots a little closer to Lena, holding her plate over so that Lena doesn’t have to move to reach it. She’s mostly full, but she makes a point to take three more fries off of Kara’s plate before Winn finishes his story.

“And that, is why Rogue One is gonna be amazing,” he says, letting out a huff of breath.

“Is it a prequel to The Force Awakens, or the original trilogy?” Lena asks.

Winn’s face does something complicated, almost like a computer freezing up for a moment, and then his face splits out to a huge smile, and Kara groans. “You’re never gonna be on time for your meeting now, I hope you know that.”

“Are you a Star Wars fan?” he asks, almost reverently.

“Um,” Lena looks between him, barely contained on the edge of the couch, and Kara, rolling her eyes and leaning back. “Yes?”

Winn leaps up from the couch. “Okay, so! What did you think of Force Awakens? What is your opinion on Kylo Ren? Who do you think Rey’s parents are? How long do you think Poe has known Leia? Did you cry when Han died? Because I _sobbed,_ and I hate Kylo Ren with every fiber of my being, and if you love him this friendship might actually end up being over before it truly begins,” he trails off, frowning. “Which, I’ll be sorry about, because you seem really cool so far. But, I can’t abide with Kylo fans. It’s a deal breaker.”

Lena looks over at Kara, who has been sinking further and further into the couch and ignoring Winn’s entire outburst. “He’s not gonna stop till you just answer his questions,” she almost groans. “Personally, I vote you tell him that you love Kylo, and we get to watch his head explode,” she leans over towards Lena, the ends of her hair brushing against Lena’s collarbone, sending a shock of shivers down her spine. “It was really funny when James did it. Winn screamed so loud that Cat came out of her office and fired him.”

“Temporarily,” Winn interjects.

“True. She rehired you once she learned what the argument was about. Cat hates Kylo too. She said anyone who loved him would be fired on the spot. It was pretty funny.”

“Except for Jerry,” Winn reminds her.

“Well… yeah. But honestly, he was stupid enough to stand up and try to explain why Kylo was a better protagonist than Finn. There was no way that she _wasn’t_ going to fire him.”

Lena has no idea what to say in response to any of this, other than the fact that Cat sounds like a very interesting person to work with. Instead she says, “I don’t like Kylo Ren.”

“Oh thank god,” Winn drops his hands dramatically to Lena’s shoulders, sagging against her for half a second. “She can stay,” he directs towards Kara as he uprights himself. “Favorite character?” he asks Lena.

“Finn,” Lena answers, as Kara says, “Rey,” at the same time.

“I already know your favorite,” Winn says to her. “We’ve talked about this many times.”

“I know,” Kara smiles. “I was telling Lena mine.”

“Okay,” Winn turns back towards Lena. “Theories on Rey’s parents, go!”

Somehow, Lena spends her entire afternoon talking about Star Wars with Kara and Winn. She hasn’t enjoyed someone’s company, or had this much fun in months, maybe even years. When Jess knocks on her door and peaks her head around the corner, Lena is bursting into laughter at Winn’s Anakin impression, and clutching at Kara’s arm to keep herself upright.

“Miss Luthor?” she says softly. “Your 4:30 will be here in five minutes.”

Lena’s spine goes straight and she glances up at the clock. She has just lost nearly three hours to her day, talking about _Star Wars,_ of all things. Kara and Winn both look at her a little guiltily, but otherwise, the easy grins never leave their faces. Lena _should_ probably feel incredibly guilty about the wasted time, but she can’t seem to find it in herself; this has been the best afternoon of her life in a very long time.

God, that is terribly pathetic.

“Whoops,” says Kara, and Lena realizes that she is still holding onto her arm. She releases Kara and moves to stand up from the couch, missing the contact at once.

“I’m sorry,” Lena says, smoothing down her skirt and pasting on a more professional smile. “I hate to usher you out, but—”

“It’s fine Lena,” Kara says, looking sincere and not offended at all as she and Winn quickly shove all of their trash into the takeout bags. “We had a great time. We should apologize,” she elbows Winn in the side. “We never meant to take over your whole afternoon,” she laughs, just a hint of bitterness to it. “Honestly, I’ll bet Snapper fires me when I get back to work.”

Lena’s eyes go wide. “What? No, Kara, if you need me to call him I will—”

Kara quickly waves her off. “No, no. I’m joking,” she frowns. “Mostly. It’ll be fine.” Before Lena can say anything else, she’s stepped over and pulled her into a hug. It’s over quickly, but it shocks Lena immobile. Even more so as Winn reaches over to give her a quick, half hug as he passes by her as well.

“Bye Lena!” he calls, as Kara starts to drag him out past Jess. “I call dibs on Lena being my partner the next game night. You and me!” he gives her finger guns.

“Bye!” Kara calls out warmly. “See you later.”

Lena holds up a hand, not moving until Jess pointedly clears her throat. “Right,” she moves back towards her desk. “Let them in two minutes after 4:30,” she orders.

“Yes Miss Luthor,” Jess says, closing the door.

“And wipe that smile off your face,” Lena adds.

Jess’s smirk only grows wider. “Of course Miss Luthor.”  

…

…

**xx. summon all the courage you require**

Kara freezes, mid-flight as someone intercepts the comm in her ear. It only takes half a second for her to discern _Cadmus,_ and M’gann’s disappearance. She redirects to where they order her to go, without a word to Alex or J’onn—her earpiece isn’t working anymore anyway.

At least, that’s what she tells herself.

She freezes a second time, at the sight of J’onn in the abandoned building. When he turns, spouting hate, she realizes that this isn’t J’onn, but Hank—the real Hank—and he is very much alive, and very, _very_ strong.

It’s not long before she’s knocked out cold. And damn, she really should have gotten some backup.

…

…

She wakes up with a start to find herself in a cage.

At the sight of M’gann in another across from her, she’s both mixed with relief to see her alive and well, and dread at their current predicament. Especially once M’gann tells her that the metal is unbreakable.

Kara still tries anyway.

“Is J’onn okay? Did you see him? They captured him too.”

“That wasn’t J’onn,” Kara explains. “He assumed the identity of a human a few years ago. That was the human.” M’gann looks a little horrified at this, so Kara quickly adds. “They thought he was dead. Hank, I mean. He and my – my adoptive father saw him fall to his death. Or, they thought they did.”

She doesn’t get the chance to explain much else to M’gann, because the doors burst open, and a tall imposing woman struts through. Kara has definitely seen her somewhere before, has heard that voice, and when the recognition clicks, a sinking feeling of dread fills Kara’s stomach.

“You’re Lillian Luthor,” Kara breathes out. “Lex and Lena’s mother.”

“I’m a lot of things,” Lillian says with a shrug. Kara feels sick. She was just having lunch with Lena less than a few hours ago. A flash of her bright smile, clinging to Kara’s arm for support as she laughed jumps out, and Kara feels tears forming as Lillian taunts her.

“A liar, a kidnapper, a _killer,_ ” Kara spits back. “Does Lena know about Cadmus? Does she know who her mother really is?”

“And what are you to my daughter?” Lillian snarls.

“I’m a friend,” Kara snaps back firmly. Because _no, no, no,_ this can’t be true. Lena _can’t_ have known.

“I’ve heard that one before,” Lillian nearly hisses. She circles her way around the cage, her eyes never leaving Kara’s as she goes on and on about Lex and Clark. She sounds more like Lex used to with each word. Kara saw him on the news, posturing and ranting about Clark and other aliens, over and over again. She wonders if Lillian became this after Lex, or if Lex learned it all from her. She wonders what Lena thinks of it all, and feels her cheeks burn as Lillian avoids answering Kara’s question about her.

“You want me to solar flare?” Kara snorts. “No way.”

Before she can say another word, Lillian pulls out a gun and shoots M’gann in the leg. She screams out in agony. “Your friend is very powerful. White Martians are, as a rule.” Kara’s eyes jump down to M’gann, clutching her leg on the floor. She looks up, terrified at Kara and whispers, _‘I’m sorry’_ as Lillian points the gun at her again. “But, they’re not impervious to bullets. And I’ll put another one between her eyes if you don’t do as I ask.”

“Okay,” Kara jumps forward. Whatever Lillian means, whatever M’gann is hiding, Kara isn’t about to let her die for it. Especially not having all the facts. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

“Kara, Don’t…” M’gann begs.

“I’m not going to let you die.”

“I’d deserve it,” M’gann says, so resigned that Kara’s chest hurts.

“No,” she insists. Remembering that right now, M’gann is the only reason that J’onn is alive. She walks slowly out of the cage, and Lillian towers over her as she places the helmet onto Kara’s head. Lillian’s expression twists into something dark and ugly, and without knowing why Kara feels the urge to duck. The moment passes, and Lillian steps to the side as Kara uses her heat vision. It starts to burn, the longer she goes, and then helmet’s radiation begins to affect her more. Kara lets out a little whimper, and then she screams in agony, swaying as they remove the helmet and she feels herself collapse to the floor.

Lillian bends down, and yanks Kara upwards by her hair, backhanding her so hard that Kara slumps. Her lips sting when Lillian lifts her back up, and presses a finger to the blood forming on Kara’s face. “It worked,” she says with ghoulish delight. “Pick her up.”

Kara can’t do anything to fight the men that lift and drag her out of the room. Her head is spinning, and her whole body aches, and she can’t stop hearing Lena’s laughter ringing out in her ears.

They lock her down to an operating table, nothing sterile in the room whatsoever. Kara screams; for Lillian to honor their deal, and let M’gann go. In frustration. In pain. In _rage._

She tries to jerk herself away, when Lillian comes at her with a syringe.

But they take her blood all the same, and then they just drag her right back to the cage.

“Are you okay?” M’gann asks, her own breathing ragged with pain. “What did they do to you?”

Kara crawls over towards her, curling into a sitting position beside the place their cages connect. “They took my blood,” she glances down at M’gann’s leg. “Are you okay?”

M’gann shrugs, but she’s starting to look a little pale. “I heal quickly. I mean if — if the bullet wasn’t still in there.”

Kara rests her head against the steel, cold, metal and sighs. She wants to scream again, but mostly, she sort of wants to cry. _I’m scared,_ she thinks, and looks straight ahead, not meeting M’gann’s eye. “If something happens if – if I don’t get out of here,” she presses the back of her head into the metal. “I need you to tell Alex something for me. I need you to tell her to just…” she can’t say what she wants to right now, not without violating Alex’s privacy. She wants to say so many things, too many things. She doesn’t want to _have_ to say them at all. She wants to just be there. Kara gulps in air and blinks to clear the stinging in her eyes. “Tell her to just keep living life on her own terms,” she rolls her head over towards M’gann, not quite meeting her eye, but not avoiding it anymore either. “Tell her I wasn’t scared okay?”

M’gann lets out a hiss of a breath, one that sounds like it has nothing to do with the pain in her leg. “You’re welcome to tell whomever that I was scared out of my mind,” she jokes, getting Kara to let out a small, but welcome bit of laughter. “Though, there isn’t really anyone left for you to tell,” she turns and meets Kara’s gaze head on. “What she said back there, about me being a White Martian—it’s true.”

Kara, doesn’t know what to say to that. Nothing about M’gann or her behaviors fit with what she knows about White Martians. She can’t help but think of how much this is going to hurt J’onn, if they do make it out of here and tell him. “Why…” she trails off, unable to figure out exactly what she is asking for.

M’gann struggles to sit herself up, and she never takes her eyes off Kara’s face. “I would never hurt J’onn. You have to know that. I was trying to protect him. I would never—I’m not like them. I don’t know what he’s told you—”

“A lot,” there’s a bite to Kara’s tone that she can’t help. But the way it causes M’gann’s face to flinch sits heavy in Kara’s gut.

“I was a soldier. It was me, at the internment camp. I wasn’t the Green Martian who was saved; I let them go. I tried to free as many of them as I could,” she says, her voice breaking over the words. “I refused the kill order. I couldn’t stand to watch any more of them die. But, the other guards came after us,” her breath is ragged, getting worse by the wound in her leg and the pain of her memories. “I barely escaped,” she whispers.  

Kara tries to reconcile everything that J’onn has said with what M’gann is saying to her now.

“Maybe I deserve to die here,” M’gann says quietly.

“No,” Kara says fiercely, scooting up and grabbing hold of the place where their cages meet. “You don’t deserve to die. You tried to help. That’s… you realized something that you were involved in was wrong, and you did everything that you could to change it. Trying to survive after the fact, doesn’t make you a horrible person. And it doesn’t mean that you deserve to die.”

Before Kara or M’gann can say anything else, someone runs into the room and unlocks Kara’s cage. She jumps up and moves into a defensive stance that Alex taught her, ready to fight without her powers.

“Come with me,” a gruff voice says, their face covered with a hood.

“Who are you?” Kara demands.

The man shoves his hood back and Kara can’t breathe for a moment. “Kara, it’s me,” he says. Her hands shake, and then she launches herself into his arms before she even knows what’s happening.

“Jeremiah,” she clings to him. There’s no super strength right now to stop her from holding him as tightly as she wants to. It still doesn’t feel tight enough. “I can’t believe it,” she says into his shoulder. “How—”

He lets Kara go, and she panics. Her eyes study every part of him that she can while he moves over and unlocks M’gann’s cell. He doesn’t look injured; he looks… like Jeremiah. She’s about to ask more when M’gann collapses, and they both jump to lift her up.

“She can’t heal like this, we’ve got to get the bullet out now,” he grabs a scalpel and Kara moves to grab hold of M’gann’s hand.

She can’t stop staring at him. _He’s alive_. He’s okay. It’s one thing, to hear that he is still alive, it’s quite another, to actually have him back. Standing right in front of her, smiling and telling her how proud of her he is. How proud he is of the both of them.

“Alex had to be so strong,” Kara can’t _wait_ until she sees that he’s okay. This will cheer her up so much; Maggie’s rejection will be the last thing on her mind. “She took over everything.”

He smiles, the fond one that was always reserved solely for Alex. He had a unique smile for all three of them. Having it directed at her again, makes Kara nearly reach up to touch her glasses without thinking about it. His face pulls back into the Alex smile. “She’s always been too strong for her own good.”

M’gann screams as he finally digs the bullet out, and from somewhere, an alarm starts blaring. And then Kara remembers where she is, that she is not safe, and she doesn’t have time to just collapse herself into her adoptive father’s arms for a crushing, half hour long hug.

He yanks the hood back up over his face and nods to Kara. “We’re out of time. Help me with her.” Together, they haul M’gann up and she leans on Kara, already beginning to heal now that the bullet is out, as they run down a hallway and a set of stairs. “Go down this hallway,” Jeremiah orders, “there’s an escape at the end.”

Kara’s blood runs cold. “NO,” she says. “I’m not leaving without you. I’m not losing you again.”

“Kara, I’ll be fine,” he insists, using a card to swipe at the gate and unlock it. “I’ve been here over a decade; I’ll survive a little longer.”

The alarm won’t stop blaring, and M’gann’s breath is still ragged behind her. Jeremiah is out of breath, and every part of Kara’s body is sore. She can’t think. It feels like a sensory overload, even without her powers. “If I leave you here, Alex will never forgive me,” she tells him. She can’t, she _can’t_ go home without him.

“If you die in here, there’ll be no one to forgive,” he counters.

Kara lets out a frustrated whine, then launches herself into his arms again. “I love you,” she says, holding him even tighter than before.

He clings to her. “I love you too.”

Kara doesn’t let go. She can’t. _She won’t._ Jeremiah is the one who releases her, and then pushes her towards M’gann. Kara moves to jump back, to grab hold of him and force him to come with them, but someone starts firing shots from behind him, and M’gann pulls her away, and then… he’s gone.

Kara screams as M’gann pulls her along, their hands clasped together, both of them in pain; a silent, hoarse desperate thing that tears itself out of her. M’gann’s grip tightens, and they run. Somehow. Kara must black out, or she’s delirious, because she doesn’t remember what happens in the space of time from being in Jeremiah’s arms, to agents pushing her down into a sunlamp bed at the DEO.

Alex bursting through the room with frantic panic in her eyes is the next thing that Kara sees, and she jerks herself upright, because there’s no time to waste on being in pain. “Jeremiah saved us,” she says quickly, cutting off Alex’s worry and apologies.  

Alex’s entire face changes at her words. The hands that were checking Kara for injuries freeze near her shoulders, and Alex looks fifteen all over again. “You saw Dad?” she breathes.

“And I know where he is.”

They won’t let her come; her powers aren’t back, and she’s more of a liability at the moment than help. Kara lays back down onto the bed as Alex rushes out the door, squeezing tears back. She can hear M’gann shuffling from the bed beside her, and tilts her head towards her.

“I’m sorry,” she says softly. “About leaving your father.”

Kara jerks her head into a nod and closes her eyes. She feels too wired to sleep. There’s too many thoughts running through her mind. Will Alex find Jeremiah? Will they both be okay? Will Lillian Luthor hurt them? Does Lena know about any of this? What do they want with her blood? How is she going to explain to J’onn about M’gann?

It’s too much, and yet somehow, her body must know what it needs, because she’s out cold within minutes.

…

…

Kara wakes to Alex’s face, her hand clasped gently in Kara’s own.

There are tears in Alex’s eyes, and when Kara moves to sit up, Alex just shakes her head, and that tells Kara everything. She hates herself, for leaving him there. For not _insisting_ that he come with them right then and there. They could have all gotten out. Kara lets out a sob, and Alex reaches out, and then they’re clinging to each other and crying. No person in the world can go through that kind of having and taking away in such a short amount of time and still be okay after. She feels like she’s lost _everything,_ all over again. Kara doesn’t know how long they sit there like that, but she’s exhausted when they finally break apart.

“We’re going to find him,” she promises.

Alex is still shaking, trying to wipe her face as she helps Kara down off the sunbed. “But, you saw him?” she asks. “I mean… he seemed okay?”

“He saved me,” Kara grabs Alex’s hand. “And he was still… him.”

Alex nods, and they slowly make their way out of the med bay. Kara doesn’t know what Alex has already told J’onn, or Winn, or even where M’gann is now, but no one comes to find them as Alex hands Kara some clothes, and she changes out of her suit. She can feel her powers returning, but trying to fly them both home right now would probably be a mistake.

“I still can’t believe that Lena’s mother runs Cadmus,” Alex says, once Kara’s yanked a shirt on over her head.

She swallows, and tugs a pair of sweatpants on. “I wonder how much she knows.”

“What do you think?”

They walk outside to one of the DEO cars that Alex often uses, and climb inside. “I don’t—” Kara presses her palms against her thighs and breathes, remembering Lena’s laugh from… god, has it been over a day now? The way that her face lights up when she sees Kara, like somehow, being around her makes Lena’s whole day. The crack of pain in her voice, when—Kara knows now—Lillian swept into her office and brushed her off. The brave determination on her face when she promises, over and over again, to be better than her family.

Kara believes her.

_Did believe her._

“I don’t know,” she finally says. “I need to talk to her. I… after everything that she has done so far, to try and distance herself from Lex, asking Supergirl for help. I think she deserves the benefit of the doubt.”

“Okay,” Alex says. “Okay.”

Kara closes her eyes, and breathes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the whole month in between updates...
> 
> my kapow buddies really wanted winn and lena to go on a date, so i indulged them. rest assured, they are going to remain totally platonic buddies. also, if part of lena's pov in this sounds _really_ familiar, it's because you might have read my cat/lena thing, and i totally lifted some of it right from that. i knew i was gonna want to wayyy back when i posted it the first time... and i was right. whoops.

**xxi. ya got trouble**

For the second year in a row, Eliza comes to National City for Thanksgiving, instead of Kara and Alex going to her. She’s not sure if this is going to become the new tradition, or even if she wants it to, but there are too many other things on her mind right now to bother bringing it up.

Lena. Jeremiah. Cadmus. Lillian.

Alex, getting plastered and trying to come out to their mother over dinner.

Finally, while Alex is mumbling incoherently into her stuffing, Eliza asks, “Honey, is this about Maggie?” and Kara and Alex both freeze. Winn looks confused for half a second, and then his eyes widen, and he slouches down into his seat and doesn’t make eye contact with anyone but Kara. Eliza smiles and pulls Alex—drunkenly crying now—into her arms and tells her that she loves her, and Kara sinks back into her chair with relief. She never once thought that Eliza would have a problem with it, but the relief on her sister’s face hits Kara nearly as hard as it hits Alex. Winn makes some joke about James missing all the fun since he went to his mom’s for the holiday, and Alex laughs way too hard until Eliza starts rubbing at her shoulders.

They spend the rest of the evening on the couch, watching a marathon of _Friends_ episodes. Alex sobers up slowly, and Eliza doesn’t let go of her until she falls asleep hours later, still half cuddled onto her lap.

“What are we gonna do,” Winn whispers as he and Kara pack up leftovers while Eliza shuffles Alex into Kara’s guest bedroom with her. “About Lena?” he clarifies.

Kara sighs, and ends up accidentally snapping the tupperware top that’s in her hands completely in half.

“Yeah, that’s about my thoughts too,” he takes it from her gently. “I mean, I was all ready to ask her out. Do you think I attract evil people? Like my dad, Siobhan, now Lena.”

“What?” Kara sputters. “You were… _what?”_ she doesn’t know why the word comes out so harshly. But the idea of Winn going on a date with Lena makes her _furious_ in a way that it most definitely shouldn’t.

Winn looks at her a little funny, then says carefully. “Um, I don’t know. I kinda like her? I figured why not see if there’s anything there? Are you… mad at me or something?”

“I’m, _no_ ,” Kara laughs; it’s not convincing. “I just think you should… I mean we don’t know what she knows about Cadmus and—”

“You’re the one who said that we should give her a chance,” he says with a frown.

“I know!” Kara yells. Winn’s confused frown deepens and Kara forces her voice calm. “And I stand by that,” she shoves the mashed potatoes into the fridge. “I just… I mean a _date_ seems a little… much, don’t you think?”

“Or, a great way to suss her out,” he rubs his hands together manically. “Like an undercover honeypot! Oh! Or—”

“That’s a horrible thing to do Winn,” Kara snaps, and all the excitement deflates out of him.

“I didn’t really mean—”

“Considering all of the things that people have done and said to her, you’d really trick her into a date to get information?”

“No,” Winn looks genuinely distressed. “No, I wouldn’t. I really didn’t mean it like that Kara. I mean, I half did,” he admits. “But I was mostly joking. I’m sorry.”

“It’s…” Kara closes the fridge gently and sighs. “I know you wouldn’t. I’m sorry I snapped. I’m just, really tired.”

“Yeah,” Winn grabs his bag and slings it over his shoulder. “Me too. I’ll get out of here. You get some sleep,” he steps towards her, slowly, holding his arms out, and pulls her into a hug. Kara sinks into him. “We’ll figure it out,” he promises. “Are we telling Eliza?” he asks. “About Jeremiah?”

“I don’t know yet. I think so. I hate keeping secrets.”

Winn pops her gently on the chin, trying to pull a smile out of her. “I can’t believe that Alex cried into her stuffing and James missed it.”

Kara whacks him on the shoulder. “Don’t be mean, she was nervous.”

“Alex Danvers, big ol’ gay ball of nerves,” he moves towards the door. “God love her.”

“Go home,” Kara orders, but she’s smiling now, and Winn beams happily at the sight.

…

…

She wakes after Eliza, but before Alex.

When Kara shuffles into the kitchen, Eliza is sitting at the island table, nursing a cup of coffee. “Morning sweetie,” she says with a smile, holding an arm out. Kara tucks into her side, and Eliza hums, pressing a kiss to her temple and patting her lightly on the bottom as she moves to get a cup of her own coffee.

“Did you sleep okay?”

Eliza laughs. “I did. Though it’s nice to know that no matter how old Alex gets, she is still going to end up flopped on top of me in her sleep. Just like when she was a baby.”

Kara chuckles, remembering being shown baby pictures of Alex, dead to the world on Eliza’s shoulder. Kara leans over the counter, smoothing peanut butter onto a banana as Eliza studies her.

“So, what secret are _you_ trying to let me in on?” Eliza teases a few moments later.

“What, I’m not—” Eliza’s eyebrows shoot up and Kara sighs. “Okay, yeah. You’re right,” she admits.

“Are you gay too?” Eliza asks, bright smile on her face as she refills her coffee mug.

“No,” Kara rolls her eyes. “I’m probably pansexual though,” she adds after a beat. “But that’s not what I wanted—it’s not about that. It’s about Jeremiah.”

Kara has Eliza’s full attention. She doesn’t want to do this without Alex, but she doesn’t want to leave Eliza out of the loop anymore. Kara watches Eliza set her mug down very carefully onto the counter top and straighten her spine, bracing herself for whatever it is that Kara is about to say.

“He’s definitely alive. I saw him. He rescued me from Cadmus.”

Eliza’s eyes well up with tears and she sucks in a breath before stepping closer to Kara and wrapping her arms around her tightly. She’s shaking when Kara hugs her back, and they stand there like that until Alex stumbles out of the guest room, rubbing sleep from her eyes and finds them.

“You told her about Dad?” she asks, voice small.

Kara nods into Eliza’s neck, she’s still using Kara a little bit to keep herself fully upright. “What happened?” she asks, pulling back a little.

“He’s been their prisoner the whole time I guess. Or, at least for the last few years. I’m not really sure. He found us after Lillian drained my powers and took a sample of my blood. He got M’gann and I out, but he stayed back as a distraction. I tried to make him come with us—” Kara’s voice cracks, and Eliza hugs her again, fiercely.

“Don’t you dare,” she orders. “You put too much blame on yourself,” she catches Alex’s eye and Kara sees her step closer. “Both of you,” she pulls Alex in beside Kara, and holds them both there for a moment, before pushing them back and wiping at her own eyes. “So, we know he’s alive. And we know he’s alright. Those are both good things.”

“Yeah,” Kara straightens up. “And… my friend Lena might be able to give us more information about Cadmus. I don’t… I don’t know how much she knows about her mother’s involvement.”

Alex frowns at that. “Winn should hack into her stuff.”

“No,” Kara says. “She’s my friend. I’ll just… ask.”

Alex’s eyebrows go up now, arched even more perfectly than Eliza’s. “You don’t think that Kara Danvers asking her about her mother’s secret organization, an organization that has publicly gone against Supergirl, won’t be suspicious at all?”

“I’m a reporter Alex,” Kara defends. “Investigating stuff like Cadmus is actually my job. Outside of being Supergirl. Besides, I don’t have to present it to her like that. I can be sneaky when I need to!”

Alex and Eliza share a dubious look across the kitchen.

“I can!” Kara protests.

“Sweetheart, when you ate the batch of chocolate chip cookies that were supposed to go to a school fundraiser, you burst into tears and admitted that it was you the very second I asked,” Eliza says. Alex starts laughing as she moves to get a cup of coffee.

“I was fourteen then!” Kara says. “This is different.”

“Right, it’s not cookies. It’s your friendship with Lena. And your secret as Supergirl,” Alex quips.

“I can do it,” Kara protests, and storms off to get dressed.

“I’m gonna tell Winn to hack her anyway,” Alex whispers to Eliza, knowing full well that Kara can hear her perfectly fine.

“Alexandra,” Eliza says warningly, “be nice.”

…

…

Lena beams at Kara when she walks into her office, and Kara can’t help but remember the relaxed look on her face the last time that Kara was here. It twists something in her gut, knowing exactly who Lena’s mother is now, and why Kara is here this time. Part of her wants to just blurt it out. Be honest, and ask Lena what she knows. But a voice in her head, one that sounds an awful lot like Alex, squelches that thought as soon as it appears.

“It’s a puff piece,” she finds herself saying instead. “Women of power and the mothers who molded them.”

Lena’s face pinches a bit as she sits down behind her desk. “Of course I’m happy to help Kara,” she says genuinely. “I’m just not sure how interesting my mother and I actually are.”

“Oh, I’m sure that your mother is fascinating,” Kara says, perhaps with less subtly than she was going for. She should have asked Lois how she gets answers out of people so easily. Hell, when this whole thing blows over, maybe Kara will see if she can go shadow Lois for a few days.

Lena’s face falls a bit, but her composure doesn’t change much. “Listen Kara, you can write whatever sounds good,” she offers. “But, the truth is, as a daughter I always seemed to fall short. We could never agree on anything.”

Kara’s heart rate picks up. “What sort of things didn’t you agree on?” she asks, hoping the desperation isn’t showing in her voice. Hoping that Lena knows nothing at all about Cadmus. Hoping that alien detection advice really _was_ all Lena said it was, and not something more nefarious. Hoping that she hasn’t grown fond of someone who is about to hurt her, like Clark did.

“My mother couldn’t care less about L-Corp,” Lena says after Kara asks about the business, something like bitterness to her tone.

“What about back when it was LuthorCorp?” Kara prods. Lena’s eyes widen, just a tick, and her eyebrow arches in a way that could definitely give Alex a run for her money as Kara presses on. “How did she feel when you changed the company’s direction?”

“You mean when I changed it from its murdering, world domination direction?” she teases.

Kara laughs, and looks down at her notes, trying to come up with a way to ask Lena what she knows, without just _asking her_ outright _._ Which, is all that she really wants to do, secrets be damned.

“It’s just,” she sighs, and looks back up at Lena. “You said to me once that you wanted L-Corp to be a force for _good,_ ” she emphasizes the word as Lena locks eyes with her. “I mean she has to be proud of that?”

Lena smiles back at her, but, Kara has seen what a real smile looks like on Lena Luthor’s face, and this isn’t it. It’s a false, fractured thing that she’s putting on because she thinks that she has to. Her voice is a little tight, controlled, when she says, “Yeah I would hope so.” It’s the sincerest that she has sounded since they started talking about Lillian, and it breaks Kara’s heart a little. Before she can press any further, because _really_ this isn’t very helpful, Lena quickly changes the subject. Claims she forgot about a meeting and apologizes, and Kara closes her notepad and picks up her things to leave. She’s clearly being kicked out in the politest way that Lena can think of, and while that doesn’t bode well, Kara doesn’t want to push any further right now.

She meets Lena’s gaze, smiles, then leaves. Walking slowly out the door and past Jess’s desk, she listens intently and hears Lena on the phone saying, “Mom, we need to talk.”

Kara swallows, fakes a smile to Jess, and heads straight for the DEO with a sinking feeling in her gut.

…

…

Alex brings Thanksgiving leftovers for J’onn, but he barely notices them. He’s furious that Kara let M’gann out of her cell. Kara’s never seen him this angry with her before, and when he yells out in frustration, Alex flinches and tries to jump in front of Kara on instinct. Even though J’onn isn’t anywhere near her, and they both know that he would never hurt either of them.

“James was right,” Kara says, soft but firmly. “We can’t just throw people into cells without any sort of trial or due process.”

“She’s a war criminal,” J’onn hisses.

“Is she?” Kara retorts. “Because according to everything that she’s said to you, and to me, she tried to help as many Green Martians as she could. She went _against_ her orders when she knew that they were wrong. And she’s done nothing but help us since we met her. She’s the reason that you’re alive right now.”

“Kara,” J’onn warns.

“I’m not saying that you have to like her. Or even that she should just get off scot free, but we can’t just lock her up and leave it at that J’onn. You know we can’t. Being associated with people who’ve done horrible things doesn’t make you a horrible person too.”

“This is not about Lena Luthor,” J’onn snaps. “Who, for all we know, could very well be in cahoots with her mother.”

“That’s not what I was talking about, though I do think we should give her the benefit of the doubt too.”

J’onn is about to stalk off when Alex’s phone starts ringing. Her face pinches, and that’s when Kara knows it’s Maggie on the other end of the line. She moves closer to Alex for support.

“Sawyer,” she says, answering. Her face changes immediately from uncomfortable to professional and Kara waits in anticipation.

“Oh, guys—” Winn comes running into the room. “There was an… explosion? Thing? At the alien bar.”

Kara shoots a quick look to Alex, who nods. She steps over, wraps her arms around Alex’s middle, and lifts into the air. The whole flight over, Alex chats with Maggie, getting as much information as they can before they land, a DEO strike team only a few minutes behind.

“That was quick Danvers,” Maggie jokes, then catches sight of Kara. “Personal flight will do that I suppose.”

Kara crosses her arms in front of herself and ignores Maggie’s attempts to make this less awkward. She hurt Alex. Plus, explosion—thing.

“You mentioned survivors?”

“Two, yeah,” Maggie directs them as the DEO’s team arrives and a quarantine is put in place. M’gann, and a Starhavenite woman named Lyra Strayd are quickly ushered into protective quarantine vans, and before Kara can say anything else to Maggie, Alex is pulling them away. Calling “Bye” over her shoulder without looking.

“That was a little rude,” Kara says on their way back to the DEO.

“I said bye,” Alex protests.

“Rudely,” Kara retorts.

“Shut up. You were rude first.”

“I wasn’t—okay a little. But, one problem at a time. Alien bio-weapons, definitely Cadmus,” Kara moves to fly out of the van and Alex grips her thigh tightly.

“What are you doing?”

“I need to go back and talk to Lena.”

“My alien sister isn’t going _anywhere_ but straight to the DEO until we figure out how Cadmus was able to target only aliens.”

“Alex—”

“No,” she pushes down on Kara’s thigh and Kara relents. More because of the worry in Alex’s eyes than from her hand trying to keep Kara in place. Alex lets out a puff of relief. “I think we should bring Mom in. She specializes in Astro-Biology. I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

“I’m sure J’onn will be okay with it.”

“Are _you_ okay?” Alex asks.

“No, there’s a weapon that can target aliens and leave humans perfectly healthy. Cadmus is definitely behind it. They have Jeremiah. And Lena might be… working with her mother,” Kara kicks out at the floor in frustration. “And I’m not allowed to do anything but wait because the virus might hurt me too.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Alex promises. “Mom’s a genius.”

Kara smiles. “Yeah.”

“And we’re _going_ to find Dad. And defeat Cadmus.”

“Yeah,” Kara says again, quieter.

“And… if Lena is working with her mother, we’ll deal with it.”

“I really don’t want her to be,” Kara admits.

Alex’s arm wraps around her, the DEO agents driving be damned, she pulls Kara in tightly. “I know. We’ll figure it out.”

“Winn wants to ask her out on a date.”

Alex snorts. “She’d eat him alive. Evil or not.”

Kara tries very hard to squelch the jealous burn inside her gut. She has no reason to be. Winn and Lena are both adults, and they can do whatever they want. Dating shouldn’t affect her friendship with either of them.

The feeling remains anyway, and Kara stews in it as she’s ushered inside the DEO, and M’gann and Lyra are placed into quarantine chambers. J’onn, glaring at M’gann until Alex pulls him away for something else. Kara walks over towards the women, giving M’gann a small, sad wave and introducing herself to Lyra.

“So,” she offers, “either of you ever played Monopoly?”

…

…

 **xxii.** **this old routine**

Her phone goes off, shocking her out of the daze she’d managed to zone into and Lena jerks at her desk. She reaches for her phone and expects a text from her mother rebuffing her. ‘Something came up; we’ll have to reschedule.’ Or something of a similar variety. Instead, the message makes no sense to her whatsoever.

 **[Winslow Schott Jr 09:45am]** _hey, so, I was wondering if maybe you were free this afternoon? I know it’s a holiday weekend, which is a little weird, but I had fun last the time we hung out and I was wondering if you wanted to do it again? Just like, you and me? Coffee? Or tea, if you like?_

 **[Winslow Schott Jr 09:46am]** _Wow, that sounded pathetically rambly? And maybe not totally clear? I’m sorry. I’m asking you out._

 **[Winslow Schott Jr 09:46am]** _On a date like thing, just, to be 100% clear._

 **[Winslow Schott Jr 09:47am]** _Is that, something you’d like to do?_

Lena has no idea how to respond to this. She stares down at the string of messages until the screen goes dark on its own. The phone lights up again before she can do anything else.

 **[Winslow Schott Jr 09:50am]** _I’m sorry. Did I just freak you out and ruin our blossoming friendship?_

 **[Winslow Schott Jr 09:50am]** _holy shit I just said ‘blossoming friendship’ I am so, so sorry. Ignore all of this._

 **[Winslow Schott Jr 09:51am]** _Unless the date thing was something you were interested in, in which case, I would still like to get coffee with you._

 **[Winslow Schott Jr 09:52am]** _okay, I’m not going to text you again until you respond, because I’m feeling a little obnoxious now._

 **[Winslow Schott Jr 09:52am]** _Thanks for your time._

 **[Winslow Schott Jr 09:52am]** _I have no idea why I said that, and I regret that you can’t delete a text after you’ve stupidly hit sent, but, here we are. I’m so sorry._

Lena sets her phone down and stares at it, unsure if it’s going to keep blowing up with more of Winn’s texts or not. She cannot comprehend _why_ he would be asking her out, as sweet as his nervous string of texts are. Lena’s never had much of a love life to speak of, but she also grew up very much in the public eye, and her sexuality became a known thing to the world at age seventeen. A gossip rag, her mother’s ire, Lex and Lionel’s protective fury, and the assurance that _no one_ not even someone claiming to love her, could be trusted if they weren’t a Luthor.

It’s still all out there for anyone to see with nothing more than a simple Google search, and bothering to click beyond the first page of links from Lex’s trial and L-Corp’s re-branding. A fact that many of her investors have so helpfully brought to her attention from time to time.

(As if she didn’t know.)

Winn, surely, with a computer attached to him almost at all times, has to know this? Doesn’t he? Lena picks her phone back up and checks the messages again. Maybe she read it wrong, and there’s no romantic undertones to his offer whatsoever. Merely friendship. Which is what Lena desperately wants from him, she’s come to realize.

It wasn’t the case, at first. She found him annoying, if slightly charming in his eagerness to discuss L-Corp’s technology. But, there had to be a reason that Kara Danvers would chose him as a best friend, so, Lena indulged him.

He reminds Lena of Kara, in a few ways. They’re both goofy, and sweet, and kind, and for reasons Lena doesn’t quite understand, they both seem to just _like_ her in a way that she’s never come across before.

Plus, she absolutely does _not_ want to talk about their respective evil family members, but just knowing that Winn sort of understands without her having to voice it, some of what she feels about Lex, makes his presence in her life feel valuable and worth exploring.

Dating him however… is not really how she wants to go about it. Now that he’s asked, Lena doesn’t know how to get him to roll it back without having him feel rejected. Without, as he so adorably put it, ‘ruining their blossoming friendship.’

Agreeing to date a man in order to continue a friendship sounds extreme, even for Lena. Though, it wouldn’t be the first time.

Her phone dings again, and Lena reaches for it cautiously.

 **[Mom 10:24am]** _I’ll be there around 1. Unless you have a prior engagement?_

She doesn’t mean a meeting. Lena wasn’t lying to Kara the day before; Lillian doesn’t care a whit about L-Corp now that Lena is at the helm. It’s a stark contrast from the days when Lex was CEO, but not terribly dissimilar to when Lionel was in control. The main difference is, Lillian trusted Lionel with his business affairs, she just doesn’t care about Lena’s.

Her mother doesn’t mean a meeting, she never does. It’s a dig at Lena’s lack of personal life. And it stings much more than it usually does, with Winn’s question hanging over her head still.

 **[10:26am]** _One works for me. I’ll see you then._

Lena sighs, turns her phone on silent, and pulls her laptop closer. She might as well actually try to get some work done.

…

…

Lena has already had one glass of wine by the time that her mother arrives. A rare indulgence. Even more rare, a second, half-drunk, rests on her desk along with the meager excuse of lunch full of leftovers from a Thanksgiving dinner that never happened. (It’s a holiday based mostly on genocide and lies anyhow; the sting of spending it alone has lessened to almost nothing at this point.)

The wine and her frustrations bubble up, and she’s combative almost the very second that Lillian walks through her door. It feels juvenile and satisfying all at once. Per usual, Lillian doesn’t let her in. Doesn’t rise to Lena’s bait. Stays calm and cool as Lena bristles and burns underneath her gaze.

She hasn’t seen her mother in person since Lex’s trail—almost a year and a half now—and maybe that’s why the mere sight of her sends Lena back to childish accusations.

“You shouldn’t take it all so personally,” Lillian says, hands in her pockets, towering over Lena’s desk. “No parent truly loves their children equally. And though maybe I loved Lex more, I do love you Lena. In my own way.”

Lena rolls her eyes at the words. _Loved Lex_. As if it were entirely in the past. Squelched out the moment that he was dragged into his cell, spitting mad and raving at the entire courtroom as Lillian stood stoically beside Lena. Her hand had slipped into Lena’s, and she’d pulled them out of the room without a word. At the time, Lena had been so overwhelmed, she leaned into her mother without thought, grateful for the comfort as they were surrounded by reporters. Then, she’d realized that her mother—as ever—was putting on a show. The Luthor Women: stoic and together as a family, and very much apart from Lex. If Lillian Luthor was seen comforting her daughter, of course she couldn’t be held responsible for the spawn that Lex had become. Of course not.

Her comfort, her love, always comes with conditions when it comes to Lena.

Lillian changes the subject. She makes a few small comments about the business and Lena’s love life that leave her smarting. And Lena wonders, for the thousandth time, if she were Lillian’s biological daughter, how different things between them would be.

But she’s not, and her mother has never once let her forget that.

Lena warns her about Kara, but doesn’t mention her own efforts to find out just what exactly it is that Lillian’s up to. She’s done her daughterly duty for the day. Lillian feigns ignorance, and it’s so infuriating the way her mask never drops, not for a second. Calm and collected no matter what. Lena’s hands are crossed so tightly around herself that she can see marks on her arms. Feel hot, frustrated tears threatening to fall.

“If that’s how you want to play it, fine,” she snaps. “I’ve got a coffee date in half an hour. Let’s do this all over again at Christmas.”

“A date?” Lillian asks, amusement laced in her voice.

“Yes. So if you’ll excuse me—”

“With whom?” Lillian interrupts.

“You don’t know him,” Lena moves back over to her desk, but does not sit down. Does not look her mother in the eye, but she can feel her smirk washing over her, all the way from here.

“A him?” her voice drips with laughter. “Really Lena, don’t put on a show in my account. It’s been twelve years. I’ve long since gotten over the embarrassing way you chose to come out.”

“I didn’t _chose to_ —” Lena cheeks burn as she snaps her mouth shut. Her mother never responds well to yelling. Fighting with her that way gets you nowhere. She only respects control. Intelligent arguments presented well. “Being outed by a gossip magazine as a teenager isn’t how I would have chosen to do it either Mom, but it wasn’t exactly something I had any control over.”

“Well, you had control over who you chose to spend your time with and where. You had control about how discrete you were being.”

Lena says nothing in response.  

“So, are we saying that you’re bisexual now dear?” she presses on. “Because I’ve tried to set you up with more than a few men from good families over the years, and you argued very clearly using the word lesbian every time. Was it just that _I_ thought up a match?”

Lena rearranges papers on her desk, and grabs blindly for her phone. Not saying a word to her mother as she quickly types out: **[01:27pm]** _Meet me at the café on the corner of 6 th street in fifteen minutes. _She locks her phone, then looks up to meet Lillian’s gaze.

“It _was_ just because it was my idea,” Lillian answers her own question. “You always made excuses about the women that I tried to set you up with as well.”

“Lex did the same,” Lena snaps, without thinking. “Neither of us wanted you to find us a date.”

“Well,” Lillian paces now, her hands still never leaving the pockets of her coat. It’s worse, than if she were making grandiose gestures with her hands. She much angrier when she’s controlled like this; it never bodes well. Lena shouldn’t have brought up Lex. “I hope you enjoy your date that you found _all on your own._ Do let me know whether or not I should correct people when they refer to you as a lesbian.”

Lillian leaves without so much as a ‘Happy Thanksgiving’ and Lena dumps the remains of her wine down the sink, her food into the trash, and goes out into the lobby with dry eyes.

…

…

Winn looks impossibly happy to see her, if a little out of breath, and Lena already feels nauseous. Agreeing to this out of some sense of spite towards her mother was a terrible idea. Winn bounds over, releasing a breath and saying, “Hi, wow I do _not_ work close to here. Fifteen minutes was a fun challenge. You look great.”

She’s in the same dress that she’s had on all day for work. It’s not usually what she’d choose for a date. Not even close. Winn looks like he’s going to lean in and give her a peck on the cheek, but he thinks better of it, instead, oddly patting her on the shoulder.

“Thank you,” Lena says, realizing she’s yet to answer him.

“Um, do you want coffee, or tea?”

“Coffee,” she decides, pulling out her credit card. “What would you like?”

“Oh, um, coffee I think,” he follows her up to the line. “But I can—” he moves to dig into his bag and Lena quickly waves him off.

“I’ve got it,” she assures him. Usually, this puts men off. They frown, or posture, insisting to the point of emasculating themselves by acting like a child, not because Lena has the means to pay. Winn, just stops fidgeting with his bag, smiles at Lena and shrugs.

“Okay, thanks. Um, no sugar, but a little cream? I can go find us a place to sit?”

“Okay,” Lena says, and then he’s smiling at her again, and then he’s gone. The barista raises his eyebrows at Lena in question, and she orders.

“He’s eager,” the barista says, passing over the two coffees with a playful smirk. “Have fun.”

“Thanks,” Lena says slowly. Her apprehension must be showing, because the man frowns at her.

“Hey, if he gets weird, just catch my eye,” he offers. “We’ve got a policy. No questions. I can get rid of him if you need. Or my manager can. He’s much stronger than me,” he laughs, giving Lena a smile. “But I am stronger than I look. Years of defending myself to straight dudes does have its benefits,” he jokes. It settles something in Lena, and she finds herself smiling back at him sincerely.

“I’m sure that won’t be necessary,” she tells him. “But thanks for the offer,” she glances at his name tag, “Antoine.”

He gives her a ‘tip your hat’ motion and she laughs again before turning to find Winn. He’s waving at her from a table near the corner window. Lena digs back into her purse and pulls out a fifty dollar bill, slipping it into Antoine’s tip jar while he’s busy with the next customer. Then she walks over to meet Winn. He moves to stand when she approaches, and bangs his knees into the table. He winces, but still moves to pull out Lena’s chair for her. “Good thing you had the coffees in your hand,” he says, trying to cover his embarrassment.

Lena passes him the cup with cream in it, and wraps her hands around her own, letting the warmth calm her. “I’m sorry I gave you such short notice,” she apologizes. “It wasn’t my intention, but today was a little… well. I’m sorry.”

Winn waves her off, sipping his coffee too soon and regretting it as he hisses from the temperature. “It’s fine,” he mumbles, biting down on his tongue. “Are you working today?” he asks, as if she shouldn’t be. It reminds her of a similar way that Kara has asked her that very question; with concern, not judgement.  

She should not be thinking of Kara right now.

(She does anyway. Kara, pops into Lena’s thoughts at the most inopportune times these days. But, if she’s having fantasies about kissing a new friend, they should be with the person she is currently on a date with, not the woman that she can’t seem to get out of her head.)

Winn says something again, and Lena blinks back into the conversation. “I’m sorry,” she apologizes. “What?”

To his credit, Winn laughs and leans back in his chair. Running a hand through his hair as he picks up his coffee and takes a sip, he shakes his head and never stops smiling at Lena. “So, this is a complete disaster huh?”

“Oh, no—” Lena panics, she’s already lost his friendship. She’s fucked this up and it hasn’t even been a full thirty minutes.

“I see the error of my ways. We’re totally just gonna be buddies aren’t we?” he asks, motioning between them. “I mean, please tell me that you’re as uncomfortable as I am right now. Cause if you were somehow enjoying this I’m gonna feel really bad but like… I keep looking at your lips and I have no desire to kiss them,” his eyes go wide, and this time when he jerks forward and slams his knees into the table, coffee does spill. “No,” he yelps. “I didn’t mean it like—you’re a very attractive woman—I just meant, holy shit that hurt,” he groans, rubbing at his knees. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Please still want to be my friend even though this whole thing has been a mess. Also, please hand me that napkin. Hot coffee is dripping onto my pants.”

Lena reaches out and grabs the cloth napkin, passing it over and trying to bite back her laughter as he dabs at his pants forcefully. “Winn,” she says. “I’m a lesbian.”

He looks up, pausing, and tilts his head in confusion. “Why did you say yes to the date then? I’m a boy. A _man,”_ he corrects. “I am a man.”

Lena shrugs, tugging the napkin out of his hands and wetting it from one of the water glasses Winn got for them before she sat down. She dabs gently at the stain on his knee. “That’s a long story that mostly involves spiting my mother and being terrible at maintaining friendships.” He catches her eye, a smile growing on his face. Lena shrugs one shoulder. “I panicked.”

The smile on Winn’s face splits out and he actually yells, “AH HA! Over me!” he pulls a dramatic southern accent. “You panicked over little ol’ me!”

Lena throws the napkin at his head and Winn laughs, and laughs, and laughs. “Damn, aren’t we a pair?” he says once he’s caught his breath. “Thank god that we’re gonna be awkward second best friends. That will make things easier.”

Lena knits her eyebrows together. “Second best friends?”

“Well, Kara is my first best friend,” he says easily. “I met her first, sorry them’s the rules. And James is sort like, well I guess he _was_ my second best friend, but I think you’ve bumped him down to third. Because he doesn’t like geeking out. And it’s,” his face twists, and he looks down at the table. “He doesn’t really get it. When I talk about my dad. Bless him,” the southern accent is back, “the boy tries. But,” he shrugs it off. As if shrugging off all emotion relating to his father. Horrifyingly, Lena can relate.

“Right,” she says. “Well…”

“And Alex is like the mean big sister that I never really wanted? But oddly enough, I’m into the idea now that she’s around. So,” he claps his hands together. “Since this was a disaster and devoid of all sexual tension on both our ends, welcome to second best friend status,” he sticks out his hand. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” he admits. “I had one friend in high school. And I only have other friends because of Kara.”

Lena doesn’t bother biting back her smile this time. She reaches out and shakes Winn’s hand. “As you can probably tell from me agreeing this date for no other reason than wanting to be your friend, I don’t know what I’m doing either.”

“Well, your mom was the other reason,” he says, not letting her forget that. They drop their hands and Winn sips at the remains of his coffee. “Is she not okay with the lesbian thing yet? Did you recently come out? Because oddly enough, someone else just came out to me as a lesbian only yesterday. I mean, not to _me_ specifically. But I was there and we’re friends. So I was involved.”

“She’s known for years. It’s not that. Honestly, I’m surprised that _you_ didn’t know. Most of the wider public does.”

“Oh,” Winn frowns. “I never googled you. Now I feel a bit stupid. But this was weirdly fun anyway? Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Amazingly, yes,” Lena says, not lying in the slightest. This is a breath of relief compared to everything with her mother earlier this afternoon. Winn might have turned her whole day around. She glances at the time and frowns, she _does_ have a few things that she should go back to work and finish. Lena swallows the dregs of her coffee, and rises carefully from her seat, smirking at the way Winn rolls his eyes when she motions to her own knees, never once slamming into the table. “Tell Alex that she’s free to give me a call if she wants someone to talk to. I know how weird things can be when you first come out.”

“How’d you know I was talking about Alex?” he frowns. “I never said on purpose. I didn’t want to tell anyone without her permission.”

“Oh,” Lena breathes, “I wish we had been friends when I was seventeen.” It just falls out of her mouth before she can stop it.

Winn’s frown deepens, and he moves to—what Lena doesn’t know—but she takes a step away from him in preparation anyway. Winn’s hands hang limply in the space between them both for a beat, then he nods. “Yeah well, we’ll just have to make up for lost time I guess,” he says, pulling a grin.

“I guess so.”

“How _did_ you know that I meant Alex though?”

Lena presses her lips together. “Everything about her screams queer. Plus, you just listed every person that you’re friends with. It was either her or Kara. I had a fifty-fifty shot at being right.”

Winn laughs. “Well, you would have been like, a little bit right no matter what then, I guess. Because back on Kara’s—” his face does something horribly complicated and he freezes up, just for a second before covering it with a cough. “Kara’s never made a big deal of it, but I think she’s bi. Or just, doesn’t label herself or whatever,” he shrugs, still looking like he’s revealed something more that he shouldn’t have. He claps a hand around Lena’s shoulder and starts leading them both out of the café. “Anyway! That’s her business. You guessed right about Alex, but I don’t have a prize for you, sorry. But yeah, I’ll let her know. However,” he pauses, turning in front of Lena as they reach the sidewalk, walking backwards in front of her. “She tends to get violent about things like feelings, so if I wind up dead, you know who to accuse for my murder,” he says, and honest to god gives Lena finger guns again, then spins till he’s walking normally. “Catch ya later buddy!” he yells.

All in all, probably one of the weirdest dates that Lena’s ever been on.

All in all, probably one of the best.

And if _that_ isn’t sad, Lena doesn’t know what is.

…

…

 **xxiii.** **somewhere, a clock is ticking**

M’gann starts choking, and shaking, and Kara doesn’t even think before jumping up and breaking the quarantine. Lyra starts choking half a second later, and Kara screams for help.

It’s a little weird, having Eliza in the DEO. It makes her feel younger. Makes her pause and look to her for… not permission so much, but approval, certainly. She’s never been more grateful, though, because as brilliant as Alex is, she stopped her education in this field and focused on training with the DEO. Eliza, has been working on things like this for her entire career.

When she walks out of the med-bay, informing everyone that the virus isn’t airborne, and can’t infect anyone else unless they’re in direct contact with the weapon, everyone lets out a sigh of relief.

It’s short lived.

“It’s Kryptonian?” Alex asks. Eliza nods and Kara feels sick. Confused. “But, how would Cadmus even get something like that?”

“My blood,” Kara realizes in horror. “That’s why they needed it. To get into the Fortress of Solitude.”

She flies there immediately, without calling Clark. He’s given her blanket permission, says it belongs to the both of them equally now. But, perhaps she should have called him, because the minute Kelex floats over, it starts calling her a traitor and trying to kill her. Kara is forced to destroy it with her heat vision.

Another thing from Krypton, gone.

It’s somehow the least jarring thing to happen. When Kara notices the remains of her blood on the data pad, she quickly queues up the last thing typed in and frowns. She’s never heard of a single mention of Project Medusa. Before she knows what’s happening, she’s hit another button, and a holo projection of her father is in front of her.

Kara sucks in a sharp breath. _It’s not really him._ She presses her hands against her sides as he asks what she would like to know, and then crosses her arms over her chest. “What is Project Medusa?” she asks, trying not to focus on his face. She hasn’t seen an image of him in almost thirteen years. The chill of the Fortress never affects her, but she feels chilled all the same as her father starts speaking.

(Not her father. A holo of collected data.)

“Uh, a virus _you_ created?”

Each new thing that he says makes Kara feel sick. She shuts the data pad off angrily, and flies straight back to the DEO, relaying the information to everyone and feeling more confused about her parents than she has in a long time. Since Astra was here.

“Guess who had a terrible date with Lena Luthor!” Winn announces as he waltzes into the room. “This guy!” he jokes. “I… get it? The thumb joke thing? No one? Alright, it’s cool it’s cool. It was terrible but also _fun._ And, I have a new second best friend. Up top!” he holds his hand out to an agent who Kara is pretty sure only started working here a few days ago. He frowns at Winn, and walks away without high-fiving him. “Tough crowd,” Winn sighs. “Kara!” he jogs over towards her. “So, Lena and I went for coffee, and wow, was it awkward—” he stops joking and his face turns serious. “What happened?”

“The virus is Kryptonian. My father created it to kill alien lives and save Kryptonians. M’gann and Lyra are dying. And if Alex and Eliza don’t find a cure soon, so will a lot more people. I’m sorry about your date.”

“No, it wasn’t like—we agreed to be buddies, it’s fine. What can I do to help?”

“See if you can be of any use to Eliza and Alex? Sit with Lyra or M’gann?”

“Okay,” Winn squeezes her shoulder and gives her a small smile. “You got it.”

“Thanks Winn,” she goes to hide out on one of the balconies while she waits. There’s nothing that she can do. She feels antsy. She can’t stop picturing the holo image of her father. J’onn comes up behind her and leans against the cement railing. “All my life, I thought my parents were the good guys,” she admits. “Now, the more I learn about them. Their lives. What they did,” she presses down on the cement, but stops when she sees a small crack appearing. “The more I learn, the more ashamed I am to be their daughter,” she admits quietly.

“They were trying to save your planet,” J’onn reminds her. “They tried to save lives.”

“I’m sure that Lex and Lillian Luthor thought their intentions were good too,” Kara counters. It’s an uncomfortable thought to have, comparing her parents to the likes of them. But now that it’s out there, Kara can’t take it back. It can’t be unknown. God, she wishes that she could talk about this with Lena. If anyone could understand what Kara is feeling right now, she can. “Could this really be their legacy? Death and destruction across the universe?”

J’onn pushes himself off the balcony, and hovers a few inches away from Kara, locking eyes with her intently. “No. Kara Zor-El, your parent’s legacy is _you,_ ” he says firmly, getting her to smile. Then, he doubles over in pain, and sends Kara’s heart into her stomach.

“J’onn? J’onn,” Kara reaches for him, then jumps back in surprise when he lifts his head to reveal half of his face, shape-shifted into something that Kara doesn’t recognize. “What’s happening to you?” she asks, as he gasps and returns to normal.

“M’gann’s blood saved me, but it’s turning me into a White Martian.”

“What… I’m… we can have Eliza and Alex work on—”

“No, Medusa is our top priority,” J’onn insists. Before Kara can say anything in protest, Eliza and Alex run up to them with new information from their findings. Kara only listens for a few seconds before leaping off the balcony and flying as fast as she can towards L-Corp.

…

…

 **xxiv.** **when you catch the light // you look like your mother // it crushes me some // just right from the side**

She’s still at work hours later, when Jess’s panicked voice squeaks out over the intercom. Lena listens in growing alarm as Jess tells her about a man with a metal face down in the lobby overpowering the security guards, fighting with Supergirl, and that she’s called the police. Lena runs out of her office, yelling at Jess not to move (she’d never forgive herself if her assistant got hurt because she works for a Luthor) and makes her way downstairs as quickly as she can.

Lena makes it to the lobby in time to see the man sending Supergirl flying across the room. She slams into the wall with so much force that Lena’s heart drops right into her stomach. She doesn’t breathe until she sees Supergirl move, dragging herself up slowly. She meets Lena’s eye, and Lena doesn’t have time to unpack what she is feeling right now, because that’s when the man catches sight of Lena. He moves over and lifts the concrete ‘L’ statue up over his head and throws it directly at Lena. She panics, running backwards and trying to throw her arms up in a feeble attempt to shield herself. There’s no point, she cannot outrun it or duck fast enough—she’s going to die.

_She wishes that Lex were here._

Then there’s a blur of red, and dust flies out everywhere. Lena gasps, choking on it as she blinks. Supergirl is stumbling slightly from the impact, her body directly in front of Lena’s. She saved Lena, again.

“Get out of here,” Supergirl says in a rush, then flies back at the man, trying to contain the damage.

Lena runs. Her legs shake so hard that she nearly falls up the stairs twice. She curses, stumbling back into her office after reassuring Jess that she’s _fine._ _Stay right there._ Supergirl and a very large number of what looked like SWAT officers have it handled. She sucks down an entire glass of water in a few seconds, then pours herself another. Her legs are still shaking. She lowers herself down into her chair and blindly reaches for her phone. Her finger hovers over the name _Lex_ for all of a second before she calls her insurance company.

That, is something that she can deal with right now. If she has to just sit here and _wait,_ then she is going to go insane.

By the time that Supergirl comes flying through her office window almost an hour later, she’s composed herself enough to laugh, genuinely. “That’s not actually an entrance you know?” she jokes. Supergirl appears to be all business though, hands placed awkwardly on her hips, not making eye contact, pacing, until she turns around and speaks and Lena’s stomach drops.

_Of course._

Lena snaps at her. Folds her arms up and swallows back tears because _of course._ “You know, I thought you were different.” She was wrong to ever think that she could have anything but a fraught relationship with a Super. Lex once thought of Superman as his friend. Lex once trusted him; look how that turned out. Supergirl is his cousin, _of course_ she doesn’t trust Lena. She never once should have let herself think otherwise. “You wear that symbol on your chest and everyone thinks you’re good,” she laughs bitterly. “How many times does your cousin put on that high and mighty costume and come after Lex?”

Of course she looks at Lena and sees _Luthor._ Sees _enemy._ Of course she accuses her mother of basically being the devil incarnate. Lena isn’t stupid, she knows that her mother is involved in something unseemly, but _this?_ Running Cadmus? Kidnapping Supergirl? Mass murder through some virus? _No._ _It can’t be true._

It seems impossible that only earlier this afternoon, Lena went on a date with Winn. That they cemented their friendship in the most awkward and unusual way possible. That he made her laugh, and relax, and think that whatever was going on with her mother, it would be okay. Lena would figure it out. She was so naïve to think that she could be allowed something good, something normal, for once in her life. Of course, something like this would happen to her only hours later. Why would she ever think otherwise?

“I know what it’s like to be disillusioned by our parents,” Supergirl says softly, bringing Lena’s attention back to her. There’s more to that, but she doesn’t elaborate as she speaks further. “But I’m a pretty good judge of character, and you are _not_ like your mother. She is cold and dangerous,” she moves closer to Lena, who doesn’t think she’s breathing right now at all. “And you are too _good_ and too smart to follow in her path.” She is so _genuine,_ so earnest as she says, “Be your own hero,” that Lena doesn’t know what to do. Supergirl is only standing a foot or so away from her now, and she’s looking at Lena like she believes what she is saying, wholeheartedly. It’s such a whiplash of emotions that Lena’s frozen by them, a little.

It’s too much.

Lena quickly drops her eyes down to her tablet and picks it up, because if she has to look at Supergirl’s face for one more second, she’ll burst into tears. She flicks at nothing on her tablet, not looking back up at Supergirl. Not looking at the symbol on her chest. Not thinking about her mother, or Lex.

“You can leave the way you came in,” she manages to bite out. It comes out as more of a plea than an order, and that only makes things worse.

Supergirl hesitates for a moment, and Lena has a terrifying thought that possibly Supergirl might move to touch her, might not take the dismissal for what it is. But she does. She walks past Lena slowly, and then she’s up in the air, and then she’s gone.

Lena bursts into tears.

Frankly, it’s been a long time coming.

…

…

It takes her half an hour of crying, and another to formulate a plan.

One good thing about being a Luthor, they tend to bounce back quickly when cornered. Each and every one of them have the _fight_ response.

She dismisses Jess for the evening, ignores a text message from Winn, and calls her mother for the second time that day. Now that she has more information, the conversation goes much better than the first. She can play this part much easier than she thought; it’s not a comfortable realization.

The drive is still terse and full of awkward silences. Lena and Lillian do much better together with buffers, and Lillian’s driver does not make a sufficient one. (Only Lex ever managed it, truly.) Lena holds the briefcase too tightly; her fingers begin to ache.

She wants _desperately_ to be wrong.

Perhaps this is all some giant cruel trick. Lex will pull up in a car, Lillian will smile at them both and declare the entire thing a ruse. A play. The three of them will go home together and it will just be _done._ It’s the most intensely childish wish that Lena’s had in almost nineteen years. Annoyingly hard to shake off.

They arrive at some undisclosed warehouse parking lot, because of course they do. Lillian and Lex both have always possessed a flare of the dramatics, and love a good story. It’s a sight primed for a noir movie, her mother’s favorite. _Lena’s favorite._ It was always the one thing that they could discuss where Lillian seemed to value Lena’s opinions, enjoy spending time with her, and never reminding Lena that she didn’t belong in this family. For a few hours, they both got to pretended to be a real mother and daughter, enjoying a film together. It helped that for all Lex would _seem_ to be designed to love noir, he hated it, and Lillian was forever aghast. So, she turned to Lena.

She would never think to pick Lena first. Not before Lex. Not then, not now. Lena stopped hoping otherwise many, many years ago.

They climb out of the car together, and Lena’s legs shake just for a second as she follows Lillian. One jerk of her knee. Her mother pulls a chain off from around her neck, and Lena straightens up her spine. If Lex _were_ here, he’d tell her to get herself together. “Some mothers wear lockets with pictures of their children around their necks,” Lena says dryly. “You wear the keys to a bazooka.”

Lillian chuckles, and it stings, that in this moment Lena still feels proud that she can get her mother to laugh. She wants to ask _why._ She wants to ask what is wrong that Lena isn’t enough for her? That Lillian feels the need to do _this?_ But she doesn’t. Her eyes are dry, her spine is as straight as her mother’s, and not a single part of her body shakes as she takes the keys from Lillian. Supergirl and the Martian show up, flying over and hovering above them; and Lena only smirks.

“Don’t do it Lena,” Supergirl pleads.

“Why not,” she taunts Supergirl, “I’m a Luthor aren’t I?” she turns the key, ignoring the pleading look on Supergirl’s face and focusing on the pride on her mother’s. She might as well soak it up while it’s there, it won’t last for very long.

Lena and Lillian move out of the way while the two god-like beings fight each other, and Supergirl flies desperately after the bomb. Lena flinches when her mother presses the detonation button, and she watches Supergirl fall out of the sky. The isotope begins to rain down, and everyone freezes at the sight. It’s a little bit beautiful, the red shimmery substance that falls and envelops them all. It’s all the more beautiful knowing what’s about to happen next.

Supergirl realizes first. Or maybe, Lena’s attention is just already focused on her. She turns away the moment Supergirl looks over at her with something like wonder, confusion, and pride. Her mother’s face, is a far cry from the look on Supergirl’s. Confusion, then realization, then complete and utter contempt.

“You did this,” she all but gasps. “You switched the isotope.”

“I did,” Lena smirks. It’s not often that she ever gets to outwit her mother. Lillian Luthor is almost always five steps ahead of everyone else. Lena nods towards the flashing lights appearing in the corner of her eye. “And I called the police.”

Lillian glares down at her, not saying a word. The silence and the look on her face says more than enough. Lena doesn’t break eye contact as the officers run up and push Lillian into handcuffs, not once. Lillian holds her gaze and Lena feels like she might throw up. If she moves, if she opens her mouth, she might just run at the officers and claim she that was wrong—it wasn’t her mother. Never mind, she takes it all back.

She doesn’t want to be left alone. Two of her family members in jail, one in the ground, and Lena… all alone in her righteousness. The cars begin to pull away and Lena wishes that she’d been able to just help her mother for real. Embrace being a Luthor, with all that entails. The flash of pride on Lillian’s face when Lena had taunted Supergirl and turned the key will never _ever_ be replicated again, not after this. And Lena hates herself for it, but she aches to have it back.

A gentle hand touches her shoulder and Lena jumps.

“I’m sorry,” Supergirl says quickly, moving her hand away and stepping back. “I said your name a few times. I don’t think you heard me.”

“I…” Lena swallows. “No.”

“I’m sorry,” Supergirl says. Lena blinks at her. She has no unearthly idea _what_ Supergirl is apologizing for, and she says as such. “Your mother,” Supergirl nods towards the final car, lights flashing, pulling away from the scene and leaving it eerily quiet. “I didn’t want to be right. I’m sorry that I was.”

“Why?” Lena snaps. “What do you care about Lillian Luthor?”

Supergirl shrugs, and it’s… familiar in a way that Lena can’t place. Her head is spinning, and she is responsible for getting her mother arrested, and it’s still fucking _Thanksgiving_. She just wants to go home and take a hot bath and not think about _anything_ right now.

“I guess I don’t much, other than I’m sad that she’s filled with so much hate and I can’t do anything about that. But, I care because you do. Because you deserve a better mother than her.”

Lena is very glad that her hands are in her pockets, because they’re clenched so tightly that Supergirl might think she were winding up to try and punch her if she saw them. “You barely know me,” she means to say harshly, but it comes out in a whisper instead.

Now, Supergirl smiles. “I know enough. And I was right about you,” she very nearly bounces on her toes with glee. “You saved everyone. You’re a hero Lena Luthor,” she moves forward, tentatively but with far too much excitement. That familiar twinge rolls around in Lena’s brain at the sight again. “Thank you,” she says softly. She seems to be aware that any attempt at comfort would not be well received, and thankfully, she doesn’t reach out and touch Lena. But she does beam at her silently for a beat before stepping back and giving Lena an awkward little wave. “I’ll see you later,” she flies up into the air slowly, almost hovering a few feet above Lena. “Then I’ll know even more,” her grin widens, and then she takes off, leaving Lena alone in the empty parking lot, hands shaking into her pockets.

…

…

 **xxv.** **a little less thinking, a little more feeling**

Kara does a backflip in the air on her way back to the DEO. J’onn, thankfully, doesn’t comment.

She rushes to find Eliza and Alex, and is yanked into a tight hug by them both. “Are M’gann, and Lyra, okay?”

Eliza beams. “They are. And, J’onn if you’ll come with me, I think I just might be able to help with your White Martian problem.”

Kara frowns in confusion as the two of them go off, Winn walking up behind Alex. “Mom figured out a thing,” Alex explains. “Winn and I watched enthusiastically.”

“Is Maggie okay?”

Alex nods. “All stitched up. She’s gonna have a scar. But not a big one. I’m amazing like that. I’m actually gonna go help her get out of here. She’s got to sign some NDA papers now.”

Kara laughs and reaches over towards Winn as Alex leaves, knocking their shoulders together lightly. “I was right about Lena,” she beams. “So were you.”

Winn wraps an arm around Kara’s shoulders as they walk and lets out a breath of relief. “It would have been very awkward to have to call her back and say, ‘thanks, but I rescind my offer of second best friendship now that you’re all evil.’ I’m very glad I don’t have to. I like Lena.”

“So do I,” Kara says quietly.

Winn narrows his eyes at her, a teasing smile creeping out onto his face. “You said that… very oddly.”

“What?” Kara snorts, pushing him. “No I didn’t.”

“No, you definitely did. There was an oddness to your tone. I heard it clearly.”

“Well, you’re hearing things then!” Kara starts to walk quickly, and Winn jumps to keep pace with her, the look on his face dangerous. Whatever he is about to say, Kara isn’t going to like it.

“Oh! OH! I know that face!” he yells. “ _That_ was your ‘I wanna put my mouth on James Olsen’s mouth face!’ That’s your ‘I like someone’ face!” he actually leaps into the air, trying to click his heels together like Fred Astaire in _Singin’ in the Rain_. Kara is mortified.

“It is _not,_ ” she insists, because that absolutely cannot be true.

“It _is,_ ” Winn says back in delight. “Oh my god, you like Lena Luthor.”

Kara yanks him by the arm. “I do not.”

“You do!” he cheers. “Oh man, _that’s_ why you were so weird about me wanting to ask her out. You were totally jealous! This is great news actually. I can’t believe that I never googled her, but guess what, she is totally a lesbian. That’s… one reason why our date went so horribly. The other, I think we are destined to be buddies no matter our sexualities. I didn’t want to put my mouth on her mouth. But _you_ totally do.”

“Stop saying that. It’s a weird phrase and it’s also not true.”

“Sure, alright, you can tell yourself that if you want,” Winn backs away, holding up his hands in surrender, but smirking like an idiot. “But I’ve seen that face before. And mark my words, I’m totally right.”

“You’re not,” Kara insists.

“Okay,” Winn grins.

“I don’t like her!” Kara yells at his retreating form. “We’re just friends!”

“Okay,” Winn yells back. “I totally believe you!”

Kara rolls her eyes, and flies home without another word. Winn’s smirk and his words refusing to leave her head. “Crap,” she mutters to herself.  


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummm, sorry this took so long? sorry to sound like a broken record? my bad. lots of things happened. but honestly, i was mostly stuck on this chapter, and just... took a break to write other things in the meantime. it worked!! yay! also yay, i'm now officially going back to college in the fall so, pray for me. 
> 
> the tag slowburn on this thing is... meant. but so is the mutual pining one!! so, these girls are gonna be idiots before they end up getting their shit together, hang tight kiddos:)

**xxvi.** **you're somewhere a part of my life, and it looks like you'll stay**

A man trying to get a statement jumps a hedge, shoves a camera into Lena’s face, and nearly causes her to fall over before her security knocks him flat onto his ass.

It’s not even six a.m. yet.

Victor is the closest thing to a personal bodyguard that she has without _actually_ succumbing to hiring one. He ushers Lena into her car after sending the reporter another glare. The man is still screaming things about camera damages as they pull away from the curb and Lena pinches the bridge of her nose.

So it’s going to be exactly like it was with Lex, then.

…

…

Except, it’s _not_ exactly like it was with Lex, not even close. The media is just as vitriolic, the internet even worse, but this time, it’s not Lena and her mother, shut up inside of the Luthor mansion together, sending out PR statements and showing up as a united front of mourning at each court date throughout the trial. It’s not Lena on her own afterwards, fighting with the media, and the re-branding, and the board on top of everything to try and get L-Corp back on its feet.

All of that happens again, doubled, because it’s _another_ Luthor and now she is the final one standing on the other side, but—

Supergirl defends her. Publicly.

Kara sends Lena her new article the day after Lillian’s arrest, and it’s… an interview with Supergirl, almost proudly stating that Lena Luthor outsmarted her mother and saved all of the aliens on earth from genocide. It’s Supergirl stating boldly that she considers Lena Luthor to be an ally, perhaps even something resembling a friend.

The internet goes wild.

Kara’s accompanied message simply says: _proud of you, call me if you need **anything** okay?_

Jess, all five foot two of her, glares down men triple her size and keeps everyone unwanted out of Lena’s doors. Fields emails and messages until Lena tells her to stop treating her like she’s going to break if she hears a single bad thing about herself.

She ignores Lena orders, as always, and nearly force feeds her chamomile tea and green smoothies, worried that Lena’s not eating enough again.

Winn, texts her various theories on Rey’s parentage; updates on the soon to be new Star Trek tv show; articles on new code and technology with his lengthy and dramatic commentary; and questions about yoga of all things—he’s apparently been thinking of taking it up. _Ya know, to be healthy and not die at like forty. Plus! More limber, for ya know, funner things ; )_   

Jess doesn’t need to worry about her eating habits, because Kara brings Lena food at nearly every opportunity that arises. Lena has shared more meals in the last two weeks than she has with another person in the last two years. More often than not, Kara comes to her. Quick check ins during her lunch break that sometimes barely last long enough for her to drop off food, smile blindingly at Lena, give her a hug, then run back to work. Lena munching at her desk while she works, the small reprieve of a friendly face doing wonders for her appetite. Sometimes Kara stays, and they talk about absolutely nothing at all to do with work, and when she leaves Lena is full and warm and facing the rest of her day becomes that much easier. Occasionally, she shows up after work, nudging Lena until she admits that most of this can be left for the morning, pushes the computer away, turns off the news, and joins Kara on the couch. Despite fighting against them every time, they’re Lena’s favorite once she allows herself to relax. Kara always takes her lead, if Lena brings up Lillian, or the trial, or Lex, she’s an avid listener, offering up genuine and thoughtful opinions. If Lena doesn’t mention them, neither does Kara.

It’s the most comfortable that Lena has ever felt with another person, Kara smiles at her, and Lena finds herself accosted by an unwelcome, but now familiar tug of longing.

She’s attracted to Kara, has been since the moment that she met her, and she likes Kara, separate from that. She’s funny, and kind, and thoughtful, and brave, and loyal, and sweet, and it’s intoxicating, the way that she can make you feel like you are the most important person in the world while she listens to you. Her friendship is unlike anything that Lena has ever been gifted with before; it aches, how much Lena craves it, and she doesn’t want to do anything to fuck that up.

So, she ignores every urge to reach over and kiss Kara senseless, no matter how increasingly frequent and painful they grow with each passing day. If nothing else, the timing would be horrendous. What with Lillian’s upcoming trial; Kara’s learning curve with her new job; Lena’s ever increasing demands at L-Corp, and the spotlight it would add to the media coverage—there are a million valid excuses. (Lena knows, that the real one surpasses them all—the fear of losing Kara altogether. Of things between them becoming too awkward, or genuinely uncomfortable when she rejects Lena.) It would only ever result in disappointment anyhow, even on the slim chance that Kara ever returned Lena’s feelings. To befriend a Luthor is one thing, to love one, well.

“Lena?” Kara’s voice rings out softly. “Are you okay?” her face is open, warm, if a little tired. She still looks beautiful.

“I’m fine,” Lena smiles, sitting up further on the couch. “What were you saying?”

Kara hesitates, and Lena ratchets up her smile. Kara doesn’t look wholly convinced. “Are you sure? It’s just, you look really tired.”

“Well, thanks,” Lena teases, only mildly offended.

“Oh, no! You look great,” Kara backtracks sheepishly. “You always look great. It’s just a sleepy great right now.”

Her heart lurches a bit, a swooning, warm feeling filling her up until Lena is afraid that she’ll explode from it. “I’m okay Kara, thanks,” she manages with a steady voice. Kara’s forehead crinkles adorably, and the way she tilts her head to the side, considering Lena, looks impossibly like a puppy, or a baby, sussing something out unabashedly.

“Okay,” she finally says, smile brightening. “Want another egg roll?”

It isn’t going to be like it was with Lex at all, then.

…

…

Lena opens the door to her apartment five days after her mother is arrested and finds Alex Danvers standing in her hallway. She blinks, trying to make sense of _why_ and then Alex starts talking a mile a minute, pacing in front of her and gesticulating wildly before she just stops, and waits, staring at Lena with exasperation.

“Yes or no?” she asks and Lena blinks again.

“I’m sorry… what?”

Alex sighs, leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed and rolls her eyes. “Winn said that you offered to take me out for coffee. Was that a real offer or not Luthor?”

Lena snaps back to attention, stares at Alex for another beat before glancing down both sides of her hallway. “Um, it was real,” she finally says. It also feels like a lifetime ago. Not five days.

“So, are you busy now?” Alex asks, impatiently tugging at the ends of her jacket. It’s a bit of an abrasive way to ask if a person wants to spend time with you.

“I—” Lena turns around and looks back into her apartment. At the stack of papers on her table, the emails and messages from reporters, and investors, and board members screaming for damage control—again—and feels her skin crawl. It’s a Saturday morning, she deserves a coffee and a break, surely. “No,” she settles on. “I’m not busy. Can you just — give me a minute?”

Alex nods, and what Lena had pegged as impatient and abrasive now quickly reveals itself as anxiousness. She fidgets with her hands, with moving her feet around, with how she is leaning against the wall, with her hair—everything. Lena moves back into her apartment, without closing the door or inviting Alex to come inside. She goes to pull the casual blouse and slacks she had been wearing off, then thinks better of it. Alex isn’t dressed up. Instead, she reaches for a warmer coat, pulls her hair out of its tight hold and fluffs it a little. Adding a touch of lipstick and grabbing her purse, she makes her way back into the front room, curious to see whether or not Alex has stepped inside.

She hasn’t. At least, if she has, she’s moved back to her spot in the doorway.

Lena closes the door, locks it, and turns to Alex. “Was there somewhere in particular that you wanted to go?”

Alex shrugs, then rolls her shoulders, no part of her is able to remain still. “Um, there’s a good place I know of down on 9th? It’s kind of a hole in the wall, but they make great coffee. Unless there’s somewhere else that you like. I don’t really care.”

A hole in the wall sounds like a nice place to disappear from paparazzi and reporters, clambering for a statement about her mother—so Lena nods and follows Alex’s lead as they hail a cab.

The cabbie recognizes her, because, of course he does.

Lena politely tells him that she’s _not_ under any sort of investigation, actually, and out of the corner of her eye, sees the way that Alex’s posture goes ridged. She jerks forward a little, leaning towards the partition and telling the cabbie to mind his damn business and to stop spreading false rumors about things he knows fuck all about. He scoffs, taking the next turn with a sharp jerk and no warning, and Alex digs out her badge and smacks it up against the plastic with force, and Lena isn’t altogether proud of the satisfaction she feels at the way that his face pales, and Alex’s smirk widens, but she feels it all the same.

He pulls up to the curb after a few minutes of silence, muttering out the fare and an apology. Alex climbs out and starts digging into her pockets for cash, but Lena’s already beat her to it. She tips him generously—because it’s instinct at this point—and climbs out after Alex, gently tugging at the crook of her elbow until she stops giving him the stink eye.

She cannot remember the last person who jumped into protective mode so quickly for her like that. Jess, maybe, a few months ago, when another employee made a tasteless remark. Whatever sexist thing he said, it was enough to send Jess spitting mad, Lena had come out of her office baffled at the edge and volume to her voice.

The only other person that comes to mind is Lex, obviously, but today, is not another day for sulking in her family issues. Lena refuses to allow it to be.

She follows Alex down into the coffee shop, a basement level restaurant that for a flash makes Lena feel claustrophobic until they’re inside of the bright room, soft music playing, the smell of coffee and baked goods filling her up. It’s busy enough that they’ll be able to fade into the background of customers, but not so much that they’ll have to worry about shouting at each other to be heard.

Lena likes it instantly. It helps, that if anyone recognizes her—and they must, her face has been all over every major news outlet for the past five days, least anyone forget—they don’t say anything or make a big deal out of it. The baristas take their orders, and pass along smiles, and leave them to it. Lena makes a note to frequent this place more often.

“So,” Alex slides into a small booth, kicking her legs up on one side as Lena takes the other. She sips at her coffee even though it has to still be too hot. Unlike Winn, she doesn’t burn herself and knock her knees into their table, just winces and sips again. Possibly illuminating character trait, Lena decides, and makes note of it. Kara talks about her sister more than she talks about anything else probably. Alex Danvers has come up casually in so many of their conversations, and Lena knows so many odd and out of context things about the woman sitting in front of her, but, she’s never really spoken to her at all.

She opts to react to her, mostly, how she would to Kara or Winn. “So?” Lena teases, giving her a smirk. Alex huffs, but Lena’s smile only grows at the sight. _She’s_ not the one who wanted to go grab a cup of coffee. _She’s_ not the one who showed up at Alex’s apartment unannounced, five days after her mother was arrested for an attempt at mass genocide. _She_ has nothing interesting to talk about whatsoever. She wouldn’t even know where to start if she wanted to talk about her own issues, the only conversation that Lena has ever had with Alex Danvers was a jealous snit at the sight of her in Kara’s apartment—before she even knew who the woman was.

It’s not an image of herself that she wants Alex dwelling on.

Alex huffs again, ceding, and taps her fingers against the table, not looking Lena in the eye. “So, Winn told me that… well that you have some experience with, um, liking women,” she says, lowering her voice.

Lena smiles down into her mug. The way that Alex hesitates over the words ‘gay’, or ‘queer’, or ‘lesbian’, is all too familiar. She hopes that her smile comes off as reassuring, rather than condescending. “I’m a lesbian Alex,” she says easily. Her voice at a normal register. Alex blinks at her, her eyes darting around. Lena watches as her shoulders settle a bit when no one runs over and screams at them to leave. Lena’s pretty sure that at least half of the women in this shop are also queer, it’s a little bit hilarious, that this is already one of Alex’s favorite places.

“Yeah,” she says, sipping her coffee again. Lena blows on her tea first, then follows suit. “Well I — I’m pretty new to it. Which, I think he told you.”

“Not really,” Lena says. “Mostly I guessed.”

That sends Alex’s eyebrows nearly to her hairline, panicked. Everything about her goes rigid and hard. “What?” she gasps.

Lena’s hand reaches across the table before she’s even thinking about it, taping the back of Alex’s hand and then awkwardly slipping her own together with it. She squeezes once. “Please breathe,” she asks. Alex sucks in a huge breath and lets it out in one go, then she’s just sitting there again. Immobile. “More than that,” Lena directs. Alex does, but it’s still nothing like a normal pattern. “It’s probably not something that someone who isn’t also queer wouldn’t guess. Heteronormativity is a bitch and all that. It’s also okay.”

“I know that,” Alex snaps, jerking her hand back and flipping some hair out of her face. Defensive is fine. Catatonic with panic is not. Lena pulls her own hand back and brings her tea to her lips, not offended in the slightest. She remembers the blind overwhelming panic at the thought of people just _knowing_ this personal thing about her without her having any control or say over the matter; it’s not something you get over in just a few weeks, no matter how lovely your family and friends are.

Alex’s shoulders relax further a moment or so later and she looks sheepishly over at Lena. “I’m being kind of a bitch, aren’t I?”

“No, you’re fine.”

“Maggie kissed me,” Alex blurts out, her face going red.

Lena sips her tea and smirks. “That’s good then.”

“Right but like… I mean she got shot. At the… um, at L-Corp.”

It’s Lena’s turn to go rigid. She didn’t know that. She knew an officer was hurt, but that they were alright. That it wasn’t serious. She didn’t know that it was Alex’s crush. “I’m sorry. I didn’t—”

Alex waves her off. “She’s fine. It was actually just a scratch. I stitched her up myself. But she showed up at my apartment and… she said it scared her, and that she didn’t want to waste time being… I dunno, and then she kissed me.”

“And… are you happy about that?” Lena prods, because from the way that Alex is biting on her lower lip, she’s not sure.

“I mean, I still like her a lot. So, yeah,” she sighs, sitting up and gripping the edges of her mug. “The last date I went on was a fake to get information out of Maxwell Lord. Before that, a Tinder thing that I bagged out of five minutes in. Before _that,_ a guy I dated for like, two months tops in grad school. And we were kind of barely dating to begin with—grad school was… not a great time for me, in general. That was the longest relationship I’ve ever been in,” she looks up at Lena with panic in her eyes. “I have no idea what I’m doing. What if I screw it up?”

Lena laughs bitterly. “I’m afraid you’ve come to the wrong person then. I’ve only ever managed a four month relationship myself. And it was also quite a few years ago now.”

Alex groans and flops back into the booth. “Winn said you’d be _help._ ”

“I meant more for general panicking about being queer. Or for being a sounding board as someone who knows what you’re going through, but who you’re not also trying to date. Genuine relationship advice is a bit out of my wheelhouse. Clearly. I can’t even manage a functional one with my mother.”

Alex’s eyes go sharp and protective again, and she sits back up. “Shit, I’m sorry to complain about something as petty as a girl liking me back when you’ve got all of this going on. I sort of came her on a whim, if that wasn’t obvious.”

“It was,” Lena finds herself smiling. Alex seems to bring that out as easily from Lena as her sister does. The thought of Kara only makes her smile grow wider. She’s texted and called Lena every single day since Lillian was arrested. Last night, they ended up talking about a show called _Jane the Virgin_ for two hours. Lena’s never seen a second of it, but Kara has been binging it on Netflix. She recapped the entire first season for Lena until the emails waiting in her inbox didn’t want to make her scream.

“Are you… I mean, asking if you’re okay seems kind of useless to be honest,” says Alex, chugging the rest of her coffee. “I sure as hell wouldn’t be. But, do you need anything? I do have a badge I can threaten people with, and it makes _me_ feel better, so it’d be a win-win for us both,” she jokes.

Lena laughs, bright and loud and surprises them both. “No, I don’t think that’s necessary. But, thank you for the offer.”

“Well, if you change your mind,” Alex shrugs. “You have my number right?”

“Um, no,” she finishes her tea as Alex spouts it out, and Lena adds it into her contacts, sending a text so that Alex has hers too. “So you can call ahead next time,” she teases.

Alex rolls her eyes. “Kara’s told me how much you dodge her and Winn, dropping by and not giving you a choice seems to be the way to go. If I remember correctly, it took way longer for them to get you to have lunch with them. So, I win.”

“Win what?” Lena asks as they rise to leave.

“I dunno. Friendship… something?”

Lena pauses as they walk out to the sidewalk. Friendship. She turns and observes Alex as she jams her arm out to hail another cab. Last week, Lena would _maybe_ feel comfortable calling Kara her friend and meaning it, now, Winn, _and_ Alex have both called her a friend as easily as they’ve ordered a cup of coffee.

Lena climbs into the cab after Alex, her head knocking slightly against the door as she tries to pull her coat pocket free from the handle, and she groans. Alex’s hands are on her instantly; gentle as they turn her face and inspect her forehead. “You good?” she asks.

Lena nods, surprised both from the bump and from the ease with which Alex reacted—as if they’ve touched each other a hundred times before, and don’t just have one awkward hand squeeze between them. Apparently like her sister, when Alex says friendship, she means it instantly. Lena doesn’t really know what to make of either Danvers sister anymore. She hopes there aren’t any more of them. These two are confusing enough.

“I’m fine,” she says, rubbing at the corner of her temple. The cabbie ignores them this time, but Lena sees the flash of recognition on his face when it happens. She grows taller underneath his silently judgmental gaze until he turns away from her with shame. Alex glares at him the whole way, no matter how many times Lena rolls her eyes and whispers at her to stop it. And when they arrive near Lena’s apartment, Alex darts out in front of her, shoving a few paparazzi out of the way with just her glare.

Thankfully, she doesn’t flash her badge, because it would only titillate the media more—to have an FBI agent escorting Lena Luthor home a few days after her mother’s public arrest—they’d never leave her alone. Alex walks like a trained professional though, she can’t help it. Her arms go up and she directs Lena through and away from the crowd easily, never letting up her gentle grip—Lena almost offers her a bodyguard position as a joke.

When they reach the inside of Lena’s building, everything dies down. It’s incredibly secure, and Lena’s never felt worried once she’s inside of it. Her neighbors are all either sympathetic or they couldn’t care less, and most of them never exchange anything other than polite nods as they pass each other in the halls. Alex interrogates the front desk security anyway. Lena remembers Winn telling her that Alex has become the big sister that he sort of never wanted, but now kind of enjoys, and her chest clenches a bit. Swallowing, she gives Alex a tight smile and sticks out her hand politely.

“Thank you for coffee,” she says. “I had a nice time.”

Alex blinks down at her hand, then back up at her face before accepting the handshake. “Me too. Even if you weren’t much help,” it’s teasing, clearly, but Lena feels terrible anyway.

“Don’t worry so much,” she says. “About fucking up,” she clarifies at Alex’s frown. “You probably will, and it probably won’t end up being the end of the world. So, just enjoy yourself.”

“I’m not great at that,” she admits, a little sheepish.

“Neither am I,” Lena tells her. “If you figure it out, maybe I’ll be the one asking _you_ for advice next time.”

Alex grins. “Yeah sure,” she jams her hands into the pockets of her jacket as she backs towards the doors. Henry, the man currently on shift, moves to open it back up for her. “See you later Luthor,” she tosses out with a smile.

And apparently just like that, Lena has made another friend. She walks back into her apartment with a smile that doesn’t leave her face, despite the angry emails and messages that are waiting for her.

…

…

“Wait, I’m sorry, you were _serious_ about this?” Lena asks, gaping at the sight of Winn, standing in front of her in workout clothes, holding a brand new yoga mat and a huge bottle of water.

“Um, _yes?_ ” he motions to his getup, as if Lena could miss it. “Duh, endorphins, getting limber. Outliving my enemies. Etc. Look, between you and me,” he drops his voice low, speaking out of the corner of his mouth. “There’s this alien girl named Lyra, and we’ve sort of been flirting since the night she almost died when your mom tried to kill a bunch of people that time two weeks ago.”

Lena snaps away from him in surprise, but Winn presses on with the same conspiratorially, playful tone.

“So like, I’ve got _incentive_ now,” he straightens up, beaming and nudges her with his elbow. “Go get dressed! Teach me the ways of the yogi second best friend!”

“You can’t keep referring to me like that in person,” Lena deadpans.

“Pretty please take me to a yoga class, Lena, my regular friend.”

“Jesus Christ,” she mutters and walks away from him.

“Is that a yes?” he calls out after her. “Lena? Are you going to get dressed? Should I get you a water bottle ready? Where do you keep them? Holy shit girl, do you have _any_ food? Nope, you know what, it’s fine. I need to go grocery shopping too; we can do that after! Oh! And we can get that gross tea you and Kara like! Aren’t you supposed to drink nasty, healthy stuff after yoga? That’s a thing right? Oh, eww will it be sludgy? I don’t want to drink anything sludgy. My dad tried to make a protein shake thing once when I was like, I dunno seven or something, and it had all these horrible powdery chunks in it and we both threw up. I’ll have flashbacks, I can feel it in my bones. Oh, speaking of my evil dad, how are you feeling about your newly evil mother?” he asks, cheerfully, as she walks back into the kitchen in yoga clothes. “Damn,” he whistles. “Girl you look goooood. I do not look that good in workout clothes,” he gestures down at himself. “I’m gonna look like your dopey sidekick aren’t I? Dammit, even with you.”

“Kombucha isn’t gross,” is all Lena says in response to his entire soliloquy. 

“Um, hum,” he picks his yoga mat back up, bright yellow, still in its plastic wrapping. The _15$ sale!_ sticker right on the front. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

Lena goes over to her hall closet and digs around until she finds her dark purple yoga mat, (much more than fifteen dollars) still in its special bag from the last class she went to, months ago now. When she turns back around, Winn is standing directly behind her grinning, and it’s physically impossible to stop the returning smile from edging out onto her own face.

“Not great,” she says, even though she’s still smiling. “About my mother,” she clarifies. “But this is helping a little.”

“That’s the idea,” he admits. “I mean, the Lyra thing is also admittedly a part of it, to be totally honest.”

Lena rolls her eyes and pushes him out of her apartment. “Good for you,” she says sarcastically, but she means it.

“So,” he wriggles his eyebrows up and down, “any ladies _you’re_ looking to get limbered up for?”

Kara’s face flashes before Lena’s eyes, she swallows, shaking her head as they step out of her building together. “No,” she says. Her voice cracks, and Winn definitely notices.

“Hum,” he loops his arm with hers. “We’ll see I guess.”

“What does that mean?”

“Oh, nothing. So, you didn’t give me a definitive on yes sludge or no sludge.”

Lena quirks her eyebrow up at him. “Do I look like a person who drinks sludge?”

“No,” he looks her up and down and smiles. “Not even a little bit.”

Lena smirks.

…

…

“Oh my god I want to _die,_ ” Winn groans.

Lena, perfectly holding the warrior two position, quirks an eye over at him, wobbling, covered in sweat, arms drooping lower and lower by the second. She smirks, this _was_ a great idea to cheer her up.

…

…

LENA LUTHOR, A NEW MAN IN HER LIFE? CLICK FOR MORE DETAILS.

 **[Winn 8:43a.m.]** _twitter thinks that we’re dating. also that i’m a lesbian._

 **[Winn 8:44a.m.]** _plus i can’t get your shitty kombucha taste outta my mouth._

Lena cackles so loudly that Jess comes running into her office in a panic, waving an empty trash can at the ready as a weapon.

 **[Winn 8:46a.m]** _i’ve denied our epic love btw. gotta make sure that the greater national city lady population knows that you’re single and limber. or a lady. any lady. hell, supergirl even. some of twitter thinks you’re dating her instead of me, cause of that other article kara wrote._

 **[Winn 8:47a.m.]** _that’d be cool huh? then we could both have alien girlfriends. but yours would be able to fly, so you might gain points over that. i don’t think lyra can fly._

 **[Winn 8:48a.m.]** _she’s hella strong tho_

 **[Winn 8:48a.m.]** _like_

 **[Winn 8:48a.m.]** _hella_

 **[Winn 8:48a.m.]** _; )_

 **[Winn 8:51a.m.]** _ugh, that means we’re gonna have to go back to more yoga_

 **[Winn 8:59a.m.]** _no more kombucha tho!!!!!_

 **[Kara 9:03a.m.]** _Lena, I think something is wrong with Winn. You might want to ignore everything that he says today. Specifically, things about um, aliens. All or otherwise._

 **[Kara 9:04a.m.]** _Also I hope your morning is going well!_

 **[Alex Danvers 9:07a.m]** _jesus, just ignore them both._

 **[Alex Danvers 9:10a.m.]** _I’ve taken their phones._

Lena waits, staring down at her phone for a few beats, but it doesn’t light up again.

“Miss Luthor?” Jess asks, trash can back where it’s supposed to be. “Do you want me to do anything? Put out a statement or—”

“No,” Lena waves her off. “I don’t care one bit what Twitter thinks about my going to yoga with a friend. It’s much better than listening to them take bets as to how long it will be before _I’m_ in a jail cell beside my mother.”

Jess hesitates in the doorway, then nods. “Um, okay. Did you eat breakfast?”

Lena quirks an eyebrow at her. “Yes.”

Jess fidgets with her hands. “Did you really? Because I have a banana at my desk.”

“I had yogurt and fruit. Eat the banana yourself Jess,” Lena orders.

Jess sighs, rolling her eyes. “Fine,” she snaps back into a more professional mode. “You’re nine-thirty is here, want me to make him wait a few more minutes?”

“No,” Lena straightens up the folders on her desk, puts her presentation up on one of the screens, and turns her phone on silent, just in case Kara or Winn manage to get theirs back from Alex during her meeting. It’s unlikely, Alex doesn’t seem to be as susceptible to Kara’s pout as Lena is—not that she’s ever seen at least. “Send him in. Thanks Jess.”

“Sure thing Miss Luthor,” Jess says, and smiles on her way out.

The banana shows up on Lena’s desk sometime after noon.

…

…

**xxvii. i’ve learned to slam on the brake // before i even turn the key**

Kara sits on her couch, a grin slowly growing on her face as she listens to Alex pace in front of her. “How was it?” she interrupts, unable to help herself.

Alex freezes, and a smile creeps onto her face, one Kara doesn’t think that she’s ever seen there before. Sort of tentative and soft and just absolutely pure joy. “Really good,” she admits. “Maggie’s a very good kisser.”

“I can’t believe you have a girlfriend!” Kara squeals. “Do you want ice cream, champagne, or both?”

Alex laughs and flops down beside Kara, rolling her head until it’s tucked into Kara’s shoulder, holding her in place. “Neither, I don’t even think I could eat right now if I wanted to.”

Kara gasps, horrified at the prospect. “I hope that never happens to me.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t worry about it,” Alex rolls her eyes. She lets out a sigh, then lifts her head up towards Kara’s face. “What about you?” she asks. “I miss anything while I was making out?”

“With your hot detective girlfriend,” Kara supplies, causing Alex to blush and try—and fail—to suppress another grin. “No,” Kara leans further into Alex. “Nothing exciting on my end. Certainly no making out,” she bites her lip, frowning as she remembers Winn teasing her about Lena.

“What?” Alex’s narrows her eyes and sits up, staring at Kara.

“Nothing,” Kara insists. Alex’s frown deepens and she jabs Kara in the stomach. “Ow!”

“Tell me,” Alex orders, no sympathy.

“There is nothing to—”

Alex jumps on top of her, flicking Kara’s ear like she used to when they were teenagers. “Right now,” she demands, the ear flicking increasing to very annoying taps on Kara’s forehead.

“Stop!”

“Tell me and I will!”

“Alex!”

“Kara!”

“I can beat you up easily!”

“Yeah,” Alex snorts. “I can annoy you faster,” she flicks her ear again, then her hands go dangerously towards Kara’s armpit, the one place that she is incredibly ticklish—apparently beyond human standards.

“Okay!” Kara pushes at her in a panic. “Okay! You win, god!”

Alex smirks, still sitting on Kara’s stomach, she crosses her arms. “Let’s hear it.”

“I—” Kara frowns, “I don’t want to feel like I’m… taking something away from you again,” she says. “Also, because I’ve thought about it a lot, and it’s not a big deal, and also it’s not gonna happen, so it seems pointless to talk about.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Alex decides, but she shuffles over so she’s not pressing Kara down into the couch anymore, and her face has gone from teasing to serious. “Tell me,” it’s not a demand anymore.

Kara scoots back up and sighs. “I’m, well I guess it’s sort of two things, and one thing I feel really bad about, because if I had talked about it with you a long time ago, maybe you would have figured yourself out a lot earlier and—”

“Kara,” Alex’s hands grab her own. “Breathe.”

“I mean, basically I’m what humans would call pansexual,” she shrugs. “I’ve always known that. On Krypton it’s not as big of a deal. Marriages are mostly arranged anyway, and the birthing matrix is—was—used by the majority of wealthy Kryptonians, so,” she shrugs, she’s rambling now and Alex’s eyes are going wider and Kara’s shrinking back into the couch, just a little. “It didn’t occur to me to talk about it, because I preferred guys anyway, and there was never any girl that I really ended up liking or having a crush on. I dunno. I’m really sorry Alex.”

“It’s not—” Alex runs a hand through her hair, letting out a breath. “Kara that’s not — taking something away from me.”

“But you _just_ came out, and I don’t want to like, make this about me too and—”

“I know,” Alex smiles. “Kara, it’s fine. Wait — you said there were two things?”

“Um,” Kara fiddles with the end of her t-shirt and Alex’s eyes go wide. “Oh my god you like someone. A woman someone? Who… oh my god, it’s Lena isn’t it?”

“How obvious _is_ it?” Kara groans. “ _I_ didn’t even know, but you and Winn both guessed right away!”

“I don’t know, maybe because it’s that or… I dunno Lucy? You have like no female friends. Who else would it be? Cat?” she jokes.

Kara laughs nervously and says nothing.

“Wow,” Alex leans back onto the couch. “I just went for a coffee with Lena, like, yesterday.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, Winn said that she offered to let me vent and give me advice about being queer or whatever. And then Maggie kissed me, and I panicked and showed up at her apartment unannounced,” Alex taps her fingers against her thigh. “It was kinda nice. I see why you like her. But, she’s sort of got a lot going on Kara.”

“I know, I said it’s not going to happen and it doesn’t matter. That’s why I didn’t want to say anything.”

“What?” Alex frowns and sits back up. “Just because she’s got a lot going on doesn’t mean that—”

“No,” Kara insists. “I’ve thought a lot about it a lot in the last few days. Lena has so much, with her mother and L-Corp, and she doesn’t know about Supergirl, which wouldn’t be fair,” Kara jumps up off the couch and moves into the kitchen to make tea, Alex following behind. “And, I — I thought that being with James was all I wanted just a few months ago, and then I realized it wasn’t? What if that happens again? That’s not fair to her,” she abandons the kettle, and Alex moves to take over as Kara paces the kitchen, gesticulating wildly and nearly smacking Alex in the face on the way past. “And what if she doesn’t even like me back? And even if she did, what if it doesn’t work out? And then we’re not friends anymore? I really like being her friend Alex, I don’t want to screw that up. And what if it makes things even more awkward, with you and Winn, and then she has no friends at all!? I can’t do that to her. It’s not a good idea. It’s just a crush, I’ll get over it.”

Alex gapes at her, and Kara realizes how much she really was rambling and sinks down into a chair. “I’ll get over it,” she repeats much more calmly. “It’ll be fine.”

Alex pours them both some tea, gently pushing one of the mugs over towards Kara. “Look, I hear you, but all of that sounds like a bunch of excuses and bullshit that could be worked around.”

“No—”

“ _But,”_ she adds pointedly. “I can also see where you’re coming from with most of it, even if some of it was hard to follow there for a second,” she teases. Kara rolls her eyes and sips her tea. “Kara, you deserve to be happy. Personally, I think that it couldn’t hurt to give it a shot, no matter how wonky the timing might be right now, but if being Lena’s friend makes you happy, then fine. Just — don’t shoot yourself in the foot because you’re scared. Telling Maggie that I liked her was terrifying, and getting rejected was _horrible,_ but, it’s kind of working out for me now, so,” she shrugs, smiling softly at Kara. “You never know.”

“Yeah, well… I don’t know,” Kara frowns, running her finger along the top of her mug. “I don’t think it’s a good idea right now.”

“Okay,” Alex says gently, but there’s a look in her eye that says this is only her dropping the subject _for now._

…

…

A woman comes in to CatCo begging for help finding her daughter, and Kara throws herself into the investigation. Both as a means of distraction, and because she can’t stand the cynical way that Snapper dismisses it as essentially nothing worth looking into.

She doesn’t actually have any investigative training, but she calls Maggie and gets some more information to go on. Even if it’s not much. She texts Lois before she can talk herself out of it—not asking for help exactly, just, an ear.

 **[Lois 10:47a.m.]** _Give ‘em hell kid. I’ve got a deadline, but text me if you need anything after four._

Lois’s approval feels like a hell of a lot more than Snapper’s, so, she follows the lead from Maggie. Going to the clinic where some of the victims were last seen at, she munches on candy in the waiting room until a doctor comes out and talks to her. She dodges the blood test and follows him back into the room, pretending that a friend told her it was a good way to make some cash and help people, and prodding him for information about Izzy. The back room looks a hell of a lot more like a warehouse than a doctor’s office, and very quickly the doctor looks a hell of a lot less like a human and more like a lizard… thing.

Kara punches first and asks questions later, because, that’s kind of her style.

It backfires a little bit, once she’s followed him through a portal, her hand is bleeding, and she realizes that she is on a different planet—with a red sun.

Maybe she should start asking questions _while_ she punches.

With no way to get back home, she decides not to panic and look for Izzy; she’ll worry about getting back home when she needs to.

Except, then, she gets a little bit kidnapped.

By _Roulette_ of all people. Kara’s blood runs hot at the sight of her, strutting in that red dress and smirking, unruffled. This whole, flying solo thing is a lot harder than Clark makes it out to be.

“You’re treating this like — like you’re selling coffee,” she yells at Roulette. “You are selling _people!”_

Roulette shows no remorse whatsoever; no matter what Kara says to try and appeal to her humanity. Kara really, _really_ doesn’t like her. If she doesn’t die here today, when she gets home, she’s going to ask Lena just what the hell actually happened to this woman to make her end up like this.

The volts from the Tasers are unbearable, but Kara screams and takes it until Izzy and the rest of the people jump up and attack on her behalf. “Run,” Kara says once she’s managed to catch her breath again. “We’re getting out of here.”

She punches again, because, it’s still sort of her style.

While she’s leading people out of the cages, she runs into an empty room—and right into Alex. “You found me?” she gapes, as Alex runs into her arms and grips her—so tightly that it hurts for a second. There’s an explosion, and everything around them shakes.

“I’M NOT THE RED SHIRT!” a familiar voice screams with delight.

“You brought _Winn_ to space!?”

Alex smiles, and they run.

…

…

She gets a lecture from Alex. Which was to be expected, and is more than a little deserved. But she gets to watch Izzy be reunited with her mother, and she writes a damn good article.

She deposits it on Snapper’s desk. “I’m always going to follow my heart,” she says determinedly. “That’s the kind of reporter I want to be.”

“They’re your therapy bills,” he warns.

It’s probably as good of an agreement as she’s going to get, so Kara smiles at him. “Have a great day chief,” she says, and heads off to meet Lena for lunch. As she walks out of his office, she hears him mumble, almost proudly, ‘ _atta girl Danvers’_ and she feels the satisfaction down to her _toes._

Maybe she’s finally starting to get a handle on this reporting thing after all.


	8. Chapter 8

**xxviii.** **smiling faces flawlessly rehearsed**

Lena shuts off the news with a scoff. It’s the same old shit as ever; images of Lillian, stoically being arrested, her head held high while Lena stands by in the background. Speculation from twenty-four hour news correspondents as the lawyers and detectives proceed with the beginnings of her trial.

Of course, as always, everyone wondering exactly how the last Luthor is dealing with it all.

Lena pinches the bridge of her nose and reaches for her glass of water. It’s empty. She sighs as she stands up to refill it and freezes at the sight of a man in her doorway, a gun trained at Jess’s head, blood dripping down from his nose. Jess didn’t go easy, then. Good girl.

“Miss Luthor, I’m—”

“Shut up,” he snarls, shaking Jess and jamming the gun directly against her temple.

Lena wonders how the _hell_ this man got past security, white hot rage boiling inside of her at the fear in Jess’s eyes. “How can I help you?” she asks, coolly.

“Your mother is a bigot,” he hisses, and Lena notices the length of his tongue, the sharpness to his ears, the not quite human looking pallor to his skin. “Your whole family deserves to be punished.”

“I’m not my mother,” Lena says, trying to keep her voice calm. Her eyes locked on Jess.

“You’re all the same,” the man says. He pulls the gun away from Jess, points it at Lena, and fires. Lena only has seconds to process how terrified she is, how much she doesn’t want to die, and then, she’s blinking and there’s a flash of red and blue in front of her.

Supergirl catches the bullet meant for Lena between her fingertips, flicking it down at the ground and glaring dangerously at the man. “Don’t do that,” she says flatly, and punches him square in the jaw.

Jess jumps out of the way, and the man crumbles, knocked out. Supergirl quickly glances over at Jess. “Are you okay?” she asks, worried. Jess nods, though Lena can see her legs shake and reaches out to her, squeezing her hand tightly and holding onto it as Supergirl turns her worried look over to Lena. “Are you?” she asks, almost breathless.

“Thanks to you,” Lena says, shrugging. Supergirl’s eyes narrow; clearly Lena’s not covering her fear as well as she hoped.

“Lena,” Supergirl steps forward, her arms reaching out before awkwardly dropping them back down against her sides. “I’ll do a sweep of the building,” she says, her voice oddly thick. “Make sure that no one else is here. He’s not going to wake up for a bit,” she tosses a glance over her shoulder. “I’ll be right back,” she promises.

Lena nods, a quick jerk of her head, and then Supergirl flies away.

Jess lets out a shuddering breath and Lena pulls her into a tight hug, squeezing her eyes shut tight and refusing to allow any tears to fall. “Were you the one to clock him in the nose?” she asks. Jess nods into her chest, clinging to Lena as she tries to get a hold of herself. “Atta girl,” Lena says proudly.

“I’m sorry Lena. I tried to—”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Lena says, interrupting her. Before she can say anything else, Supergirl is back in front of them.

“The building is clear, and security is on high alert,” Supergirl props her hands onto her hips, teeth gritted as she adds, “I may have also, sort of… yelled at them. Sorry about that.”

Lena smirks, unable to help it. “Beat me to it, I guess,” she says. The head of security runs into the room, looking properly chastised and gulps at the sight of Supergirl. Lena gives Jess a final squeeze, and she wipes at her eyes, pulling out of Lena’s arms and walking over to give her statement with her head held high. Lena is giving her a raise, and a week off.

Lena deals with security, and Supergirl hangs back on the balcony until she’s done. Lena would sort of like nothing more than to be alone right now, but she steels herself and walks out to meet Supergirl anyway.

“Thank you,” she says. “For saving my life. Again.”

Supergirl gives her a shy smile and shrugs. “Of course. I’m just… I’m glad I was close enough to hear.”

“Exceptionally lucky for me I guess,” Lena jokes.

“ _Are_ you okay?”

Lena laughs, bitter and hollow. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Supergirl frowns, and seems to hesitate, contemplating her next words very carefully. “I was always under the impression that my parents were exceptional people,” she says slowly. “They were leaders, on Krypton. My father was a brilliant scientist, and my mother was… something close to a judge, or a lawyer, here on Earth. She was highly respected.”

Lena presses her palms together, glancing out at the skyline and using the railing of the balcony to keep her shaky legs from giving out. Supergirl turns and rests her elbows against the railing, keeping her gaze on the skyline and off of Lena. Lena turns back and studies her as she continues. Clocks the way that her mouth goes into a thin tight line, her palms press against the concrete, threatening cracks in the structure, the careful, slow way that she explains herself, each word thought out and clearly difficult for her.

Lena can’t take her eyes away. The longer Supergirl talks, the calmer Lena feels. Her legs stop shaking. She doesn’t need the railing to keep herself upright. Supergirl’s voice is soothing and familiar now, and it effects Lena more than she thought possible, only a few weeks ago.

“I told you, that I knew what it was like to be disillusioned by your parents, but I didn’t really explain.”

“No,” Lena releases another bitter laugh. “Well, we were both a little preoccupied. What with my mother trying to commit mass genocide.”

“My father created that virus,” Supergirl admits. A slow chill creeps over Lena at the look on her face. “It was meant to be a weapon. To hurt anyone who wasn’t Kryptonian. It was — supposed to be a last ditch plan. Only to be used in the most extreme circumstances, but, still,” she swallows thickly and a crack appears in the railing. Supergirl pulls her hands back and rubs at it. “Sorry.”

“It’s just a crack,” Lena shrugs. “You did catch a bullet for me a few minutes ago.”

Supergirl laughs, but there’s a broken croak to it. She swallows before speaking again. “My mother too, she — there were choices that she made that — they _knew_ that Krypton was being destroyed. There was time to warn people, but they didn’t. They saved me and my cousin, and every single other person on my planet died,” Supergirl turns and finally meets Lena’s eye. “They did a lot of good too, but,” she shrugs and trails off, unable to finish her thought.

“I’m sorry,” Lena says, a few beats later.

“No, it’s fine. I wasn’t—” Supergirl waves her off, and straightens up, her hands back on her hips, as uncomfortable in that position as ever. It always makes her look to Lena like she is performing. Like it’s something that she thinks she’s meant to do, on some level. She’s seen it on others and thought, _power,_ reassurance, and tries to convey it in her own way, but it doesn’t sit on her skin in the way she has seen it on others. “I just meant… if you needed someone to talk to, who, could sort of relate on some level…”

“Do _you_ need someone to talk to?” Lena asks.

“Oh,” Supergirl laughs, and steps back, looking somewhere over Lena’s left shoulder instead of at her face. “No I was just, I only meant — I meant for _you,_ ” she insists.

“Right,” Lena drawls, a real smirk finally playing at her lips. Supergirl notices and rolls her eyes.

“Maybe,” she finally admits.

Lena nods, satisfied, and the smirk turns into a genuine smile as some of the tension finally leaves her shoulders. “I’ll keep that in mind,” she promises.

“Okay, good,” Supergirl shuffles her feet, and Lena could swear for a moment that she reaches for something that’s not on her face, course correcting and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear instead. It’s an action that feels familiar, and Lena’s eyes narrow as she moves to step closer. Supergirl almost jumps backwards, and then hovers into the air. “Great!” she says, awkwardly. “So, if you’re good then… then until the next time!” she moves to fly away then stops in midair. “Oh, I almost forgot,” she digs somewhere in her cape and Lena raises an eyebrow. So there’s some sort of pocket somewhere in that skintight suit. “A friend of mine made this for me,” she holds out a tiny circular device, still looking somewhere over Lena’s shoulder. “It’s — um sort of like a panic button I guess? If you press that, I’ll get alerted. Just, you know, in case something else happens.”

Lena clamps her fingers around the smooth surface. It’s not heavy at all, barely bigger than a quarter, but the weight of it feels enormous in her palm as she gapes up at Supergirl. A silence falls between them and solidifies somewhere around Lena’s diaphragm, and then—

“Okay, so, I’ll see you later,” Supergirl says, turning and flying away. Leaving Lena standing there, shocked and alone, staring at a small crack in her railing.

…

…

Her mother’s lawyers show up and actually have the gall to try and get Lena to change her mind about speaking up on her mother’s behalf.

“ _I_ was the one who turned her in,” she says, amazed.

“Yes, well you can say that you were mistaken,” one of them offers. “That you recognize the error of your ways, and that you’re committed to standing by your family.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Miss Luthor, I’m not sure that you understand the gravity of the charges that your mother is facing—”

“Oh, I understand perfectly,” Lena snaps. “And I think she deserves them all,” she picks up her pen and turns back to the files on her desk, not bothering to look back up at either of the men when she says, “have a wonderful day, let my assistant know if you need to have your parking validated.”

…

…

Winn is babbling.

Lena has only been half listening to him for the last fifteen minutes, her cell on speakerphone as she tinkers with a new project down in the labs. If she hums and says, ‘cool,’ or ‘yeah,’ every few minutes, Winn just goes on and on like she is actually giving him her undivided attention.

It’s not until Jess finds her, nearly an hour later and sighs deeply that Lena even sits up, her back protesting horribly at the motion.

“I told you to go home,” Lena scolds.

“I just got back from taking four whole days off,” Jess protests. “Which wasn’t even necessary—” Lena silences her with a pointed glare. Jess rolls her eyes and walks over to look at Lena’s table. “What is that?”

“Who’s that?” Winn asks. “Lena?”

“It’s Jess.”

“HI JESS!” Winn yells through the phone.

“Hi Winn,” Jess parrots dryly. She turns back to Lena. “Did you eat dinner?”

“Did _you?_ ” Lena picks up a screwdriver and frowns down at the table.

“I had leftover noodles three hours ago.”

“Yum,” Lena isn’t paying either of them any attention now. If she shifts the starter further down on the device, it might help lessen the tension. She attacks with the screwdriver until Jess reaches over and yanks it out of her hands. “You know, I could fire you whenever I want.”

“Yeah, you’ve said,” Jess sets the screwdriver out of Lena’s reach. “But you haven’t done it yet.”

“Tonight might be the night.”

“DON’T FIRE JESS. WE LOVE JESS,” Winn yells. “JESS IS LIKE… OUR POE!” he hums. “NO, I LIED, ALEX IS POE. SORRY JESS. OH!! JESS CAN BE BB8!!”

“What is he talking about?”

“Star Wars,” Lena rolls her eyes, forcing herself up off of the stool despite the shooting pain from being in the position for so long. She stretches a bit before grabbing for the screwdriver.

“And, our parents are totally Vader. Or, well actually your mom is probably more like Snoke or Palpatine. And Lex is probably like a mix of Kylo and Vader. My dad’s totally Vader,” he laughs in the middle of his babbling, and Lena makes note of the way that Jess freezes beside her, the minute that he brings up Lillian and Lex, waiting for Lena’s reaction. “When I brought that up to my therapist, oh my god, you should have seen her face. It was hilarious. Does your therapist ever freak out from the crazy family shit you talk about?”

Lena’s hand clench around the screwdriver.

“I don’t think I’ve ever discussed Star Wars in therapy,” Lena says blithely.

“But, you’re going right?” Winn asks, trying far too hard to come off as casual.

“Not for a while now, no,” Lena doesn’t acknowledge the way that Jess’s shoulders droop at her answer, or the cluck of disappointment that comes from Winn. She sets down the screwdriver slowly and begins to put everything away. “It’s getting late,” she says to the both of them. “Jess, you’d better get home, and Winn, I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, okay,” he says easily. Then he pitches his voice into a Yoda impression. “Some sleep, get,” he says, then hangs up.

“He’s weird,” Jess says, moving to help Lena clean up.

“Yeah,” Lena smiles.

“I like him though,” she adds. “Sort of.”

Lena’s smile grows as she shuffles Jess towards the door and turns off the light. “Yeah, me too.”

…

…

**xxix. see, i’m smiling**

Kara sighs as she drops down into a chair. M’gann catches her eye and smirks as she walks over. “You look… like you need a drink,” she says.

“No,” Kara drops her chin down on top of her hands, resting against the top of the bar with a pout. “I’m good, thanks.”

“What’s up?” she asks, leaning down closer to Kara.

“I’m waiting for Alex.”

“Usually Alex doesn’t make you look… like this.”

“No,” Kara sits up a bit. “This isn’t because of Alex. It’s because… well, everything else I guess.”

“ _Everything_ else?” M’gann frowns, looking worried and Kara sits up straight and forces a smile onto her face. M’gann’s eyebrows only raise in response, clearly unconvinced.

“It’s my earth birthday,” Kara says. “The day Clark found me in the pod. Alex and I always spend the whole day together. It’ll be great, and then I’ll be fine. I promise.”

It’s her _thirteenth_ Earth Birthday. She has officially been on Earth for a year longer than she lived on Krypton. She doesn’t really know what to do with that information, so for now, she’s ignoring it. It feels too big. She’d rather spend the day trying not to laugh at Alex learning to line dance. 

“Um, hum,” M’gann hums, not thoroughly convinced.

“Kara!” Alex calls out, trying to shove her way past people to get to the bar. She smiles at M’gann, who returns it before going to help another customer. Kara perks up, and starts listing all of the activities that she has planned for the day, her gloominess dissipating the longer that she talks. “Kara,” Alex cuts her off. She bites at her lip, looking worried and Kara quiets, a feeling of dread growing inside her. “Um, Maggie surprised me with concert tickets. _Expensive_ last minute ones. And I didn’t get a chance to explain about Earth Birthday—” she’s babbling, usually Kara’s job. “She was just so _excited,_ and she knows they’ve been my favorite band since college, and—”

_Oh._

“It’s fine,” Kara cuts her off, tries not to grind her teeth and pulls a smile. “Alex, it’s not a big deal. We can just celebrate later.”

“But—”

Maggie comes running up to them, beaming as she slaps down tickets onto the bar. “Backstage passes!” she yells, grinning between the both of them.

Alex’s smile is weighted as she glances back to Kara, and she forces as genuine of a smile onto her own face as she can manage. Maggie bounces up and down between them, bursting with excitement that’s almost infectious. Alex still looks a little worried as she asks, “Are you sure?” Kara waves her off and Alex leans over and kisses Kara’s cheek. “Love you,” she says.

“You too,” Kara agrees, and grips the stool as she watches Alex run out after Maggie. Alex is _happy._ That’s a good thing.

M’gann walks back over and passes a drink into Kara’s hands. “It’s not alcoholic,” she says. “But it tastes good.”

Kara sips it and smiles. “Thanks.”

“So, you’re lying to your sister now?”

“I’m not lying,” Kara insists. “It’s fine. I’m glad that she’s happy.”

“I know you are,” M’gann assures her. “But, you’re allowed to be happy for her and disappointed at the same time.”

Kara grimaces and chugs down the rest of the drink. She doesn’t want to dwell on it. “So, I’ve got a question,” she asks as she nods for M’gann to refill her drink. Something much stronger this time, she doesn’t have to worry about wobbling while trying to line dance anymore. “What the hell is the name of this bar anyway? There’s no sign, and I’ve never heard anybody refer to it as anything other than ‘ _the alien bar.’_ It has to have an actual name, right?”

M’gann cracks with laughter, her whole face glowing as she pours Kara a much stronger drink and passes it over. “You’re one of the first people who’ve bothered to ask,” she says. “Hate to disappoint, but it actually doesn’t have a name. At least, not that I’ve ever been told. It’s supposed to be part of the allure. Hipster? I guess?”

Kara cackles, and then hiccups, the drink hitting her quickly, as M’gann’s concoctions tend to do. “Seriously?” she asks. M’gann nods, her smile dropping as she looks over Kara’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?” Kara spins around in her stool, nearly falling off of it before M’gann reaches out and steadies her. She squints. “Who’s that?”

“My husband,” M’gann nearly growls. “Stay here.”

Kara gapes after her. “I… think that I am very drunk,” she mumbles to herself. M’gann comes back a few moments later, radiating with anger. “Are you okay?” Kara asks, feeling useless.

M’gann grabs her coat, catches the eye of another bartender and walks over and grabs hold of Kara’s arm. “I’m fine,” she says, only sounding half sure. “Let’s get you home.”

Kara leans against her, grateful to have someone strong enough to hold her up without struggling as they make their way out of the bar. The bar that has no name. Kara giggles, then grows somber at the confused look on M’gann’s face. “Sorry,” she says. “So… you’re married?”

“It was an arranged match.”

“Oh,” Kara’s eyes widen. “Wait… so he’s… he’s a _White Martian!_ ” she gasps. M’gann shushes her and Kara clamps a hand over her mouth. “J’onn’s going to be so upset.”

“I’m going to get rid of him,” M’gann promises. “J’onn doesn’t need to worry. I won’t let anything happen to him.”

Kara tucks herself further into M’gann’s arms as they make their way down Kara’s street. “I know you wouldn’t,” she says, meaning it. “You’re one of us.”

M’gann’s face does something complicated at her words, and Kara smiles at her until M’gann smiles back. “Will you be alright at home?”

“I just need to sober up. Almost there,” Kara promises. “Do you… want backup while you talk to J’onn?”

M’gann starts to refuse, but then her shoulders droop, and she nods. “I’d like that actually.”

“To the DEO!” Kara shouts, then clamps a hand over her mouth again. “Whoops, I’m still a little drunk.”

M’gann rolls her eyes and redirects them, some of the tension slipping off of her shoulders. Kara smiles, she’s done something right then, at least.

…

…

J’onn is, to put it mildly, furious.

Kara sits beside Winn, the two of them flinching and grimacing as he argues with M’gann. Thankfully, he’s not angry _at_ her, and he makes that very clear. Though he is furious with her when she admits to planning on sacrificing herself for them.

They all are, even Winn.

By the time that Alex shows up, Kara is fully sober and back in her suit. Alex looks guilty as she runs over to her. “I’m sorry that I bailed on your earth birthday,” she says. “I mean you made all those plans—”

“I made them this morning,” Kara says, only half true. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Are you sure, because it really seemed like you were mad at me and—”

“Alex, I want you to have fun with your girlfriend. It’s not a big deal. We can celebrate another night. It’s fine.”

“You _promise?_ ”

“Absolutely,” Kara says, and turns around before her face gives her away. She’s not totally sure _why_ this is bothering her as much as it is, she likes Maggie, she’s happy that Alex is happy, and she’s not a little kid anymore; she doesn’t need a whole day of Alex’s undivided attention. She doesn’t want to make Alex feel guilty, it will only make Kara feel worse.

Plus, now there are two M’ganns standing in front of them. “Um, guys…”

Everyone moves at the same time. J’onn grabs the M’gann beside him once she snarls, revealing herself to actually be the White Martian, and Kara runs and stands in front of the real M’gann, arms held out protectively as J’onn and the White Martian begin to fight. Alex whips out her gun, and Winn ducks for cover as J’onn and the White Martian destroy the control room. The power goes out, and the White Martian is nowhere to be found, seconds later when Winn gets the backup generator up and running.

Before Kara can say anything, J’onn plugs in a command and puts the entire DEO into lockdown. Trapping everyone inside—including the White Martian.

They re-group, everyone worried and the paranoia begins to spread as two of the agents pull their firearms on each other. When one of them points his gun at Alex, Kara sees red and leaps in front of her. “Put that away,” she snarls. The paranoia only grows until everyone is shouting at each other. J’onn shuts them down all with a roar and lights a fire—a way to reveal who among them is actually the White Martian—and they all take turns holding their hand out in front of the flame.

Kara watches carefully as the first two agents are cleared. J’onn, terrified of the flame, hesitates until M’gann speaks their language to him. Kara doesn’t understand it, but breathes out a sigh of relief when she sees the green of his hand. Then she nods to Winn, who smirks, revealing himself as the White Martian and attacks. Kara can’t believe that she didn’t catch it. Winn is her best friend. She should have known it wasn’t him.

Then, of course, the building is about to blow up, because they _never_ seem to catch a break.

Kara goes off with Alex to search for Winn, frowning when Alex makes a few hand signals that mean nothing to her. “What?”

Alex sighs. “Look around the corner,” she whispers.

“Oh,” Kara tucks her body against the wall and peaks. “All clear.”

They step down the hallway side by side, Alex with her gun and flashlight up. “We’re not so good at communicating lately are we?” she whispers.

Kara bites at the inside of her cheek. “I was mad before,” she admits. “About Earth Birthday.”

“I knew it,” Alex keeps her gun up as they slowly make their way. “I owe you an apology; I shouldn’t have bailed on you.”

Kara feels tears simmering and swallows. “You just… hurt my feelings,” she says.

“I know. It wasn’t fair,” Alex turns around after checking part of the hallway, gun halfway down, looking pained. “But look, I don’t want to feel bad for wanting to spend time with Maggie.”

“You shouldn’t. That’s a good thing!” Kara assures her. Because god, Alex deserves this, she deserves to be happy. Kara _hates_ the way that she’s feeling, but she’s feeling it nonetheless. “I just… ever since I’ve been on Earth I don’t really know what life is like without you there all the time,” she admits. “And I felt that changing and it just — it’s just, scary,” she swallows back her tears, already feeling childish enough. She shouldn’t need her sister _all of the time._ Nothing about that is healthy or fair to either of them.

Alex lowers her gun further and nods for her to continue.

“When my parents put me on that pod in Krypton, I don’t think I realized what was actually happening. I didn’t know that I was saying goodbye to them forever,” her throat hurts, but she sucks in a breath and presses on. “It’s just that I’ve been abandoned before,” she flashes on her parents, that day. The feeling of her mother, clinging to her, her salty tears wetting the top of Kara’s head. Clark, flying away as she’s embraced by the Danvers, the symbol of their family bared on display against his chest. Jeremiah, leaving one night and never returning. Astra, clutching her face and choking as the life left her body. Hell, even Mon-El, flouncing off to see the world instead of embracing her friendship and tutelage. Kara pulls her hands into tight balls of fists and squeezes until she can focus on Alex, in front of her.

“I will never abandon you,” she promises, and then they both turn at the sound of a noise behind them, and then, J’onn’s panicked voice fills her ear, and Kara’s stomach drops.

“Alex…” she turns, horrified as Alex smirks at her horribly.

“God, you guys are so dumb,” the White Martian wearing her sister’s face says, and punches Kara hard, slamming her into the ground. “I’m glad they found your sister,” he taunts, swinging another punch. “It is so exhausting to pretend to care about your feelings.”

Thankfully, he transforms into his real body. Despite _knowing_ that it isn’t Alex, fighting someone with her face is painful. She fights one of the Martians while J’onn and M’gann fight the other. Winn, desperately tries to shut down the reactor and stop the building from exploding. Kara grunts as she is thrown around into walls, giving as good as she is getting, but if she could get bruises, she would definitely be forming some right now.

Winn manages to stop the explosion with twelve seconds to spare, and Alex—the real Alex—shows up and blasts the Martian with her new gun.

Before Kara can catch her eye, Alex runs off to apologize to Maggie for missing the concert. J’onn goes off with M’gann, and when Kara hops over to Winn, he grins at her, then says he made plans with James, leaving Kara alone in the middle of the DEO.

For half a second, she almost calls Lena to see what she’s up to, but, pushing down her feelings hasn’t exactly been _easy_ , now that Kara is aware of them. Seeing Lena almost _shot_ the week before had nearly given Kara a heart attack. A little distance might help.

As she flies through her window, tugging off her suit and changing into comfy clothes, her finger hovers over Clark’s name in her phone, but she doesn’t press down. Instead, she makes herself some tea, and queues up an old movie on Netflix.

She’s nearly halfway through the film when there’s a knock on her front door. Alex stands there grinning and holding out a cupcake, fully aware of the fact that Kara can see her through the door. Kara jumps off the couch and goes to greet her.

“Happy Earth Birthday,” she says with a soft smile. “Blow it out gently.”

Kara smiles, and does as she’s told before accepting the cupcake and motioning for Alex to come inside. “So, is Maggie mad that you missed the concert?” she asks as she moves to get a knife.

“Luckily I have a girlfriend who understands when aliens attack my place of work, it takes precedence over weird Canadian bands.”

Kara laughs, sitting up at the island across from Alex and splitting the cupcake in half to share. “Yeah, I’m glad everyone was okay.”

Kara tries to lighten the mood that she’s in, teasing about the impression the White Martian gave of Alex, and her new gun, but it backfires slightly when Alex rests her arms against the table and says, _speaking of that White Martian,_ and proceeds to ask Kara if their conversation in the DEO hallway was real, or something she’s imagining.

Kara looks down at the cupcake, sucking a bit of frosting off of her thumb. “I guess if the telepathy’s strong enough it can go both ways.”

“So I’m not crazy?”

“Nope,” Kara keeps her gaze down on the cupcake, wishing that she never said anything.

“Kara,” Alex says, waiting until Kara looks up and meets her eye. “I’m not ever going anywhere. I promise. Just because I’m with Maggie doesn’t mean that I’m not with you. _Always._ ”

“I know,” Kara says, and truthfully, deep down, she _does._ “I guess I just wanted the day to be extra special because it sort of felt like you were slipping away.”

“I’m not,” Alex says firmly. “Ever,” she picks up a fork and dig into the cupcake. “You know, I’d love it if you two got to know each other better. I’d love for the three of us to hang out.”

“I’d like that too,” Kara tells her. She knocks Alex’s fork out of the way and steals part of her side of the cupcake, Alex yelping in response. When they finish eating, they move back over towards the couch. Kara tucking herself into Alex’s side, smiling when she looks up and sees her sister, sound asleep.

…

…

Alex isn’t going anywhere, but M’gann does.

Kara arrives at the DEO to find J’onn despondent, and M’gann remorseful as she wraps Kara up into a tight hug. “I’ll be back,” she promises.

Kara’s heard that one before, but she also understands why M’gann has to go, and the determination in her voice is reassuring. “You’d better,” Kara says, squeezing her tightly. She steps back as Alex moves to hugs her, pressing herself against J’onn’s side until Alex moves away and J’onn walks over to M’gann.

Kara and Alex both look down as they touch foreheads and whisper their goodbyes, giving them some privacy. They only look back up as M’gann smiles at the three of them, and then disappears into the sky.

Kara swallows thickly, and steps forward with Alex to hug J’onn.

…

…

Kara tugs at the edge of her cardigan, antsy, and nervous, and annoyed that she can’t seem to stop feeling this way no matter how much she tries.

She looks up at the sound of Alex’s voice and plasters a smile onto her face. It’s not hard for it to be genuine when she sees how bright the smile on her sister’s face is, or Maggie’s. They’re really good for each other.

“Hi,” she says as they make their way over to her.

Alex bends down and gives her a one armed hug, and Maggie’s smile grows as she slips into the booth opposite Kara. They make general small talk while they look over the menus, and Kara can tell, from Maggie’s body language, from the rhythm of her heart, from the pointed looks shared between the two of them, that Alex has told Maggie about Kara’s fears.

It’s a weird bit of knowledge to have. It’s different, knowing that there is someone who Alex talks to that’s not _her_ about important things now. It’s even weirder to know that they discuss _Kara._ She has no idea how much Maggie knows about her life, or what Alex has told her. Kara frowns and sips at her water.

“So,” Maggie says once the waiter has taken their orders. “Is there something special that you guys usually do on Earth Birthday?”

“It was yesterday,” Kara says, then winces at the look on Alex’s face. “Um, not really. Besides eat cake. Which we covered. Alex brought me a cupcake last night.”

“I know,” Maggie says softly. Right, of course. Alex was with Maggie before she came over to Kara’s.

“Um, when I was fifteen, she took me on a roller coaster and I threw up a bunch of fried dough on a man’s shoes,” Kara offers.

Maggie’s eyes widen and then Alex cracks with laughter until all three of them are chuckling, some of the tension lifted. “It was gross, but really funny,” Alex says.

“Then she took me to a club,” Kara says, raising her eyebrows at Alex. “With a truly _terrible_ fake id, and we almost got arrested.”

“Danvers,” Maggie scolds, grinning madly.

Alex rolls her eyes. “It wasn’t _my_ fault we got caught. You were the one that freaked out on the dance floor,” she teases.

“It was too loud,” Kara says quietly. “And everyone was bumping into me.”

Alex looks guilty and Maggie looks confused. “Right,” Alex rolls part of her napkin into a ball. “It was a dumb idea anyway. Dad was furious.”

Kara presses her palms against the tops of her thighs, remembering Jeremiah screaming at them both, more frustrated than Kara had ever seen him before. He left, with Hank Henshaw only a few days later. Kara looks up and catches Alex’s eye, knowing that she’s thinking of the same thing. “The ice cream after was probably in the top ten ice creams of my life though,” she gives Alex a small smile. “So, that helped.”

“That _was_ amazing ice cream,” Alex agrees. “When Dad apologizes, he goes hard,” she quiets for a moment. Then sits up further as the waiter brings over their food and they all dig in. “Thank you,” she says as he smiles and spins away.

Kara watches Maggie quietly twirl her pasta primavera. “I feel everything sort of heightened,” she says in explanation. Maggie looks up and catches Kara’s eye, her fork hovering in the air near her mouth. “I don’t know how much Alex has told you,” Kara shrugs. “It was a lot worse back then, before I learned how to sort of tune things out. Loud noises were _really_ loud, and some sensations were really uncomfortable.”

Maggie never takes her eyes off Kara as she talks. She pops her fork into her mouth, not breaking eye contact, and nodding along as Kara goes on. She’s very easy to talk to, now that Kara’s decided to try, it’s nice to know.

It’s even better once she pauses and looks over at Alex, who has the biggest grin on her face that Kara has seen in a long time. All because Kara is trying with Maggie.

“That sounds hard,” Maggie says a beat later, after she’s swallowed her food. “Is there a trick to it? Or, something I should know, that can help when it happens?”

No one has ever asked her that before, besides the Danvers. Kara blinks at Maggie, and it becomes apparent that somehow, she’s seen the thought that just passed behind Kara’s eyes, because she sort of shifts in her seat, looking down at her pasta before letting out a breath and looking back up and Kara, unwavering and impossibly open. It’s like she’s trying to give Kara an out, and trying to let her know that she’s here for her at the exact same time.

Kara reaches for her glass of water, swigs inelegantly, and puts it back down again. Alex follows suit, pushing herself up in the booth and staring at the space in front of Kara’s plate while she resists the urge to fidget with her glasses. Kara doesn’t look at back Maggie, her eyes tracking the way that Alex’s throat works as she swallows. And swallows and swallows; she’s downing it, and it seems to go on forever.

Finally, Alex puts her glass down, and Kara opens her mouth. “It doesn’t really happen much anymore,” she mumbles.

“That’s good,” Maggie smiles at her, clearly aware of the shift in both girls’ demeanor. “But, you know, if it does…” she presses on gently. “What should I know?”

“Um, I just have to… get out,” Kara explains. “Which isn’t hard now, that I can fly, and I know what it feels like when it’s about to get too overwhelming. There really isn’t anything you could do. It’s fine,” she locks eyes with Maggie. “Thanks for asking though.”

“That’s not true,” Alex says, her voice a little thick. “I’d talk to you until you could focus on just my voice. Or… remember that thing we read? About kids with sensory processing disorders, and how pressure could help sometimes? I’d squeeze you around the middle till you could breathe right again.”

“Well, yeah,” Kara admits, pushing her food around in her plate. “But like I said, it doesn’t really happen that much anymore,” she shrugs. “So it’s fine.”

“Okay,” Maggie says, with extraordinary gentleness. Kara can feel the way her hand reaches over underneath the table, resting on top of Alex’s knee and squeezing until her sister relaxes again. Kara watches, from the opposite side of the booth, and for a hot few seconds, she’s never felt more alone in all her life. She might be furious, or she might be something else; not knowing is disorienting. Then, Maggie turns from Alex and gives all of her attention—besides the hand still on her sister’s knee—to Kara. “So, Little Danvers, you got any funny or embarrassing stories about this one to let me in on?”

Alex groans, begging Kara not to say a word and Maggie just smiles, easily taking a bite of her pasta, rubbing Alex’s knee, and never taking her bright eyes off of Kara. _Little Danvers._ It’s astounding, the whiplash of emotions the last few seconds have taken her through. It had been Alex and Maggie on one side, and Kara on another, and she’d panicked, because for _over half of her life now,_ it’s always been Alex and Kara—but it’s not anymore.

It might never be again.

It might not be a bad thing. Kara starts babbling, telling Maggie about the time when Alex was sixteen, and she decided that Kara was going to learn how to ice skate. Which was a great plan, since there was a lake near their house that froze over thickly, except for the fact that Alex herself didn’t actually know how to ice skate either. Maggie is laughing, her smile directed at Alex so fond as she groans and covers her face in her hands, unable to help the giggles that are escaping her. Kara could get used to this, maybe. Maggie’s laugh is melodic and warm, and she listens to Kara like she really wants to know what’s going on inside of her head. And Alex, has never smiled so brightly, or looked this happy.

It might not be a bad thing, that’s it’s not just the two of them anymore, that it hasn’t really been for a while. There’s J’onn and Winn now. M’gann, even though she’s left, and to a lesser extent, Lena and James. _Kara and Alex_ aren’t just Kara and Alex anymore.

Maybe that’s okay.

Maybe, this is better.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there, long time no see, huh? this is very short, and feels a little off, and i apologize. but i wanted to get something out. i'm about to go back to college after a 6 year gap, so... i'm determined to finish this, but it's not my top priority atm. sorry about that. i wanted to finish it beforehand, but real life got a bit away from me.

**xxx.** **and this deception, i wear it like a skin**

Kara bounces up and down on her toes with excitement. Lena looks dubious beside her, but gamely walks up to the shady looking food truck when Kara does.

“I swear to god, this is going to change your life,” Kara says, and grins at the man leaning down out of the window at them. Waving, she calls up, “Hi Roberto.”

“Kara!” he yells out happily. “I haven’t seen you in _weeks!_ ”

“I know, I’ve been dying,” Kara says. Behind her, she hears Lena let out a small snort at the dramatic tone to Kara’s voice. She is about to eat her words—Kara whirls around and tells her so, and Lena only laughs. It’s a welcome sound after the morning they spent at the courtroom, and it’s a relief to see the way that Lena’s shoulders slowly lose a bit of their tension. That had been exactly what Kara had been hoping for.

“Your usual?” Roberto asks, and Kara nods, clapping her hands together with excitement.

She turns back around to Lena. “What kind of burritos do you like? He has everything you could ever want.”

“Um,” Lena frowns, looking up at the menu beside Roberto’s window. She studies it for a moment, then smiles politely at him and asks for number two.

“You got it ladies,” he taps his knuckles against the widow, then disappears from view to make their lunches.

Kara leans back against the food truck to wait, giving Lena a small smile. She grits her teeth when Lena shoots back one of her own to try and tamper down her reaction. It’s a lot harder then she thought it would be, to shove down her feelings and just, be Lena’s friend.

But at the same time, it’s somehow not hard at all. Being Lena’s friend is easy. Spending time with her is fun. It can be a relief to not have to worry, or talk about anything at all relating to Supergirl with someone. She can just… be Kara, in a way that she can’t really, with everyone else who knows. Supergirl almost always weighs over every conversation in some way.

But, that also lends to a source of guilt for Kara—lying to Lena makes her feel horrible, the longer they spend time with each other, and the better friends they become. At this point, Kara’s almost afraid to tell her, like she’s missed her window, somehow. She had no idea what to expect, months ago when she met the other Luthor sibling, but now she’s seen firsthand how different Lena is from Lex and Lillian. She trusts Lena, and she’s afraid that the longer she waits to tell her, the worse her reaction is going to be.

Kara has almost spit it out a couple of times in the last few weeks, but it never feels like a good time, and she’s not sure how to broach it.

They collect their burritos from Roberto with excited smiles, and Lena insists on paying. Kara waves goodbye to Roberto and promises not to stay away for too long this time as they walk with their food. Kara ends up dripping sauce onto her face in five seconds and Lena laughs, passing her a napkin as Kara sheepishly accepts it.

“There’s… no real way to eat these without getting a little messy,” she says, somewhat defensive.

“I figured,” Lena says easily, shrugging one shoulder and taking a dainty bite. Entirely somehow proving Kara wrong.

By the time they’ve both finished, Kara has gone through about seven napkins to Lena’s two, and she’s managed to keep her dignity. Kara is in awe and a little jealous. She pouts when Lena points out that she’s missed another spot on her face, swiping hurriedly until Lena barks out a laugh and grabs her shoulder.

“Stand still,” she orders, “I’ll get it.”

Her fingers come up and cup the sides of Kara’s cheeks so delicately, if Kara didn’t have superhuman senses, she’s not sure if she would even be able to feel it—like Lena is afraid of encroaching on her space. Unsure whether or not it would be welcome.

She brushes the napkin just as gently across the side of Kara’s cheek, studiously avoiding looking her in the eye. When they both slip up—which they always seem to do—Kara can’t look away. She’s not sure how long they stand there in the middle of the quiet sidewalk like that, Lena’s hands cupping Kara’s cheek, the napkin limp against her, eyes locked silently.

There are moments every now and then when Kara is with Lena where her heart races and her stomach feels messy with knots and tension. She’s stopped trying to analyze what it means anymore, because even knowing that she’s attracted to Lena now, she doesn’t think that attraction properly categorizes it. She’s felt that sort of dizzying attraction before, and this doesn’t quite line up to the same feeling. It’s a little bit close to how she feels when she’s flying for pleasure—not rushing off to prevent disaster. Kara only knows for sure that Lena is the cause it, and it makes her feel off balance and like she’s forgotten how to properly breathe with the difference in gravity on Earth. Like there’s an extra pull to her lungs. It’s something that Kara tries not to dwell on, and accepts as just something that is going to be part of being friends with Lena.

She feels that thing now as Lena openly stares at her for a few heartbeats, feels that head rush, and dip in her belly that she doesn’t think she’s ever felt from anyone else just _looking at her_. It’s not making the whole, _just be her fucking friend!_ thing particularly easy, but she’s _trying._

It’s only when Lena clears her throat, drops her fingers as though she doesn’t know how they possibly could have gotten there, and sharply looks away from her, does Kara start to feel like her normal non-floaty self again. She laughs, trying to cover and relieve some of the tension, probably a bit too awkwardly, and quickly finds something to focus on other than Lena. It takes them a few steps before Kara hears Lena’s own heartbeat slow back down to normal, and then they’re both quiet in a way that’s a little uncomfortable.

Kara hates that she doesn’t know how to make any of this stop. Lena is going through so much right now, and the last thing that she needs is Kara staring at her lips all the time and losing her breath. She needs a friend that she can count on.

She needs a friend that isn’t lying to her.

Kara swallows thickly as Lena starts talking about some new prototype at L-Corp that she’s excited about. Lena is the only one of her friends that doesn’t know about Supergirl. (Apart from Cat Grant—maybe.) It made sense before, they didn’t know each other that well, and as much as Kara wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, and the time to prove herself different from Lex, to just blurt out her secret identity a few weeks into knowing her would have been foolish.

Plus, Alex would have killed her. She already thinks that more people know than they should. So does Clark, though he doesn’t ever mention it as pointedly as Alex does.

If not for everything with Lillian, Kara probably would have told Lena by now, except… it’s _nice_ to have someone to talk to who doesn’t know. She’s missed it, with Cat gone. It’s a relief sometimes to just be _Kara,_ and not have all of these heavy expectations. But, it’s impossibly selfish, and Kara doesn’t think she can keep being friends with Lena and lie to her—it feels cruel. She’s afraid that she’s waited too long, and if she finally tells Lena now, it will ruin any trust that they’ve built up between them.

It’s _horrible_ basically. Kara isn’t sure whether or not she’s actually capable of getting an ulcer, but she can only imagine that this is what it feels like to have one.

…

…

“I’m sorry I’m late!” Kara yells, bursting through her apartment and trying to tug off her boots at the same time. She trips, does a face plant, and groans into the wood floor.

Maggie’s grinning face appears above her once she rolls over. “How’d that feel?”

“Not awesome, but better than it would if it had been you.”

Maggie sticks out her hand and Kara lets her pull her up. “Alex is getting pizza,” she says. “You’re not that late.”

Kara kicks off her other boot and walks over to the sink, chugging a glass of water in seconds before moving to fill it up again. When she turns back around, she realizes that this is the first time that she’s ever really been alone with Maggie before. For an annoying second, she’s frozen and can’t come up with anything to say until she shakes the feeling off. Maggie smiles, and leans her elbows on the countertop. “There’s a smudge of something on your nose.”

Kara swipes at it sheepishly then laughs. “There was sort of a dirt… explosion… thing.”

Maggie snorts. “Sounds like fun.”

“Oh yeah, it was a blast,” Kara says, dripping with sarcasm. “Oh, wait… pun not intended.”

Maggie chuckles as Alex walks through the door brandishing two large boxes of pizza. Her eyes flash with relief at seeing Kara standing there in one piece, as they sort of always do after she’s been out on her own. Same as Kara knows her own do when Alex is out in the field without her.

“Hope you’re hungry,” she says, dropping the boxes down onto the table.

“Always,” Kara grins, and takes one of them all to herself, scarfing down three pieces before Alex and Maggie can even finish getting out some pieces and napkins for themselves.

They move over to the couch after a while. Kara jumps through the shower and changes into some comfy clothes, and then they settle in to watch _The West Wing_ —they’ve included Maggie in their latest binge watch.

Kara thought it would be weird, at first. She’s so used to just… being herself with Alex, and in this apartment, and she wasn’t sure how it would change things to have Maggie around too. On the whole though, it doesn’t really. Alex acts the same—if slightly awkward and completely smitten—and it’s nice to see her so happy, and Maggie is as easy to talk to as Kara had originally thought.

She fits right in.

Alex still makes sure to have nights where it’s just the two of them. They don’t ever pick out a specific day, because their schedules are all so unpredictable, but they make sure that at least once a week, the two of them hang out and catch up on anything they’ve missed. Maggie is overly considerate and accommodating, and at first Kara’s embarrassed, but Alex tells her to cut it out, and that Sister Nights are just as important to her as they are to Kara, and to _stop assuming everything is about you anyway,_ she teases, until Kara’s laughing and chucking every pillow in the living room at her head.

The only thing really weighing Kara down now, is that she’s lying to Lena.  

Winn is all for telling Lena the truth, and is under the impression that it won’t be a big deal at all. Alex, is less so.

“I just… look, I’m not saying don’t tell her,” she says, passing Kara another slice of pizza while Maggie kicks her feet up onto her lap. “I’m just saying that the timing right now might not be great. With everything that just happened with her mom… it might be a lot to handle all at once.”

“I know,” Kara bites at her lip instead of the pizza, and Maggie kicks her shin until she stops. “I just — I don’t want to keep lying. I feel like the longer I wait, the harder it gets, and the worse it might make her feel.”

“She’s… not wrong there,” Maggie says gently.

“I don’t know,” Alex sighs. “Look, you know her better than I do. It’s your choice Kara.”

“Yeah,” Kara chews on the edge of her crusts, looking down at the floor.  

…

…

**xxi. ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive**

The thing that Lena is coming to realize about people like Kara Danvers, which differs them from basically every other sort of person that Lena has ever met, is that they are so genuine, they’re incapable of any subtleties. When Kara likes you, she Likes You, she is Your Friend. Lena first noticed it the night that she came barging into her office to ask for the address of Roulette’s ridiculous fight ring. Kara needed something to help a friend, someone she cared about, and the possibility of being cared about by someone that much, was so foreign and appealing to Lena, but she never imagined actually having it directed onto her.

Apparently, when Kara decides to befriend someone she will smile at you constantly, give you reassuring hugs whenever you’re sad, and say earnest, heartfelt things that make you feel like you’ve just bathed in a hot tub full of sunshine—without having to worry that there will be something painful at the end of it like a sunburn.

She wasn’t sure at first, if this was just how Kara’s friendship with _Lena_ was developing, or if it was just _Kara,_ until she saw her interacting with Winn and Alex. There was no distinction between the sister that she absolutely adores, her best friend, and the woman that she has only known for a few months now. Once she decides that she is going to be, Kara Danvers is absolutely, no matter what There For You. Sometimes she shows up a bit late, and arrives a little unkempt, but once she gets there, she is always at one hundred and ten percent, because she doesn’t really seem to know any other way to be.

It’s alarming to try and match, and for a while Lena was breaking her back trying until she realized that Kara doesn’t expect anyone else to be the same way. Obviously, she doesn’t want to be taken for granted, and Lena could _never,_ but she is happy with whatever Lena is capable of giving. She never looks at Lena and makes her feel like she could have done better, somehow.

It’s more confusing than all of the rest of it, if she’s being honest.

Kara seems to have picked up on the fact that the idea of going to her apartment with all of her closest friends for Game Night terrifies Lena. She’s always a little disappointed whenever Lena declines, but she always just shrugs and says, _okay, maybe next time,_ without making a big thing out of it. So, when Lena finally sucks in a deep breath and says, _yes, I think that might work,_ Kara nearly doesn’t hear her.

“Wait, what?”

“I think I’m free on Thursday evening.”

“Really?!”

Lena smiles and nods. It’s almost a nightmare when Kara squeals with happiness and jumps across the couch, launching herself into Lena’s arms without thought, when they both blush and laugh before jumping back apart, when Kara moves to leave the room, dropping a kiss to the top of her head and freezing, like she can’t believe that she just did that any more than Lena can. Lena grabs her wrist and squeezes until Kara laughs and shrugs, can hardly stay away from her for a moment. She’s an addict, enslaved to emotions that she never wanted, and she’s lost for good with every bright, hundred-watt smile pointed her way.

It’s horrible.

When Lena walks through the door of Kara’s apartment, she’s greeted by cheering from Winn and a smile and a nod from Alex. The reactions from Maggie and James are far more subdued, but no less warm.

They play Taboo, which Lena isn’t sure she has ever played before, and it gets incredibly competitive. Kara, Winn, and James are all standing up and yelling as Maggie’s eyes go wide and Alex throws popcorn at Winn’s head to try and throw him further off.

“Cheating!” Kara yells, and whips around to yell at Alex.

“FOCUS!” Winn screeches.

“TIME!” James yells, and pumps his fist with a grin. “Maggie, we’re up.”

“NO!” Kara and Winn yell. “Not fair!”

“Go,” Alex declares, pointing towards Maggie and James. “We’re winning.”

“You’re not, actually,” Lena announces as she checks the notepad. “The teams are both tied.”

“Not for long,” Alex grins. “Sorry Luthor, we’re not gonna go easy on you just cause it’s your first Game Night.”

Lena smirks, and for half a second, Alex looks worried.

…

…

“I can’t believe that you guys won,” Alex groans.

“Victory!” Winn cheers. He and Kara start to do a dance, Lena smiles and opts for accepting their high-fives from the couch.

“We almost had them,” James says, laughing as Kara dances around him and sticks out her tongue. Kara gives him a brilliant smile, and Lena remembers Winn letting slip that the two of them sort of… almost dated last year. She does _not_ feel jealous. She does notice Winn looking at her pointedly and throws a piece of popcorn at his face, which causes Alex to bark with laughter.

Kara flops down to the floor in front of Lena, smiling almost shyly up at her. It’s… different. She’s been radiating a sort of nervous energy tonight that Lena has never quite seen from her before. She keeps biting at her lower lip and looking at Lena like she is about to say something, then quickly changing the subject to focus on Alex, or Winn, or Maggie. When Lena looks over at Alex, there’s a kind of quiet understanding in her eyes that leaves Lena feeling out of the loop. But, Alex smiles and calls her Luthor and gives her the last brownie over Kara, and when Lena catches Maggie’s hand slip into Alex’s underneath the table, she raises her eyebrows at Alex teasingly. The deep blush that she receives in response is absolutely worth the way that Alex digs her nails into Lena’s thigh in passing later.

Kara is acting weird, and Alex seems to know why, but she is being nothing but positive and welcoming—it just looks like teasing, when it comes from Alex. Lena forces herself not to dwell on it and tries to have a good time.

…

…

**xxii. a hopeful transmission**

Kara sits on her hands to keep herself from reaching up and touching Lena again. When they won less than an hour ago, Kara had wrapped herself around Lena so tightly the other woman had jumped and nearly fallen out of her chair.

She can’t keep doing this. She feels guilty every second that she spends with Lena _not_ telling her about Supergirl. Winn and James both almost slip up and catch themselves terribly, and Lena is fully aware at this point that something is going on that she’s not been clued in on, and her face is making Kara want to scream.

Blurting out the whole Supergirl elephant thing in the room while everyone is here would be cruel, so Kara clams up, tries to act like a normal person, and is thankful when everyone starts trickling out to go home and Lena hangs back slightly.

Of course, then Alex gives her a very pointed look as she and Maggie both leave, and when Kara turns around, ready to just finally rip the Band-Aid off, Lena yawns, looking exhausted but happy, and Kara closes her mouth.

“Thank you for inviting me,” Lena says, as Kara shoves some leftovers into her arms.

“I’m really glad that you came.”

Lena’s heartbeat picks up, and Kara can’t quite analyze why, but she can tell how tired Lena is, and she doesn’t think now is the best time to broach the topic.

God, is there _ever_ going to be a right moment?

Probably not. The truth sits sour and heavy on her tongue, and Kara sucks in a deep breath. “Lena, are you busy tomorrow?”

“Oh, um,” Lena swipes at her phone and checks her schedule quickly. “Not terribly,” she says, which Kara has come to know means, _yes, but I’ll shuffle some things around for you._  

Kara twists her fingers together in front of her stomach, feeling like maybe she _should_ just get it over with now, but then Lena yawns again, and Kara knows that she has an early meeting, and she sighs. “Um, do you — do you want to get lunch maybe? Or dinner?” she’s not looking at Lena’s face. “Dinner might be better. I — um, I’d like to talk to you about something — and, well, dinner might be better. Are you free for dinner tomorrow?” she asks, wincing at her rambling.

Lena’s face changes entirely the moment Kara looks up at her; there’s a weird flicker of emotion in her eyes, like hope and shock and disbelief tangled together and fought to the death in just a tiny moment. Then she masks it with a false, fractured smile. “I think so,” she says, a bit too polite. She clears her throat, and then smiles at Kara like she usually does, but there’s a note of panic and something else that Kara can’t recognize to the edges of her eyes. “I’d love to.”

“Okay,” Kara swallows.

“Okay,” Lena repeats, hovering in the doorway with Kara’s leftovers in her arms, looking lost.

It takes ages to fall asleep. Kara gives up tossing and turning somewhere around four a.m. and flies outside, stopping a car crash on the 101, and still feeling jittery as the sun rises and dances lightly across her skin. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall. so. getting back into college has been overwhelming and fun and i honestly haven't been writing like at all. but i am kinda finally settled into my new routine, so i'm hoping to slowly crank the rest of this out whenever i have free time. 
> 
> hope some of you are still with me, sorry abt the end of this chapter:)

**xxiii.** **i want to hold your hand**

Kara doesn’t make it to dinner with Lena.

There’s an explosion up near San Francisco caused by a Fort Rozz prisoner, and when Kara moves to call Lena as she’s flying to help, Lena beats her to cancelling their plans.

“I’m sorry Kara… it’s just, with my testimony happening tomorrow, I have to meet with the lawyers again. It’s taking longer than we thought, and I—”

“It’s fine,” Kara assures her quickly, hoping the wind cutting through the line isn’t giving anything away. “I’ll… see you tomorrow?”

“Okay,” Lena agrees. Kara isn’t sure if she imagines the tightness to Lena’s voice or not, but she’s distracted from thinking about it immediately as a pipe is thrown at her head.

It takes her longer than she would have hoped to contain the mess, and she flies home exhausted, and drags herself through a shower before flopping onto her bed.

She sees Lena the next morning, in court. Kara is there as a stringer, sent along to help assist two senior reporters, and she sits in the benches and tries to smile and send good vibes while Lena takes the stand. She doesn’t get to talk to her for the rest of the day. Lena disappears almost the moment that the lawyers release her, and Kara is thrown into work, and by the time that Snapper finally lets them leave for the day, it’s well past a reasonable dinnertime.

Kara doesn’t want Lena to wallow alone, though, so she grabs some comfort food and heads over to L-Corp—determined. When Jess lets Kara into Lena’s office, she catches Lena turning the television off and grinding her teeth. Lena sighs and walks over to rest back against her desk. “Everyone in National City has an opinion on me,” she says, in lieu of greeting. Like they’re just picking up from the last conversation they had, as if it is always one continuous string. Kara likes it. Lena always used to jump to attention whenever Kara or Winn popped in, like it surprised her, and she had to reintroduce herself all the time. Kara likes this newfound familiarity much more.

Lena expects that Kara will be around to talk to. It’s no longer a surprise.

Kara holds out the bag and smiles. “I thought you could use some fried sugary goodness in your life,” she offers.

Lena’s shoulders sag a bit and she grins, reaching for the bag of donuts and teasing, “Well, I am human,” as she moves them over towards her couch.

Kara laughs along and presses her palms together before she blurts out, _funny you should mention that, because actually, I’m not!_ Instead she pulls out a strawberry glazed donut and asks how Lena feels after finally testifying.

“It felt good actually,” she says, picking at one of the donuts slowly. “I finally got to say my peace, distance myself from the Luthor name… and then I came back here to _twelve_ calls from her lawyers,” she says, with her eyes going wide and laughing in disbelief. “Yeah,” she looks down at her donut, picking at it. “She wants to see me.”

“What do you think she wants?”

“Probably to tell me that my outfit in court was horrible and that I need a makeover,” Lena teases, her voice not quite managing to get to the level of distance with the joke that she was probably hoping for. Kara doesn’t see any value in calling her out on it, so she chews quietly and listens as Lena brushes past it and moves on. “I don’t know and I don’t care,” she mumbles. “I just — I thought I was done with her you know?” she chews and swallows before talking again, and Kara is quiet as she waits her out. “You — you don’t think that I should feel guilty for not wanting to see that monster, do you?” she asks. It doesn’t sound like that’s what Lena actually feels guilty for—Kara’s spent a lot of the last few months paying close attention to what Lena says with her words, and the responses that her body gives off without her knowledge. She doesn’t say Lillian’s name anymore, hasn’t been able to since the night that she was arrested. It’s always, _She_ or _Her_ with the capitol ‘s’ and ‘h’ painfully apparent in the tone of her voice. Obvious to anyone paying attention to whom the she in question that Lena is referring to.

Kara hums and thinks briefly about her own mother, and all of the things that she wishes she could say or ask Alura if given the chance. It’s not the same, but every time that she sees the flicker of pain and hope flash across Lena’s face, Kara remembers the feeling of Astra’s hands cupping her own, so gently, so full of remorse that it hurts to breathe for a few moments. Kara would give anything to be able to ask Astra _why._ To have some sort of conversation that wasn’t full of horror at the time slipping away from them by the second.

She leans further into the back of the couch and studies Lena. “Do you think it would give you some peace of mind to talk to her?” she asks.

“Even if I did it wouldn’t make a difference,” Lena mumbles, resigned. “She’s been the same way since the day I met her.”

“I’ve spent most of my life wishing that I could talk to people who are no longer here,” Kara admits, not looking at Lena for a moment. “She’s still here,” Kara rolls her head over and meets Lena’s gaze. “And she’s still your mom.”

Lena’s eyes are wide, and just a touch watery. “Yeah,” she mumbles, looking down and picking at her donut again. They’re quiet for a few beats, chewing and looking out at the night skyline until Lena breaks the silence. “This doesn’t count as our dinner, does it?” she laughs, a twinge of hesitancy to her question.

“Oh,” Kara laughs, pushing at her glasses and popping the last bit of her donut in her mouth. She shakes her head and notices the time. She was supposed to check in with Alex twenty minutes ago. Today is technically Sister Night. “No,” Kara promises. She gathers her things and rises from the couch, Lena following her. “No, we’ll do a proper dinner. Um, once the trial is over? Or… um, I’m not sure what my schedule is tomorrow… but…”

Lena waves her off. “I know that you’ve got a lot going on with work right now. After the trial sounds just fine to me.”

“Okay,” Kara nods as she steps forward to wrap her arms around Lena, unthinkingly. Lena jumps at the contact, and Kara almost pulls away, but then Lena’s arms come up and hold her for a second, squeezing once before they both pull away from each other and blush. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Lena says, her smile tight.

…

…

When Kara and Alex get to the courtroom the next morning, Lena is late, which is unusual. She’s beat them there every other time, and Alex’s mouth twists into a frown before she makes a joke about Snapper and taps out a beat on Kara’s shoulders.

They know the second that Lena arrives. One, because Kara hears and recognizes her heartbeat, and two, because all of the reporters beside them start yelling out for quotes. Alex jumps into the mass and loops her arm through Lena’s, giving a man named Aaron a deep glare as he tries to shove his iPhone in Lena’s face.

He calls out a protest that CatCo is getting preferential treatment when Kara slides up next to Lena’s other side, and she turns and rolls her eyes at him. “I’m only a stringer Aaron.”

“Yeah, and clearly not for long,” he nods towards Lena. Henry Cho, the senior reporter that Kara has been assisting, barks something charming and insulting at Aaron as he follows them into the courtroom. A lot of the reporters have more class than Aaron from what Kara has seen, but they all still want a quote to make their headlines. Kara is grateful that Henry seems aware of just how invasive and damaging it can come across. She likes working with him. He doesn’t try to get her to exploit her friendship with Lena as much as many others would press her to do.

They slide into their seats, and Kara tunes out whatever Alex is whispering to Lena, always conscious of trying to give others their privacy from her powers. She turns and nods along to the rest of Henry’s conversation with two other CatCo reporters before glancing back over at Lena and trying to give her a reassuring smile.

The one that she receives back is weak at best. Beside her, Alex’s mouth dips further into a frown as John Corbin—what’s left of him—takes the stand.

He spouts the same old hateful bullshit that Kara expected, and Lillian sits proud and tall through the whole line of questioning. Kara catches Lena glancing over at her mother a few times with a confusing look on her face. Before she can nudge Alex to ask if she’s alright, Corbin stands up and starts blasting kryptonite out of his chest, causing the courtroom to descend into chaos.

Kara jumps back to cover Alex and Lena, but Alex is already a step ahead of her. She tugs Kara down before she can give herself away, and pushes Lena behind her. People are yelling and running around them, ducking for cover and rushing towards the exits. Kara watches Corbin break Lillian’s cuffs and seethes. She whips around and catches Alex’s eye.

“Go,” she mouths, and turns to distract Lena.

Kara runs, and refuses to feel guilty—she doesn’t have time to wallow in it right now. She chases after Lillian and Corbin, but is forced to choose between saving civilians, or stopping Lillian from escaping.

It’s barely a choice.

She searches the length of the city twice with no luck, coming back defeated and annoyed to the DEO to find Alex and Maggie.

Her mood doesn’t improve at all when Maggie’s phone rings. She ends the call and glances nervously at Kara. “What is it?”

Maggie sighs. “I had the security cameras and the visitors’ logs for Corbin checked to see how the kryptonite might have been smuggled in, but… he hasn’t had any visitors. Lillian Luthor had one last night though,” she says, pressing her lips together and glancing between Kara and Alex.

“Who was it?” Kara asks, a sinking feeling growing in her gut.

“Her daughter Lena,” Maggie answers.

“Well — that’s, I mean, I _told_ her to go visit,” Kara protests. “For closure. Her mother wouldn’t stop calling her, and Lena was feeling guilty, and—”

“Maggie this wasn’t her,” Alex cuts in.

Maggie cuffs the toe of her boot against the linoleum floor, not looking up at either of them for a moment. “I’ve got to go back to the station. My captain’s wondering where I am, and there’s more security footage to go through. Just… be prepared,” she says, gently.

Kara meets Alex’s eye for half a second, then takes off, flying straight back to L-Corp as the sun sets over the horizon. It’s a brilliant deep red, but Kara doesn’t have it in her to appreciate it right now. There’s a feeling of dread increasing, and Kara can’t pick out _why_ exactly, or where it could be coming from, but there’s too many things that she can’t just outright _ask_ Lena right now. This can’t be how Kara tells her about Supergirl. It’s beyond cruel.

Jess asks her to wait in the lobby, and Kara acquiesces after seeing the determined set to her face, pacing back and forth in front of her desk. Ten minutes, twenty, twenty-five, finally half an hour goes by, and Lena walks up from the labs. She smiles at the sight of Kara, but it’s strained.

“Lena—” Kara jumps to explain everything that she can manage, and the corners of Lena’s mouth twist into a frown, her heartbeat picks up, and she grits her teeth.

“You know, you’re starting to sound a lot more like a reporter than a friend,” she accuses and Kara swallows.

“I don’t mean to be.” 

Maggie interrupts whatever explanation Kara was about to bungle her way through. Her posture is stiff and her tone is stilted as she asks Kara to give them some privacy, and Kara’s mind is racing. Maggie’s eyes are the only thing that gives her discomfort and guilt away, the rest of her is calm and professional.

Lena is anything but calm. Kara can hear the way that her heart is racing, the quickness to her breath, and when she whispers that she’d like Kara to stay, she probably gets a little more protective and defensive towards Maggie than she maybe should, but she can’t really help it. Her arms are crossed and she’s glaring before she realizes. Maggie swallows, but nods and turns to Lena, doing her job.

“The police were sent some surveillance footage I’d like to ask you about,” she says, and taps the screen on her tablet, holding it out so that Lena and Kara can both see. Kara’s stomach flops when she sees an image of Lena, crouched down, pulling out a handful of kryptonite from a drawer.

“That’s not me,” Lena insists, turning to Kara with pleading eyes. “I don’t know where you got that, but — but it’s not me.”

Maggie pulls out cuffs and walks behind Lena, who’s already holding an arm out even as she protests the validity of the tape. “Miss Luthor, you’re under arrest for aiding and abetting a felon, accessory after the fact, conspiracy—”

“Hold on Maggie,” Kara cuts her off and two of the other cops take steps closer towards her in warning. “Slow down,” Kara says, ignoring them. “Just let her explain.”

Maggie glances at the other cops for half a second. So quickly that anyone but Kara might not even notice. “Stay out of it Kara,” she insists. Kara goes silent because she recognizes the tone to Maggie’s voice; it’s firm but not cold. It’s the same way that Alex used to tell her to be quiet, or to hide her strength, or cut her off before she gave away something when they were younger. Harsh and quick, but with reason behind it. Protective and afraid.

“It’s okay,” Lena says quietly, resigned and looking down at the floor. Unable to meet Kara’s eyes. Kara wants to scream.

The other two cops step forward and met Maggie as she leads Lena slowly out of the office, and Kara stays behind, stunned and furious. Jess glares at the precession, glares at Kara for good measure before catching the equally furious look on her face, then jumps to contact Lena’s lawyers. Kara is about to follow Maggie to the station, demanding… what she doesn’t know (preferential treatment for her girlfriend’s little sister?) but Snapper calls, barking that she return to the office _immediately_ or she’ll be a stringer for the rest of her natural born life.

She sends a text to Maggie simply saying: _what the hell!!??????_ and rushes back to CatCo.

Snapper has everyone running around like chickens with their heads cut off, and Kara has to steady the young intern, Amaya, before she trips and does a face plant. James walks past her and shoots her a guilty look as he heads for Snapper. Kara follows, horrified once she catches sight of the new cover they’re preparing to release.

“Everyone will think that Lena is guilty!” she argues.

Snapper doesn’t even think her argument is worthy of an eye roll, and when Kara turns to James for backup, he folds further into himself, can’t meet her eye, and agrees with Snapper.

“What?” Kara snaps. “Are you kidding me? The only thing Lena has done is help. She called the police on her own mother over the medusa virus.”

“That’s exactly my point,” James says. “If she can betray her own mother, then what’s to stop her from pulling the long con on _you?_ ” he sighs. “I know she’s your friend Kara… and she seemed nice, and we all had a good time at Game Night together, but… Kara I think she’s bad news.”

“Why,” Kara crosses her arms over her chest and gets in his face. “Because she’s a Luthor?”

“Because she’s guilty,” he says. “Kara, Clark and Lex Luthor used to be best friends.” Kara grits her teeth and opens her mouth to protest his words, but James goes on quietly. “For _years._ And Clark believed in Lex for the longest time. No matter what people said, no matter what kind of proof he saw with his own eyes—Lex was his friend.” James doesn’t seem to take any pleasure in saying firmly, “Clark was wrong,” but Kara doesn’t have it in her to care.

“Lena’s not Lex,” Kara she says, just as firmly.

“But they grew up in the same house Kara. They were taught the same things. I don’t understand why you’re just blindly defending her.”

He storms off before Kara can say anything else, grabbing his camera as he heads for the elevators. Kara means to go after him, but her phone rings, and she sighs as she answers it. “She could have warned me,” Kara says, getting right to the point.

“It’s her job Kara,” Alex defends, knowing exactly which ‘she’ to whom Kara is referring. “For the record, Maggie didn’t tell me ahead of time either, and I’m a little pissed at her too.”

“Alex—”

“—The footage is pretty clear Kara,” Alex cuts her off, quietly.

“You cannot be ser—”

“—Kara, Winn has been messing with it for the last twenty minutes. He can’t find any signs of it being altered.”

“I can’t believe that you actually think — you’re her friend too!”

“I know,” Alex mumbles, sounding miserable. “I was starting to really like her Kara, but—”

“There isn’t a caveat to that sentence Alex,” Kara says, reaching her limit as she hangs up and walks out of CatCo. There’s no sign of James, and Kara doesn’t want to keep fighting with him, so she just turns and heads for her apartment. She ignores a call from Alex, and the text message that follows. When her phone goes off again, she jams it up against her ear with a growl and says, “I’ve got work that I need to do for Snapper, Alex.”

“Not Alex,” a familiar voice drawls.

“Lucy!?”

“Hey,” she sounds almost hesitant, and Kara can hear her swallow before speaking again. “How are you?”

“I… don’t know what access to news you have,” Kara says as she kicks her front door shut. “Just how off the grid are you?”

Lucy’s laughter rings in her ears as she drops her purse down onto the table and flops down across the back of her couch. “Enough that I’ve got limited hot water for showers,” she jokes. “But I promised Lois that I’d be better about calling and checking in. You’re easier to talk to then my sister though,” she laughs, bitter. “I figured I’d start with you first.”

“Oh, so… you haven’t seen any news in the last few days?”

“Nothing that isn’t a national security issue. Why?”

“Um…” Kara blows some hair out of her face. “It’s… nothing.”

“Kara, what’s wrong?”

“My friend Lena got arrested for something that she didn’t do, and everyone is being a jerk about it.”

“Everyone being…”

“James and Alex, at the moment.”

“Ah,” Lucy clunks her tongue, reminiscent of Ms Grant, and Kara suddenly wishes that _she_ were here right now. Ms Grant doesn’t run with things just because they _seem_ like the truth. She’d at least let Kara _try_ before denouncing Lena to the whole world on the front page. She understands the kind of lasting damage an image like that can hold. “Well, James has… some biases against the Luthors,” Lucy says delicately. “He was there when everything blew up with Clark and Lex. He’s… protective.” 

“Comparing Lena to her brother isn’t fair,” Kara argues.

“Not entirely, no,” Lucy agrees. “But it also isn’t the most… unbelievable thing to take pause,” she shifts around, and the line crackles a little, threatening to lose the signal. Lucy takes great care with her words. “Look, I haven’t been there in months, and I’ve only ever meet Lena Luthor once at some function that Lois dragged me to years ago. I don’t know her personally. But… I know that you’re a pretty good judge of character, and I trust you.”

“Thank you!”

“—But, I know that James is too,” she adds, gently. “He’s got a bit of a blind spot when it comes to the Luthors now, so maybe he’s pressing this more than he should be… but he wouldn’t fight with you needlessly. He’s your friend, and he probably just wants to make sure that what happened with Clark doesn’t happen to you. So just… keep that in mind, while you’re yelling at him. Is all I ask,” she jokes.

“Yeah,” Kara picks at a piece of lint on her pants and sighs. “Okay.”

The line crackles again and Lucy curses. “I’ve got to go. But… J’onn knows how to contact me if you need to. I hope it works out Kara.”

“Thanks. Call Lois,” she orders, hating the strained tension of their relationship.

“Yeah, next time,” Lucy laughs, and then the line goes silent.

It’s late enough that Kara can excuse going to bed early and avoiding everyone, so she does. She turns her phone on silent, leaves it on the kitchen counter, and jumps in the shower. Taking her time and letting the warm water wash over her as she breathes. She lies in bed for a long time as she tries to fall asleep, imagining Lena, uncomfortable and scared in some jail cell right now, hating everything that is working against them right now.

She doesn’t sleep much.

…

…

 **xxiv.** **thought i saw the devil, this morning (looking in the mirror)**

“Prodigal daughter,” a prison guard mumbles. “Think she’ll lose her hair like her brother?” he laughs to his colleague as Lena whips her head up from the pillow and glances at them. They walk down the hall, laughing, and Lena pushes herself up off the cot and grips her fingers against the bars of her cell.

She can’t believe that she was in this very same prison only two nights ago visiting her mother. Lillian had reached her hands across a metal table, begged for a second chance, and told Lena that Lionel was her biological father.

God, maybe she _will_ lose her hair then. It’s genetic.

The bars are cold, but Lena presses her palms into them anyway, as hard as she can. She can still feel the phantom metal of the cuffs that Maggie had clamped onto her wrists hours ago—though nowhere near as tightly as she probably should have, Lena realized, once they were driving to the station. Some small courtesy perhaps, since Lena is friends with her girlfriend—maybe. Maybe Alex wants nothing to do with Lena anymore. Maybe Kara doesn’t either. She can’t even imagine what either of them are thinking.

Winn’s probably wondering if something in him attracts criminals. God, Lena wants to scream.

She does, but not out of frustration, out of fear as she hears shouting and crashes from down the hall, and then Metallo appears in front of her, green chest glowing and a snarl on his face.

“Miss Luthor,” he says, extending his hand.

Lena backs up further into the jail cell, snorting despite the way that her hands are shaking. This man has already been contracted to kill her once, only Alex Danvers stopped him then. Lena is all alone now.

“Your mother sent me,” he adds. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

Lena is about to tell him to fuck off when more shouting from behind them rings out. Metallo steps over and grabs hold of her arm, tugging her along with a strong grip as they run from the guards and Lena is shoved into the back of a nondescript black van.

“Hello dear,” Lillian smiles, holding out a warm coat.

Lena sinks down into her seat as Metallo peels away from the curb.

“What did you do?” she snaps.

Lillian rolls her eyes, hands her the coat, and moves into the front seat. “We can talk once you’ve calmed down a bit.”

Lena presses her head against the window, breathing in and out slowly through her nose. She doesn’t say a word or touch the coat until they’ve gone miles outside of the city, and only then because she’s cold. Lillian finally turns and moves back to sit across from her, Metallo pretending not to listen in on their conversation.

“Are you okay?”

“Don’t,” Lena snaps, hating the way that Lillian’s tone actually sounds sincere. It’s far more frightening then her usual placating, going through the motions way of dealing with motherhood.

“You’re angry I had Metallo liberate you from that jail,” she says, some of the old tone back.

Good.

“It makes me look twice as guilty!” Lena bites.

“Even if people did know the truth about you, no one would change their mind,” Lillian says, shrugging as if it doesn’t affect her. Lena can see through her, though. She can hear the slight crack to her voice—appearance means everything to Lillian. “The public wants to believe the narrative they expect from us—all Luthors are evil. We don’t get second chances. Look what they did to me, or worse, what they did to Lex! He could have fixed this planet for generations, but Superman twisted what he was doing and they all turned on him.”

“Lex went _insane,_ ” Lena insists, her eyes growing watery. Remembering every time that she sat across from her mother just like this, begging her to listen, begging her to help Lena _do something_ about Lex. Begging her mother to see the way that her brother was slowly falling apart right before her eyes.

Lillian never listened then, why should now be any different, just because all of the truths are finally out in the open.

“Exactly,” Lillian says, almost reverently. “The _brightest mind on this Earth_ go crazy simply trying to defend himself—imagine what they could do to you.”

Lena thinks about the hordes of press outside her apartment daily, about paparazzi shoving cameras into her face, people she went to school with, going on television to tell lies about how bitchy and reclusive she was as a teenager and grits her teeth.

“Stop the van,” she demands, jumping up out of her seat. “I’m going back.”

“To what?” Lillian almost scoffs before her voice goes calm and practical. “You have no life there anymore Lena. There’s no one on your side, they all think you’re guilty. Just like me.”

Lena lowers herself back down into her seat slowly, her thighs burning as if they could give out at any moment. Alex’s face, glaring down reporters as her arm hovers protectively across Lena’s back flashes into her mind; Kara, righteous and protective and impossibly kind, always ready to listen or try to cheer Lena up; Winn, grinning madly and cracking jokes about their respective criminally insane family members while he tries to get up onto his elbows for crow’s pose during yoga; Jess inching bits of food towards Lena throughout the day, blocking anyone from her office who might cause her harm or a headache; Supergirl, despite all of the history between Lex and Superman, somehow always there when Lena needs her; even Maggie, solemn and apologetic as she gently led Lena through the station, the cuffs barely connected on her wrists, snapping at her colleagues who were muttering about Lena underneath their breath.

“You’re on the run, just like me,” Lillian says.

Not a single one of them could possibly be on her side now, if they didn’t think she was guilty beforehand, they certainly must now.

“Join Cadmus,” Lillian says, and Lena’s eyes flash up to her mother’s in shock. “Together we can do all of the great things you ever dreamed of. With no Luthor men to divide us, I can finally be the mother I always wanted,” her voice cracks, and Lena swallows back as much of her own tears as she can manage. “I _do_ love you Lena. Let me prove it to you.”

It’s cruel, that _now—_ on the run, alone, with nothing and no one else to turn to—Lillian finally, _finally_ offers Lena what she has been craving since she was four years old. She doesn’t even know if she would have the energy in her to refuse her offer right now if she wanted to try. She hasn’t slept in nearly twenty-four hours.

Lena rolls her head over towards the window and closes her eyes, neither agreeing nor refusing her mother’s offer. After a few minutes of silence, Lillian moves back into the front with Metallo, and the sound of the van on the highway nearly lulls Lena to sleep.

…

…

**xxv. close every valve to your bleeding heart**

Kara wakes to her phone exploding with text messages.

She yanks on clothes as she runs towards the window, jumping into the sky and calling Alex on the way.

“Where are you?”

“DEO,” she says, succinct before she hangs up.

Kara flies into the tower balcony and nearly collides with an agent that she thinks is called Shamir. She apologizes as he winces and rubs at his shoulder, giving her a professional nod and trying not to look like he just slammed into a brick wall as he heads carefully down the stairs. Kara follows behind, scanning the room for Alex or Winn.

She hears Winn before she sees him, and takes a sharp left turn towards the sound of his voice. Alex is yelling too, though it’s far scarier, because she’s not actually raising her voice. When Kara walks into the med bay, Alex is patching up a burn on Maggie’s left shoulder, glaring and chastising her while Winn paces with his tablet in front of them both.

“Are you okay?” Kara asks, concerned even as she’s a little annoyed with Maggie right now.

“I’m fine,” Maggie says, at the same time that Alex says, “Not even a little.”

Maggie sighs as Alex gently covers the burn with gauze. “I’m fine Kara.”

“What happened?” she asks. Everyone in the room studiously avoids her eyes. “What _happened?_ ” she repeats, turning towards J’onn.

He crosses his arms, sighs, and turns to face her head on. “There was a break in at the prison last night. Metallo killed two guards, and Lena Luthor escaped.”

“What!?” Kara glances between Maggie and Alex, both of which meet her gaze solemnly.

“There was something wrong with the kryptonite,” Maggie says. “I think it was hurting him. Weakening him somehow.”

“That’s…” Kara sucks in a breath. “Okay, so — we need to find out where he’s taken Lena and help her.”

“Kara…” Maggie shifts on top of the table, choosing her words delicately. “All signs point towards Lena getting the kryptonite and Metallo breaking her out of prison. I don’t think—”

“Lena is not a member of Cadmus!” Kara yells, cutting Maggie off. Winn looks down at his tablet, and Alex’s eyes are resigned as she meets Kara’s. “She’s _not,_ ” Kara insists. “She stopped the gang with alien weapons! She saved Alex’s life when Corbin tried to kill her!”

“She shot Corbin, and then her mother turned him into Metallo,” Maggie says, professional and gentle. It’s the same tone of voice that Kara has heard her use to explain things to victims when she drops off lunch for Maggie at the station sometimes—Kara hates having it directed towards her now. “That could have been the plan the entire time.”

“Kara,” J’onn says, turning towards her. “We have to start treating Lena Luthor like a hostile. The evidence is too overwhelming.”

Kara works her jaw from side to side angrily, and says nothing to him. Turning over towards Winn, who has been suspiciously quiet since Kara walked into the room, she glares at him. “If you look at that video, I _know_ you’ll find something.”

“I _did,_ ” he insists, looking pained. “It’s clean.”

“Then find something to prove her innocent,” Kara orders. Winn’s shoulders slump, but he gives her the slightest of nods.

“Kara, everything that we’ve seen so far says the exact opposite,” J’onn says.

“Okay,” Kara says tightly. She holds her anger close to her heart, where it can smolder until it reaches critical mass. She may be mixing analogies; she doesn’t care. “Well she’s my friend, and I believe in her,” she says, then walks out of the room.

Kara can hear Alex’s footsteps following her down the hall, she slows only marginally, hands on her hips, vibrating with annoyance and anger.

“Kara—” Alex starts.

“I thought she was your friend too,” Kara accuses.

“She was,” Alex says, opening her mouth to continue, when Kara cuts her off again.

“Was?”

Alex sighs and steps forward, arms coming up to rest on Kara’s shoulders. “Kara, I don’t…” she swallows, looking almost lost. “I don’t know what to think, other than Lena fooled us,” she shrugs, and her voice cracks a little on the words, which is the only thing that keeps Kara from snapping at her. “I’ve had Winn go over the footage almost a hundred times. Maggie got hurt. I just—” she shrugs, trailing off and at a loss for words.

“There’s an explanation for this,” Kara insists.

“Is there?” Alex asks. “Or…”

“Or _what?_ ”

“Or are your feelings for Lena clouding your judgement?” Alex asks, spitting it out all in one quick go.

“Excuse me?”

“Kara, you like her—as a lot more then just as a friend—you’ve said as much, and I am just worried that maybe you’re not seeing the whole picture clearly because—”

“That’s not what’s happening here,” Kara snaps.

“Are you sure?” she asks. “I want to be wrong Kara, I really do. I like Lena a lot, and I think she’s good for you. Or, I did, and I don’t want you to set yourself up to get hurt. It’s just… _nothing_ points towards her being a victim in this that we’ve found,” she says miserably, and the disappointment and worry in her voice is enough that something tight and suffocating settles in Kara’s throat. She balls her hands into fists at her sides and breathes out hard.

“We just haven’t found it yet,” Kara insists.

…

…

**xxvi. innocence died screaming, honey ask me, i should know**

When Lena wakes up, the van has stopped moving. She steps out and is confronted by Metallo, staring blankly up at her. She can’t help but be creeped out by the shadow of the man who tried to kill her a few months ago, she holds his gaze anyway. Lex would be proud.

“What is this place?” Lena asks as she looks around what appears to be a huge warehouse of sorts.

“One of Lex’s facilities,” Lillian says, going on about the technology to monitor alien life, the stock of supplies, and weapons.

That gets Lena’s full attention. Her mother stops in the middle of the room, Metallo hovering just at her side, staring Lena down. Lena glances at the biometric lock in front of them, frowning. “Tell me you don’t have a bit of Lex frozen somewhere in here,” she says, horrified.

“I didn’t say Lex’s, I said Luthor DNA,” Lillian corrects. “And you, my dear, are part of that family tree.”

And that’s when everything finally clicks into place. Lena laughs, a sick certainty growing in the pit of her stomach. “You didn’t have your green goon liberate me from prison because you loved me. Or because you wanted to help me. You did it because I’m the only one who can open this vault for you!” Lena accuses.

“It’s true that I need your DNA,” Lillian says carefully, moving towards Lena. “But one doesn’t negate the other. I still love you, and I still want to help you,” she insists, towering over Lena. “I promise, it won’t hurt,” she reaches for Lena’s hand, and Lena smacks her away.

“The only person that you want to help is yourself,” she snaps. “I’ll take my chances on my own.” She moves back from her mother, adrenaline racing through her body, but before she can get more than a few steps away, incredibly strong hands clamp down on her upper arms.

“I think you should listen to your mother,” a man with half a metal face says gruffly.

“You’re hurting me!” Lena cries.

“He doesn’t want to Lena,” Lillian says, removing herself from all blame. “Put your hand on the pad, and then we can all start getting along again.”

“No,” Lena snaps, glaring up at her mother, but the man—who looks just like the agent who works with Alex—shoves her hand against the pad roughly.

The vault opens, and Lillian’s face twists, it’s nothing like a smile.

The man holding onto Lena releases her and walks towards the now open vault with Metallo and Lillian. Lena hears her mother call him Hank, and tunes out the rest of the conversation. Her mother is staring at Lex’s inventions reverently. Lena can’t take her eyes off the war suit until she forces herself to by picking up the closest thing beside her. She drops it down in disgust and then stares up at her mother.

“You’re worse than Lex,” she accuses, but of course, it rolls right off her mother’s shoulders. Lena should know that any comparison to Lex would still be nothing short of the highest praise, even now.

Perhaps especially now.

“I will be on the right side of history,” Lillian says, walking towards Lena. “You’ll see that eventually,” she picks up the invention Lena had just discarded, shifting it from one hand to the other before placing it in a large protective suitcase. “Maybe then you’ll see that I was looking after your best interests after all,” she drops her voice so that Metallo and Hank can’t listen in and adds. “Whether you like it or not, I’ll always be your mother.”

As if Lena isn’t painfully aware of that statement already. The woman who gave birth to her is dead, has been for years, and Lillian is all that Lena has ever known. Thankfully, her mother turns and passes the suitcase over to Hank, before turning and gasping as another invention catches her eye.

“My beautiful boy,” she whispers, opening a medium sized metal looking box. “I had no idea you finished it.”

Before Lena can get a better look—her curiosity getting the better of her—a crash sounds through the room, and when Lena whips around with the rest of them to look, she almost can’t trust her eyes.

“Supergirl!” Lena calls out, running towards her—with Hank, Metallo, and her mother hot on her heels. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“Kara Danvers believes in you,” Supergirl says, and Lena inhales sharply.

Lillian saunters forward, taunting Supergirl, and Lena can’t stop staring at the woman in front of her, or the way that she hasn’t taken her eyes off of Lena for a second, except to catch the device that Lillian throws at her with a smirk. It only lasts for half a second on her face, because then she drops it, crying out and clutching at her ears, clearly affected by a frequency that Lena can’t discern. Lillian towers over her, threatening, and Lena has had just about all she can take.

“Don’t hurt her!” she yells, charging at her mother. Hank grabs her and holds her in place, gripping Lena’s forearms tight enough that she’ll probably have bruises tomorrow—if there _is_ a tomorrow for her.

“She needs to pay for what her cousin did to your brother,” Lillian says. For the first time all night, Lena almost can’t blame her mother—she still struggles every time that she sees the symbol on Supergirl’s chest, even as it’s throwing itself in front of Lena as a shield. She flinches, the tiniest bit, every time before she can catch herself. She can’t help but picture that day, that same symbol barred on the chest of a man holding her brother back as he laughed manically, soot and blood and chaos all around them.

Hank throws Lena onto the floor, and her head collides painfully. She sucks in a breath and tries to breathe through the pain, ears ringing as she hears shuffling around her. Supergirl is still yelling, somewhat in pain, and somewhat in that Do-Gooder voice that Lena has come to recognize as her pleading with people to be better than they are. It’s certainly not going to work on her mother.

Lena groans as she tries to push herself upright, hearing a crash, and then another. When Lena manages to get onto her knees, she sees her mother on the floor, panic in her eyes. Before Lena can call out to her, Hank pulls Lillian up and drags her from the room, the two of them escaping. Lena thinks that she sees her mother shoot a pained look towards Lena as she’s dragged with Hank, but it’s possible that she’s only hoping for it.

Lena breathes in and out through her nose, still slightly dizzy as she pushes herself further upright. Supergirl is thrown across the room as Metallo blasts kryptonite out of his chest. Lena hears Supergirl plead with him again—something about a bomb—and Lena’s legs are too shaky to try and stand. She crawls on her hands and knees, and grabs a bit of a pipe that must have fallen when Supergirl crashed through the ceiling.

Metallo manages to get his arms around Supergirl, and the kryptonite on his chest keeps her in place, wincing in pain and pleading with him to let her help. He’s deranged. Lena has known that since the moment he pulled a gun on her months and months ago, the first time she ever met Supergirl. Lena pushes herself completely upright, takes a deep breath, and swings as hard as she can.

She falls to the floor at the same time as Metallo, too much force from her swing and still dizzy.

Supergirl yells out, and Lena blinks, unable to get herself up again. It becomes a moot point anyway, because the next thing that she knows, Supergirl has her arms underneath Lena, cradling her close and soaring out of the building as it explodes behind them. Lena wraps her arms around Supergirl’s neck, panicking once she realizes just how high up they are.

“I got you,” Supergirl says quickly. “I’m good at this part,” she laughs, almost nervously. It’s so familiar that Lena freezes for a moment. “I’ll take you to a hospital,” Supergirl says.

“No,” Lena insists. “I’m fine.”

“You hit your head,” Supergirl insists.

“I—”

“I’m taking you to a doctor,” she insists. “If you’ve got some fancy rich-person on call doctor thing, then fine. But I’m taking you to get checked out.”

“I… don’t have a personal on call doctor,” Lena says, feeling utterly ridiculous.

“I know a place you can get checked out. If you don’t want to go to the hospital.”

“The hospital is fine,” Lena acquiesces. “If you’re _insisting._ ”

“I am,” Supergirl says, with a little laugh. “Are you okay?” she asks, voice going serious again.

“My head hurts,” Lena says, shrugging one shoulder. “But I’m fine.”

“That’s not really what I meant,” Supergirl corrects, biting at her lower lip.

Lena stares out at the night sky. Supergirl has slowed down exponentially from when they were escaping the blast radius, and the wind is still kicking Lena’s hair everywhere, but it’s not cutting into her face painfully anymore. The night is clear, and there are stars everywhere.

“Where is your planet?” she asks, avoiding the question.

“It’s not there anymore,” Supergirl says, looking up anyway.

“I’m sorry.”

Supergirl shrugs, and they’re both silent for a moment. This close, there is something familiar even in the way that Supergirl smells, and Lena is about to call her out on it when she drops down in front of the hospital. “Do you want me to stay and take you home? Or… call someone for you?”

“No,” Lena insists, pressing her feet firmly into the floor and begging her knees not to shake. A nurse comes over quickly and replaces Supergirl in holding Lena upright, and she misses the extra warmth almost instantly. “I’m… I’ll be fine,” she says, meeting Supergirl’s worried eyes. “Thank you, again. For saving me.”

Supergirl shrugs, almost letting out an ill-timed giggle. “Anytime,” she says, then winces and jolts up into the air. A little boy yells out happily from a waiting room area, and Supergirl flies past him and smacks him high-five before turning back and looking at Lena one last time.

…

…

 **xxvii.** **that’s not a worthy explanation // i know there is none**

Kara resists the urge to go see Lena bright and early the next morning, but only because she flies to Lena’s apartment around midnight to make sure that she gets home okay after the doctor’s release her from the hospital.

She spends the entire morning working on an article exonerating Lena for Snapper. She’s smug when she turns it in, which is probably not the most professional thing in the world, and might come back to bite her on the ass further down the line, but feels wonderful in the moment.

It feels even more wonderful once she walks into the office that she technically shares with another stringer named Antonio and finds it overflowing with flowers. Antonio blinks up at her from behind nearly half a dozen sunflowers. “I don’t know who sent them, but they are super into you Danvers,” he says, with a bewildered smile. “There’s no note except that they’re _all_ for you.”

Kara grins widely. There’s only one person that she knows who has the means to spend _this much_ on flowers, and the tinge of dramatics to do so in the first place. Kara walks over and rescues a bouquet of lilacs from falling off the table. “I think I know who they’re from,” she tells Antonio.

His brow raises. “Lucky guy?”

Kara shakes her head.

“Lucky girl?” he gently swats a lily away from his nose.

“Maybe,” Kara says, unable to help her grin from widening.

Antonio laughs. “Well look at you, got an article and a girl all in one morning. I’m a little jealous Danvers, not gonna lie.”

“We’re just friends,” Kara shakes her head, and knows the disappointment is evident in her tone.

Antonio’s brow shoots up to his forehead. “Kara, people don’t send this many flowers in the name of friendship.”

Kara bites at her lower lip and lifts a fallen petal off her desk. “I dunno, we’ve always… I don’t know,” she shrugs.

“Well, I’d go find out if I were you,” he says easily. “Also, you know this is technically _our_ office, right? Could you ask her to send only enough to cover your side of the room next time? They’re pretty, and they smell nice, but I can’t find my laptop.”

Kara laughs, moves a stunning bouquet of white roses, and hands Antonio his laptop. “I’ll tell her,” she promises, and turns and heads out the door.

She forces herself to walk all the way to L-Corp, hoping to release some of the nervous energy she’s been building up for the last few hours. She has been running on adrenaline and anger for the last two days, and it all tightened inside of her chest the minute that she let go of Lena when they got to the hospital. Kara nearly blurted out who she really was right there, but she’d bitten the inside of her cheek so hard that she nearly felt the pain; or at least the illusion of it.

She hasn’t been able to get the look on Lena’s face when she told her, _‘Kara Danvers believes in you’,_ the night before out of her head. The shock and disbelief, mixed with the way that Lena’s heartbeat speed up right before she smiled in relief all happened in such quick succession, that Kara nearly missed it.

When she walks up to Lena’s office, Jess gives her a smile and waves her in without a word, caught up on the phone. Kara knocks on the doorframe when she peaks inside, and Lena’s face breaks out into a huge smile before she contains herself. “Kara,” she breathes. “I was just about to call you.”

Kara fidgets with the magazine in her hands, suddenly feeling ridiculous that she brought it with her, but when Lena catches sight of it her smile goes bright again and she grabs for it.

“I didn’t get to read the end,” she explains, motioning towards the couch. “I got caught up with a meeting.”

“Oh, that’s fine,” Kara panics. “I didn’t mean to—”

Lena’s hand comes up to rest on Kara’s shoulder and they are both instantly silent until Lena clears her throat. “I know what you meant,” she says. “I mean, I think I do,” she laughs, and Kara laughs with her, smoothing down her skirt and relaxing back into the couch beside Lena.

“Good,” Kara says, while Lena flips through the magazine to find Kara’s article.

Lena hums while she reads, just a little, and Kara can sense when her cheeks grow hot, even though only the barest hint of pink appears on them. Kara has been completely fooling herself if she thinks she can be just friends with Lena. As much as she hates that term, because _friends_ are amazing, they’re not _just_ anything, she can’t think of any other way around it. She cares about Lena far beyond the way that she cares about Winn, or Lucy, or James, that became painfully apparent over the last few days, and she can’t ignore it anymore.

It’s not the only thing that she can’t ignore anymore.

Kara swallows as Lena finishes reading, closing the magazine and giving Kara a sly grin. “It’s a good article.”

“Thank you,” Kara releases a breath. She probably should ease into this somehow. “So… my office is overflowing with flowers,” she says, unable to help the small grin.

“Really?” Lena asks, deadpan for half a second until a smirk settles on her face. It feels flirtatious, which only adds to the butterflies swirling around Kara’s stomach.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yeah, I did,” she counters. “Supergirl told me it was you who sent her,” her voice grows quieter the longer she talks. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

Kara bristles slightly, it’s now or never. “I… well, that’s what friends are for,” she says first, because Lena needs to know that first and foremost, Kara is her friend, wants to be her friend, no matter what else happens tonight.

“I’ve… never had friends like you before,” Lena says softly. “Come to think of it, I’ve never had family like you,” she adds, almost a joke, but it’s raw enough that Kara can see it, and she turns to look across the room, giving Lena a moment of privacy. “No one’s ever stood up for me like that,” she says, and Kara hates Lillian even more than she already did.

“Well, now you have someone who will stand up for you _always,_ ” she emphasizes. Lena starts to open her mouth to say something, but Kara shifts and turns her body fully towards Lena. “There’s… there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while actually,” she sits and crosses her legs nervously. She resists the urge to fiddle with her glasses.

Lena blinks, frozen for a beat as she waits after giving Kara a small nod to go ahead. Kara inhales, looking down at her lap before meeting Lena’s eyes. “Um… I’m… Lena, I’m Supergirl,” she says.

The temperature in the room drops immediately.

Kara watches as Lena’s face goes flat and distant, and she lets out a noise that sounds almost like a whine before scrambling through an explanation. She can’t stop the words, they’ve been at the tip of her tongue for weeks. They taste sharp, but almost sweet, now that they’re finally out in the open, and feel like that time that Alex made her try Pop Rocks on her tongue. Uncontrollable in every sense. Lena hasn’t moved a single muscle. Kara closes her eyes and her hands clench into fists against her thighs. She spoke too fast. Nobody ever believes anyone when they talk that fast, it sounds rehearsed, except it’s not fake, it’s just that she’s nervous, and when she’s nervous the words sort of tumble out over one another and she can’t stop it even when she tries.

“You’re Supergirl?” Lena repeats, voice almost a whisper.

Kara nods. “Yes,” her hand darts out to reach for Lena, but she sees the way that Lena flinches and freezes with her hand halfway between them. “I’ve wanted to tell you a hundred times in the last few months, I just… I didn’t know how.”

“Because you didn’t trust me?” she asks. Kara can’t read her voice at all. It’s terrifying.

“ _No,_ ” she insists. “That’s not it at all Lena, I swear. I just… I didn’t know you, and then it got to this weird bit where so much was going on in both our lives, and then it just felt like too much time had passed, and it felt like I was keeping this secret from you that I didn’t want to be anymore, and I didn’t know how to say it,” she lets out a breath. “Lena, I—”

“Please stop talking,” Lena asks, quiet and flat.

“I—” Kara clamps her hand over her mouth and nods.    

A long silence passes between them, filling up with all the words Kara isn’t allowed to say and that wouldn’t help anyway, and finally Lena nods: just once, short and final. “Okay,” she says. “Well, then, thank you for saving me again, Supergirl.”

“Lena can we—”

“I’ve got a lot of work to do,” she cuts Kara off, and rises from the couch in one jerky movement. It’s nearly eight p.m. and Kara knows that Lena is done with work already for the night, it’s why she’d come over now.

“Lena—”

“I’d like you to leave please,” she asks, not turning around to look at Kara.

“I — okay,” Kara croaks. “But, I’m… Lena if you have any questions or… can we get lunch tomorrow or something?”

Lena finally turns around, and when her eyes meet Kara’s they’re hard and closed off. “Please leave Kara,” she begs.

Kara turns and walks out of the office, her chest hurting and her eyes watering. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for being patient yall:)

**xxviii. so i just stand here sorry // searching for something to say**

Alex taps out a beat against the tops of her knees, sighing as she presses her back further into the wall. She’s been waiting in Lena’s hallway for forty-three minutes and counting. The coffee that she bought for Lena has long since gone cold, and Alex finished off her own about fifteen minutes ago.

Heels clack against the floor, and Alex sucks in a breath, remaining sitting on the floor, but dropping her knees down and crossing her legs. The noise stops and Alex glances up at Lena and gives her a shaky, weak smile. “Hi.”

“How did you get in here?” she asks, a little clipped. Alex watches as she shifts her oversized purse in the crook of her elbow, squares her jaw, and pulls a neutral mask onto her face. All her walls are up, on the defensive.

Alex doesn’t blame her one bit.

“I bribed Victor with fresh chocolate croissants straight from Paris,” Alex admits, opting for full honestly.

Lena’s eyebrows go up, just a tick, showing her confusion until she puts the thread together. Her face dips into a momentary frown before she pulls it back to neutral disinterest. “Kara flew to Paris then sent you here?”

“No,” Alex pushes herself up from the floor, but makes no move to push herself into Lena’s personal space. “I asked her to go get them. I didn’t tell her why.”

Lena’s jaw ticks and then she brushes past Alex and unlocks her front door, leaving it open behind her, but not inviting Alex to come inside. Alex waits in the doorframe, unwilling to push her way in without permission. Not yet—but she’s also not leaving. Alex rolls her shoulders and leans against the frame, holding out the paper cup of coffee.

“It’s cold now,” she says, apologetic. “But it will still taste amazing even if you have to microwave it.”

Lena sets her bags down and turns back to Alex slowly, crossing her arms and staring down at the coffee before meeting Alex’s eye with a hard stare. “Is this a bribe too?”

“No,” Alex says firmly. “It’s a pathetic offering to the beginning of an apology,” she shrugs, gritting her teeth and forcing herself to hold Lena’s gaze. “I’ve told you before that I’m shit at this,” she reminds Lena. “But, I fucked up. And I wanted to tell you how sorry I am, because I should have had your back. It’s just… _all_ the evidence was against you, and Winn tried everything he could think of, and it still looked like — I couldn’t find any other explanation, as much as I wanted to,” she’s gripping the coffee cup too hard now, pacing a bit in front of Lena’s open door, but still not walking inside. Lena is listening, but giving away no indication as to what she is feeling.

“Protecting Kara is always going to come first for me,” Alex admits. “I’m trying to learn how to work other relationships into that, but it’s… a _lot_ harder than I would have thought,” she laughs, bitter, then blanches and looks back up at Lena, hoping that she doesn’t think that her laughter means Alex isn’t taking this seriously. Her face hasn’t changed one bit—it’s incredibly freaky, and Alex is beyond impressed. “Look, you have every right to tell me to go to hell—and I’ll respect that if you do—but I like you a lot Lena, and I really want to be better at being your friend,” she holds the coffee out, hopeful and knowing that it shows. Her mask isn’t as well-honed as Lena’s is, try as she might, Alex’s emotions tend to show on her face when she cares this much. “I’m sorry, and regardless of whatever happens next, I’ve got your back from now on. I should have already. You’ve earned it.”

Lena releases a small, tired sigh and uncrosses her arms. “You might as well come inside to finish this conversation, you’re letting all the heat out into the hall.”

Alex bursts out into a grin before she can control herself, and Lena finally reacts at the sight of it. Her defensive stance dropping, somewhat in awe of how happy Alex is to potentially be granted another chance. It only further serves to increase Alex’s determination to be a better friend to her.

“I’m sorry that I’m so bad at this, I think my only real friend is my sister,” Alex kicks the door closed as Lena takes the cold coffee. “Fuck, that’s embarrassing,” she mutters.

Lena cracks a genuine smile, and chuckles lightly as she moves to heat up the coffee. “My friendship track record isn’t any better,” she pushes a few buttons, and the machine whirls to life as Lena turns back around to meet Alex’s gaze. “I wasn’t ever angry with you Alex. I assumed that everyone thought that I was guilty. It looked like I was—my mother is very thorough.”

“Yeah… that’s _worse,_ ” Alex stresses. She really wants to punch Lillian Luthor in the face.

The microwave beeps and Lena turns to gather her coffee. She passes Alex a glass of water without asking, and takes a tentative, slow sip, smiling into the cup. “I drank this at least four times a day while I lived in Paris. I’ve missed it.”

Alex takes the cue and allows Lena to change the subject for the moment. “When did you live in Paris?”

Lena sits at her kitchen counter, motioning for Alex to do the same. “Before grad school. I took six months off.”

“Sounds nice.”

Lena hums. “It was. Even with the heartbreak.”

Alex quirks an eyebrow and Lena sighs, rolling her shoulders and leaning back into her chair. “I told you that hadn’t had many relationships that lasted more than a few months. Nathalie was my longest relationship with a woman.”

“You had a fling in Paris?” Alex snorts. “Of course, you did.”

Lena chuckles, rolling her eyes before taking another sip and whacking Alex lightly on the arm. It’s casual and familiar, and they both react to it while pretending not to.

“So, how mad on a scale of one to ten are you about Supergirl?” Alex asks, jumping right back in. Perhaps it’s not the best way to handle an extremely tentative friendship, but being blunt and getting right to the important things is the only way Alex knows how to handle these sorts of situations. Rip the Band-Aid off and deal with the sting, then it can be done.

Lena stiffens; she’s still angry, Alex knows, but the curiosity is overwhelming. She knows that too. Alex remembers the feeling of finding out that aliens exist, and that one of them was right there in front of her, with Kara’s open, puppy-like eyes. Lena’s interest in science far surpasses Alex’s own, no matter how furious she is about being lied to, Alex knows that she’ll have questions. She’s been avoiding everyone for three days—Kara has been mopey as hell—if Alex has to be the person to deal with this, then so be it.

“Okay,” Lena turns back to the table, setting down the coffee and picking up her tablet. She’s assessing the situation, Alex can tell, by the way her hands linger on the edges, slowly. _You’re not forgiven_ , she’ll say. That’s what Alex would’ve have said to her. If their positions were reversed, Alex wouldn’t have even let Lena come inside, much less humor her with talk of coffee and Paris. “I said that I wasn’t particularly angry with you Alex, but I don’t really want to discuss this.”

Alex could say okay now. She could nod, and stand up and walk out of Lena’s apartment and respect her choice to shut Alex out. It’s only fair, as far as these things go—Lena has been through more than enough in the last few weeks. Hell, longer than that.

But—

Alex has seen that exact sort of tight expression on Kara’s face before. There was a reason that the two of them didn’t get along when Kara first came, and a lot of it was Alex being resentful and pretending that things were fine when they weren’t. It’s surprising, a little, but Lena has become someone who Alex is unwilling to lose. She doesn’t know when it happened exactly, she just knows that the sight of her on that surveillance feed hurt _almost_ as much as the idea of J’onn, or her mother, or Maggie betraying them. Nothing about it made sense, and it scared her, so Alex pushed it away, focused on everything logically in front of her, and barreled through it. Except she can’t keep doing that anymore, and Alex is pretty sure that Lena needs someone to push back and tell her that they aren’t going anywhere, just as much, if not more so, then Kara does.

“Yeah, we should anyway though,” she says, not unkindly.

Lena grips the tablet in her hands and her eyes flash when she looks up at Alex. “I can’t,” she says, her voice shaking with grief and anger. “Not yet,” she adds. “And I think I need to… it needs to be with her first.”

Alex releases a breath and nods. “Okay,” she agrees. “That’s fair.”

“I know that it wasn’t your secret to tell Alex, I’m not angry with you for it. Not really.”

“I was more just trying to see if you were okay, but… okay.”

Lena goes stiff again, unsure of what to say or do with that information. To be honest, Alex doesn’t really know what to do with it either. This friendship thing is hard and confusing.

“Um… well… since you _do_ know now, there’s kinda…” Alex sighs and stands up. “There’s sort of some forms you need to sign.”

“Are you kidding me?”

Alex winces, looking sheepish. “It’ll be quick and mostly painless and I’ll buy you dinner after?”

Lena releases a deep sigh and grabs for her coat. “You live on a government salary, I’m a billionaire, I’ll buy.”

“It’s more the principal of the thing,” Alex says, following her out of the apartment. “Also, I’m not like, _poor._ I can afford to buy you dinner.”

Lena pauses in the middle of the hallway and Alex bumps into her. She turns around before Alex can apologize. “Paying makes me feel needed,” she admits, forcing herself to look Alex in the eye.

“Paying is part of you feeling guilty for shit that isn’t even remotely your fault,” Alex says, calling her out on it. Lena frowns, and Alex takes a huge chance and loops their arms together, quickly making their way down the hall. “But if it makes you feel better, then you can pay next time. I won’t argue.”

Lena does eventually relax at her side, and when they waltz into the lobby, Victor smiles at the sight of them, even as Lena glares at him. “Some security detail you are,” she says, all teasing. “Bribed with croissants, honestly.”

“Miss Luthor, they were chocolate, and she promised that she intended you no harm. I watched the cameras in the hallway the entire time.”

 _Good._ Alex thinks, though she knows that Victor would never have let her inside if he didn’t already know about her friendship with Lena, it’s still nice to know that he keeps his guard up.

Lena’s mostly quiet as they climb into a cab, and Alex opts to let the silence lie, only chiming in to explain that the forms shouldn’t take more than half an hour to fill out, and asking what kind of food Lena wants for dinner.

“Pasta,” Lena says, after a moment of thought.

Alex grins. “I know a place.”

They climb out of the cab, and Lena passes over her credit card before Alex can dig her own out. She frowns at Lena as they walk into the DEO, but merely receives a somewhat haughty smirk in return.

Alex sees J’onn immediately upon walking into the bullpen and makes a split decision to get this over with, directing Lena towards him. She blanches at first, and Alex grimaces, remembering Lena’s encounters with the real Hank Henshaw.

“Sorry, this is—”

“J’onn J’onzz,” he says, turning and holding out his hand. Alex remembers the whole ‘mind-reading thing’ and watches as his face twists into a warmer smile than he usually reserves for people other than Kara. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you Miss Luthor. Alex, Kara, and Winn talk about you regularly.”

Lena feigns a self-deprecating chuckle, and J’onn’s smile widens.

“All good things,” he promises. “I apologize for everything that happened recently. We would appreciate any insight that you have to give, and you have our assurances to be assigned a temporary protective detail if you wish.”

“No,” Lena states firmly, before Alex can chime in. “Thank you though.”

“Lena, maybe—”

“Alex!” a familiar voice calls out.

All three of them turn and Alex’s eyes widen in surprise. “Lucy?” she exclaims as the tiny woman briskly walks over and wraps her into a hug. “When did you get back?”

“Oh, about… an hour ago?” Lucy shrugs, turning towards J’onn. “I’m finished debriefing. It’s all on your desk.”

“How long are you back for?” Alex asks, knowing Kara will want to see her.

“Permanently,” Lucy grins. “Well… in theory. Indefinitely?” she shrugs again. “As long as I feel like it I guess.”  

Alex smirks, looking between Lucy and J’onn. “So, who’s in charge then?”

Lucy’s own grin widens, and she whips around to direct it at J’onn. He crosses his arms, unable to hide his own small smile. “We’re co-directors as of now Agent Danvers,” he says.

Lucy turns back around, all professionalism despite the air of warmth to her tone. “I’m your boss now,” she reiterates. “Except for the fact that you’re supposed to be off-duty right now,” she frowns. “Also, you have a _lot_ of personal days that you haven’t taken.”

“Don’t get on my back now Lucy, or I’ll tell Lois that you’re here.”

Lucy freezes. “You wouldn’t.”

“I would,” Alex declares truthfully. “Kara told me that you’ve been dodging her calls for weeks.”

Lucy almost pouts, the professional boss veneer dropped completely. “Look, not everyone can have as great of a sibling relationship as the Danvers Sisters, okay? Some people’s relationships are complicated and annoying. Also, if you rat me out to Lois, I’m _making_ you take sick days.”

It’s Alex’s turn to pout. Beside her, Lena snorts. Alex had nearly forgotten that she was there and she whips around and turns the look onto Lena. “Shut up,” she demands. “You’re even more of a workaholic than me.”

Lucy steps closer to Lena, holding a hand out with a bright smile. “Hi, I’m Lucy Lane. We met at a gala a few years ago really briefly. It’s nice to see you again.”

“Likewise,” Lena says, accepting Lucy’s hand.

Lucy’s smile goes a bit crooked, reminiscent of Lois at her most mischievous, and Alex’s stomach flops with dread and latent attraction. It’s not fair—Lucy generally doesn’t look like Lois much at all, she wasn’t expecting it.

“Kara’s told me a lot about you,” Lucy adds, oblivious to Alex’s reaction, but picking up on the way that Lena goes stiff and a little reserved. “It sounds like you’ve been a really good friend to her. I look forward to getting to know you better,” she gives Lena’s hand a final squeeze, pulling back and giving her a minute to collect herself. It only takes seconds. Lena’s an old hat at controlling her emotions. Alex sighs and steps over to loop her arm around Lena’s shoulders.

“I brought her in to sign some NDAs,” Alex starts to explain.

She’s cut off by Winn entering the room. He notices Lucy before anyone else, and his face splits out into a bright grin before he runs over and collides with her. Lucy’s face goes from polite to slightly horrified as Winn picks her up and spins her around, shouting happily. “LUCY!” he cheers before his own face grows horrified. “Oh,” he panics, still awkwardly holding her up in the air. “We’re not actually all that close… I forgot,” he sets her down gently, removes his hands, and takes a very deliberate step back. “James and Kara both talk about you so much, I sort of forgot that we never really hung out before you left… this is… weird and uncomfortable now. My bad.”

Lucy smooths her shirt down and gives Winn a slightly awkward smile. “It’s fine,” she assures him. “It’s nice to see you again.”

Winn looks above Lucy and his eyes go comically wide as he finally notices Lena. “LENA! YOU’RE HERE! _WE’RE_ THAT CLOSE!” he yells with delight, and jumps towards her before stopping himself. “I am _so sorry_ that it took me so long to see how that video was doctored. I should have figured it out right away. Or I should have done more when — I am _so sorry,_ ” he says, sincerely pained. “Can I hug you? Or… it’s okay if you say no,” he says, though his hands are hanging in the air between them, fingers reaching towards her.

Lena gives him a small smile and nods, stepping out of Alex’s half embrace and allowing Winn to barrel into her. He doesn’t lift her as much as he lifted Lucy, more subdued now, but he spins her once all the same and whispers something into her ear that Alex can’t hear, but that makes Lena’s smile drop before it comes back even fuller than before. Alex watches her squeeze him tighter and grins. She never thought that she’d give as much of a shit about this nerdy guy as she does—and she’s happy to see her own feelings reflected onto Lena’s face.

Winn keeps an arm slung around Lena’s waist when he finally releases her and whips back around towards Lucy. “Again, sorry for the whole…” he flaps his hand around at her whole general area.

“It’s fine. Hugs are fine Winn. It’s nice actually, to be back in society and out of the desert,” Lucy chuckles. “I was getting sick of sand.”

“Like Anakin Skywalker, amiriteee,” Winn holds his hand up for Lena to high five as Alex makes a face at him. Lena grins and accepts the high five while Alex and J’onn both sigh.

“Right,” Lucy says. “Well… I don’t have any murderous thoughts towards sand, I’m just… happy to be back.”

“Wasn’t comparing you to Vader, don’t worry boss,” Winn salutes her and Lucy frowns. “I did that wrong huh?” he asks.

“Yes,” Lucy says calmly.

Alex moves over to smack Winn and drag Lena away, but everyone in the room freezes when Kara comes flying in, chattering away about a bank robbery that she just prevented until her eyes lock in on Lena and she nearly trips over her cape.

“Lena,” she says breathlessly. “Hi.”

Lena’s face goes flat and distant. “Hello,” she says, not looking at Kara’s face.

A recently acquired, but still familiar protective urge bubbles up inside Alex, and she reaches across Winn and claps her hand over Lena’s forearm before she begins to explain, “We were just filling out some NDAs—”

Lena cuts her off. “Actually, I’ve got a meeting that I need to get to. I completely forgot. I apologize, but we’ll have to reschedule,” she says quickly, tugging her purse further up on her shoulder and making the move to walk back outside.

It’s not the most believable answer ever, but Alex sees no value to calling her on it. No one else pipes up to do so either. Kara nods sadly down towards the floor and lets out a quiet, “Okay, whenever you’re ready,” as Lena all but sprints out of the room.

Alex opts not to chase after her. She immediately steps over towards Kara and throws an arm over her shoulder, knocking their heads together and placing a quick kiss to her temple. “Give her some time,” she whispers. “She’ll come around. Also,” she raises her voice and points towards Lucy. “Look who’s here.”

Lucy has clearly read the room and seems to understand that a lot more has gone on here than she is privy to at the moment. Kara lights up at the sight of her, though Alex can tell it’s still far more subdued than she would be if things were alright between her and Lena—and she can tell that Lucy is aware of it too.

When Kara jumps forward to wrap Lucy up in a tight hug, Alex pulls out her cell and sends a text message to Lena.

**[05:49pm]** _I still owe you a dinner Luthor. Don’t even try to weasel your way out of it:)_

**[Lena Luthor 05:51pm]** _I’m a woman of my word._

**[Lena Luthor 05:52pm]** _Thank you Alex:)_

Alex grins, and turns to listen to Kara and Lucy excitedly chatter away.

…

…

**xxix. babe, there’s something lonesome about you**

Lena in the middle of staring at her glass and refusing to think about anything bathetic when Maggie startles her by sliding into the booth across from her.

“Is it okay if I sit here?” she asks, careful about encroaching onto Lena’s space. She wants to scream _no,_ but only because she’s tired of pretending that she’s fine, not because Maggie’s presence is unwelcome.

Lena nods.

Maggie signals to a waiter and soon they both have drinks in front of them. Maggie takes a small sip of hers, while Lena continues her staring contest with the full bottle that remains in front of her. She hasn’t had a drop of scotch since she was nineteen—it was Lionel’s drink of choice. Lex’s too, as he was trying to force himself into the ever-looming image of their father. The day that Lex switched to bourbon for that affectation was a relief for them both.

Lena purposefully hasn’t had more than the occasional glass of wine or champagne at work events and public appearances in the last ten years. She went a little overboard after Lionel’s death. Scared herself enough to learn to accept one drink and pretend to sip at it all evening long. A trick that Lex taught her. He hated alcohol—as far as Lena knows, she’s the only one who ever knew that he was pretending.

Lena glances over at Maggie, then knocks back the first shot, sharp and fast so it burns on the way down. Then she pours herself a full glass and sips at it slowly, like an adult with normal tolerance because why not play pretend for a little while—it’s what Luthors’ excel at.

Maggie’s eyebrows knit together for a beat, the only reaction that Lena receives until she sits up straighter, clears her throat, and meets Lena’s eyes. “I’m sorry,” she says. “It was my job, but I’m sorry.” Sincere. Simple. Pretty much covers it—it’s not like Lena and Maggie really know each other that well. They don’t owe each other anything, regardless of the shared people in their lives.

“I know,” Lena tells her. “Thank you.”

“Both Danvers girls chewed me out for it,” she says with a grin. “If that helps at all.”

Annoyingly, it does.

Lena sips at her scotch again before meeting Maggie’s gaze. There’s no real point in holding any anger or resentment towards her or any of the others. She felt it—towards all of them—but the person to blame is her mother. In the end, these people came through, and they all clearly feel horrible for not doing so sooner, and in the end, Lena is just… so tired of being alone.

“I won’t be as forgiving if you do it again,” she jokes, though the truth of it comes through regardless, and Maggie nods at her seriously before smiling.

“Sounds fair.”

The two of them fall silent for a few moments, and a waiter comes around with menus. Lena glances at it, but the thought of eating right now makes her nauseous. She has been playing catch up with the media for the last week. The number of voicemails still left to be dealt with is enough to make Lena want to chuck her phone into the ocean and never look back. She has been diligent about answering only Alex and Winn, and even then, only through text.

“Alex said you guys had a good dinner the other night,” Maggie offers. Lena only nods in response, and she hears Maggie clunk her tongue almost in disappointment at her lack of reaction. “Kara’s pretty upset that you guys aren’t talking,” she adds, far more gently than Alex or Winn would have. “How upset are you?”

Well, that’s a loaded question. Lena has a lifetime of thinking on her feet and spitting bullshit with a second’s notice, but when she tries to find some plausible story here she comes up dry. “Quite a bit more than I’d like,” she admits.

“How come?” Maggie asks, in that gentle, open way that makes it sound like she really wants to know. The only other people that have made Lena feel that way before have been Lex, and the Danvers sisters. Occasionally Winn and Jess.

The problem is that she doesn’t even know where to start to answer Maggie’s question. It’s not a simple thing—she’s been mulling it over for a full week now. It’s far beyond being hurt at the notion that Kara didn’t trust her with this secret. The longer that she thinks about it, the more she realizes that she’s not actually angry with Kara, as much as she is with herself. It’s a culmination of everything that has been building up inside of her since about age fifteen, and if ever she tries to explain it, she’s afraid that everything will come off as a weird, morbid attempt at humor or a dig for sympathy. Lena is actually a fan of the former but she really hates whenever it's mistaken for the latter.

“It’s a longer story than I’d like to get into,” she finally answers.

“Yeah,” Maggie hums patiently. “I get that.”

Lena looks up at her and relaxes. Maggie does get it. Maybe not fully, but enough that she understands Lena’s instinct to pull herself in tighter, spine taller, jaw hard and firmly closed.

“Fuck,” Lena breathes, and her shoulders tense. Even after all these years she still swears under her breath, as though afraid that her mother is lurking just around the corner, ready to snap at her about ladylike behavior in public.

The reminder of her mother sours Lena’s mood even further, and Maggie picks up on it instantly. Apparently, the woman isn’t any more of a fan of sharing her own issues than Lena is, but she is annoyingly skilled at getting others to be comfortable enough to open up.

“So, Alex said the DEO is delving more into their Cadmus investigation. But they don’t have much to go on,” she adds, pointedly.

“I don’t know where my mother is,” Lena says with a sigh.

“I know,” Maggie says. “If you did, then Alex would. But, you know her better than anyone else. You know how she thinks.”

“I told the DEO everything that I know.”

“Everything you _think_ they need to know,” Maggie corrects. “There are a lot of threads detectives are trained to look for that wouldn’t seem obvious to someone else. I’m not part of the DEO, but I’d like to help. I know how much Alex and Kara want to find their dad, and no one is safe with Lillian running around out there unchecked. All I’m saying is… I’m a good listener, and I’m happy to grab a coffee sometime if you want.” Maggie takes a final swig of her drink and pushes it away from her, smiling warmly across the booth at Lena. “Not only for the investigation. Danvers seems to really like you, so, it’d be nice to get to know you better too.”

It’s still strange, to have the confirmation that Alex is her friend flung out into the world so casually. It’s incredibly different, spending time with Alex than it is with Kara. When Lena finally humored her two days ago and let Alex take her to dinner, she was clearly exhausted and overworked when Lena arrived at the restaurant. Alex had looked up at Lena and given her a sly grin before immediately turning her face into a glare directed at their server. Something about it reminded Lena of a tired lioness who was puzzling why someone would fathom to intrude on her well-deserved rest, and who might just kill you for it, but only if she felt like it. The server deserved her ire simply for encroaching onto Alex’s space. Lena, apparently, did not.

The fact that regardless of whether or not Lena and Kara are on speaking terms, Alex is apparently going to remain friendly towards Lena is… a bit too big of a thing for Lena to spend any considerable length of time pondering over. At least not while everything else is going on.

“She seems to really like you as well,” Lena shoots back. Maggie’s face breaks out into a dimpled grin, and Lena sees what Alex must when she looks at Maggie.

“Well, the girl’s got good taste I guess,” Maggie smirks.

Lena returns her smirk. “Thank you for the offer of coffee,” she says, sincerely. “I’ll take you up on it when I’m not so busy.”

Maggie snorts. “I’m gonna hold you too that Luthor,” she says, as easily and as affection-laced as the word is when it falls out of Alex’s mouth.

“Sounds fair,” Lena says, echoing Maggie’s earlier words back to her.

…

…

Kara is at her window.

Lena feels it like a change in the air, and her fingers hover over the keyboard as she sucks in a breath and prepares herself. It’s been a week and a half—it’s time.

“You can come inside,” she calls out quietly, knowing full well now that Kara can hear her perfectly.

She is dressed as Supergirl, her hair windblown, and cheeks a little flushed. There’s a smudge of something like dirt on her bicep, and one on her left cheek that has Lena clenching her fists in order to resist the urge to reach out and wipe it away. She’s clearly been out preventing disaster. Saving lives.

Being Supergirl.

Lena doesn’t know how she didn’t allow herself to pick up on it before, because though she’s donned as Supergirl, she’s clearly standing in front of Lena as Kara right now. Her posture is a little softer, a little more human—making herself smaller and less imposing. It’s a noticeable change from her usual stance and demeanor as Supergirl, so it’s clearly something that she’s put some thought into. Either to make Lena feel more comfortable or herself, Lena’s not entirely sure—probably some sort of mixture of both.

“Hi,” Kara says softly, giving Lena a little wave that stays low near her hip. “I wasn’t trying to — I was passing by and I just wanted to—”

“It’s okay,” Lena says, and it is suddenly. Lena is glad that she is here. She doesn’t want to keep feeling like this, and she has a lot of questions. “Do you have time to talk? Or do you need to go check in or something?”

“No,” Kara says, eagerly. “I can talk. Let me just…” she digs around somewhere behind her cape and produces her cellphone. When Lena’s eyebrow quirks upwards in question, Kara smiles sheepishly at her. “Winn sewed me a phone pocket,” she explains.

“Winn made your costume?” Lena smiles.

“Uniform,” Kara corrects, stressing the word almost child-like.

Lena’s smile widens. “Uniform,” she repeats with a nod.

Kara breaks out into a grin and taps away quickly at her phone. “Let me just tell Alex where I am, then I’m all yours,” she blushes a beat later, her words solidifying in the air, but she breezes past it, so Lena follows suit. “All set,” she announces. Making a show of turning her phone on silent and placing it face down on Lena’s table. “Um… have you eaten yet?” she asks.

Lena frowns at her. “Did you?”

“I… use up a lot of calories and energy when I use my powers,” she says, a little defensively. Lena can picture Alex teasing her for her appetite and rolls her eyes, moving towards her desk.

“I can order something if you want?”

“No, I… it’ll be faster actually if I just… is it okay if I come right back? Do you want something?”

Lena swallows, then nods. Kara is gone in an instant, faster than Lena’s eyes can comprehend. Only the gust of wind with her exit gives the indication that she was even ever there at all, and for a split second, Lena panics. She doesn’t know why, just recognizes what is happening as it does. She hasn’t had a panic attack since undergrad, but it’s unmistakable. Lena is staring at the space that Kara had just occupied, and then she is suddenly and abruptly unable to breathe. Her mouth stretches wide, trying to suck in air, but she can’t make it work. In some part of her brain that is still very calm, she thinks that she might be trying to scream for help, but there’s no breath in her lungs; no sound comes out.

She’s still trying to gasp air into her lungs when Kara comes zipping back through the window, only a few hurried minutes later, blonde curls flying everywhere and a smile stretched onto her face, smelling like curry.

“Lena?” she drops the food onto the floor and is beside Lena in less than a heartbeat. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

She has no idea. Lena just shakes her head as Kara’s hands come up to her forearm, to her shoulder, rubbing slow circles and putting her face directly into Lena’s eye path.

“Focus on my breath Lena,” she instructs. “Focus on my voice.”

Kara chatters away in a low hum, telling Lena to press her feet into the floor, to squeeze her hands, to drown out everything but her voice and the way that the air _is_ going into her lungs—because it is starting too. The longer that Kara talks, the calmer that Lena feels. Finally, she sucks in a slow, deliberate breath, then looks down at the floor. “You got curry on my carpet,” she announces.

Kara whips around and looks down at the bright yellow mess of turmeric staining Lena’s pristine white carpet and winces. “Sorry.”

“It’ll wash out,” Lena shrugs. “Or I’ll replace it. It’s fine, I just… I noticed.”

Kara turns back around, still looking at Lena worriedly. “Do you want to sit down?”

Lena nods, and allows Kara to lead her over towards the couch, kicking her heels off on the way and tucking her legs up underneath her. Kara grabs the food and deposits it on top of the coffee table. Quickly wiping up the most of the mess and pouring Lena a glass of water. She stands above Lena until she drinks the entire thing, then pours her another before sitting down bedside Lena and halfway relaxing.

“I’m fine,” Lena says, because this is possibly one of the most embarrassing things to ever happen in her entire life—and there have been a lot of other things on that list.

“Lena—”

“I’m fine,” she insists.

“Okay,” Kara says gently. There’s a quiet kind of understanding in her eyes, and when she reaches over and shovels a ridiculous amount of curry and rice into her mouth, she mumbles, “that used to happen to me a lot, when I first came to Earth.”

“You had panic attacks?” Lena asks, hating that she is even admitting to it by asking that.

Kara nods, allowing the shift in focus to be on her—the consummate hero. “My senses were in overload. Krypton has a red sun. The rays from a yellow sun affect our physiology. Everything’s heightened. It took a while for me to learn to control it.”

“That must have been hard,” Lena says, running her finger around the edge of the glass. Kara smiles and Lena looks at her in confusion. She points to the glass with her elbow, shoveling another mouthful of curry around her smile. “Oh,” Lena says, running her finger around again and listening carefully—it’s singing, a little. Kara must be able to hear it much better than she can. Playing water cups is not a skill that Lena possesses. “Do you hear everything heightened?” she asks.

Kara shakes her head, swallowing the last of the first carton of curry. “Not anymore. I’ve learned to kind of… tune it out? I just focus on the stuff directly around me, unless I need to listen to something further away.”

Lena smooths her thumb around the small silver device in her dress pocket before pulling it out. “Who made the panic button?” she asks.

Kara ducks her chin down. “Winn.”

“I thought as much,” Lena hums, slipping it back into its place.

“You didn’t use it,” Kara says, like it’s a question. “When Lillian took you with her.”

“I thought about it. But it was confiscated when I was arrested. I don’t know if I would have regardless,” she admits.

“Why not?”

“Embarrassingly, though I warmed up enough to Supergirl to almost consider her a friend, I still have… quite a few issues surrounding the Supers. I trusted her—you—with my life, but only so much so that she would save anyone else, I suppose. There had to be limits.”

“There aren’t,” Kara says, firmly. “Also, it’s _not_ embarrassing. As much as I wanted to tell you a hundred times, talking to you as Supergirl was… nice. Honest, I guess in a weird way. I could talk about some things from Krypton that it felt like you understood better than Winn or James. Even Alex, sometimes.”

“Really?”

Kara nods and polishes off the second carton of food, pushing the smaller third one into Lena’s arms. It’s her favorite—chicken tikka masala. She smiles and picks up a fork, taking a small bite.

“I am sorry Lena, for not telling you sooner,” Kara stresses, turning her body on the couch so that she is facing Lena head on.

“I know,” Lena sighs. “I get it Kara. A secret identity sort of needs to be a secret for it to work. We hadn’t known each other that long, and, my family history speaks for itself.”

“Lena, that’s not—”

“You would be a complete fool not to have considered it when we first met under the circumstances. I was hurt—that much is obvious—but that doesn’t mean that I don’t understand your motives. Kara, your timing was sort of just the culmination of an incredibly unpleasant ordeal, and I reacted accordingly. But, I’m glad that you told me.”

“Lena, I don’t want… I want us to stay friends. Your friendship means so much to me. And I just — what can I do to make it better?

 _Friends._ Lena zones in on the word and her chest feels tight again, though her lungs still manage to do their job. She has been suppressing her growing feelings for Kara for months now, to no real avail. But with the new knowledge that Kara and Supergirl are one in the same—

There is no way in hell she can have a romantic relationship with a Super. If she thought that Kara Danvers was too good for her… _god,_ Lena doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. On top of _that_ feeling, there is still the slight flinch and tension that rises to her shoulders at the sight of the symbol displayed on Kara’s chest. Every time. Even when it immediately follows with Lena feeling safe and relaxed, it’s still her first reaction to think about That Day.

Friends is going to be hard enough to manage, Lena can’t even begin to parse the thought of anything more right now. This week has been the mental equivalent of a very long cold shower.

Kara shifts, the one leg that’s tucked up beneath her bouncing a few times, the movement of her knee shaking the couch. She bites down at her bottom lip, trying to keep herself quiet and patient—waiting for Lena to speak next. Her fingers twitch in her lap, like they want to reach out to Lena. There are all of these movements that are familiar to Lena as Kara’s, not Supergirl’s, but know that she knows, now that she’s looking for it, and Kara isn’t hiding—it feels obvious. Lena hates that she blocked herself from knowing before, because she is painfully aware now, there were signs that she deliberately pushed to the back of her mind, unable to deal with the possibilities of that truth.

The observer effect, Lena thinks back to her old physics classes, shifts a little against the couch herself, staring back at Kara’s face; the act of looking at a thing changes the thing itself. Lena is done with being afraid to look. She never has been before.

“No more secret identities?” she jokes, answering Kara’s question.

Kara laughs, a bright, melodious sound that fills Lena up. “No more, I promise,” her arms jut out, and she pauses midair. “Can I…” she asks hopefully. Lena nods and suddenly every sense is full of Kara—the singe of smoke from her latest fight, the coconut tint of her conditioner, the impossible warmth of her embrace. She’s practically in Lena’s lap, the force of her hug knocking Lena back into the couch. Lena can feel Kara’s breath puffing gently on her neck.

 _Fuck._ It would seem that being hurt and disappointed doesn’t also conveniently erase the rest of her pesky feelings—wonderful.

Lena pushes against Kara gently, and she jumps back into her spot without a bit of hesitation. “Sorry, Alex says I tend to go overboard with hugs sometimes,” she apologizes a little sheepishly.

“It’s fine,” Lena says with a wave of her hand.

“So… we’re okay?”

“We’re going to be,” Lena says, determined. The relief and determination is apparent on Kara’s face, and then she frowns, looking out the window, a little pained. “Do you need to go?” Lena asks.

Kara’s frown deepens, and she looks reluctant, but she nods. “I can—”

“I meant it Kara,” Lena assures her. “I’m not there 100% yet, but we’re going to be fine.”

“Okay,” Kara acquiesces, rising from the couch and hovering next to Lena. “Um, will you come to the DEO tomorrow afternoon? I can show you around, and you can fill out those forms.”

“I — okay,” Lena agrees. She rises to meet Kara, and then they’re hugging, kind of awkwardly like they don’t quite know how to work their elbows. Kara gives her a forlorn look before walking over to the balcony and leaping into the air.

Lena lowers herself back down onto the couch, glancing over at the smudge of yellow in the carpet before sighing. She collects the remains of the food containers together, pushing them off of the chess board that rests on the coffee table—the same one she and Lex used to play with as children. She thinks of all the strategies that Lex used to throw at her, how impressed her mother used to look whenever Lena managed to beat him.

Lillian never played the game with Lena.

Lena reaches forward and picks up the white knight, running her thumb across the smooth edges and formulating the beginnings of a plan.  

…

…

**xxxi. something so wholesome about you // get closer to me**

Kara bounces up and down on her toes and Alex sighs deeply.

“I’m allowed to be excited,” she insists.

“I didn’t say anything,” Alex rolls her eyes.

“Your sigh said something.”

“My sigh said that I’m tired, and that I want coffee, and not to be filling out paperwork.”

“It said other things too.”

Alex pushes her chair back away from the desk, stares at Kara briefly, then stands up. “I’m going to find Lucy and get coffee. Chill out before you break something again—Lena will be here.”

“I KNEW YOUR SIGH SAID OTHER THINGS!” Kara shouts at her sister’s retreating form. Greg, a lower level agent who is walking past Kara glances over at her. “I called it Greg, you’re my witness,” Kara points at him.

Greg gives her a nod and walks out of the room. All of the agents are way more scared of Alex than they are of Kara. It’s not fair. She’s the one who can punch through the walls.

“Is she here yet?” Winn asks, walking over and handing Kara the remains of his sandwich.

“No,” Kara grumbles, biting into the food miserably as she slumps against the table behind her.

“Boo,” Winn says, sliding into the chair Alex just vacated and clacking away at the keyboard.

“Should you be doing that?” Kara asks him.

“It’s my job,” he rolls his eyes.

“To mess with Alex’s paperwork?” Kara laughs. “It was nice knowing you.”

Winn’s fingers freeze in midair, and a familiar laugh rings out behind the two of them. Kara whips around with a grin. “Lena! You’re here!”

“I thought we said four o’clock,” she frowns, looking down at her phone.

“No, we did! You’re on time,” Kara insists. She just… wasn’t sure if Lena would end up avoiding coming or cancelling on her. In retrospect, Alex was right to tell her to chill out. “I’m just happy to see you,” she admits. Lena’s heartrate picks up momentarily and Kara beams at the way a small smile creeps onto her face.

“Welcome to Team Super!” Winn cheers, holding out his hand for her to high-five.

“Oh…” Lena glances between them. “Am I… officially signing up for something?”

“Oh, no,” Kara assures her. “You don’t have to do anything like that. It’s more of a… consultant… thing? Sort of so we can officially talk about classified stuff with you. I don’t know, Lucy is the lawyer.”

“You’re leaving me hanging here,” Winn complains, wiggling his hand closer. Lena slaps his hand and rolls her eyes towards Kara, making a face that gets her to smile. “Yay,” he cheers.

“Don’t be annoying,” Alex orders, walking up behind Winn and smacking him lightly as she sips her coffee. “Hi Lena,” she greets warmly.

“Lena doesn’t think I’m annoying,” Winn argues. “Lena is way nicer to me than you are.”

“Well, Lena is a better person than I am,” Alex says with a shrug.

Kara watches the flash of emotion that plays out on Lena’s face at Alex’s casual words and jumps forward. “Want me to give you the tour?”

“Sure.”

“See you later Luthor,” Alex calls after them. “Winn, get out of my seat,” Kara hears her demand. “You better not have touched my stuff.”

“I touched nothing!” he exclaims.

“He touched all of it,” Kara whispers towards Lena. “He might be dead when we get back.”

“That would make me sad,” Lena says as they walk down the hall.

“It would make Alex sad too, she just won’t admit it.”

Lena laughs as they enter an empty office. Lucy set up everything for them already, and Kara hums and tries to sit still and be patient while Lena fills it all out. Lucy comes in partway, and Lena goes a little tense, more to do with unknown person than anything else—Kara can tell. Lucy spouts out lawyer jargon and Lena keeps up, because of course she can, and by the time that Lucy gathers all the paperwork and rises, there are smiles on both their faces, and the tension has all but left the room. Kara grins. Lucy has Lois’s easy charm, she can make anyone feel comfortable when she wants to.

“I’ll see you both this weekend?” Lucy asks, hovering in the doorway as Kara nods excitedly and Lena looks at her in confusion.

“Game Night,” Kara explains. “Saturday. We all decided that we needed one this morning. I still have to ask James. Are you busy then?”

“I don’t think so,” Lena says.

“Great, see you then,” Lucy calls out kindly, and then with a small wave, they’re alone.

“So…” Kara drawls, “do you have time for me to show you around a little?”

Lena nods, and goes to collect her multiple bags. Unthinkingly, Kara steps forward to take one of them from her, putting her hand on Lena’s back to steady herself; the touch is fleeting but not without aftereffects, and she pulls away quickly. She keeps forgetting not to do things like that. Lena’s cheeks are pink as they walk into the hall, a good two feet of space between them, and Kara _hates_ how awkward things are right now. She chatters away as they walk through the halls, talking about how Alex threatened Winn in that room, J’onn told her that he was a Martian in this one, Astra was held prisoner here—bouncing back and forth from cheerful and fun memories to painful ones, Lena listening intently the entire time.

Kara wasn’t exactly planning on it, but somehow, they end up in the room with the holo of Alura. Lena looks around briefly, somewhat confused at the bare room until Kara clears her throat and explains.

“You can talk to her?”

“It’s not really her,” Kara says quickly, pressing her palms together. “It’s… a collection of information that she programed. But… I come down here sometimes anyway, and tell her about my day,” she runs a hand through her hair, not looking over at Lena. “It’s dumb.”

“It’s not,” Lena says firmly. “I have a voicemail that has been saved as a file on my phone from my father. Sometimes I listen to it for no reason.”

Kara smiles up at Lena. “Yeah, I forgot. You tend to understand no matter what I tell you,” she laughs. Lena swallows thickly and looks at the ground before giving Kara a reassuring smile. “Want to see how it works? Winn was all impressed by the science behind it.”

Lena freezes, then nods. Kara steps over and presses the button and then the image of her mother is broadcast out in front of them both. Kara hears Lena suck in a quiet breath as Alura asks what they would like to know.

“You look like her,” she breathes.

“Really?” Kara tilts her head.

“Something around the eyes, and the way you carry your shoulders. She’s beautiful." 

Kara cannot suppress her grin. “Yeah, I always thought so.”

The holo interrupts them, asking how she can be of assistance and Kara grins, jokingly introducing her mother to Lena. She makes a show out of it, hamming it up so she doesn’t feel the urge to cry at the fact that she can’t actually ever introduce them. She thinks that Alura would respect and appreciate Lena, if she were here. They’re similar in some ways in their thinking.

The holo blinks, unable to play along, which only causes Kara to exaggerate further as it insists that it is, “not programmed to do that,” as politely as possible when she asks if Alura would like to give Lena a high-five to rival Winn’s. She hasn’t felt this silly in a long time, but it’s worth it when she turns around and looks at Lena.

Lena tries to hold it back, Kara can tell from the twitch at the corner of her mouth. She's trying so hard to hold back her laughter that her voice is cracking as she plays along and greets the hologram of Kara’s mother. Kara feels the satisfaction in her _toes_. The rich sound of laughter is soon filling the air as Lena fondly looks at Kara, shaking her head. It’s short-lived, but even the small laughter leaves a lasting effect. Kara turns the hologram off, and they make their way into the hall. As Lena walks along beside Kara, there’s a lightness to her that makes her look a little bit like she’s gliding on air. Her eyes catch Kara’s a moment after she’s stopped in front the door to the bullpen, and there’s tenderness in her expression that Kara finds herself unable to look away from.

“Thank you for showing her to me.”

“Oh, sure,” Kara shrugs. “Thanks for… well, everything.”

Lena rolls her eyes. “Likewise, I suppose.”

Alex catches sight of them from across the room and leans back in her chair. “Are you guys hungry?” she calls out. “Winn is driving me crazy asking for a burger.”

Lena presses her lips together, her eyes sparking with amusement. “I could eat,” she allows.

“I can _always_ eat,” Kara announces cheerfully, skipping over towards her sister with Lena in tow.

“We know,” Alex, Winn, _and_ Lena all say in unison. Kara doesn’t stop grinning for the rest of the evening.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a short one. soz. midterms kicked my ass.

**xxxii.** **so long as you come home at the end of the day // that would be enough**

Kara freezes in midair.

She hears J’onn yells out happily in exclamation, sees him fly into the back of the semi-truck out of the corner of her eye, hears Alex call out through the comms, worried and in shock—but Kara can’t move.

Jeremiah gives her a shaky smile from J’onn’s arms. “Hi sweetie,” he croaks. J’onn tugs the remains of the chains off and hauls him upwards, telling Alex to ready a medic, and then they’re flying back to the DEO.

Kara still feels like she can’t move, can’t let out her breath.

They land in the DEO and Alex comes barreling through the doors, not giving a single other person in the room a second glance, she collides with her father, sobbing happily and clinging to him, and Kara stands there and watches it all in complete shock.

No one’s ever come back before—except Astra—Kara isn’t sure whether or not this is a dream or reality but it feels very real when Jeremiah reaches out the arm that isn’t gripping Alex back just as tightly as she’s clinging to him and tugs Kara into the fold. He feels real. He smells real.

Kara lets out a breathless huff of laughter and holds him back, the three of them interlocked tightly, ignoring everyone else that’s gathered around them. Kara closes her eyes and listens to his heartbeat, the familiar drum filling up her ears again as a few tears squeeze out of her eyes.

…

…

When Eliza walks into the DEO and sees Jeremiah, Alex reaches out and grips Kara’s arm tightly, the biggest smile that Kara has seen on her face in ages splitting out onto her face.

Eliza embraces him, shocked and emotional as Alex nearly bounces on her toes beside Kara, her excitement infectious.

Kara still can’t believe that he’s here. She stands beside Alex and Eliza as he’s checked over, debriefed by J’onn and Lucy, declared healthy—free.

He’s back.

_He’s back. He’s back. He’s back._

…

…

On her thirteenth birthday, Jeremiah takes her out for ice cream at the crack of dawn.

He sneaks into the bedroom that Kara shares with Alex, shaking her gently and pressing a finger to his lips so that she doesn’t wake Alex. Kara climbs sleepily out of bed, rubbing at her eyes and tugging on the hoodie that he passes her. Jeremiah takes her hand and together they tip-toe out into the hall.

“What’s going on?” Kara whispers.

“Birthday breakfast,” Jeremiah smiles. “Family tradition.”

Kara balks as he bends to grab their sneakers, staring at him silently. “Why can’t we wake up Alex or Eliza then?” she asks, when he grins over at her, a little crooked, mischievous as he grabs the car keys from their hanger.

“That’s tradition too,” he chuckles, opening the door and ushering Kara out onto the porch. The air cool in the early fall morning, though the last of the summer heat still lingers—just a bit. “Only the birthday girl gets to have birthday breakfast ice cream. A rule that Alex has never been fond of whenever it’s Eliza’s birthday,” he laughs, full volume now that they’re in the car and pulling into the road—no longer any danger of waking up the others. “But, the tradition started before she ever got here, so, we always tell her that’s the deal.”

“So… you started doing this with Eliza?”

“Yep,” he grins at her across the console. “You’re officially the second person that I’ve let in on this, welcome to the family Kara Zor-El.”  

Kara had eaten so much ice cream, the vendor had doubled over in shock. Jeremiah watched her, beaming as he slowly worked on his small twist. Kara had gloated when she slipped back into her bed and Alex rolled over, grumbling, “You got ice cream didn’t you?”

“Yep.”

“Ugh, I hate that tradition when it’s not my birthday,” she groans, and rolls away as she falls back asleep.

…

…

It’s impossibly weird to see Jeremiah in her apartment. A good weird, but weird nonetheless.

He and Eliza are awkward with each other where they used to be so familiar, they would finish each other sentences. Communicate easily with a single look. Ten years is a long time, but it’s still strange to witness.

Jeremiah makes some dumb comment to Maggie when Alex introduces her that has Kara rolling her eyes and internally cringing a little. He’s trying, but it misses the mark. Maggie graciously smiles and shakes his hand regardless even as Alex gives her mother wide, annoyed eyes from behind him.

When Lena walks into the apartment she immediately looks and radiates panic, but covers it well enough that only Kara seems to pick up on it. It ratchets up when Kara jumps over and loops their arms together, trying to calm her as she introduces her to Jeremiah, and it begins to dissipate once Lena catches sight of Winn, James and Lucy standing behind Maggie and Alex.

“Are you okay?” Kara whispers a few moments later. “Oh my god — I didn’t think about — is this hard for you? After everything with your dad and Lillian—”

“I’m fine Kara,” she insists firmly. She looks Kara in the eye when she says it, and the rest of the tension in her body seems to finally relax, so Kara opts to take her at her word. “Are _you_ okay?” she whispers back.

Kara looks at her in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Lena shrugs, glancing over at Jeremiah and Alex, both laughing at something that Eliza said. “Just… I’m sure this has to bring up a mixture of feelings. Getting him back, but not your birth parents or… I just wanted to check in I suppose.” She’s treading carefully, not wanting to bring up something painful that wasn’t there before, but, as nearly always, she seems to be able to hone in on whatever Kara is feeling.

Kara shrugs, biting down at the inside of her cheek and adjusting her glasses. “He gave me these,” she says, instead. “Did I ever tell you that?”

Lena shakes her head, her face open, willing Kara to go on.

“He lined non-prescription glasses with lead. He thought it might help me control my heat vison—and help me blend in a little, or something,” Kara shrugs. “This isn’t the first pair, obviously,” she laughs, playing with them again. “He made a few extras.”

“Smart thinking,” Lena jokes.

“Yeah,” Kara laughs again, looking over at her family. “I’m _really_ glad that he’s back,” she stresses. “But, yeah… it’s… sort of bringing up a lot about the people who aren’t I guess.”

“That makes sense,” Lena says. She seems to hesitate for a moment, but then she reaches up and rubs at Kara’s bicep soothingly. Kara sort of leans into the touch, smiling sheepishly.

“I don’t want to bring it up to them though,” she insists. “I want this to stay happy.”

Lena’s right eyebrow quirks up, skeptical for half a beat before she relaxes it and smiles softly. “Okay, but if you want to talk about it later, you know where to find me.”

“I do,” Kara grins. Then she turns at Alex’s call, Jeremiah waving her over, holding up an issue of CatCo magazine with a huge grin. “You good for a bit?” she asks, and when Lena nods and turns to talk to Winn, Kara skips over to join her family, the odd mix of feelings dissipating further with each step that she moves closer.

…

…

**xxxiii. wise men say, only fools rush in**

Lena watches Kara burst out laughing at something her foster father says, doubling over and clutching at his arm for support as Alex wheezes into the couch. She smiles, despite the uneasy feeling seeping into her gut.

Jeremiah seems kind and approachable, everything that Alex and Kara have said about him, but… nothing like someone who spent the last ten years being held hostage might act. Though, to be fair, Lena has no idea how a person would react to that sort of situation.

But she does know the affects that long term exposure to her mother can have.

Lucy slides up next to Lena, smiling at her and reaching over to grab her glass of water. “Hey.”

“Hi, how are you?”

“Not bad,” Lucy shrugs, sipping her water and turning to observe the family in the living room as well. Her eyebrows knit together as she zeros in on Jeremiah, and Lena inhales—maybe it’s not just her.

“Did he say whether or not my mother was involved in his kidnapping from the beginning?” she asks, because something inside of her needs to know.

Lucy turns her head slowly to meet Lena’s gaze, sipping at her water to buy herself time to collect her thoughts. She’s calm and controlled, each word carefully considered before she says them. “He did,” she says, neutral. Stating facts. “She wasn’t involved in his initial kidnapping. To his knowledge, Lillian became involved about five years ago—or at least that’s the time that he became aware of her.”

The two of them turn at the cracking sound of Kara’s laughter. Alex is falling off the couch, her father propping her up as Kara giggles beside him, and Eliza watches from her seat with a mixture of feelings playing out on her face. Maggie and the boys all look as light and happy as Kara and Alex do, but when Lena turns and looks at J’onn J’onzz’s face, it’s as conflicted as Eliza’s own, if for different reasons.

“Ten years is a long time to be in captivity,” Lena says carefully.

“It is,” Lucy responds, with the same tone.

“They’re painfully happy to have him back.”

“I know,” Lucy hums, turning back to look into the living room. Her eyes flicker between the Danvers sisters, Jeremiah, and J’onn, before sighing. “It’s a happy thing,” she says, though there’s a hint of skepticism to her tone.

“It is,” Lena reiterates, mimicking Lucy’s tone and words from before.

“Lenaaaaaa,” Winn sings, walking over and slinging an arm around her shoulder. “I haven’t seen you in daysss. I’m glad you’re here.”

Lucy rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling at him when she slips away to go sit by James. Winn slides into her vacated spot, turning his body and grinning at Lena until she finally says, “Hi Winn.”

“How are you?”

“I’m okay — good. How are you?”

Winn narrows his eyes at her. “Okayyy,” he drawls.

“Why are you being weird?”

Winn clutches his chest dramatically. He might be a little buzzed on champagne. “ _Lena,”_ he gasps in mock horror. “You wound me with your words. I thought we were second best friends. How _dare,_ ” he trails off, sipping at his drink and narrowing his eyes at her.

“How dare, what?”

“ _How dare,_ ” is all he says, serious for all of half a second before he bursts out grinning. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“You said that already.”

“I am though!”

“I’m glad that you’re here too,” Lena says, genuinely. When she had first walked into Kara’s apartment, she had only noticed Maggie and Alex talking to Jeremiah—Eliza over in the kitchen. Lena had absolutely panicked at the thought of being alone with Kara’s family and Maggie. It all strangely felt a bit too much like, Introducing the Girlfriends to the Parents for Lena’s comfort, and the sight of Winn and Lucy had been an immense relief.

“Cause I’m your second-best friend and I’m awesome and you missed me?”

Lena bites back her laughter, reaches out and slings an arm around Winn’s shoulders, dropping her voice. “I suppose, yes,” she grins, and Winn absolutely _beams._ It almost rivals one of Kara’s smiles, and her heart warms at the sight of it. She truly did miss him, and he _is_ awesome.

“Can we eat yet?” Kara whines from across the room, her whole body turned towards Eliza, puppy eyes directly in front of her foster mother’s face. Eliza rolls her eyes, reaches out and cups Kara’s face before kissing her forehead and nodding. “YES!” Kara cheers, jumping up and running over towards the table. “Everybody move!”

…

…

Kara plops down beside Lena on the couch, the entire left side of her body pressing up against Lena’s right. She rolls her head over and knocks it against Lena’s, letting out a giggle and a huff. “Are you having a good time?” she asks. “I know this might be a little… I dunno, it’s all very surreal.”

“I can only imagine,” Lena hums.

“So, are you?” she presses. She’s been doing a lot of that in the last few weeks—checking in with Lena’s emotions. Everyone has. It’s both an incredibly strange experience, and heartwarming to the point that scares her, a little. Lionel was never this direct. Lillian assumed that everyone was always fine, or should give off the illusion that they were. And Lex—Lex never needed to ask, he always sensed when something was off with Lena. Even from miles away. While he was off at Harvard and Lena was slowly going insane finishing middle school, the phone would ring out of the blue, Lex, chattering away about something until Lena could breathe again. Or he would simply show up. Pay off whomever, cross the state lines, skip class, and there he’d be, grinning in the middle of her doorway. _Hey Ace, wanna go get some ice cream?_

_Go for a drive?_

_See a movie?_

_Head of to Paris for the weekend? Mom’ll never find out._

He always knew. Lena never had to try and fumble her way through asking for help.

Now, Lena is slowly growing accustomed to her phone blowing up not with emails from board members and investors, but with text messages from—as Winn dubs them—the Super Friends. Even that is strange. The casual nature with which everyone talks about Kara being Supergirl is still slightly jarring for Lena.

“I am,” she says, answering Kara’s question. She watches the way that Kara scrunches up her nose, head tilting to the side, trying to parse whether or not Lena is telling her the whole truth of her feelings. Lena bites back a smile, and then Kara breaks out into one of her own, accepting the answer.

“Good,” she declares. “Because I’m really glad that Jeremiah gets to meet you.”

Lena swallows, watching the way that Kara’s entire face lights up at the mention of her foster father. Her eyes track him in the other room. Alex, directly at his side, as she has been for nearly the entire evening thus far. Eliza seems to be the only Danvers woman who is slightly taken aback, the tiniest bit distant, with Jeremiah’s return. Lena doesn’t blame her; a decade is a long time to grow used to the feeling of an important person no longer being there. Lena has no idea how she would react if Lionel were to somehow rise from the dead and walk back into her life after these last ten years apart.

She’d be elated, she knows that to be true. But, with all of the new revelations about Lillian, and everything that Lex became… she’d be suspicious, too.

“Kara,” she begins, delicately. “What exactly has he said about his time with Cadmus? Or how you found him?”

Kara frowns, and Lena shifts on the couch, facing Kara directly and keeping her voice low. No one else is within earshot at the moment, but Lena doesn’t want to take the chance of ruining what is by all accounts, a night of celebration.

“He was trying to escape. They held him hostage.”

“I know. I wasn’t… what I’m trying to say is…” she sighs, glancing over at Alex and Jeremiah again, a protective surge emboldening her. “Ten years is a long time, and sometimes priorities and alliances change due to extreme circumstance. I know my mother, and the type of people that she associates with, and they can be very persuasive.”

Kara’s face falls. Half a second before she grits her teeth and her eyes flash with some mixture of frustration and anger and confusion all rolled into one. “Lena,” she whispers. “That’s… how could you even say that? He’s not…” she looks over at Jeremiah, grinning at something that Alex has said. His eyes search the room for her, and they brighten as they land over at the two of them on the couch. Kara’s entire body sags when it happens, and Jeremiah frowns, worried.

“I’m not trying to imply anything,” Lena explains quickly. “I very much want to be wrong. All I’m saying is that, a lot can happen, and maybe you and Alex should just… be cautious?”

“I—” Kara’s jaw works back and forth. She huffs out a breath. Pushes at her glasses. Fiddles with the necklace that she always wears, then nods—though she still looks a little cross. “I trust him Lena,” she says firmly.

“I’m not asking you not to,” she insists. “I’m just asking you to be careful.”

It was a gamble to say anything, Lena knows. Kara is slightly distant and tense around Lena for the rest of the evening, and when she goes home, part of her regrets saying anything. But the image of Lex, pacing their apartment and tugging at his hair, and Lena just chalking it up to anxiety and stress over managing LuthorCorp until it was too late flashes through her mind.

Kara is loyal to the point of detriment—Lena has firsthand experience, though it ended up working out in her favor. Lena has never had the luxury, and she has no prior relationship to Jeremiah Danvers other than what Kara and Alex have both spoken about him—reverently. With distance and longing comes putting people up on pedestals, Lena knows that firsthand as well. She feels the guilt as she types, but she continues typing just the same. This is the way that she knows how to have Kara and Alex’s backs, even if it makes them both angry with her.

**[10:47pm]** _Winn, can you keep an eye on Jeremiah’s activity in the DEO?_

**[Winn Schott: 10:47pm]** _um, yeah? But why would I do that?_

**[10:48pm]** _to be safe._

**[Winn Schott: 10:50pm]** _you know if alex finds out she’ll murder me right? not to mention how kara would feel._

**[10:51pm]** _I’ll take full responsibility._

**[Winn Schott: 10:54pm]** _of course you would. Jfc Luthor._

**[Winn Schott: 10:59pm]** _fine. But for the record, I hate this._

**[11:00pm]** _For the record, so do I._

…

…

**xxxiv. the warning signs have all been bright and garish**

Kara balls her hands into fists at her sides, suppressing all of her anger as much as possible before she opens her mouth.

It doesn’t really help, Winn cowers anyway.

Kara knows that that has a lot more to do with Winn than it has to do with her, and she keeps her distance physically and makes her body language as non-threatening as possible, even as her voice comes out icy and cold.

“You what?”

“You guys, look,” he starts, scrambling and sounding miserable. “I just—”

“I told him to,” Lucy says coming up from behind Kara. Kara whips around and gapes down at Lucy. She stares back, calm and commanding. “Kara, it’s a safety protocol—”

 _“Bullshit,”_ Alex snarls, rounding on Lucy as Jeremiah looks frustrated and slightly miserable behind her. “I know all the protocols Lane.”

“Paperwork official or not,” Lucy retorts, maintaining her calm demeanor, even while up against Alex at her most ferocious. “It was a safety measure. A precaution. And it was my call to make.”

“Not without J’onn’s permission,” Alex snaps. “You’re not the director Lucy!”

“I am, actually,” she states. “And, technically, I outrank J’onn.”

For a split second, Kara almost reaches out and grabs hold of Alex just to make sure that she doesn’t lunge at Lucy. She knows that Lucy can hold her own, but she’s also seen that look on Alex’s face before. It’s three times as terrifying now that she is a twenty-eight-year-old woman with combat training then it was when she was a seventeen-year-old girl, ready to flatten Kyle Merrick into the pavement for what he said about Kara during fifth period.

“You’re sounding a hell of a lot like your father Lucy,” Alex spits out angrily. It’s the first thing that rattles Lucy’s calm mood. Kara watches her flinch, the quickest flash of a second, her heartrate skips a beat, and her fingers press tighter where they’re crossed against her forearms—leaving brief marks that only Kara can see. 

“Alex,” Jeremiah says, voice placating as he steps forward. But there’s something different about his tone, about his entire demeanor since he walked into the bullpen and demanded to know why his old codes had been locked out of the system. Kara can’t put her finger on it. She doesn’t know if it’s Lena’s warning that won’t leave her head, or the actualities of relearning a person after nearly a decade, or something else.

But it won’t go away.

“What _were_ you trying to do in the system?” Kara asks.

Jeremiah and Alex both whip their heads around in tandem and gape at her. Jeremiah recovers first. He quickly spouts out an explanation of wanting to get to know about his daughters’ accomplishments since he’s been gone. Wanting to get back up to date. Wanting to get back to his old life without wasting another moment. It all _sounds_ reasonable, but agitation wafts off of him for reasons that Kara can’t explain. She zones in to his heartbeat, to the way that his muscles tense, eyes unable to maintain contact, the smell of sweat forming, and she swallows thickly.

Alex glares at her the entire time that their father speaks.

Kara ignores everything else that happens. Not on purpose. J’onn walks over. He and Lucy converse. Jeremiah keeps on talking, and his words _make sense_ but nothing about his body does, and that’s all that Kara can focus on as the three of them talk. Winn shifts miserably in the corner, Alex won’t stop glaring, and something about Jeremiah feels _wrong._

Alex grabs Kara’s upper arm and hauls her into the empty med-bay once everyone disperses—placated for now, codes temporarily blocked officially, Jeremiah reluctant but agreeable.

“What the hell was that?” Alex snarls, all but throwing Kara into the room.

“Alex—”

“Are you kidding me?” she hisses. “Why would you accuse him of something like that?”

“I didn’t _accuse_ him,” Kara says, scrambling and confused at the rage suddenly directed her way. “I was just asking—”

“Your loyalty to Lena was _unwavering_ when _every_ sign pointed against her, and yet for _Dad,_ you can’t dredge up any of it?”

“That’s not fair,” Kara snaps. “Alex, something is wrong. I don’t know how to explain it—”

 _“Don’t,_ ” she warns. “I mean it Kara. It’s _Dad.”_

“Alex, please listen to me—”

“Kara, you are either with this family or you’re against it,” she snaps, sounding exactly like the surly, cruel, fourteen-year-old that Kara first met. It’s shocking to them both. Alex blinks, frozen in her spot and confused by her own words for half a second, then she squares her shoulders and walks out of the room without another word.

Kara stands there, her face hot, gritting her teeth so that she doesn’t cry.

…

…

“She hasn’t been that mean to me since we were kids,” Kara says, pacing in front of Lena’s desk. “I know how much having Jeremiah back means to her but…” Kara picks up a Rubik’s cube, shifting it around as she paces. “I hate this a lot,” she mumbles.

“Kara…” Lena asks, cautious in a way that has Kara abandoning the toy and giving Lena her full attention. “Did Winn tell you why he was monitoring Jeremiah’s activity?”

“Lucy told him to,” Kara says, groaning as she gets all but one column the displayed in the correct colors.

“She what?”

“Lucy told him to,” she repeats.

“Kara, that’s not—” Lena’s phone dings, and she trails off, glancing down at her messages as Kara fights with the Rubik’s cube. She might throw it in the ocean. Then she’d have to buy Lena a new one.

It might be worth it.

“Oh,” is all that Lena says.

Her tone has Kara looking up. She’s staring at her phone, mouth open in surprise. “Lena? Is everything alright?”

“Um… yes. Lucy just texted me…” Lena shakes her head, sets her phone down on the desk and glances back up at Kara. “Sorry. I’m fine.”

“What did Lucy say?”

“That she wasn’t covering for me,” Lena says, confusing Kara enough to abandon the toy entirely. “Kara, I also asked Winn to monitor Jeremiah’s activity. Apparently, he mostly did it under Lucy’s orders, not my request, but she knew about it and she wanted to tell me so that we could potentially avoid this conversation, but we agreed to try and be more honest with each other.”

“You asked Winn to spy on Jeremiah?”

“A little bit, yes.”

Kara walks over to Lena’s couch and slumps down onto it. “I don’t think you should tell Alex that,” she says after a minute. Lena closes her eyes, and Kara watches as she tries to contain her laughter. Her cheeks growing slightly pink in the most adorable way. Kara swallows. That’s not appropriate—this is a serious, unpleasant conversation about spying and possible evil fathers.

Lena looks really pretty, though.

“Kara?”

“What? Sorry,” Kara jumps up off the couch, far too eager considering the topic and Lena’s reaction to her change in demeanor. Kara quickly sobers. “Sorry, I’m just…” she waves her hand awkwardly in the air, then settles on, “this stinks.”

“I’m sorry that it’s happening,” Lena says. “I really hope everything works out with your father.”

“Me too,” Kara grumbles. She sighs, walking over towards Lena’s balcony window. “Want me to come by with dinner later?” she asks, possibly too eagerly.

Lena smiles at her anyway. “That’d be nice,” she agrees.

So, that’s something. Even if everything else is currently awkward and terrible, at least things with Lena are finally starting not to be anymore. That feels like kind of a lot.

…

…

Alex stops breathing.

Kara can’t move, because Alex can’t. J’onn curses underneath his breath and takes off, Lucy spouting out orders to everyone in the vicinity, Winn’s fingers fly across his keyboard, but Alex isn’t moving a muscle.

Kara jerks towards her, and Alex must see it out of the corner of her eye or something, because she comes to life. Ignoring everyone else in the room, she takes off running after J’onn. Towards Jeremiah.

Kara shoots into the air.

Lucy’s voice crackles through her earpiece, and Kara takes in the things that sound important as she pushes her body as fast as it can go.

Lillian. Cadmus. The full alien registry.

Kara _advocated_ for that, and now her own foster father has put it into Lillian Luthor’s hands. Kara feels sick. She closes her eyes and focuses on Alex’s heartbeat, racing so fast it scares Kara as she tears after their father.

When Kara lands on the ground, Lillian Luthor is there, smirking. Kara remembers the look on Lena’s face in that warehouse weeks ago. The way that Lillian just… left her there, knowing that Metallo was unstable. Now she’s done something to Jeremiah too, because this isn’t the man that held Kara during her nightmares, or did a goofy pancake dance in the early mornings before school.

Her hands bunch into tight fists.

Alex sprints after Jeremiah, and Kara flies into the air, her hair whipping around her face as she matches the speed of the runaway train. She screams, out of frustration, anger, and fear as she tries to scramble for purchase. Voices on the train echo back at her, panicked and raw. Her fingers strain against the metal of the train, the skin on her fingertips blossoming pink, her shoulders feel like they’re being torn off, a calculated, slow torture.

And then the train is off the tracks and in her palms, the momentum tapering, Kara’s heart beating widely in her chest as she slowly floats to the ground, passengers cheering and crying gratefully as Kara eases the train onto the earth.

Alex walks slowly out of the woods, alone.

Kara steps towards her, noting the puffy, tear-streaked face, the heaving way that her shoulders keep going up and down, no matter how much she’s trying to collect herself. Kara steps towards her, arms open and ready, and Alex brushes past—her face like a shutter slamming shut.

It takes a long time for them to walk back to the DEO. Kara’s crawling out of her skin by the time the two of them walk through the doors, but Alex won’t let Kara carry her—won’t let Kara touch her at all. She ignores the agent who offers up his cruiser at the site of the train wreck. Ignores every conversation Kara tries to begin. She just walks, forcing her feet to move onward as her body shakes and Kara keeps a silent vigil at her side. Miles and miles.

It’s well into the late hours of the morning by the time they arrive, bone-tired and shell-shocked. There are still agents milling about, pulling an all-nighter after a breach of this magnitude. Kara’s not surprised to see Winn, half asleep at his keyboard, Lucy, hovering above him, nursing what is probably night shots of espresso in a single cup. She’s not surprised to see Maggie, either, but it still stings something awful when Alex steps away from Kara and sinks into her girlfriend’s arms without so much as a backward glance.

She takes a shaky little breath, a wisp of a thing as she tries to calm herself.

She’s completely gobsmacked when she looks up again, and sees that Lena is curled up on a couch in the corner. Sound asleep, her heels discarded on the floor by her purse, stocking-covered feet curled underneath as she huddles, using her blazer as a blanket. Kara just stands there staring at her for a good minute or so. All of the things she has been feeling for _months_ come bubbling up to the surface, refusing to be pressed down and ignored any longer. Kara shuts her eyes. She thinks that she might hear her mother’s voice, though what she’s saying is too far away and fuzzy to try and make out. When she opens her eyes again, Lena is staring at her from the couch. Clearly, she’s only just awakened, confused for a moment as she takes in her surroundings. Her eyes lock with Kara’s and her whole body goes soft. Somewhere inside of Kara’s head, a voice is screaming.

Lena shoves the makeshift blanket off, completely ignores her stockinged feet and walks straight over towards Kara, arms opening up, sleep still in her eyes as she wraps Kara up tight. “I’m so sorry,” she says, and Kara finally cries.

She shakes in the middle of the DEO, wrapped up in Lena’s arms, until Lena manages to maneuver them back over towards the couch. Kara sags into her arms, unable to control anything that is happening with her face, and somewhere in her brain, utterly embarrassed about it. Lena makes shushing noises, and runs her fingers slowly through Kara’s hair. Jeremiah is working for Cadmus. Alex won’t talk to her.

And Kara is pretty sure that she’s in love with Lena Luthor. 


	13. Chapter 13

**xxxv. tap your troubles away**

There is half a second moment of panic as Lena bursts through Alex Danvers’ door without knocking, but she powers through it. Kara has spent the last twenty-four hours alternating between crying in Lena’s arms, flying off to stop some disaster from happening to anyone else, and staring at Alex’s name on her phone while she paces the length of her apartment and stuffs her face angrily.

Lena’s exhausted. Also, she’s a different sort of combination of worried and angry with Alex as Kara is, but it’s there all the same. Alex could be dead for all Lena knows, she won’t pick up her goddamn phone.

“I’m alive,” Alex says dryly, once Lena fumbles her way through that explanation.

Lena snorts, walking over towards the window and throwing it open. “It’s impossibly dank in here, and you might actually be sweating alcohol. Where’s Maggie?”

“I told her to go to work,” Alex says, rising from the couch and walking towards the kitchen. She stumbles. Her eyes are bloodshot, and Lena huffs as she pours herself another drink. “Don’t get all holier than thou Luthor,” she warns. “I really don’t need it right now.”

“No, what you need is a shower and some food and to talk to your sister,” Lena retorts.

“What I need is to be left alone.”

“You camped outside my apartment a few weeks ago, I’m merely following suit.”

Alex cracks the tiniest of smiles before slumping back down onto the couch and glaring up at Lena. “I also said that I had no idea how to be friends, so maybe don’t follow my example.”

“It worked for you, didn’t it?” Lena shrugs, motioning to herself.

“I just want to be left alone right now Lena,” Alex says, quiet and miserable.

“Which is why I waited to come here until now.”

It’s Alex’s turn to snort. “You waited till now because you were with Kara.”

“I… I wasn’t trying to…”

“Relax Luthor, you like her better than me. It’s fine.”

“That’s not—”

“He did it because of me,” Alex says, cutting any defense that Lena was about to scramble her way through off with a sharp hiss.

“What?”

“He’s working with your mom, willingly. And he’s doing it because of me. To protect me, and Kara. He’s letting countless other aliens get hurt to protect us.”

“Alex…”

“And I’ve thought about it a lot, and I think the thing that hurts the most is that in his position, I’m pretty sure that I’d do the same thing. I don’t really like knowing that about myself. I always used to love whenever someone said that I reminded them of him, but this reminder makes me feel like shit.”

Lena sets her purse down onto the floor and lowers herself down on the small table in front of Alex. “Wanting to protect your family above people that you don’t know doesn’t make you a horrible person Alex, it makes you human.”

“Don’t dismiss it like that please,” Alex says, chugging the rest of the liquor in the glass with a wince. “You know this is a different level of that.”

“Maybe,” Lena takes the empty glass from her hands, and Alex gives her an impressive glare.

For a moment, she nearly considers running out the door before she pushes too far and loses Alex’s friendship for good. But then, she remembers Lex, seventeen and raging after something that Lionel said, something that cut too deep and sent him off the edge he frequently teetered around at that age. (At all ages, apparently.) Lena had been afraid of the way he yelled and threw things in the basement, but she’d held her ground and yelled right back until he slumped to the floor with exhaustion and clung to her. They both lost their voices. Lex lost his car for a month because of the damage, and eleven-year-old Lena decided that it was always easier to stand beside him and yell that he was being an idiot, rather than let him go off on his own and try to burn the world down.

Twenty-nine-year-old Lena feels a little differently about it, and she doesn’t worry about Alex turning into a mass murderer if left alone to stew with her thoughts, but she does worry about the ways that she’ll punish herself and shut everyone out. So, she scoots closer.

“I’m not saying that what he is doing is alright, but it is understandable. And it’s nowhere near as terrible as what my mother is trying to do.”

“So, my dad’s not as evil as your mom, that means you get to tell me to buck up and get over it?” Alex bites. Mean Drunk Alex is certainly Lena’s least favorite version of Alex, but she is painfully aware of the feeling of hating yourself so much that you snap at everyone before they can get a chance to add on to the pile.

“No, but you do need to at least allow yourself to feel miserable _with_ Kara.”

Alex slumps back into the couch. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I said something horrible to her and I don’t know how to apologize.”

“Is that all?”

Alex looks up at her, incredulous. Lena rolls her eyes and pulls out her phone, typing out a message to Kara.

“I’ve said hundreds of horrible things to Lex, and he to me. You just apologize and move on.”

“Did he ever indicate that you weren’t really part of the family?” Alex snaps.

“Yes actually,” she says. “Once.” Alex freezes. Lena’s phone dings and she glances at it briefly. She’s going to have to talk fast to get this out before Kara comes flying through Alex’s window. “It was over an argument about our father as well. He doted on me, and he always gave Lex a hard time. I don’t remember exactly what he said—something cutting about Lex not being able to take over when he was gone. The usual, with an extra harsh addition due to the stress over dealing with lawyers and protesters over some defect in a product at the time. Luthors have a tendency to cut where it hurts when we feel shitty about ourselves,” she laughs, bitter. “He snapped at me when I tried to make him feel better. Something about how I couldn’t understand because Lionel never treated me like a Luthor. I know it wasn’t what he meant,” she shrugs. “If the horrified look on his face the second that the words were out of his mouth were any indication, but still… it felt like a confirmation of all my worst fears.”

Alex makes a strangled noise, trying to breath and hold back sobs at the same time. Lena doesn’t hesitate to move to the couch and pull Alex into her arms, and Alex clings to her as she gasps. “I used to make her feel like that all the time. I never wanted to do it again. God, I can’t believe I’m a worse sibling than Lex friggin’ Luthor.”

Lena laughs, so loud that Alex jerks in her arms and looks up at her in horror. Her whole body is shaking and she can’t stop now, and that’s the exact moment that Kara chooses to fly in from Alex’s window. She freezes at the sight of them, Lena laughing hysterically, and Alex, face streaked with tears and watching in horror from her arms.

“Um…”

Lena waves her free hand around, hoping to convey some sort of gesture that means she is fine to the both of them, but she’s not sure it lands. “You’re not,” she manages to wheeze out, gripping Alex tighter. “Though, all other things aside, he was a great brother.”

Kara sucks in a breath. Lena manages to catch hers a moment later and she smiles down at Alex before slipping out of her arms and turning to pick up her purse.

“Lena—” Alex starts.

“You two need to talk,” she orders, walking over and physically shoving Kara down into her recently vacated spot. “I’m a very busy woman, don’t make me wait outside to make sure you listen to each other.”

Alex rolls her eyes and Kara glances down at her lap. 

“Lena,” Alex calls, as she opens the door to leave. “Thanks.”

Lena turns around and smiles at her with a nod. “Anytime.”

…

…

She scrolls through her phone while she makes coffee, and Jack’s name shows up in her news alerts, a personal invitation to a press conference in her emails.

Lena drops her phone.

She’s thankful that she didn’t drop the coffee, but her whole body feels too hot as she scrambles for the phone and pulls up the article. She scans it as her heart races, taking in about every fifth word.

_Revolutionary nanobot technology. Potential to cure cancers. National City._

He did it.

And he’s here.

…

…

Lena takes about half an hour to panic through a mess of feelings before she finds herself standing in front of Kara’s door. This is what you do, according to all of the romantic comedies that Lena has ever seen—your ex shows up out of the blue, and you rush over to your best friend for support.

And that is what Kara is, right? That’s what they’ve called each other now, over and over again. That’s what they’ve decided. That’s what Lena can handle.

That’s what Kara wants.

“Lena!” her face lights up and Lena’s whole body goes a little soft. She grips her purse and moves to sit at a stool in Kara’s kitchen.

“Are you stress baking?”

“No!” Kara says, defensive.

“Liar,” Lena laughs.

Kara pushes the glasses up her nose and sighs. “Yes. Snapper is being a monster. He keeps threatening to fire me and constantly reminds me that I’m not a reporter. I’m only a stringer, and he can replace me any time that he wants.”

“He sounds like an asshole.”

Kara chuckles and pulls a cake out of the oven with her bare hands—Lena doesn’t think she will ever get used to that. Kara huffs in disappointment at the burnt cake and drops it into the (very full) trash can before smiling at Lena.

“So, what brings you here? Is everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah absolutely. Yeah,” Lena sputters, not even fooling herself. Kara raises a brow and waits. Lena sighs. “So, today there is this press conference for Spherical Industries new unveiling.”

“Are they your competition?”

“No, um… their CEO, Jack Sphere and I… we used to be close.”

Kara’s eyebrows go higher. “Until when?” she asks.

“A little before I moved to National City.”

“Oh.” Kara’s voice is doing something sort of strange, but Lena’s entire body feels strange right now, so she might just be projecting. “How long were you two together? I thought… Winn and Alex said…”

“Other than Jack, I’ve pretty much had relationships with women. Save a one night stand that holds only horrifically embarrassing memories of Lex walking in on us, and Harrison Walters from the sixth grade.”

“To get specific,” Kara laughs.

It relaxes Lena a little, and she chuckles too. “We were together for almost two years,” she says, answering Kara’s question. “My mother loved him. She had been hoping that we’d get together the entire five years we knew each other before we finally did. We met during grad school in Metropolis, had a small startup for a while after. Working out of a garage in his neighborhood, trying to find a cure for cancer,” she smiles at the memory. She supposes all things considered, she’s lied when she said that she’s never really had friends—Jack was the closest thing to one that she had, other than Lex. But the lines were always blurry, they were partners first, and Lena was always aware of his feelings.

“Wow,” Kara says, pushing away from the counter a bit. “So… are you gonna go? To his thing?”

Lena sighs. “I think I owe it to him, but… it’s going to bring up a lot of things.”

“But, if your best friend Kara came and had your back, then it wouldn’t be so hard to face him.” Kara’s voice goes high and perky, an affectation that Lena has seen her put on before, but right now it’s exactly what she needs, so she doesn’t question it.

“You’re my favorite,” Lena tells her, soft and sincere. Kara’s face flashes with something that almost drops to a frown, but she pulls a fantastic smile in its wake and Lena can’t help but return it.

They chat about anything other than Jack as they make their way over to the event. Lena asks after Alex, thrilled that the two of them hashed out everything that bubbled over in Jeremiah’s wake. When they walk into the venue, Kara whips out a notepad, eager to prove something to Snapper, since she’s here already.

“Lois!?” Kara gapes, as the two of them slide into seats.

A brunette head whips around and beams. “Hey kid, what are you doing here?”

“I’m… Lena,” she points.

Lois Lane sort of frowns up at her, head tilted off to the side as she studies Lena with a sharp eye.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Lena says, sticking her hand out. “Kara and Alex say nothing but good things.”

Lois grins, accepts Lena’s hand with a laugh. “I bribe them.”

Kara rolls her eyes and plunks down beside Lois. Lena lowers herself into the free seat on Kara’s other side. “Lena knew the CEO. I’m emotional support, also trying to get Snapper off my back.”

“Snapper Carr’s still being an asshole to you?” Lois’s eyes narrow, a protective slit that Lena has seen on Alex’s face before. Kara brings it out in everyone, then.

She shrugs, flipping through her notebook and not really answering Lois. Lena watches her eyes narrow further and smiles a little. Until the lights go dim, and Jack’s voice rings out across the stage.  

It’s very strange to see him again. It’s made all the more so by the way that Lena is hyper attuned to the way that Kara’s forearm is brushing against her own as she scribbles away taking notes. Jack is charming. He has the audience right in his palm, and the nanobot tech is impressive. _Biomax,_ he’s called it. Lena swears that he smiles at her partway through, even knowing how blinding the lights are when you have to stand up there.

He grins, posturing for the audience, but it doesn’t come off as conceited. He always was good at that. Lena met him during her gap year in Paris. Nathalie and her friends had thrown her a birthday party, and one of them kept drunkenly hollering about another American he met the day before with—if it could be possible, he grinned towards Lena—a worse French accent than hers. Lena had swatted him and curled further into Nathalie’s arms. That’s how Jack first saw her. Lena only knows this because he told her, well over a year later as they were studying together, spread out on the floor of an empty lab. Lena still doesn’t remember meeting him that night, though she can imagine it. She knows Jack’s friends. Knows what it might look like to see them enjoying a week in Paris for their Spring Break. She does remember seeing them in a bakery the day that they left. Jack had come running inside in a flurry, begging in truly horrific French for as much coffee and pastries as they could give him in sixty seconds because they were all about to miss their flight. He nearly dropped it all, and Lena stood up to help before he scalded himself with espresso.

He always called her his hero for that, a ridiculous joke that he never let go of.

He was in his final year of grad school while Lena began her first, but she always took advanced classes, so they were around each other occasionally. Jack joking about the glamorous Parisian woman who Lena jilted to come back to the states and make something of herself, until she snapped and told him that Nathalie broke her heart, not the other way around, and that all things considered, it was semi mutual in the end, but something that she _very much_ didn’t want to keep talking about please and thank you. He’d apologized, given her his extra notes and bought her a coffee the next day, and all had been forgiven.

It was a strange experience, sort of having a friend. Mostly they studied together, and Lex teased her about him whenever he felt the urge. Whenever he wasn’t consumed with LuthorCorp, or Superman. It wasn’t until after he graduated that they ever actively sought each other out. Jack never shut up about the tech he was hoping to use, or Lena’s brain, and roughing it in a tiny garage in Hob’s Bay on the weekends made her feel like she could breathe for the first time in ages.

Lois leans over and whispers something to Kara, and Lena’s attention is diverted again: Jack’s still up there. Kara is right here. And Lena’s face feels too hot.

…

…

**xxxvi. fooled around and fell in love**

Kara follows Lois back to her apartment and never stops talking. She knows that she’s babbling, at this point, but there is really nothing that she can do to stop it. Lena’s blushing, beaming face directed at Jack Sphere keeps flashing through her mind. Not to mention the cryptic man who asked Lois—and Kara, sort of—to meet him in some vague creepy parking lot tonight to talk about Jack’s technology.

“Kiddo,” Lois says, relatively calm.

Kara keeps babbling.

“Kid.”

Still babbling.

“KARA!”

She shuts up.

“Okay,” Lois drawls, her hands come up to rest on top of Kara’s shoulders. “So… what, is going on with you and Lena Luthor?”

“What?” Kara laughs nervously. “I’m… _nothing._ There’s no… thing. There’s just, um, I was…” Lois crosses her arms and smiles and Kara groans loudly, her forehead dropping down onto Lois’s shoulder. “I’m like, just a little bit in love with her, maybe?” she admits, softly. “What does it feel like to be in love with Clark? Because maybe I’m wrong. It would make things very much easier if I’m wrong.”

“Oh,” Lois pats at her head. “You sweet summer child.”

Kara whips her head up. “Are you caught up on Game of Thrones!? Because I _need_ to talk about Sansa—”

Lois claps a hand over Kara’s mouth. “No, I am not. Shut it.”

There’s a knock on the door, a warning tap just before it swings open and Lucy comes sauntering through. “Hey Kara, so Alex said to meet here for dinner but I wasn’t sure if — Lois?”

Lois blinks at her sister before she uncovers Kara’s mouth. “Okay kid, never mind, spoil away. Because apparently my sister is back from her Super-Secret Random Desert Hole Military Operation… thing, and regularly coming around for dinners and no one—least of all her—thought to tell me. So, might as well ruin something else for me today too.”

“Lois, I—”

“Nope, Kara is about to tell me what happened on Game of Thrones.”

Kara panics. “Um, I think maybe—”

“Lois, it wasn’t her fault—”

“So, _what_ happened to Sansa?”

Kara jumps in front of Lucy before she can turn around and walk back out the door, and she groans. Lois makes a similar noise from the living room. “You two are sisters,” Kara starts. “And you love each other.”

Lois flops backwards over the couch with a dramatic huff. “That is beside the point.”

“Kara, our relationship is very different from your relationship with Alex,” Lucy says, as Lois makes an indistinguishable noise, even by Kara’s standards.

“Well, there’s still time,” Kara says with forced cheer as she pushes Lucy onto the couch. She looks up at a noise, and sees Alex and Maggie walk through her still wide-open door, with Lena in tow. Kara’s whole face grows hot.

“Lena!” Lois says, sitting up onto her knees and grinning devilishly. Kara panics and starts flapping her arms at Lois when none of them are looking at her. Lois ignores her entirely. “How was the rest of your afternoon?”

“Um…” Lena looks between Lois and the rest of them warily. “Fine? How was yours?”

“Oh, _lovely,_ ” Lois scoots up and props her chin on her hands. “But I didn’t spend it with my ex though. I got to spend it with Kara.”

Kara makes a very embarrassing noise, something in the vein of a whimper, and everyone in the room turns and looks at her funny. “Right! So! Let’s go eat then!” she declares, and all but bolts out of the apartment. Lois’s mischievous gaze follows her down the hallway.

…

…

Kara spends the entire dinner shoveling food into her mouth, wincing at the barbs tossed back and forth between Lois and Lucy, and trying not to make extremely long eye contact with Lena. Three to five seconds max. She counts.

It’s not a particularly pleasant evening.

“And _then_ you threw out Bigger One!” Lucy yells, jabbing her finger into Lois’s face.

“I DIDN’T THROW OUT THE DAMN DOLL!” Lois screeches. A little boy in the booth opposite of them snickers. “Dad did. _I_ crawled _into_ the trash and got her out for you!”

“I cannot believe that you are still lying about this!”

“I can’t believe that you _still_ don’t believe me!”

Alex slumps so far down into the booth that she nearly slips. Maggie and Lois both reach over and haul her up simultaneously. Lois, without once ever taking her eyes off of Lucy.

“Maybe… we should see what deserts they have?” Lena asks the table, trying to change the subject. Maggie jumps into agreement and waves down a server. Lena looks over at Kara and smiles. Kara shoves pasta into her mouth. Across the table, Lois laughs and Kara glares at her in warning.

In retrospect, she probably never should have looked up from her plate and just let Lois and Lucy kill each other.

“So,” Lois nurses her coffee mug and smirks at Kara before turning her attention to Lena. “How’s Jack?”

“He’s… doing well,” Lena says, diplomatically. Kara notes the way that her heartrate increases and the slight flush to her cheeks and tries very hard not to outwardly sulk.

“He’s hot,” Lois declares. “Good job Luthor,” she salutes her with the mug and winks.

“Lois!” Kara yelps. “You’re dating Clark.”

“I know,” she rolls her eyes. “Clark would say that he was hot too,” she shrugs. “We call hot people hot when we see them.”

“Ew,” Kara groans. “I don’t want to know that.”

“So, I _shouldn’t_ tell you about the time that we almost had a threesome with—”

“NO!” Kara, Alex, and Lucy all screech. The little boy from the other booth falls onto the floor. Lois smirks into her coffee and Maggie covers her laughter by clearing her throat. Lena reaches over and helps the boy up, even as his mother glares at all of them.

“Sorry,” Lois calls, giving her a wave. “Ouch!” she yelps, after Kara and Lucy both kick her in the shins. “You two aren’t allowed to team up against me, how’s that fair?”

“I’m pretty sure you had that one coming,” Alex rolls her eyes.

“Oh _really?_ ” Lois drawls, turning her attention to Alex. Who, as always, blushes and ducks her head. “You wanna go there with me Smartass? Cause I can tell your girlfriend all about the Christmas Eve Disaster of 2008.”

Alex’s face goes extremely red. “That was mostly you,” she manages to huff.

“It was,” Kara agrees. “Eliza left you in charge.”

“And you both had all of your fingers and limbs intact by the time that she got back, didn’t you?”

“You didn’t even realize that I had left,” Kara reminds her, smiling.

“I did too! That was like… the first thing I yelled at you for when you got back.”

“Back from where?” Lucy asks.

“Clark took me to the Fortress for my present,” Kara tells her.

“The Fortress?” Lena asks.

“Um, it’s… sort of hard to explain,” Kara says. Three seconds of eye contact. “I can show you sometime if you want.”

Lena smiles at her softly and Kara shoves more pasta into her mouth than it can really hold.

…

…

“For the record, I’m mad at you,” Kara hisses as she follows Lois into the parking lot.

“Who, me?”

“Don’t even try to—”

“Lois Lane?” a man asks, coming up behind them. Kara jumps in front of Lois before she can respond and she hears the huff of impatience but ignores her. She’s heard all of the stories from Clark. Lois can handle herself, but she also manages to jump headfirst into dangerous situations like they’re candy. Kara’s not taking any chances.

Except she doesn’t really think twice about almost hopping into his car, and Lois has to yank her back. “Regular human non-super powered women, would _not_ do that,” she hisses into Kara’s ear.

“Sorry,” she whispers back. “But it’s raining, and I can punch him.”

Lois rolls her eyes, but they both climb into the car after she warns the man that she has a taser.

“My name’s Joe West,” he says. “I was a lab technician at Spherical. I was fired last month.”

“What exactly does this have to do with the Biomax nanobots?” Kara asks.

“I was archiving files on the mainframe computer. I noticed that the results from the human trials hadn’t been entered. I went to the public records, them seem fine, operative word _seem._ But there wasn’t anything in our archives. I think the human test trails were faked,” he says.

Kara watches Lois’s eyes light up, but she frowns, listening to something odd outside. Something other than the rain.

“Jack shouldn’t be launching Biomax right now, it’s not ready. These nanobots are dangerous.”

Lois shifts in her seat and the noise grows stronger. “Okay, so, let—”

Kara hears the slightest shift and reacts. She throws herself into the front seat, covering Lois’s body with her own and flying upwards as fast as she can as the car explodes. Kara panics as flames surround them both, patting at Lois and then turning and gasping in horror as she realizes that she didn’t grab Joe too. Lois is coughing, and there’s burns on her arm and leg, and Kara’s clothes are on fire.

And Joe is dead.

Kara picks up Lois and flies away, thinking of nothing but getting her to a hospital, despite the way that she keeps going, “They’re probably not even second degree, stop crying. I’m fine.”

Kara hadn’t realized that she was.

It takes Kara and a nurse to shove Lois into a bed and allow herself to be examined, and it takes Lois giving her an almighty death glare that rivals Alex’s and Eliza’s combined for Kara to sit down and pretend to let a nurse check her too.

The burn on her leg _is_ a second degree. So is the one on her arm, and Kara chides herself for not being fast enough. She didn’t even grab Joe.

“Cut it out,” Lois snaps when the nurse turns to get some more gauze.

“Cut what out?”

“Blaming yourself. You didn’t light his car up. This isn’t on you.”

“But I could have—”

“Don’t go there kiddo. You’re not going to be able to save everyone.”

“But—”

“What we’re gonna do, is make sure that he didn’t die for no reason. Lena’s ex has got some goddamn explaining to do.”

Kara pushes Lois back down into the bed. “You, are being treated for burns. Sit down.”

“Kara, I can—”

“Sit down and wait until the nurse discharges you,” she orders. “And then we are going home to sleep. Reporting and running around ready to scream at everyone in your way can wait for tomorrow.”

“God, you’re just as annoying as Smallville,” Lois groans.

“I’m going to take that as a compliment,” Kara decides, plopping back down into the chair beside Lois.

Lois smiles. “It was.”

…

…

**xxxvii.** **got this sentimental heart that beats**

Lena looks up from her computer at the sound of Jack’s voice. “How did you get past Hector?” she asks.

“No one’s above a snack break,” he quips back with a smile.

Lena rolls her eyes. Part of her wishes that Jess were here today, if only to see Jack eat his charming words. He immediately starts flirting and Lena finds herself falling back into their old banter without so much as a second thought. She does however, turn him down for his offer of dinner. They keep joking back and forth regardless, until he goes quiet.

“Do have fun here?”

Lena pauses, considering all of the things that have happened to her since moving to National City full time. Assassination attempts, kidnappings, arrests, her name dragged through the press, again. She sighs. “I feel good about the work that we do.”

“You had fun with me,” he reminds her. “Ruining your eyesight staring into a microscope. Throwing said microscope at my head when I was insufferable.”

Lena smiles at the memory. He _had_ been particularly insufferable, and she had been very low on both sleep and food. Not to mention, constantly worried about whatever was going on with Lex.

“I don’t like how things ended with us,” he admits. Lena doesn’t either, but she hasn’t thought about him much since coming here, and she’s not sure if she regrets that it _ended._ Or, she might have said that, were he not sitting directly in front of her now, smiling and telling her that he misses her. Asking her for dinner, with no other expectations. 

Lena considers all of the complicated mass of emotions that come along with Supergirl, and Kara, and remembers how instrumental Jack had been to combatting her loneliness at a time when she desperately needed it, and hears herself saying yes.

She calls Kara immediately after Jack leaves. She doesn’t know _why,_ or what she is going to say, but it turns out to be moot when a grumbling Lois picks up the phone instead. Lena’s too surprised, doesn’t know how to handle herself with the woman who has won two Pulitzers, knew her brother, and is essentially married to Superman. She mutters through some flimsy explanation about wanting Kara to talk her out of going out to dinner with her ex, laughs it off, and hangs up before Lois can say much in return. With a sigh, Lena throws herself into work so that she doesn’t have to think about Lois, Kara, or Jack for the rest of the day.

It only works marginally.

By the time that Lena grabs her things and runs out the door, she’s been running over a million different interactions with Jack _and_ Kara for the last hour and has barely done a lick of work.

It’s _just a dinner,_ but Lena tries on four different dresses before settling for a red one that’s always made her feel amazing, and earrings that Lex gave her for her twenty-seventh birthday. The last birthday present that she is probably ever going to get from him.

It’s _just a dinner,_ but when Jack catches her eye in front of the restaurant and smiles, something flutters happily inside of Lena’s gut.

It’s _just a dinner,_ but they’re flirting within seconds, firing one quip after another in that way that honestly, no one but Lex has ever managed to do with her.

It’s _just a dinner,_ but when Kara and Lois show up out of the blue once they’re working on appetizers, Lena feels guilt in a way that she probably shouldn’t at all.

“Kara, I appreciate the rescue, but it’s not necessary,” she whispers, as Kara yanks off her coat, smiles much too forcibly at Jack and plops down beside Lena.

“That’s what friends are for!” Kara whispers back, high energy in a way that is confusing and almost manic. She starts to grill Jack about Biomax, and in any other situation, Lena might say that her behavior was coming across as jealous, but Lois is almost matching her energy, so Lena doesn’t know what to think.

Especially not when Jack answers their questions, and turns to Lena and essentially says that he never would have figured out the system to work Biomax without thinking of her, and that he wants her back.

Kara breaks part of her chair.

Lena whips around as beside her, Kara nearly crashes to the floor. Sputtering a quick apology, she grins too-wide, and kicks the evidence underneath the table before Jack can see. Before Lena can open her mouth, to respond to Jack, to ask Kara what the _hell_ is going on, she doesn’t know, Lois beats her to it. She pushes out of her seat, walks over and gives Jack a hug, obviously feeling up his muscles and joke-flirting to break the tension, and then she turns and grabs Kara’s arm, hauling her away from the table. Kara’s too stunned and flustered to do much of anything other than mutter an apology, and Lena frowns as she notices gauze covering one of Lois’s arms where it sticks out of her sweater.

“Are you—”

Lois bends down and kisses Lena’s cheek, a sudden intimacy that she was wholly unprepared for, and extremely effective in silencing whatever Lena’s next question had been about to be. Damn, she’s good.

“Have a good night you two,” she smiles, and tugs Kara out of the restaurant impressively. Lena supposes that she’s used to shuffling around Kryptonians.

And now she’s left alone with Jack, who wants to rekindle their relationship.

And Lena has no idea how she feels about that information.

The server comes over and notices that one of the chairs is missing a leg, and Lena decides that it’s time to leave. She quickly ushers Jack outside and slips an extra fifty with their bill for the damages. He’s grinning when she meets him on the sidewalk, and offers her his arm. Lena hesitates and his smile drops a bit. Lena knows that she doesn’t want that, so she knocks their shoulders together, and heads down the sidewalk. He trots up to meet her step for step, and he’s smiling again now that she’s being playful.

“Do you like it here?” he asks.

“I do.”

“You’ve got friends,” he notes.

“I do,” she says again, smiling wider at the thought of Winn and Alex. Even Maggie and James, at this point.

And Kara. Lena swallows thickly.

Jack notices the shift in her demeanor. “But… you’re not dating anyone?”

“No,” Lena says, slow.

“But, there’s… someone isn’t there?”

“I — don’t know,” she answers honestly.

Jack sighs and jams his hands into his pockets, looking up at the stars. “It’s amazing you can see them here. You hardly ever could in Metropolis. London either,” he looks back down at her, smiling softly. “Sometimes in Paris though, remember?”

Lena grins, nodding.

“You been back since?”

“No.”

“Really?”

Lena shrugs. “I’ve been busy.

“No rest for the weary.”

Lena rolls her eyes. “Like you’re one to talk.”

Jack holds his hands up in surrender, laughing as they walk into the lobby of L-Corp. “Where’s the scuff mark?” he asks, shocking Lena.

“What?”

“From the skateboard? You told me that when you were like, what seven? That you and Lex—”

“I remember,” she cuts him off. “I just… didn’t think you would.”

“I remember pretty much all of the stories that you’ve told me,” he says, laden. Lena sucks in a breath as he steps closer to her. She doesn’t know if she wants to pull him in further or push him away, and he hovers close, waiting for her to decide.

Lex didn’t like Jack.

Mostly in the, annoyingly overprotective, no man will ever be good enough for my baby sister kind of way. Plus, it irked him that Lillian approved. It was part of the allure for Lena. No, that’s not true or fair to Jack—it was a bonus to a wonderful friendship that Lena allowed herself to feel joyful about. Lena never had her mother’s approval, it was something that she wanted to indulge in for as long as possible, even when she wasn’t really sure if she returned the same feelings that Jack had for her.

It took her a while to sort out. She only ever thought that she liked one other boy, and that was back in middle school. She had been so wrapped up in missing Nathalie for the first year that they knew each other, and they were more study partners than friends. Friends didn’t really come until later. And by the time that it _did,_ Lena didn’t want to do anything to ruin it. He was there while Lex was going insane and Lena needed someone that she could trust, and then… he was a reminder of that.

“I shouldn’t have made you chose,” he says, pulling Lena out of her daze. “Me or this,” he nods to the L-Corp lobby. “I should have made space for both.”

“Jack…”

“I miss you.”

Lena stops thinking so much, and this time, when he leans towards her again, she meets him halfway. It’s familiar, kissing him. She knows where she wants to put her hands, what he’ll taste like, the way that he sighs, just a little, when she scratches his hair. Lena allows herself to get a little lost in it. Out of her head, for a few minutes.

She’s surprised when he jerks back suddenly.

“I’m sorry, I have to go,” he says, looking a little odd.

“Okay, sure.”

“I forgot… something at work, I’m sorry,” he says again. And before Lena can say anything else he’s out the door and she’s alone, her lips tingling oddly.

If it’s possible, she might be even more confused than ever.

…

…

**xxxviii.** **there are times we live for somebody else**

Kara tip-toes behind Lois. “Do you think that we should be—”

“Shush,” Lois grabs her and they duck back behind a wall. “There’s a camera,” she nods. “Can you get it?”

“Like…” Kara motions to her eyes and Lois nods. “Does Clark do that for you in investigations?”

“When I ask him to,” Lois smirks. “If he wants to get laid.”

“Ew, no. Why? Don’t. _Lois,_ ” she whimpers. Lois only grins and motions for her to hurry up. Kara huffs, pulls down her glasses, and shoots out the camera.

“Speaking of getting laid…” Lois says a minute later, pulling out the badge that she swiped from Jack. “Lena and Jackie boy sure did seem like they were getting awful chummy.”

“ _Chummy?_ ” Kara scoffs. “That is… a ridiculous word,” she quickly makes her way over towards the computers.

“This from a girl who I’ve heard say both ‘golly’ and ‘jeepers’ without a hint of irony,” Lois teases.

“I watched a lot of old tv on Nick and Night to catch up on pop culture,” Kara protests. “It’s not my fault that Alex didn’t tell me that wasn’t language that was still used regularly.” Kara stares at the computer, then takes a guess on a password, grinning and then cringing when it works on the third try.

“What was it?” Lois asks, pressing up directly against Kara so she can get a better look at the monitor.

“Starling,” Kara grumbles.

“Romantic bastard,” Lois chides. “Okay, come on, click on the human trials folder.”

“It’s empty.”

“Wait, try that one,” Lois points. Kara clicks on the movie file, and Jack’s face pops up on screen. Kara watches in horror as he injects himself with the nanobots. “He faked the human trials.”

“He’s the killer,” Lois seethes. She pulls out a USB drive and starts copying the files. Kara grits her teeth and tries very hard not to think about how she is going to tell Lena that _another_ person that she trusted has done something horrible. Lois paces the length of the room, forming the article out loud as they wait, but Kara panics when she hears a now familiar buzz. The same low humming that she heard before the whistleblower’s car blew up—with Lois nearly inside of it.

“We need to run,” she orders, grabbing the USB and pushing Lois towards the door before she can protest. “Now. Now, now, now,” she hisses. Lois is fast, and not unused to running away from places where she is technically not authorized to be, but Kara isn’t taking any chances. She grabs Lois around the middle and shoots up into the air.

“This has become a very interesting story,” Lois muses, shifting slightly and getting more comfortable. Kara forgets how utterly… casual, Lois can be about her powers. Even with Alex, there is still occasionally a hint of awe and excitement at what Kara can do. Especially if they go flying. But Lois flies with Clark all the time. 

“It’s become a terrible story,” Kara grumbles.

“I’m sorry kiddo. I know that Lena has been through a lot, and this isn’t gonna be easy, but he’s going to hurt a lot of people if this doesn’t get out. And Lena will still be one of them.”

“I know,” Kara huffs, setting Lois down in her apartment. “That doesn’t mean I can’t hate it.”

“No,” Lois walks over towards Kara’s sink, fills a glass of water, and chugs it in one go. She refills it and sips the second one slower, resting her elbows on the countertop. “It’s definitely one for the shitty books. I kinda liked him until a few minutes ago.”

“What!?”

Lois smirks, reaching over and running her fingers through Kara’s hair. “Just because he’s your competition doesn’t mean he wasn’t a handsome bastard. I see why Lena likes him, but _obviously,_ I’m on Team Kara.”

Kara drops her chin into her hands. “How am I going to tell her?”

“With evidence,” Lois says, queuing up the video to play on her phone. “And kindness. Though, I don’t really feel like I need to tell you that part. Anyway, that is tomorrow’s problem. Tonight’s problem is writing our exposé. I’m gonna need some tequila and a burrito,” she declares, opening her laptop and twisting her hair up into a bun.

“I’ll be right back,” Kara sighs.

She takes her time getting their food. Stopping a mugging on ninth street, a small car accident on fifth, before flying into the hole in the wall Tex Mex place that has some of the best burritos in National City.

“Ah, Supergirl!” Charlie grins at the sight of her. “Your usual?”

“Double it please.”

Charlie raises his eyebrows, but scribbles away and passes the ticket behind him regardless. Kara munches on some corn chips as she waits, obliging happily when Charlie asks if there is any way that she can fix the dent in the sink.

She scarfs down two mini tacos on the way back to her apartment, dropping down and kicking off her boots as she sets a burrito in front of Lois. She barely seems to notice, tapping away at her laptop while Kara peels out of her uniform and yanks on leggings and a sweater. Lois finally notices the food and digs in, shoving the laptop towards Kara and telling her to see what she thinks so far. She says it without any hint of patronization, like she trusts Kara’s instincts as well as her own, or Clark’s. Kara bites back a smile as she reads over what Lois has so far. Despite everything else being impossibly shitty, she is _really_ glad that she gets to work with Lois on a story like this. Kara focuses on that thought for the rest of the evening. The two of them stuff their faces and work well into the late hours, crashing in Kara’s bed sometime after two.

…

…

Kara wakes up when Lois chucks a pillow at her head. She’s on the phone with Perry White, and Kara grumbles and tries to scoot back underneath the covers. She doesn’t want to go see Lena.

Lois makes her anyway.

So, Kara calls Lucy and makes Lois have to endure a difficult conversation of her own. Fair is fair.

Lena’s distracted when Kara walks into her office. She has to knock and say her name twice.

“Kara!” she lights up, before her expression goes a little tense. Like she’s both happy and not happy to see Kara.

She sort of knows how Lena feels, at the moment.

“I’m… sorry about the ambush last night,” she starts, trying to keep the mood light for as long as possible.

“Yeah,” Lena laughs, “that was… interesting,” she lands on, at the same time that Kara chimes in with, “Weird.”

They both laugh, and Lena says something about Lois, and Kara could keep this going but she’s just avoiding it now, so she sucks in a breath and gently interrupts. “Um, I actually came here to talk to you about Jack. I’ve been investigating him.”

“Yeah,” Lena laughs. “I can tell.”

“Lena, Biomax is dangerous and he’s covering it up,” Kara says, quick to the point. Lena’s face goes hard, eyebrows knitting together, and Kara watches as she swallows.

“That’s not true,” she insists, but it’s not with the level of defense she used the last time Kara was in this room, accusing someone Lena cared about of going behind her back and hurting people. Everything is different now. She’s here as Kara, for one. Lena knows almost everything, for another. And, Kara knows that she’s in love with her.

“I’m not lying,” she says softly.

“Then you’re mistaken somehow,” Lena counters. “Jealousy can cloud our emotions.”

Kara sucks in a breath at her words, and Lena herself even seems to be a bit surprised that she’s said them, but she doesn’t try to cover or take them back. Pushing up out of her chair and brushing past Kara as she moves to get a glass of water, she adds, “Jack would never hurt anyone.”

Trying to argue is pointless and will only hurt both of them, as much as Kara wants to insist that this is _not_ borne out of jealousy. Or how much she wants to ask Lena exactly what she means by that statement. Instead, she swallows her words and opens the video file on her phone, holding it up so that Lena can see.

“Who else knows?” is all she asks once the tape runs out.

“Us, and Lois.”

“Kara, I won’t ask you to bury it, but—”

“Lois and I have already written an article,” Kara says gently.

“Can you hold off on it until I’ve spoken with him?” Lena begs. “Kara, I know him. There _has_ to be some sort of explanation.”

“Lena he’s killed two people. You’ll be the third if you try and confront him. _Please,_ promise me you won’t try to go see him.”

Lena doesn’t look Kara in the eye. “Thank you for telling me,” she says.

“Lena—”

“I actually have a lot of work to do,” she says, dodging Kara’s outstretched hand. “If you don’t mind,” she points towards the door, not meeting Kara’s eye.

“I’m _really_ sorry,” Kara says, in defeat.

This time, Lena does look up and meet Kara’s gaze. “You were just doing your job,” she shrugs. “It’s not your fault that I seem to attract mass murderers.”

“Lena, that’s not true—” Kara jumps forward, her arms coming out to wrap her up on instinct, but Lena shrugs away from her again, and Kara stands there beside her awkwardly. “It’s not true,” she repeats, much more forcefully.

“It feels a little like it,” Lena admits. “But thank you. I really do have to get back to work, I wasn’t lying.”

“Can I—”

“I’ll call you if I need you,” Lena says, and turns back to her computer. Kara finds herself being shuffled out of the office by Jess. She hopes Lois had better luck with Lucy.

…

…

If the lamp that Lois dodges crashing into her wall as Kara flies inside is any indication, she did not have better luck with Lucy. Also, now that is going to need replacing.

“Sorry Kara,” Lucy looks embarrassed at the chipped pieces on the floor. “I got a little… angrier than I realized.”

Lois shrugs good naturedly. “I threw that cup first, fair is fair.”

Lucy smiles, and then the two of them start joking about something from when they lived briefly in Miami, and Kara shakes her head. “I do not understand your relationship.”

“How’d it go with Lena?” Lois asks, coming up from behind Kara and gathering some of her hair. Kara closes her eyes. “That well huh?”

“What happened?” Lucy asks, worried.

“Jack’s an evil robot,” Lois deadpans, braiding some of Kara’s hair loosely.

“Shit,” Lucy breathes.

“Yeah,” Kara mumbles. Lois drops her hair and flattens herself around Kara’s back instead, and Kara smiles despite herself when Lucy adds herself on to the pile behind her sister. “Thanks.”

“We’ll double hug Lena too,” Lois promises. Lucy nods against Kara’s shoulder. “What’d she say about the article?” Lois asks. “Because I’m gonna need to send it to Perry soon.”

“She asked us to wait until she talked to him, but—”

“What!? She can’t do that!” Lois shoves out of the hug, elbowing Lucy, who glares at her as she grabs her coat and yanks it on. “He’s killed two people already that we know about,” she yanks on her boots. “Pick me up,” she demands, holding out her arms. “It’ll be faster.”

“Lois, I made her promise not to…” Lucy quirks an eyebrow at Kara. “Shit,” Kara mumbles. “Lucy will you see if—”

“I’m on comms if you need backup,” she promises. “Don’t let my sister get herself killed either.”

“Aw Luce, you do care,” Lois teases, wrapping her arms around Kara’s neck.

The last thing Kara sees before jumping out the window is Lucy, sticking her tongue out at the both of them.

…

…

She hears Lena’s heartbeat racing in panic.

Kara increases her speed, shifts Lois to one side and grabs hold of Lena as she flies into the warehouse, setting them both down safely out of range from Jack. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Lena breathes.

Jack disappears, dozens of nanobots filling the space where he had been standing and Kara grits her teeth. “You two get out of here,” she says, turning to face him.

“No,” Lena insists. “I’ve got a better idea. You keep him occupied.”

Kara wants to argue, but she clamps her mouth shut and nods, shooting into the air as Jack chases her. She hears Jack’s CFO kick Lena and almost course corrects, but Lena elbows her in the face.

“Did I mention I was a Luthor?” Kara hears her retort, as Lois whoops loudly. Kara can’t keep her attention on them any longer, the nanobots getting closer and closer. She tries to freeze them, but they surround her, slamming her into a wall and locking her in place with impossible strength. Kara strains against it anyway. “Jack, make it stop,” Lena pleads, but he’s totally unresponsive.

Lois comes running towards Kara, trying to bat at the nanobots with a piece of piping. Kara panics as they grow and grow, squeezing her. Lena stomps on something, the ear piece that Beth had been wearing, and Jack gasps back to life. Kara watches as he almost cuts in and out, like a bad signal on a tv, one minute he’s there, the next, the nanobots. They’re up to her neck now, and Kara is suddenly finding it harder to breathe. She must look panicked, because Lois’s eyes go wide and terrified, and she starts yelling and kicking at the nanobots frantically. Kara hears Lena yell something about an override, sees her elbow Beth in the face again, and then watches the anguish on her face as she turns back to look at Jack.

The nanobots disappear, and Kara falls into Lois’s arms.

Kara hears Lena yell out and looks up to watch her run over to Jack’s body, still now, on the floor. “I’m okay,” she whispers to Lois, and they walk over towards Lena slowly.

Lois takes one look at Lena’s face and stops fussing over Kara, and immediately starts fussing over Lena. She drops down and wraps her arms around Lena tight, holding her as she cries. Kara calls Lucy, who shows up within minutes to slap cuffs on a groggy Beth and with a body bag for Jack. Lena watches from Lois’s arms as they lift him out of the warehouse with care. Kara doesn’t know what to say, and Lena won’t look at her.

She opens her mouth. “I—”

“I need to get out of here,” Lena insists.

“Okay kiddo,” Lois helps her up, keeping one arm around her shoulders and the other around her waist. “No problem.” She turns around and meets Kara’s eye, mouthing, _I got her, promise._ Kara swallows thickly, but nods, and not a minute later Alex comes running into the warehouse and wraps Kara up into a tight hug.

…

…

Kara brings flowers.

It doesn’t really feel like enough, but she has no idea what one would buy to say, _I’m Sorry That You Had to Kill Your Boyfriend to Save Me, And Also, I Think I Love You._ They don’t make bouquets that specific. Kara checked. At four separate florists.

“Those are beautiful,” Lena says.

Kara sets the bouquet down on the coffee table. “I wish I could do more.”

“You being here is enough,” Lena says, but Kara’s not quite sure if she means it or not. “Did Lois leave?”

“Not yet.” Kara sits down beside Lena, leaving some space between them. “She’s packing. She said that she’d come to say goodbye before Clark picks her up.”

“I’m sorry to hog her,” Lena says, keeping her gaze on the flowers. “I told her that she didn’t have to stay but…”

“Yeah, Lois doesn’t really listen to stuff like that,” Kara says, with a small laugh. “I’m sorry if she was too much. I told her you might want some space, but she said that she wasn’t leaving your side until she knew that you were gonna be okay.”

Lena chokes out a bitter laugh. “What the hell about me looks okay?”

Kara’s heart breaks and she scoots closer. Lena doesn’t shrug away when she opens her arms, so Kara hugs her tightly. “Lois has a knack for these things,” she says. “If she thinks that you’re going to be okay, then you probably are.”

“She’s right,” Lois says, from the doorway. “I’m incredibly wise.” She walks into the office and squats down in front of the both of them, smiling softly up at Lena. “Your apartment is full of groceries. Luce and I kind of went to town,” she says, sheepish.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Lena tries to protest.

“Yeah well, turns out I like you,” Lois shrugs, rising from the floor and dropping a kiss to the top of Lena’s head. “So yeah, I did.” She turns and kisses Kara’s forehead as well, whispering quietly so only Kara can hear, “Give her time babe,” then louder, “call me if you need me. Either of you.” She unfolds a copy of the Daily Planet and sets it onto Lena’s lap. “From all accounts, he was one hell of a guy. Hope the article does him justice.”

Lena cracks a smile at the photograph, looking up and nodding to Lois. “Thank you, for everything.”

Lois grins, wiggles her eyebrows, then waves as she walks out of the office, leaving the two of them alone. They’re both quiet for a minute, until Lena says, voice barely a whisper. “I feel cold and calm. Except when I think about Beth dying in prison, then I feel warm for a minute.”

“You’re in shock,” Kara starts.

“No,” Lena says. “Loss does strange things to my family. And I’ve lost a lot of people.”

“You’re not gonna lose me,” Kara insists. “Or Alex. Or Winn. Or any of us.”

“I think when I feel things again, I’m going to be very very afraid. About the person I might be.”

Kara grips her tighter, and Lena tucks her head underneath Kara’s chin, gripping her hands as if they were a lifeline. “I’m not going _anywhere,”_ Kara insists. “I will always be your friend, and I will always protect you. I promise,” she hesitates, for a brief moment, almost saying three more words. But, it feels cruel to bring them up now, after everything. Kara presses a small kiss to Lena’s temple and holds her gently as she cries. 


	14. Chapter 14

**xxxix. the silliest of thing’s floppin’ around in my brain**

Lena pushes her body backwards into downward dog, and breathes slowly. Beside her, Winn huffs and nearly topples over. Lena cracks a smile as she lifts up her head and steps to the top of her mat.

“When does this get easier?” Winn asks, scrambling to mimic her position.

“It took me a few months of regular practice for it to feel natural I guess.”

Winn groans, but he breathes in and out, moving slowly into the positions alongside Lena without much more complaint, taking it seriously—as he has for the last fourteen mornings that he’s shown up with a smile and his mat at her front door.

“I like it,” Kara says, from Lena’s left.

She appeared beside Winn clutching a bright green mat with a sheepish, worried smile on day four. Lena’s stomach had done flips, and it had been a complete bitch for her concentration for a few days, but the company had been nothing but welcome regardless. In the two weeks since Lois Lane’s brisk departure back to Metropolis, she had either called, texted, or contacted Lena in some form or another. One day last week, she had sent Lena a string of memes throughout the duration of her board meeting. It had been a wonderful distraction.

Everyone has been adamant about distracting Lena, from what though, no one quite wants to say outright.

…

…

It’s Alex whom Lena finally explodes on.

The two of them have been working in tandem to investigate Cadmus. Lena, focusing her interests towards Lillian, and the outward front, and Alex, on following her father’s trails, clues from aliens who’ve disappeared, and using the DEO’s resources. The rest—as Winn dubs them, The Super Friends—pop in and out with whatever help either woman ask for, but all of them, Kara included, seem to understand that Lena and Alex mostly need to work on this together.

They’re in a DEO lab, nearing on one-thirty in the morning and running on little more than coffee and Indian takeout from hours ago, and Lena is peering into a microscope while Alex paces the length of the room across from her.

She chucks it, then clamps a hand over her mouth in surprise.

Alex ducks at the sound, though luckily it lands nowhere near her head. She drops down into a defensive position and blinks up at Lena, who’s now burst into tears.

“I’m _so sorry,_ ” she wails. Out of her seat and at Alex’s side in seconds, she hovers awkwardly above her until Alex takes charge and pulls her in for a hug. “I’m sorry,” she repeats, over and over as Alex holds onto her.

“You didn’t even hit me,” Alex points out. “Breathe.”

“But I could have!” Lena counters. Remembering the last time that she threw a microscope at someone, her breathing goes shallow and Alex has to grip her tighter until it passes.  

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alex broaches, carefully.

“No,” Lena says, noting the petulance to her tone and sighing. “But I probably should. My therapist says that I’m not allowed to keep things bottled up forever. Because then I do horrible things like chuck microscopes at my friends’ heads.”

“Which other friend did you do that to?” she asks, laughing.

“Jack.”

Alex’s palms rub up and down Lena’s arms in an almost rhythmic motion, creating warmth as Lena sighs and rests her forehead down onto Alex’s shoulder. This is the longest span of time that the two of them have touched each other, Lena reckons, and it doesn’t feel weird, yet. It feels impossibly nice. Similar, but a different energy than her sister’s hugs. There’s an awkward determination to the way that Alex reaches for her, like it still doesn’t quite come naturally, or rather, it does now, but she still isn’t sure what to do after the fact.

“I’m sorry,” Alex says.

“For what?”

“For… all of the shit that you’ve had to go through in the last few months. And that we couldn’t save your friend. Or—” she pulls back a bit, not releasing Lena, but meeting her eyes, frowning. “Your… um…”

“Friend,” Lena agrees, and then bursts into tears again. Because if he were still here, he would have given her a brilliant smile—perhaps a bit subdued, a bit sad, for a while—but brilliant and genuine all the same, and he would have eventually pushed her directly into Kara’s arms himself, if need be.

It takes a good ten minutes of shaking in Alex’s arms for Lena to pull herself together. Kara finds them still on the floor, eyes red and puffy, shoulders pressed together, exhausted.

Despite everything, she still blushes when Kara holds out her arms and offers them both a ride home.

…

…

Aliens are disappearing in larger numbers than ever before. Lena watches the way that Kara’s face pinches with frustration. Winces as she watches Kara spar with Clark in the DEO, the two of them pounding into each other with thunderous claps that shake the room.

Lois comes up behind her, slow, allowing Lena plenty of time to step away from her. She doesn’t, and Lois’s arms snake around her waist, a quick hug from behind before she pulls away and leans against the wall beside her.

“Those two are ridiculous,” she says, fond. “You eat yet?”

She asks casually, but Lena can hear the undercurrent of worry, can feel the way her eyes track up and down Lena’s body, checking for differences. It doesn’t feel as invasive as Lena would have thought. It feels strangely maternal.

“No,” she answers. “Not yet.”

Lois pushes off of the wall, nodding down towards Kara and Clark. “They’ll be a while. Let’s go find Luce and get some burgers.” Lena’s nose scrunches up and Lois laughs. “They can be fancy burgers,” she pokes at Lena’s shoulder. “But you’re buying.” Lena smiles.

When Lois and Lucy bicker throughout lunch, there’s a new, almost relaxed tone to it. Lena knows that the two of them have a long way to go in resolving all of their issues, but in the two months or so that she’s observed them, they’ve come a long way.

Lena takes a large bite of her burger, mustard squishing out and dripping onto her chin. She listens to the Lane sisters bicker halfheartedly as she reaches for a napkin. She wonders, what exactly she and Lex looked like to outside observers. Jack told her once that they were an impossible duo to breach. They’d known each other nearly four years, by that point, but only truly become friends in the last month or so. They were partners who enjoyed each other’s company, until then. Lena bristled against anything else, Lillian’s pointed comments about how _he comes from a nice family,_ and, _are you sure that you only like women?_ pushing Lena into a tense bundle of nerves that eventually caused her to chuck a microscope at his head after a particularly frustrating, but ultimately benign comment. Lex had later said something cutting about him, vicious in a way that Lena only ever saw him be a few times before things went wrong. It had infuriated her. She’d stood up, walked over to Jack and kissed him right there, in front of Lex.

She’d regretted it, later. For the way that Jack had lit up, for the way that Lex’s frown had gone twisted, for the way that Lillian’s attention finally softened towards her.

Lex was slowly going mad and Lena didn’t know what to do. Jack was always happy to do nothing more than sit around and watch documentaries if Lena so wanted, noting the way that her shoulders tensed at the mention of her brother, of Superman, of Lillian, of anything of real consequence. She wonders if he knew, that so much of their relationship predicated on Lex.

Lena closes her eyes and wills the thought away. Jack is gone, and Lex is too, there’s no point in dwelling on either of them anymore. She opens her eyes and smiles at the Lane sisters instead.

…

…

Kara and Winn coax her into showing up again for Game Night the third week after Jack’s death. She sits on the couch with the Danvers sisters sandwiched around her and demolishes them all at Scrabble. James huffs with laughter as he leans back and drapes an arm around Lucy’s shoulder without a second thought. Lena notices the way that Kara’s eyes go wide, but without a hint of jealousy as she quickly catches first Winn, and then Lena’s eyes and grins. Her eyebrows wriggling teasingly. Lucy ignores everyone else in the room and sips at her beer.

“Goddammit,” Alex mutters, when Lena gets another triple word score.

Later, Kara walks her home, the two of them shooting glances at each other out of the corner of their eyes, barely talking. The tension between them has thickened and ballooned in the last month or so, feels constantly on the verge of snapping. It’s agonizing, and Lena’s not sure how much more of it she can take.

“Um,” Kara says, at the same time that Lena says: “Kara—”

They both laugh and Lena breathes out slow, motions for Kara to go ahead. She fidgets with her glasses, pushing them against the bridge of her nose. A crease appears between her brows. The same one that Lena has seen Alex poke with a teasing smirk.

“Well, it’s only…” she looks up, as if the rest of her sentence is hidden somewhere up in the sky. There are no stars to be seen tonight. Too much city smog. “I just wanted to say that…” she shrugs, trailing off and by Lena’s guess, course correcting. “I’m glad you came.”

The forehead crease deepens.

“I’m glad too,” Lena says, truthfully.  

The tension remains.

…

...

**xl. good ol’ fashion nightmare**

Alex wakes with a pounding in her head and aching limbs. For a heartbeat, she thinks that she is just hungover, until she blinks her eyes open and sways in the unfamiliar room.

She’s trapped.

Three of the walls are concrete. Gray and cold and solid. The fourth is made of glass and when Alex pounds on it, it rattles, unshakeable.

Her head is _killing_ her.

Alex slides down to the floor, ducks her head between her knees and breathes in and out slowly through her mouth. Her body is sore, but nothing feels broken. She picks her head up and takes in her surroundings. It looks like an empty lab. Nothing distinct. Nothing that gives away her location.

There is a camera in the room, pointing down at Alex. She rises, snarling. Her voice going hoarse as she threatens whomever is behind the monitor. Pacing the length of the small cage, never taking her eyes off of the camera. No one comes. No one answers, but Alex knows that _someone_ is out there listening all the same. You don’t put a person in a cage and direct a camera at them not to keep watch.

…

…

Maxwell _fucking_ Lord waltzes into the room, a smirk plastered onto his face, and Alex’s whole body goes stiff.

“Alexandra,” he greets, sweeping his arms out. “How have you been?”

Alex slams against the glass and glares at him.

Lord chuckles. “That well, then?”

Alex notices movement from somewhere behind him and feels her whole body radiate with anger when Lillian Luthor slides into the space beside him. She barely focuses on Alex, giving her a passing glance before turning around to someone behind her. “ _Now,_ will do you as I ask?” she motions towards Alex.

Jeremiah steps into the light and hisses at the sight of Alex. His whole body visibly clenching as if someone has stabbed him. He rushes the cage, wild panic in his eyes. “LET HER OUT!” he hollers, banging on the glass, turning towards Lillian and Lord, frantic. Alex backs up and presses her back against the furthest wall, Jeremiah raging in a panic. Alex closes her eyes, trying not to listen to her father’s desperate pleas. He hasn’t been cooperating, then. Not fully.

“Jeremiah,” Lillian snaps. “Stop sniveling and get to work if you want her to come out of this unscathed.”

Jeremiah’s fists freeze against the glass.

“Don’t,” Alex insists quickly. “Dad — don’t do what she wants.”

Jeremiah locks eyes with her, a terrifying calm settling onto his shoulders. _No, no, no, no, no._

“Don’t—” she tries again, but he turns around, away from her, and follows Lillian and Lord out of the room, ignoring Alex pleas.

…

…

The camera blinks, mockingly until Alex has had enough. The tracker in her arm should have alerted the DEO to her location by now—she’s been in here hours. Lillian, Lord, and Jeremiah coming and going ages ago. Her stomach growls violently again and Alex shoves herself off the floor.

Something must be blocking the signal.

Alex shucks her jacket, climbs up using a protruding pipe and breaks the camera, tugging it back down with her. She takes it apart within a few minutes, and doesn’t pause to contemplate what she is doing—just jams her belt roughly into her mouth, snaps her credit card in half, and bites down.

_Fuck, that hurts._

Alex pants, her shoulder burning horribly as she spits her belt out of her mouth. “God, that sucks,” she mutters, quickly connecting the tracker to the wires and breathing a sigh of relief when it goes from red to green. “Hurry up Winn,” she pleads. Knowing Lord, she doesn’t have long before he notices that the camera is out.

…

…

**xli. blues for sister someone**

Kara paces the bullpen of the DEO like a caged animal. It’s been nine hours and twenty-six minutes since Alex went missing. Winn can’t find any signal in her tracker, and Kara has flown the length of National City listening for Alex’s heartbeat five times already.

Her phone rings and Kara scrambles to answer it. “Maggie? Anything?” she asks, hopeful.

Maggie’s voice wavers. “No,” she answers, her voice thick with just as much fear and worry as Kara’s. “It was a dead end. Brian said that aliens have been going missing in bigger numbers, but they have no idea who is behind it, or where most of them disappear from. It’s all too random.”

Kara punches a hole into the wall. It’s certainly not her finest moment. Lucy frowns, but doesn’t reprimand her when Kara sags and apologizes.

“Walls can be fixed,” she says, with a shrug.

“I still shouldn’t have—”

“Do you know how many walls I’ve seen Smallville break?” Lois calls, striding through the DEO beside Clark. “This is nothing kiddo,” she squeezes Lucy’s arm as she walks past—Lena’s too—and then she plonks down beside Kara and tugs her into a fierce hug. “We’re gonna find her,” she whispers, quiet enough that only Clark could listen in. Above them, he smiles at her tightly and nods.

“What do you need me to do?” he asks Kara.

She shrugs at him, helplessly. Her feet slide out in front of her, like a child who’s plopped down in the sand, or the snow; her boots scrape loudly against the floor, her cape stuck behind her, tugging on her neck until she yanks at it and breathes deeply. It’s shock more than anything, she thinks. Shock, because for the second time in thirteen years, someone has taken something precious. And for the second time in thirteen years, she’s scared for it. Scared into stillness.

Because Kara has lived with loss her entire life here on Earth, but hasn’t  _lost_ anything in a long time.

And _Alex—_

Her eyes lift up and find Lena’s of their own accord, and Kara feels her heart skip inside her chest _hard_ at the way that they soften in a mixture of grief and sorrow and a sort of determined warmth.

Clark notices. When Kara looks up at him again, his eyes are dancing between Kara and Lena, a strange look on his face.

Kara pushes herself up off the ground.

Lois slides over to Lucy’s side, and Kara prepares to put herself between them. To stop an argument. To be a buffer. Instead, the Lane sisters push their foreheads together, start finishing each other’s sentences and don’t even bicker once. Kara turns to gape over at Clark, who merely shrugs at her in response, a wry smile playing at his lips.

“Lane women are good in a crisis.”

…

…

The night before Alex leaves for school in Metropolis, she wakes Kara in the middle of the night. A hand pressed against Kara’s mouth, a brilliant smile tugging at the corners of her own, she whispers: “Come on,” and pulls Kara out of bed.

The two of them tip-toe downstairs so as not to wake Eliza, and Alex asks Kara to push the car out of the driveway and down into the road, in case she hears it start.

“What are we doing?” Kara asks, but pushes the car without complaint.

“Going to get ice cream.”

“At four-thirty in the morning? Nothing’s open.” Kara continues to push the car down the road anyway. “There’s ice cream in the freezer. Eliza bought it yesterday.”

Alex pauses. Her hands gripping either side of the wheel, the car off, seatbelts unbuckled. Kara waits her out. Finally, Alex turns the key in the ignition, and grabs for her seatbelt. “We’re amending a tradition,” she says. “Buckle up.”

“What tradition?”

“Birthday breakfast.”

The click of Kara’s seatbelt echoes between them until Alex turns on the radio, ‘I’m Yours’ by Jason Mraz filling up the silence in the car. It’s been on the radio practically the whole summer.

“It’s not anyone’s birthday,” Kara counters. “I don’t turn sixteen for another month.”

“I’ll be at Columbia then,” Alex reminds her, as if Kara could forget.

“Metropolis isn’t far,” Kara says, not sure if it’s more for her sake, or for Alex’s. “Only like an hour by train. Barely more by bus.”

Alex chuckles, turning on the brights, since they’re the only car on the road at this hour. “You can’t sit on a train for over an hour, you go stir crazy.”

“I do not,” Kara protests, though from the look that Alex shoots her, she knows that it’s weak. “I could handle it, to come see you.”

Alex’s hands still on the wheel, and Kara hears the soft intake of breath. Of surprise, though she shouldn’t be, in the span of the last year and a half, the two of them have grown as close as they had been on their way towards, before Jeremiah’s disappearance. 

“Well, I don’t think Dad would mind if we tweaked it, just a little,” she says, her voice a bit raw, as it is anytime she mentions Jeremiah.

“I think you’re probably right,” Kara finally says. “He would definitely think that breakfast ice cream before college is a good idea. Birthday or not.”

Alex pulls the car to a stop. Kara frowns at the neon monstrosity in front of them, a trucker’s all-night diner. The two of them burst out laughing and Alex shoves Kara out of the car.

“Come on, they’ve got the best pancakes in Midvale.”

“We’ve never come here before,” Kara protests. A pack of truckers walk out through the parking lot and Kara slides closer to Alex.

“Vicki and I came here after Prom last year with a bunch of people.”

“Oh,” Kara follows Alex into a booth. If the waitress finds it odd to see two teenage girls in her diner at nearing on five in the morning, she doesn’t say so, merely pours them coffee and takes their orders with a tired smile. Kara dollops ice cream on top of her pancakes, whacking away Alex’s fork as she tries to sneak a bite with a smirk.

“I’m paying,” she protests.

Kara sticks out her tongue, and Alex rolls her eyes and laughs, but when she turns away to speak to the waitress, Kara pushes some ice cream onto her plate. When Alex turns around and sees, her smile is bright, the sunrise catching the red undertones to her hair as it rises behind her, and Kara wants this morning to go on and on forever. Just the two of them.

…

…

Kara yells at Maggie.

It’s not fair, and she knows it basically the moment that the words fall out of her mouth, but they fall out all the same. Maggie’s face crumbles and Kara’s chest feels too tight, but before she can open her mouth again, to apologize, to take it back, Maggie’s face goes hard and she yells right back at Kara. It’s deserved, probably. Somewhere in the back of her head, Kara knows that she’s just panicked and terrified and lashing out, the same as Kara. The trouble is, Kara doesn’t listen to that rational part of her brain, she stomps away from Maggie in an angry huff, cape swirling in the air between them.

Kara shuts herself into an empty lab and presses the base of her palms into her eyes.  

…

…

Pain and panic have a way of distorting time, ballooning it, then compressing it again. Kara keeps losing her train of thought, needing to ask people to repeat themselves, and when Lena hands her a mug of tea and a sandwich, Kara is shocked to realize that she has forgotten to eat.

 _That_ has certainly never happened before. If Alex were here, she would—

Kara closes her eyes.

Lena somehow knows just where to find Kara. She slips through the door, arms full and her voice breaks a little when she tells Kara how sorry she is about Alex. Her hands pause for a fraction of a second before they throw caution to the wind and she reaches across and grasps Kara’s. Her palms close gently over Kara’s wrists before they move down to wrap around her fingers, and Kara has to stop the sigh that floats up from the bottom of her lungs because it is such a small touch, so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but it’s also not—not at all. Lena’s touch is warm and comforting and reassuring and gentle and safe, and Kara’s throat is thick with fear for her sister, but she feels the tension that’s been building in the last few hours around her neck loosen significantly under the graze of Lena’s hands. Lena sits in the chair beside Kara, holding her hands and looking worried until Kara finally bites into the food.

“I yelled at Maggie,” she admits, mouth full.

“I know,” she says, only the very smallest hint of admonishment in her tone. “I heard.”

Kara winces. “She yelled at me too,” she adds, feeling a bit childish and defensive.

“I know that too,” Lena says, one hand is still holding onto Kara’s free one, and her thumb rubs a small circle on the back of Kara’s palm. “She didn’t mean it, and neither did you. She’s _terrified_ right now _._ ” Lena shakes her head, looking out into the empty lab, her voice thick. “I can’t imagine how I would feel, what I would do, if it were you,” she says, in a whisper.

Kara’s eyes go wide. “If it were _me?_ ” she asks, the question escaping her lips before she can stop it. There’s going to be a lot of that happening today, apparently.

Lena goes absolutely stiff beside her, as if only now realizing the full implications behind her words. Kara waits her out, a strange calm settling over her shoulders as she watches Lena scramble to explain, to try and cover her words with a fluttering, hesitant tenderness.

“Oh, well… I meant, well you’re my best friend, and I only—” Kara holds her breath and waits. Lena’s heart is going a mile a minute, and she’s blushing, but finally she just sighs. “No,” she says, quiet as Kara has ever heard her, but sure. “I meant what I said.”

Kara’s breath catches hard in her throat, audible enough that Lena hears, her hands pulling back away from Kara’s as though she’s been scalded. Kara wants to reach out for her again, but it feels weighty and charged. Like if she reaches for Lena right now, then it means something more than it might normally.

Kara is so worried about Alex that she can’t quite arrange her thoughts properly in her head. But this has been banging around inside of her skull for _months_ now, and Kara can’t stop staring at the blush that refuses to leave Lena’s cheeks.

_I meant what I said._

Kara closes her eyes and lets those words wash over her. Remembers, _you could have fooled me,_ and, _I’ve never had friends like you before,_ and her office overflowing with flowers, and _you’re my favorite._ The only person who has ever made Earth feel like home has been Alex, but then in comes Lena, and she’s attentive and gentle and thoughtful and treats Kara like she’s special, and they’re not even  _dating_ _._

She wonders how different it would be if they were.

Lena has resolutely maintained eye contact with Kara since the moment that she pulled her hands away. Her fingers keep flexing, towards Kara and then away again, like she’s trying to respect Kara’s boundaries, but her natural instinct is to reach towards Kara. It’s strange, but Kara feels like half of their communication isn’t verbal, it’s physical and invisible and it happens in the shape their bodies make when they’re around each other, and Kara is struck by how special that is, when they haven’t even shifted away from  _just friends_ yet.

Or maybe they have and she’s kidding herself that they haven’t, because this feels like more than just friends. This feels like something truly deep. Like how Clark described it. Familiar. Settled in a way that Kara never could have imagined, especially in light of what is happening right now. Kara doesn’t really take the time to think it over any further, she just leans in, cups the sides of Lena’s cheeks, and presses their lips together.

Lena makes a noise that Kara will never, _ever_ forget. Shock and desire and unbridled happiness all tangled up in one little sigh, and her hands immediately snake around Kara’s neck, pulling her in closer.

“I FOUND HER!” Winn screams, echoing through the halls and ricocheting in Kara’s brain. She pulls away from Lena and whips her head towards the sound, listening intently.

“What?” Lena asks, unable to hear Winn. “I’m sorry, Kara. I didn’t mean to—”

“No!” Kara says quickly. “That’s not—”

Clark appears in front of them in an instant. Like he’s flown indoors. Like he couldn’t waste any precious seconds. “Winn found her,” he repeats, his eyes scanning between the two of them. “She connected her tracker to their systems. It’s Cadmus,” he says, eyes flitting towards Lena. “We’ve got their location.”

“Lena, I—”

“Go,” she says, without hesitation. Their eyes lock and Lena nods. “Go get her.” The implication is clear: _I’ll be here when you get back._

…

…

**xlii. i could see for miles, miles, miles**

Lena does absolutely everything that she can think of not to panic.

It doesn’t work.

Beyond the fact that she can’t stop thinking about the way that Kara looked at her, or the feeling of her lips on Lena’s own, she’s terrified for what her mother might have done to Alex. When she walks into the bullpen, it’s a sort of controlled chaos. Winn is clacking away, spinning his way between three separate monitors as Lucy passes out her orders. Kara, Clark, J’onn, and Maggie have left with a specialized team. James and Lois sit off slightly to the side, ready to help if needed, but mostly, doomed to wait. To listen in. Lena walks over and sits down beside them, unsurprised when Lois reaches over and grips her hand tightly, her eyes never once leaving her sister.

Kara’s voice fills the room, the comms loud and clear for all to hear and Lena unconsciously squeezes Lois’s hand tighter.

“I will end you.”

Lena doesn’t bother trying to conceal her reaction to her mother’s voice, she couldn’t, even if she were desperate to do so. There is chaos on the comms; Kara and Clark shouting back and forth to each other; Maggie screaming for Alex; the sound of alien children and refugees crying out for help; a horrible, rushing sound of water and a profound crack of an explosion that rattles inside of Lena’s chest. Lois was here the last time Lena that lost someone that she cared about, only about two months ago. She _refuses_ to lose another person. That same determination is plastered across Lois’s face, the grip of her hand is sure and warm, but both of them are breathing hard. Both of them are terrified.

“Alex!” Kara’s voice calls out, and then there’s static, some sort of interference, a hairs breath moment of pure panic until Lena hears the relief in Kara’s voice. “You’re okay. I’ve got you—we’ve got you. You’re okay.”

“YES!” James hollers, jumping up and high-fiving Winn, tugging Lucy up into his arms and spinning her around. The entire bullpen erupts further into cheers once J’onn’s voice echoes through, gruff and authoritative.

“Lillian Luthor and Maxwell Lord are in custody.”

Lena tunes out the rest of the chatter. Lucy and J’onn go back and forth, issuing orders and Lena thinks of only the way that Lois has tugged her into a fierce and tight hug, of the sheer relief in Kara’s voice, of the venom and malice in her mother’s.

She’s not surprised that time seems to speed up and slow down all at once, or that the next thing that she is properly aware of, is her mother, in handcuffs, being directed through the DEO by Clark Kent.

Of course, it’s him.

Lex had gone down snarling, raving mad and lashing out with everything he had left. Only the day before, when Lena had asked if he was alright, he’d managed to almost convince her. He told her that he'd be fine; he looked her in the eye when he said it. Lillian remains dignified, even in the face of her second arrest, even as Superman’s hands are on her, but there is still a snarl to her mouth. Lena wonders if there is a matching one, on her own. Lois is at her side, but she’s not touching Lena anymore, merely hovering, anxious and compassionate at her side. Lena’s not seventeen and desperate anymore; she's not nineteen and balanced on the edge of sanity, waiting for the fall, waiting for her brother to pull her up. She's older now, but maybe not quite old enough. The last Luthor standing.

Lillian sees her. The scrape of her boot against the linoleum grates Lena’s ears, and Clark pauses, not wanting to manhandle her. Lena holds her mother’s gaze, unblinking neutrality and twenty-five years of their relationship passing between them in a painful instant. Lena steps forward.

She goes past her mother without another thought, heads straight for Kara, and Alex, and Maggie, and embraces both of the Danvers sisters in full view of her mother. Kara’s suit, and everything it symbolizes with it on full display. Lena never turns back to see her mother’s reaction. It doesn’t matter anymore. Lois presses against Lena’s back as she reaches to kiss Alex’s cheek, relishing and teasing her about the blush it produces. Maggie’s eyes rolling and her hands sure as they support Alex, twinkling as Lois prances off to kiss Clark.

Lena directs her attention towards Alex, though she is still impossibly aware of Kara’s presence at her side. _Are you okay_ almost forms in her throat but they are small, useless words compared to the enormity of what’s been done. Instead, she holds Alex’s gaze, grips at her elbows and presses herself close, kissing Alex’s forehead.

“Don’t do that again,” she whispers. “I don’t have enough friends to spare.”

Alex laughs, her voice rough. “Yeah, love you too, Luthor,” she teases, but there’s enough sincerity to her tone to choke Lena’s throat up. She can only nod in response as Alex grips Kara’s arm once, then shuffles off into Maggie’s arms. For privacy. To get patched up. Kara watches her go, waiting until she’s out of sight before scanning the bullpen.

A breath later, Kara looks over at Lena and smiles, and even with the bloodshot eyes and hollow cheeks, she’s so beautiful that Lena’s chest lurches. “Hi,” she says, soft. A tentative hand reaches out towards Lena, and when Lena takes it, Kara’s smile goes brilliant.

“Hi,” Lena answers back, her heart full to bursting. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's all folks, thanks for sticking with me:)

**xlii. hurry! it’s lovely up here**

Kara doesn’t quite know how she gets separated from Lena, but she does. There are a million and one things that need to be done in the aftermath of an arrest like this, and Kara has to jump back and forth between both of her jobs—Lena is just as busy, with the news of Lillian’s arrest breaking. Kara watches her spine straighten in anticipation.

Kara is _exhausted,_ she has been awake and running on nothing more than a mixture of sheer determination, fear, and adrenaline for hours now, and the prospect of lying down in her bed seems so far away. One minute, she’s standing there holding Lena’s hand and smiling, and the next, she has to watch Eliza’s face as she realizes that Jeremiah has been arrested.

Sort of.

He doesn’t protest, doesn’t try to hide anything from them this time. He walks into the DEO solemnly, J’onn directing him into an interview room for a debrief. Alex is half asleep, half delirious in the med bay, sleeping in Maggie’s arms, and Kara knows that regardless of everything, Alex would never leave Jeremiah alone, so she stands on the other side of the mirror, a silent support as J’onn and Lucy question him.

He tells them everything that he knows about the aliens who were kidnapped by Cadmus. Everything he knows about the ship they were trying to use to deport them, how he helped them build it, how he was willing to send them away if it meant keeping Alex and Kara safe, how he isn’t proud of that, and willing to accept whatever punishment that they see fit. He looks directly at the mirror when he says this, like he knows that Kara is standing back there watching him somehow.

Kara turns around and walks out, colliding with Alex. Eliza and Maggie are both half a step behind her. “What are they doing with Dad?” she asks, as Eliza and Maggie both admonish her for getting out of bed.

“Nothing yet,” Kara says, quickly moving to support Alex’s weight. “Have you seen Lena?”

“She’s working with Lois and Winn,” Eliza says. Kara is grateful in a sense that so many other things are going on right now, and that Eliza’s attentions are focused on Alex and Jeremiah, because on any other day, her eyes would be narrowed and twinkling, teasing Kara and asking questions that she doesn’t yet have all the answers to.

“Okay, I’m going to—”

Her phone dings with a new message, and when Kara shifts Alex back into Maggie and Eliza’s arms, she sags with disappointment as she reads it.

**[Lena 09:42pm]** _I need to make a statement to the press. I’m sorry. Jess is on her way here with a car… I’ll call you when I’m free?_

Kara quickly types out the affirmative, adding hearts and a thumbs up emoji before she can think the better of it. Alex gives her a funny look when she winces and jams her phone back into her pocket, but thankfully, Lois saves Kara from her questioning gaze.

“Kid, come on, you’re gonna be on this byline with me,” she declares, giving Eliza a wave and tugging Kara along unceremoniously, her mind already writing up the article as she eases herself into Kara’s arms.

When they arrive at her apartment, Kara shucks her suit, and gives Lois some extra sweatpants. Clark arrives a few minutes later, and the three of them spend the rest of the night working on an article. They trade off the tasks of typing, calling, and interviewing as needed. Around four in the morning, Clark goes off to get them food and, then the three of them collapse with exhaustion, Kara offering them her bed and sleeping soundlessly on the couch.

…

…

She wakes to a flood of news alerts on her phone, sometime around nine.

Lena’s statement is as perfect as one could ever be in this situation, polite and diplomatic, but clearly disheartened by her mother’s actions. She is truly the last Luthor standing, now. Lillian is being sent to a maximum-security prison, along with Maxwell Lord and the rest of the members of Cadmus that had been found out. Kara sends her a message, not wanting to call and wake her, on the off chance that she’s sleeping.

She nearly tries to head back to sleep herself, but her phone starts blaring with Snapper’s ringtone, and Kara knows she’s not going to get back to sleep for a while, yet. She shoves herself up off the couch, cradling the phone between her shoulder and ear as she moves to make some coffee. Lois and Clark are both up and stumbling into the kitchen by the time that Kara hangs up and scarfs down two bananas.

“Morning,” she says. “I’ve got to go into CatCo. Make whatever you want for breakfast,” she motions towards the fridge.

“Nah,” Lois decides. “We’ll come in with you,” she taps on Clark’s chest. “Bear claw,” she directs, heading back towards the bathroom. “Let me just jump through quick. Five minutes.”

Clark leans over towards Kara, whispering with a smile. “That means ten.”

“I HEARD THAT SMALLVILLE!” she hollers. Kara grins, pulling out some more food and throwing her hair up into a messy bun. Clark jumps out into the sky with a salute.

…

…

It’s amazing, how much lighter she feels from last night. What a difference a day makes. Alex is alive. Is _safe._

And Lena—

Kara swallows thickly, tries—and fails, if the look on Lois’s face is any indication—to conceal the grin that blooms onto her face at the mere thought of kissing Lena last night. Even as Snapper paces the length of CatCo’s offices, barking at everyone in his path, the smile stays.

It drops when Cat Grant waltzes into the room, but only because Kara is surprised.  

“Keira, don’t just stand there _gawking,_ you’re a reporter now, behave like a professional for god’s sake,” she saunters past Kara and James, waves Snapper away, and pauses in her office. “ _What_ is that smell?” she demands, turning on James.

“Um…”

“Ugh,” Cat picks up a baseball with her fingertips, and flicks it towards him. James rolls his eyes, smiling as he catches it.

“Good to see you back Ms Grant,” he laughs, as she pulls some sage out of her purse and starts burning it.

“ _Lois,_ ” Cat sneers, not looking at her, but flicking the sage directly into her face as she walks past. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” she clucks her tongue on the final word, jutting out her hip and staring down Lois like she’s a threat. Or a challenge.

Lois responds in kind. To Kara’s horror, she snakes an arm around her shoulders, says something about being a mentor in a way that causes Cat’s eyes to flare and Clark to chuckle from the corner. Cat whips around and turns her attention onto him, flirting shamelessly in front of Lois. Kara is _deeply_ uncomfortable, and when she looks to James in commiseration, he’s only quietly laughing. Kara forgets, that this is nothing new to him. That he came up at the Daily Planet while the three of them were circling each other and bickering on a daily basis.

Clark smiles politely at Cat, welcomes her back, and claps a hand on James’s shoulder, announcing that he’s going to take him out to lunch, now that things have settled. He kisses Lois, and she grabs him, forcing the kiss deeper—probably for Cat’s benefit. Kara looks at the floor.

She panics when she realizes that she’s now left all alone with Lois and Cat. At the same time, she’s _thrilled_ to have Cat back. She’s missed her terribly in the last year, and Kara is in the best place with Lois and Clark that she’s ever been—she doesn’t want anything to come along and ruin that. She doesn’t see why the two of them can’t just get along.   

She’s going to get them to, somehow. She needs them both, and in some strange, demented way, they need each other too.

Probably.

She’s tuned them out, which probably wasn’t the greatest idea, because now they’re circling each other like a pair of cats, ready to pounce. Lena would likely be able to come up with something to calm them both down without much effort at all, but Kara isn’t as diplomatic as Lena.

“So,” she blurts out, catching their attention. “I kissed Lena Luthor last night. And I think I’m in love with her, a little bit.” Both of them stare at Kara, open mouthed. “No,” Kara amends, unable to stop grinning. “Not a little bit. I definitely am.”

Lois cracks a brilliant smile, laughing heartily, while Cat purses her lips and studies Kara. “Does she know about your… extracurricular activities?” she asks. “Because if you’re going to strike up a relationship with a person, you shouldn’t be withholding such a large and important portion of your life from them. Especially not someone who has gone through as must as Lena Luthor has, with regards to trust.”

Kara freezes at her words, and watches as Lois frowns from across the room, head turning slowly towards Cat. “Um…” Kara glances back and forth between the two of them nervously. “What do you mean? About, extracurricular—”

Cat rolls her eyes and finishes off the sage, flouncing away from them and moving to rearrange her desk back to the way that it was before she left. “Keira, _really,_ ” she sighs, waving a hand towards the window. “Up, up and away?” she drawls, not mockingly, but somewhere close to it.

Kara nearly trips over nothing and Lois sucks in a sharp breath. Cat plows on, completely ignoring the pair of them as she lifts up an extra tie of James’s and stares at it with a deep frown.

“Red isn’t his color,” she says, and promptly drops in into the trash can. “Did you _honestly_ think that your ridiculous charade last year with your double had convinced me? Really Kara?” she tuts, finally looking up. “I would have thought that I taught you better, by now.”

“Cat,” Lois begins, stepping towards her.

“And _you,_ ” Cat points, a hand going to her hip. “I hope that you and Clark have figured out a way to be far subtler than you used to,” she flicks her hand, as if this isn’t shattering information to receive. _Rao, Kara’s missed her._

“I — Lena knows,” Kara says, because it’s the truth, and because Cat is glaring at her in a way that looks almost… like she is sizing her up, or something. Like she’s trying to determine whether or not Kara is worthy of Lena. Kara is both completely offended and happy to see that someone else is on Lena’s side. “Do you know Lena?” she asks.

Cat rolls her eyes. “Of course I know Lena Luthor.”

How Kara was supposed to know that, she hasn’t the foggiest. Neither of them have ever mentioned the other. Kara’s sure she would have remembered that.  

“What exactly are you so worried about then?” Cat demands.

“She definitely feels the same way about you kiddo,” Lois interjects. “And _obviously,_ she’s worried because this is new and she’s got a lot going on right now,” she says towards Cat. “ _Speaking of which,_ ” she steps directly into Cat’s space. “If you say _anything_ about Clark, I’ll—”

“Oh _please,_ ” Cat rolls her eyes. “I’ve known for years. Do you honestly think that—”

“Okay, well… thanks for… the advice,” Kara says, with a frown. Neither of them are paying attention to her anymore. They’re back to bickering again. Kara sighs. They’ve known each other nearly two decades now, and they haven’t killed each other yet, one more afternoon isn’t going to tip them over the scales.

She’s going to find Lena.

…

…

**xliv.** **know in your soul // like your blood knows the way // from your heart to your brain // know that you’re whole**

A man is hiding in the hedges outside of her building again.

Victor flattens him on his ass when he moves a bit too close to Lena for comfort, and he squawks about camera damages while Victor gives her a warm nod. Lena is an old hat at this, by now. She releases her statement and gives Jess the full responsibility of scouring the media for anything that actually deems her attention, and otherwise, she largely ignores the hordes that descend.

This time, it’s not Lena and her mother, shut up inside of the Luthor mansion together, sending out PR statements and showing up as a united front of mourning at each court date throughout the trial. It’s not Lena on her own afterwards, fighting with the media, and the re-branding, and the board on top of everything to try and get L-Corp back on its feet. The public isn’t damning her in the way that they had the first time that Lillian was arrested, not to the same extent.

And Lena isn’t even remotely alone anymore. The final Luthor, perhaps, but not alone.

She panics, about kissing Kara, about admitting to her feelings, but she’s also never been surer of them, or more determined, despite her nerves. She texts Kara, knowing that she is going to be especially busy in the next day or so, that they may not get a moment to really settle in and talk just yet.

She tells Jess to send food over to Alex’s apartment, and braves a string of meetings with her board. She only half pays attention throughout, her mind flitting back and forth between both Danvers sisters. She can’t stop thinking about the thrilling feeling of Kara’s lips on her own, or the abject terror in her gut while Alex was missing. It won’t leave her alone. The residue remains, even knowing that Alex is alive and well.

She has Jess send over more food.

…

…

The next two days drag on about the same. Lena wakes early, deals with emails, answers whatever the last message from Kara had been the night prior, and dodges paparazzi on her way to the office.

She and Kara try to meet up four separate times, but are interrupted. The board is adamant about damage control, even though for the first time in nearly three years, Lena’s name isn’t actually being dragged through the mud to the same extent as it has before. Cat Grant is back and has Kara almost at her beck and call as she readjusts. Jeremiah is under some sort of strange… house arrest? Lena isn’t entirely sure. The details Kara had given her had been confusing and jumbled—she’d been typing while flying. Later, she sent Lena a selfie of her beaming with twigs in her hair. She’d crashed. Lena is grinning down at it again fondly when Alex comes bursting into her office.

“I WAS KIDNAPED. I’M NOT SICK. I DON’T NEED ANYMORE DAMN SOUP SENT TO MY APARTMENT LUTHOR!” she yells.

Lena freezes, dropping her phone and unsure of what to say in response, now that Alex has stalled. She looks lost, somehow. Surprised herself at her outburst, now that it’s over. Lena considers for a beat teasing her, making a sly remark about her own kidnapping, something to bring levity to the room. The look on Alex’s face stalls her tongue. Whatever it is they’ve spun between them these last few months, it feels too fragile in this moment for that kind of game; she remembers the pallor to Alex’s skin, as Maggie and Kara supported her. The hallowed out look in her eyes. The tear in her shoulder, the one that she’d done herself. The roughness to her voice, when she’d cracked a smile and said: _love you too, Luthor_ like she meant it. The last person to say those words and mean them was her brother. It feels strange, but fitting somehow, that another Alexander is the next person to say them to her.

From the way Alex is pacing about, it’s possible that she’s sussed this out, or at least made a guess of it, and has no idea what to do with the information. That, or perhaps Lena is making this entirely into an issue that it is not, putting too much weight on things that don’t mean very much at all, in the grand scheme of things.

“I’m sorry. I panicked,” she tells Alex, truthfully. “Friendship is hard.”

The smile that Alex gives her is small, a little crescent of rueful admission curling the corners of her mouth before she sucks in a slow breath and bursts out laughing, moving to sit down opposite her. “So,” she sighs, once she’s caught her breath again, “your mother has been arrested. Again. My dad is on the weirdest type of probation ever, and Kara is avoiding me, which is super weird, considering she literally slept in my bed with me and Maggie last night. So, what’s going on?”

“She slept in your bed?”

“She had a nightmare that I got kidnapped again,” Alex waves it off. “Lois and Clark are still in hers. And they were apparently… ‘being loud,’ so she flew over.”

“Maggie didn’t mind?”

“Don’t change the subject. I’m drowning in soup and it’s all your fault.”

Lena swallows, hard. Straightening up, she gears herself to come clean about everything—kissing Kara, panicking about how terrified she was at the thought of losing Alex, worried about how their relationships might change, when Kara swoops into her office in the same manner as her sister and does that all for her.

“Lena, I am _so sorry_ that I kissed you and then basically ran away and haven’t seen you in two days, but I was just… oh, hi Alex,” she says, trailing off and blushing furiously.

All three of them are silent for a beat and then Lena turns towards Alex and sighs. “Well, does that answer your question?”

Alex laughs so hard that she falls out of her chair, Kara and Lena both hurriedly jumping up to her aide. “Oh my god,” she says, hysterical. “You two are a _disaster._ ”

Kara frowns and pulls her hands away so that Alex flops back into Lena. “That was mean,” she huffs.

“It was,” Lena adds, though she continues to support Alex as she laughs.

“It was true, though,” Alex counters, rising and grinning at them both. “And about damn time. Kara, tell her to stop sending me soup, and call me once you’re done making out.”

Lena goes very, very pink and she can hear Kara’s audible gulp, but when she looks over and meets her eye, Kara is _beaming_ at her. She bites down at her bottom lip, moving closer towards Lena’s chair, and Lena’s stomach flutters a bit dramatically. It’s very annoying.

“So,” Kara drawls, slow, like she’s not sure where she wants to begin. Lena knows the feeling. “You sent her a ton of soup?”

Lena laughs, feeling herself relax a bit. She crosses her legs and swivels her chair towards Kara, smirking at the way that Kara quickly looks down at her legs and swallows. Lena feels a twinge of desire pluck at her belly, as distinct and painful as the snap of an elastic band against her skin. “Is that really what you want to talk about right now? Your sister, and soup?”

“Um, no,” Kara shakes her head. “Though, I am a little curious about it.”

“Well… I was trying to… support her? I guess?” Lena answers. “Or, to show her that I’m here for her. That I — care about her.”

Kara’s face goes soft. “You’re _amazing_ Lena,” she whispers.

It’s very cliché, and _very_ annoying, but Lena stops breathing, just for a second.

“You are,” she counters. _I love you._ She almost shouts it. Or at least that's how it feels, when it comes out, all loud and electric, like the words are burning her throat. It shakes the space between them, and her whole body is trembling when Kara’s hands reach for her own.

“We are, then,” Kara agrees. “But _you’re_ really amazing.”

“About… that kiss,” Lena says, intently watching the way that Kara reacts with her whole body at the mention. She smiles, then goes a bit pink. Perhaps worried about Lena’s feelings, she then quickly frowns and goes stiff, putting a respectful distance between them somehow, even while still holding Lena’s hand. “We should probably talk about it…”

“Yeah, probably,” Kara’s nodding, but her voice goes flat and her face is unreadable. For a horrifying few seconds, Lena thinks that she has somehow read this completely wrong. She steels herself for Kara to say that the kiss was a mistake, that she doesn’t actually feel the same way about Lena, now that she’s had some time to think it over. It would be the worst thing that ever happened to her, to have the possibility taken away, now that she’s allowed herself to really imagine the two of them together. She survived Lillian; her father’s death; Lex’s trial; the press, since she was a child; an assassination attempt and a kidnapping, that one time, and yet—

But then — then Kara’s mouth curls into this smile that Lena has never seen on her before, all rakish, wicked implication. Her eyebrows lift even as her eyes drop, traveling the length Lena’s body in such an unconcealed once-over that Lena has to take a deep, steadying breath.

 “…Or,” Kara says, clasping her hands with Lena’s and gently tugging her upwards, giving her ample time to pull away or say no. She pulls Lena closer with such _aching_ slowness that Lena shivers, a moan escaping her mouth when their lips finally connect again.

It’s different from before, it’s less desperate with both their grief softened at the edges, and Lena can taste more of Kara, more of them. It stays gentle and slow for a few breaths, and then Lena presses herself as close to Kara as she can manage, clawing at her with months of pent up frustrations that leave Kara giggling as she pulls away enough to suck in a breath. She’s laughing, when Lena practically climbs up into her arms and immediately directs them towards the couch when Lena tugs at her.  

“Jess!” Lena calls, her voice coming out a little rough as she tugs Kara down on top of her. “Hold my calls!” Her fingers curl to fist around Kara’s shirt as Kara nips and sucks at the tender skin below her jawbone, traces the hollows of her throat.

Lena’s entire body is warm and buzzing, and when Kara groans, mumbling her name when Lena drags her teeth across Kara’s earlobe, the word goes funny and strangled halfway through. “God, Lena,” she whines. “That feels really good.”

Lena huffs out a laughing breath against the side of Kara’s neck, somehow, it causes her to shiver in a way that seems to cool her mood, instead of pulling it in the direction that it _definitely_ felt like it was going for Lena.

“I… um, this is really nice,” she says, biting at her lower lip as she hovers her body weight above Lena.

“I swear to god, Kara if you are—”

“No!” Kara hurries. “I just… I… um,” she looks _horribly_ embarrassed. “I just um, think maybe we should stop? Because… I don’t, I’m kind of…”

“Spit it out,” Lena demands, in a way that comes out sounding much more considerate and helpful than she feared it might, thank god.

“I don’t want our first time to be on this couch in the middle of a workday,” Kara says, in a hurried rush. “And if we don’t stop now… it might be.”

Lena’s smile is so wide, it almost hurts. She tugs at Kara until she gets her to lay down the way she wants, pressed into the couch and Lena enough that Lena can curl around her. Lena rests her head against Kara’s stomach again instead of replying, closes her eyes, just lets herself melt into the sensation of it for a minute — Kara’s fingers stroking lightly against her hair, at the nape of her neck, and what she can reach of the line of Lena’s spine.

She could stay here forever, possibly, if given the chance.

…

…

**xlv. sh boom (life could be a dream)**

Kara can’t stop smiling.

Alex won’t stop teasing her, and Kara doesn’t even care, because Lena loves her, and Alex is alive, and Jeremiah is alive, and Lillian is behind bars, and Cat is back, and _Lena loves her._

She does stop smiling when Alex asks her how she feels about having Jeremiah back, after everything.

“It’s strange,” she says, biting slowly into a breadstick. “He’s the only person who left who’s ever come back, besides Astra. And that didn’t go well.”

Alex goes silent.

“I didn’t mean it like… Alex, I don’t blame you. I didn’t mean it like that,” she reaches over and grabs her sister’s hand. “It just, brings up a lot of weird and conflicting feelings I guess. I’m glad that he’s back, but I’m angry at him for helping Cadmus at the expensive of other alien’s lives.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“What did Eliza say? When you talked to her yesterday?”

“That it was too weird to have him in the same house now. He has an apartment in town, and a DEO agent that he has to check in with every day,” she shrugs. “They’re working on it. He said that we can call him, whenever we want, and that he’ll give us space otherwise.”

“Yeah, that’s what he told me too.” Kara shifts, tugging at her dress and brushing some crumbs out of her lipstick. “Do I look okay?”

“Horrible,” Alex says, deadpan. Kara swats at her arm.

“You look beautiful Kara,” Maggie says, coming up behind them and slipping her arms around Alex’s waist. She kisses her cheek. “So do you,” she adds.  

“How long is this party going to be?” Alex asks Kara. “Because I don’t actually even know Cat Grant, all things considered. I don’t have a huge investment in her returning to work.”

“But I do,” Kara says, spinning around and smacking Alex’s other cheek with a wet kiss. “And you have an investment in me.”

“Not a very big one.”

Kara gasps and smacks Alex’s arm. “Liar.”

Alex smacks an air kiss in Kara’s direction as Lois and Lucy walk over to join them. Kara greets everyone with a hug, and they all pile into the elevator together—not Cat’s, despite Lois’s pleas. Since she can’t spite Cat by appearing at her party through her personal elevator, and since Kara is the one who stops her from doing so, Lois decides to start teasing her about Lena instead. When Lucy joins in, Kara whips around, horrified; she should have just let her go in the elevator.

“Come on, the one time that you aren’t at each other’s throats, it’s to gang up and tease me? The person most invested in your relationship!”

Lois grins wickedly at her and Lucy laughs, shrugging. “Sorry Kara,” she says. Lois smacks a kiss on her cheek and saunters out of the elevator and into Clark’s arms.

“Leave her alone Lois,” he admonishes, grinning at Kara. Lois rolls her eyes, glimpses James across the room, and giddily walks over to begin pestering him, leaving Kara alone with Clark for a moment. His arm curls around her shoulder, pulling her in to a side hug. “Looking for Lena?” he asks, with a wink.

Kara goes sheepish, but nods, her eyes still scanning the room.

“I’m really proud of you,” he says, quiet.

Kara turns her gaze on him. “For what?”

He shrugs. “Everything. With Supergirl, with CatCo… just, everything. I haven’t seen you look this… light, unburdened, in a long time, and I’m really happy for you,” he swallows, looking down at the floor before adjusting his glasses. “And I’m sorry, truly, that I wasn’t there for you before. When you first — I wish…” he smiles softly. “I wish I had been as strong as you.”

Kara sucks in a slow, long breath, willing her tears away. “Thank you,” she finally croaks. “But, this is a party, and a happy occasion. And I’ve forgiven you. So, no more tears and heavy stuff.”

He pinky swears.

Together, they walk towards Cat’s office, and Kara’s brain short circuits, just a little, at the sight of Cat and Lena standing there laughing and talking together, comfortable as though they have known each other for years. Cat did say that she knew Lena, but Kara had just assumed that meant… that Cat knew who she _was._

“Um,” she says, nowhere near elegantly. They both turn towards her. Lena, smiling brilliantly, and Cat, smirking, per usual. “Hello.”

“Hello Kara,” Lena says, impossibly fond. Kara doesn’t know if she is ever going to get used to that. It’s already been a week, at it still makes Kara feel all fluttery, every time.

“Yes,” Cat says, sarcasm dripping. “Hello Kiera. How are you?”

“Um, good. Did you — are you two — um, friends?”

Cat rolls her eyes. “I’ve known Lena since she was in the second grade,” she drops this without a hint of further explanation, which Kara very much needs. Her eyes bore into Lena, silently communicating this while Cat turns and directs her attention elsewhere. Lena bites back a smile and nods.

“ _Clark,_ ” Cat drawls flirtatiously. “How are you?”

“Fine, Cat. It’s good to see you again,” he says, good-naturedly. “Are you glad to be back?”

“Thrilled,” she says, managing to sound sarcastic yet sincere simultaneously.

 

Lena steps away from her, moving towards Kara and reaching over to tug her out of Clark’s hold and into her own. She presses a light kiss to Kara’s lips, but even that small brush still makes Kara’s entire body sing. Remembering every time that they’ve spent together in her bed during the past week. “Hi,” she whispers.

“Hi,” Lena whispers back.

“Right,” Cat loops her arm with Clark’s. “We’ve all got a party in my honor to attend. Everyone get out of my office.”

…

…

**xlvi. love is always lovely in the end**

Lena forgot that Cat Grant throws one hell of a party. Despite knowing her since she was a child, Lena hasn’t actually spent much _time_ physically with Cat Grant over the years. There are many odd things that being a child in a long line of royally fucked up businessmen trains you for, Lena has discovered. One of them is wearing a classy dress and loitering awkwardly at a party at which you know essentially no one, and it is a skill that Lena has to put good use during her twenty-nine years. What she has considerably less practice with, is attending a party that is full of people whom she loves and admires. It trips her up, for the first strange half hour at CatCo, until she decides that her family’s baggage is going to have to be put away with her mother’s final arrest. She hardly ever truly enjoys herself at parties like this, it’s a welcome change.

Alex plonks down beside Lena with a huff. “I hate parties,” she complains, tugging at her dress like it’s offending her. “Do you want to bail?”

Lena chuckles, plucking the flute of champagne out of Alex’s hands and setting it aside. “You’d leave Kara and Maggie behind?”

“They’d both be fine and you know it,” Alex counters, motioning towards Kara, being led around the room in full Supergirl regalia by Cat Grant, and Maggie, having the time of her life with James, Lucy, and Winn. Lena smiles when Winn catches her eye, and passes Alex a piece of chocolate in place of the champagne, knocking their shoulders together.

“You’ll survive. I’ve lasted through hundreds of horrible parties, this isn’t one of them.”

Alex grumbles a bit more and sticks out her hand for more chocolate, but stays happily enough by Lena’s side as the two of them watch Cat yank Kara around and try to hide their laughter. Kara takes the first opportunity to whip her head around and stick her tongue out at them that she gets, and Lena and Alex have to bite down on the inside of their cheeks to stop themselves from reacting.

Lena smiles, remembering the last party she attended in which Kara made a double appearance as Supergirl. In retrospect, she cannot believe that she didn’t cop on at the time, though she was rather preoccupied.

She’s preoccupied again now, though not with gangs trying to ruin her city with alien technology, but with her friends. Alex perks up the longer that Lena teases her, and by the time that Maggie, Winn, James, and Lucy join them, Lena realizes that she’s been using the same tactics to tug a smile at Alex’s mouth that Lex used to use for her. For a hair’s breath, there is a sharp pain in her gut, but then Alex pulls a face at her and cracks a joke that would never in a million years have occurred to Lex, and Lena breathes normally again, relishing the feeling of being sandwiched between Alex and Winn as Lois does an exaggerated recreation of Perry White chewing out Clark.

…

…

Kara spins over to Lena’s side with a happy sigh. “Hello,” she whispers. “I’m sorry that I’ve been so busy.”

“I haven’t been lacking for company,” Lena says, motioning to their friends.

“Oh,” Kara bites at her lower lip. “Well… good. I didn’t want — I mean I’m glad that you—”

“I missed you, though,” Lena whispers, directly into Kara’s ear. The flush that appears on Kara’s face sends a deep and instant heat down between Lena’s legs.

“I missed you too,” Kara admits, looking just as affected as Lena feels. Her fingers reach towards Lena’s, and Lena can’t believe  _herself_ —she’s at a loss for words underneath Kara’s heady gaze, and that is such a rarity for her. Kara stares at her with those big blue eyes as she bites at her lip, and Lena finds herself blinking up at the taller woman, with nothing at all coming out of her mouth. She is typically so well-prepared for most situations, not to mention that being well-spoken was constantly encouraged throughout her childhood, and essential to her chosen career path. So, even when she is thrown for a loop in any given circumstance, Lena has always prided herself on her quick wit. She has already been surprised by the times where Kara has rendered her without something to say over the last year—because of all of the people in her life, who would have ever have thought that an alien girl with no calculating, manipulative or ulterior motives would be the one to stun Lena Luthor? She sincerely wonders when Kara will stop shocking her, because it hasn’t seemed to happen yet.

“Lena?” Kara asks, stepping away and holding out her hand shyly. “Do you want to dance?”

Beaming, still silent, Lena nods and slides her hand into Kara’s, allowing herself to be spun onto the dance floor and tugged into her arms. Everywhere that Kara touches her is warm, and as they spin around, Lena catches her humming along softly to the song. When she looks up, her eyes flicker over towards the bouquet of flowers Cat had adorned in the ‘S’ symbol that only moments ago decorated Kara’s chest. Lena’s eyes flit down, and when they turn back up, Kara is smiling at her sheepishly.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Lena teases. “I was thinking of the S.”

Kara laughs and spins Lena out. “It’s not an S,” she explains, twirling her back in and stealing a kiss. “It’s my family’s crest. It means _el mayarah._ ”

“What does that mean in English? Does it translate?”

Kara nods. “Stronger together.”

Lena glances over at the symbol again with the new knowledge. Despite the fact that she has been aware of her feelings for Kara, aware of Kara’s identity as Supergirl for months now, she still catches herself flinching, small visceral reactions at the symbol that decorates her chest. No matter what, her first reaction—though it has grown easier, over time—is still to be pulled back into her memories of the day that Lex was arrested.

She looks over at Clark Kent now, smiling as he dances with Lois, looking nothing more than a sweet farm boy in love. Looking like the man who was her brother’s friend. Kara’s family. He must sense Lena’s gaze, because he looks up and catches her eye. He’s tentative, polite and just as aware of the baggage between them in their every interaction as Lena is. Now, he smiles at her softly, holding her gaze until Lois says something that has him cracking hard with laughter, spinning her into a dip and kissing her deeply. Lena watches them a moment longer, then smiles and turns back to Kara.

“That’s a wonderful sentiment.”

“It’s more of a motto.”

“Well it’s a lovely one of those, too,” Lena laughs. She’s surprised when Kara bends down and kisses her, but she isn’t surprised in the slightest at the whoops from Lois and Alex that echoes throughout the room. When Kara pulls back, she is blushing adorably, and Lena cannot believe how happy she is in this very moment.

“What?” Kara grins. “Do I have food on my face?”

Lena shakes her head, moving closer and giving her another light kiss, relishing in the small sigh that Kara lets out.

“No,” she smiles. “But do you want to go and get some?”

“Food?” Kara groans. “I could _demolish_ a burrito from the food truck right now. Cat only ordered shrimp,” she pouts for half a second before immediately turning sheepish. “I’ve had an entire bowl and a half to myself already,” she admits.

“But you could still eat a burrito,” Lena says, full well knowing the answer. Kara nods and twirls them around again. “Do you want to sneak out?” Lena asks.

Kara’s eyebrows shoot up to her forehead. “Really?”

“We’ve been here for a few hours already,” Lena surmises. “Supergirl has put in an appearance,” she shrugs. “I think that’s probably more than enough, don’t you?”

Kara grins at her, bright and wide. “I could fly us there,” she offers. Lena nods, taking Kara’s hand as they slip out towards the elevators.

Kara tugs Lena into her arms when they near a quiet window, beaming as Lena snakes her arms around Kara’s neck, and together, they lift off into the night, smiling.


End file.
